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Index
1995 1995-1 The Bastard Operator from Hell is back.... 1995-2 The Bastard Operator from Hell trips up... 1995-3 The Bastard Operator From Hell gives advice... 1995-4 The Bastard Operator From Hell gets non-PC... 1995-5 The Bastard Operator From Hell is on a devilish buying mission... 1995-6 The Bastard Operator From Hell wreaks his terrible revenge... 1995 #7 - The Bastard Operator From Hell wreaks his terrible revenge... 1995 #8 - The Bastard Operator From Hell establishes his territorial boundaries... 1995 #9 - The Bastard Operator From Hell negotiates around 'budget constraints'... 1995 #10 - The Bastard Operator From Hell dislikes his Boss's use of foul language... 1995 #11 - The Bastard Operator From Hell blasts the confidence of the most well meaning souls... 1995 #12 - The Bastard Operator From Hell maintains his level of bad taste and seeks sweet revenge... 1995 #13 - The Bastard Operator From Hell gets his retaliation in first... 1995# 14 - The Bastard Operator From Hell finds a new use for an electric wheelchair... 1995-15 The Bastard Operator From Hell spreads peace and good will among colleagues 1996 1996 #1 - New Year Fax woes. 1996-2 - The Bastard has an appraisal meeting. 1996 #3 - The Bastard educates a PFY 1996 #4 - The Bastard Operator From Hell meets his match, but keeps a hold... just... 1996 #5 - The Bastard Operator From Hell won't stand for interference with his printing systems... 1996 #6 - The Bastard Operator From Hell gives a helpless salesman a run for his money... 1996 #7 - The Bastard Operator From Hell brings his Boss crashing down with a little bribe... 1996 #8 - The Bastard Operator From Hell makes sure everyone else feels the heat... 1996 #9 - The Bastard Operator From Hell won't stand for poseurs in posh cars... 1996 #10 - The Bastard Operator From Hell experiences his very own Black Wednesday... 1996 #11 - The Bastard Operator From Hell and partner take revenge for stolen comms space... 1996 #12 - The Bastard Operator From Hell verges on the edge of insanity but the PFY steps in... 1996 #13 - The Bastard Operator From Hell sings tunes to melt his Boss's ears... 1996 #14 - The Bastard Operator From Hell counts on the fact that managers never remember... 1996 #15 - The Bastard Operator From Hell senses something fishy and casts his net... 1996 #16 - The Bastard Operator From Hell sets about averting a company takeover bid... 1996 #17 - The Bastard Operator From Hell meets an unexpected guest - the opposition's BOFH... 1996 #18 - The Bastard Operator From Hell involves himself with the CEO's pet project... 1996 #19 - The Bastard Operator From Hell finds there are 'mistakes in training' and 'training in mistakes'... 1996 #20 - The South of France beckons for the BOFH under the guise of 'Network Professional of the Year'... 1996 #21 - It's the sweet smell of success for the Bastard Operator as he wins the day in France... 1996 #22 - Looking for new challenges, or just more dosh, the BOFH risks it all in the agency shark pool... 1996 #23 - A pay rise in his pocket, and an admiring pimply-faced-youth looking, the BOFH plays safe... 1996 #24 - The Bastard Operator from Hell suffers from some temporary telephone trouble... 1996 #25 - A heated exchange with the Boss over air-conditioning raises temperatures all round... 1996 #26 - The BOFH becomes a contract killer as he undoes some damage caused by the Boss... 1996 #27 - As the BOFH explains, dummies don't grow on trees; it takes years of training... 1996 #28 - The Bastard's writing regresses to childlike scrawls as he attempts some artistic expenses... 1996 #29 - The Bastard puts a price tag on user access after a particularly annoying request... 1996 #30 - The Bastard Operator From Hell puts in a day on the helpdesk... 1996 #31 - The Bastard and his pimply sidekick spread their network of misery across the land... 1996 #33 - Trains, planes and the dreaded laptop spotter - the BOFH brings the anoraks back to earth.... 1996 #34 - Fear of a compulsory team-building weekend spurs the BOFH into his own style of teamwork... 1996 #35 - Point scoring over network equipment blunders sees the PFY battling it out with the BOFH... 1996 #36 - Battle vibes pulsate as Beancounter central takes vehement action against the network lads... 1996 #37 - As the Boss gets in a twist about Cat 5 cables, the BOFH bides his time to unravel the mess... 1996 #38 - Rule one of setting up a network: don't let the Boss use his 'initiative' and set one up himself... 1996 #39 - Infiltration of the e-mail system provokes the BOFH to adulterate the Yellow Pages... 1996 #40 - Money is exchanged as the Bastard engages in some very underhand practices... 1996 #41 - Ever tempted to play computer games at work? The BOFH sets out to spoil all the fun... 1996 #42 - As encryption is forced on the Bastard, he plots to give the Boss more of a shock than ever... 1996 #43 - The PFY falls under a spell, much to the disgust of the BOFH who sets out to put things right... 