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Index
Contents
Foreword
Introduction
Why I Wrote This Book
How This Book Will Help You
The Journey Starts Today
Chapter 1: Understanding Addiction
A Chronic Disease
Brain Chemistry Basics
Commonly Abused Substances
Contributing Factors
Mental
Emotional
Genetic
Physical
Environmental
Addiction vs. Substance Abuse
Lack of Control
It Gets Worse
External Changes Don’t Work
Arrested Development
Hitting Bottom
An Addiction Journal
What Now?
Chapter 2: Addicts’ Behavior—and Your Own
The Addictive Thought Process
The Addict’s Internal Conflict
Recognizing Addiction’s Top Strategies
Denial
Justification
Deception
Manipulation
Are You Enabling the Addiction?
Enabling Doesn’t Work
Keeping Responsibility Where It Belongs
Get in Addiction’s Head
What Now?
Chapter 3: Communication
What Doesn’t Work
Ending the Debate
The Problem with Arguments
The Symptoms Are Not the Problem
Standing By Your Experience
How to Talk to Your Loved One
Communicating with Others
Privacy vs. Urgency
Finding Other Allies
Friends of Addiction
Relearning Communication
What Now?
Chapter 4: Setting Strong Boundaries
Why Boundaries Are Important
Boundaries vs. Deals
What a Strong Boundary Looks Like
When a Boundary Is Tested
Communicating Your Boundaries
Dealing with Fear
Assessing Danger
When an Addict Asks for Help
Intervention
When to Consider an Intervention
Professional Help
The Readiness Myth
A Word on Violence
The Right Boundaries
Adjusting Your Boundaries
Intervention Letters
What Now?
Chapter 5: Treatment Options
Detoxification: Just the Beginning
Withdrawal Dangers
Detox Medications
Hospital or Home?
How Long Does Detox Take?
Choosing the Right Kind of Treatment
Mental Health Evaluation and Treatment
Inpatient Treatment: What to Expect
Intake
The Treatment Team
A Typical Month
Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
Contacting and Visiting Your Loved One
Discharge Planning
Outpatient Treatment: What to Expect
Partial Hospital or Partial Care: What to Expect
Therapeutic Communities: What to Expect
Health Insurance and the Cost of Treatment
Understanding Your Loved One’s Coverage
A Bit of Background
Coverage by Type of Treatment
Ten Key Questions to Ask
Treatment and the Criminal Justice System
Your Power and Its Limits
When Your Loved One Is in Treatment
What Now?
Chapter 6: Supporting Your Loved One’s Recovery
Welcoming Your Loved One Home
Expect the Unexpected
The Case for Patience
How to Help in Early Recovery
Five Key Dos
Do Acknowledge What Your Loved One Is Doing
Do Encourage Action
Do Help Him Put Recovery First
Do Have Fun
Do Pay Attention
Five Key Don’ts
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Don’t Take Over
Don’t Coddle
Don’t Let Your Guard Down
Don’t Overlook Your Own Needs
What to Do About Triggers
Ongoing Treatment and Support
The Role of Therapy
12-Step Programs
What Are They All About?
Meetings
Replacing Old Relationships
Do the Programs Work?
God and the 12 Steps
Other Recovery Programs
Sober Living Environments
Two Roads
Now What?
Chapter 7: Healing Family Relationships
How Addiction Affects the Family
The Domino Effect
Breaking the Orbit
Different People, Different Responses
Help the Healing Begin
Family Therapy
Children and Addiction
Talking to Children About Addiction
Support for Young People
Marriages and Partnerships
Tough Challenges
Recognize Your Role
Replacing Old Habits
Couples Counseling
What If My Loved One Won’t Quit?
Embracing Change
Looking Toward a New Life
Looking at the Effects of Addiction
Now What?
Chapter 8: The Teenage Addict
A Brain Under Construction
The Harmless-Hardcore Myth
Marijuana
Alcohol
How Parents Can Respond
Adjusting Your Approach
Talking to a Young Substance User or Addict
Frame Your Concern Clearly
Don’t Demonize Substance Use
Get Practical and Specific
Teach but Don’t Preach
Don’t Be Derailed by Dishonesty
Practice the Art of Intrusion
Screening and Treatment
Carrots and Sticks
Legal Considerations
The Hardest Decision
Resources and Support
A Reminder About Your Well-Being
Now What?
Chapter 9: Toward Healthy Independence
What’s Wrong with This Picture?
Looking at Yourself
Contingent Happiness
Disguising Other Problems
Understanding Codependency
What’s Wrong with Caring?
Codependents and Addicts
Recognizing Codependency
Self-Care
Shake Things Up
Take the Do-Nothing Challenge
Get Moving
Create
Consider Your Own Substance Use
Reflect
Getting Support
How Therapy Can Help
Support Groups
Why to Stick with It
Victims
Beyond Obsessive Thinking
Now What?
Chapter 10: Recovery for Life
Your Loved One’s Changing Journey
What to Watch For
What You Can Do
Notice and Comment
Restate Your Position
Live Your Life
Coming to Terms with Relapse
Opting Out
You’re Not Alone
We’re Just Getting Started
Control
Gratitude
Now What?
Appendix: The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
References
Acknowledgments
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