1996 #44 - Where do you find a new pimply-faced-youth when you want one? It's a challenge, but... 1997 1997 #1 - Just how do you get round that tricky visit from the auditors? The BOFH has a few ideas... 1997 #2 - The BOFH's in the mood for a little light fraud, but how to get rid of the Boss? Easy-peasy... 1997 #3 - The chief bean counter has a half-baked plan to oust the Bastard and his sidekick. What a very foolish thing to attempt... 1997 #4 - Someone's found out where the 'liberated' phones go. Better dial 'B' for Bastard... 1997 #5 - The Boss cooks his goose with a dodgy microwave dish... so the Bastard simply out-manoeuvres him yet again... 1997 #6 - Hung-over, roped in to cover the Helldesk - if he wasn't the Bastard, this could be a bad day... 1997 #7 - The BOFH comes face to face with the ultimate in office bureaucracy. And he just won't wear it... 1997 #8 - The BOFH is in trouble for not turning up to his training course... 1997 #9 - The BOFH and PFY go on some site visits... 1997 #10 - The BOFH and PFY help sort out a rival's PSIC problems... 1997 #11 - The BOFH wins an award from his peer group... 1997 #12 - It really hits the fan as the tables turn inside the walls of Computer Central... 1997 #13 - The Bastard puts his newest protégé through a rather nasty baptism... and sees him blossom... 1997 #14 - Who said management was easy? Still, there's nothing that can't be sorted out with an axe... 1997 #15 - Not quite the smell of Napalm in the morning, but a burnt server gets things off to a good start... 1997 #16 - It's show time, folks, and the Bastard goes along to do some, err... research on the latest kit... 1997 #17 - The Bastard Operator From Hell is off to the movies, thanks to the marvellous advances in everyday technology... 1997 #18 - The PFY is hardly the life and soul. Would you be if you had to endure a visit from slime central? 1997 #19 - Members of the new stripy shirt brigade are full of beans and raring to go... 1997 #20 - Local culinary delights with the Bastard lead to the rapid disappearance of the latest recruit... 1997 #21 - The Bastard Operator From Hell and the Paintball session... 1997 #22 - The PFY scores top marks in the all important 'how to be a Bastard Operator From Hell' test... 1997 #23 - The BOFH is given lessons in how to be a shiny happy IT manager. And he can't wait to start... 1997 #24 - A little sabotage is in the offing as the BOFH scuppers the systems department and the Boss... 1997 #25 - The BOFH goes on a trade show outing... 1997 #26 - In the aftermath of the trade show the PFY is forced to dip into the favour bank... 1997 #27 - The disaster recovery budget proves to be a sore point, until the BOFH and PFY stage a little one of their own... 1997 #28 - The PFY has accumulated a number of complaints in his new role - and it's up to the Bastard to sort him out... 1997 #29 - When the Boss tries to out-bastard the Bastard it's time to bring on Plan A, sit back, and enjoy the fireworks... 1997 #30 - The Boss tries to oust the BOFH and the PFY again. Enter George, some lager, a shredder and several PFYs to-be... 1997 #31 - When the PFY shows compassion to a user, the BOFH suspects a Mid-Job Crisis and takes emergency action... 1997 #32 - It looks as though the Bastard has overreached himself, but the PFY comes to the rescue with a cunning plan... 1997 #33 - The scent of restructuring is in the air, as the BOFH advises a little CD scratching to remove viruses... 1997 #34 - A run-in with the company cafeteria leaves the BOFH porcelain bound and the Boss regretting an onion bhaji... 1997 #35 - The Boss has been 'encouraged' to relocate to Tonga, but his replacement is a nightmare. It's time to get serious... 1997 #36 - The new Boss discovers that sometimes learning can be painful, especially when the BOFH is your teacher... 1997 #37 - Several months of beer swigging has left the Bastard feeling a tad run-down, so he takes a trip out of town... 1997 #38 - While the Bastard's away, his replacement sees a career opportunity - forcing the PFY to deploy shock tactics... 1997 #39 - The failings of a clever new purchasing system brings out the Bastard's hitherto repressed vindictive side... 1997 #40 - As far as the BOFH's concerned, the season of goodwill doesn't run to the systems men. Quite the opposite in fact... 1998 1998 #1 - An ugly saga of burning ambition and bootleg liquor ‚ welcome to the BOFH's Christmas past... 1998 #2 - The BOFH and PFY show there is still a place for love and compassion in the world of network management... 1998 #3 - Chaos reigns at the office and a visitor from the past is impressed by modern standards of bastardly behaviour... 1998 #4 - The head's mid-life crisis and how a career in modelling leads to an executive position... 1998 #5 - The Boss is on the track of two mysterious contractors, C. Omputer and R. Amchip, but the BOFH is on the case... 1998 #6 - When the BOFH suggests a team-building event, on his own time, there has to be some devilry brewing... 1998 #7 - There's stocktaking to be done and awkward questions to be answered. But the BOFH stays cool as things get hot... 1998 #8 - The helldesk has got a bit too big for its boots, but the BOFH has a cunning plan to knock them down to size... 1998 #9 - Shape up or face budget cuts ‚ what will the BOFH do? Enlist the help of an ice cream and some digging gear... 1998 #10 - The users are away from the office and - shock horror - the BOFH and PFY miss them. Surely this can't be right... 1998 #11 - While the PFY is busy with his Tunnel-Monkey work, the BOFH is sorting out the e-mail system and diverting complaints to sex lines... 1998 #12 - The company architect's presence in the building creates an air of expectancy and pushes the BOFH into a bit of bastardly trickery... 1998 #13 - The BOFH and PFY are hurt when they're left out of the games day ‚ but it's nothing that a mallet and a spot of violence can't take care of... 1998 #14 - A US buyout results in a visit stateside, a lesson in the Zen of lift shafts and plenty of new kit... all expenses paid 1998 #15 - Translating engineer excuses into non-fiction can be a difficult task ‚ but nothing is too tough for The Bastard Bible... 1998 #16 - When the Boss and the PFY both suffer from acute computer 'acronym dependence', it's time to visit Harley Street to play in the traffic... 1998 #17 - The PFY is displaying distressing signs of geekism ‚ beer-bottle glasses and the first growth of a wispy beard ‚ can he be saved? 1998 #18 - The BOFH explains his new 'Management Stack Theory' to the PFY, who seems to take it all with a pinch of salt ‚ until the Boss walks in... 1998 #19 - The LAGERS invoice should have gone through smoothly ‚ but a turncoat Beancounter and a computing audit get in the way... 1998 #20 - There's nothing the BOFH likes more than a contractor still wet behind the ears. But even he thinks it's time to show pity when the Boss hatches his latest mad scheme... 1998 #21 - There's nothing the BOFH and PFY love more than a challenge ‚ except for violence. And the Boss's devious plan calls for quite a bit of the latter... 1998 #22 - The game's the thing by which to humiliate the Boss but it serves him right for getting the Head of IT1s fancy woman to do the shopping... war and peace as usual 1998 #23 - The millennium bomb has nothing on BOFH's Boss who, on the strength of just one pint, manages to blow BOFH's cover sky high... 1998 #24 - A newcomer named Sharon, a safety retrofit and a GPS transmitter leaves the BOFH on course for sipping tequila in the sun... 1998 #25 - To escape the boredom of routine, the BOFH volunteers to man the Helldesk. But does he still have his special touch with the users? 1998 #26 - Will the BOFH use Roboboss again in this year's gladiatorial clash with the R& D boys? Or will the Mutant Floor Polisher win the demo-derby? 1998 #27 - While the PFY's holding a torch for Carole, someone is putting a torch to the Welsh office. But nothing compares with the Master Plan... 1998 #28 - The BOFH and PFY attend a 'bored' meeting, everyone gets bladdered and the Boss gets to 'chair' an assembly of overheated shareholders.. 1998 #29 - When the building is repainted in the lurid colour scheme of 'Teletubby Land', there is only one way to restore it to its former grey glory... 1998 #30 - Does the BOFH know anything about the disappearance of the telecoms manager, his lawnmower and the wife he's 'grass-widowed'? 1998 #31 - The BOFH steps in to help with a staff identity crisis, and the PFY drives a wedge between systems maintenance and the Boss 1998 #32 - When does saying less mean making more? When the Boss suggests adding needless desktop capacity and you're renting out any going spare. 1998 #33 - Hypochondria in the office is all the rage. In fact, rage is all the rage. But when a psychiatrist is called in it's only a means to an end... 1998 #34 - The BOFH is fazed by the remote working boom - but not for long. He and the PFY find more devious ways to keep the Operations beer fund topped up. 1998 #35 - The Operations room is lit up like a set of traffic lights when the head Beancounter asks the BOFH and the PFY to account for their time... 1998 #36 - One wager and a lager frenzy later, the BOFH is feeling somewhat worse for wear after messing with the teatime continuum 1998 #37 - A bluff report may fool auditors that the company is running smoothly but try telling a hospitalised Boss why safety procedures have been ignored 1998 #38 - A bogus computer range may con the propeller heads in polyester but not the clever BOFH who has a nasty sabotage surprise waiting in his pocket 1998 #39 - You won't believe what's been going on the Boss's credit card... and it's not just the BOFH who thinks that'll do nicely - he's got a new flexible friend... 1998 #40 - The eye on the wall has seen all, so it's time for desperate measures to cover up the half measures of sherry left in the boardroom decanters... 1998 #41 - A fellow bastard in Wales who doesn't have cable TV turns out to be the ideal excuse for procuring some extra bandwidth 1998 #42 - When the BOFH signs up for company therapy sessions, he wants to freely associate about problems. But whose? Blackmail's in the air... 1998 #43 - When you need a few spares, why not depth-charge your Boss' Minesweeper game and use the replacement parts to leave him shell-shocked 1998 #44 - After complaints about his 'comforting bass line', the bastard makes sure the Boss gets the message... very loud and clear 1998 #45 - Someone has lifted some kit from under the BOFH's nose. Is it the Boss? Is it the Beancounters? No. There's a new Bastard in town. 1998 #46 - When the BOFH bugged the Boss's office he wasn't to know the kit he'd installed would double up as a vehicle to crack the head Beancounter's nut 1999 1999 #1 - In a surge of New Year goodwill, the Bastard treats his co-workers to some decidedly non-vintage offerings and gets down to dealing with some, er, noisy fans 1999 #2 - When the Bastard finds he has been short-changed in his pay cheque, the Beancounters are not the only ones doing a spot of rounding-up... Cue the cattle prod 1999 # 3 - The Boss's decision to inspect disaster recovery planning sends the BOFHinto a blind panic. A blacked-out limousine and some crafty rearranging of kit save the day 1999 # 4 - So, it's back to the helldesk to lend a helping hand as everyone's off sick. However, there is little philanthropy in this act, but more opportunity for a little hell-raising. 1999 # 5 - The Bastard proves it is (almost) possible to be in two places at once as he tries something desperate to keep unwanted non-techies out of his inner sanctum... 1999 # 6 - The terrible two investigate a private health care scheme. You know, the kind that lets you take days off work to go the pub and do a bit of sightseeing... 1999 #7 - The Company Newsletter 1999 #8 Faced with a bit of kit that the hosts of Antiques Roadshow would get orgasmic over, the Bastard finds a rubber mallet can achieve things an engineer's screwdriver can't... 1999 #9 - Faced with the prospect of working with a goateed vegan geek, the bastard can't resist the temptation to torment - and with a bit of wicked ingenuity, he sends the new boy flying 1999 # 10 - It's finally time for the BOFH's protégé to fly the nest and join the ranks of the 'one trouser leg higher than the other' Order of Bastards. And boy, has he been revising well... 1999 #11 - As the PFY speeds out of control, he gains some worthy respect from the Bastard. It seems birds of a feather will soon be flocking to the group therapy class... 1999 #12 - The lights are on - all 2, 996 of them - and no one's in. The Boss's involvement in the hands-on scheme results in a fit of madness, a stretcher, straitjacket and a trip to hospital 1999 #13 - A huggy-feely session with users is enough to drive the BOFH to some unscheduled - and violent - maintenance on their server, but it creates more problems than it solves... 1999 # 14 - It's a bar room blitz when the PFY struts into his local, intent on ogling the young lovelies, and that's the least of the trouble this booze-empowered guy is causing... 1999 #15 - What do you do with an incompetent user who's getting on your wick? Get him to try and electrocute himself, stick magnets to his monitor and set the office cleaner on him. 1999 # 16 - What is the new Boss up to? The BOFH is somewhat perturbed, then elated when he recognises a kindred spirit who could also teach him a few new tricks 1999 # 17 - Some novel uses of the air conditioning and mainframe give the Boss a bit of a turn. Make mine a chicken and mushroom pie, and not too crispy... 1999 # 18 - The dastardly duo employ some very underhand tactics to weed out 'unsuitable' applicants for the Boss's job. Let's hope they're wearing the right coloured trousers... 1999 #19 - Pity the poor candidates who turn up for an interview with the Bastard and PFY. After being taken on the official 'company tour', they find themselves in the car park... 1999 # 20 - The Bastard and his PFY are enjoying life and feel highly motivated by their new 'logical' Boss, Roger. But desperate measures are called for when the head of IT smells a rat... 1999 #21 - The PFY meddles with things he doesn't understand. Namely, Maureen, the serial whiner and her 'broken programs' so the BOFH decides to teach him an expensive lesson... 1999 #22 - After having the wool pulled over their eyes by the Beancounters, the Bastard and his sidekick indulge in some rather unorthodox methods for testing equipment 1999 # 23 - Left alone, the BOFH decides to make his own entertainment. A puckish ballet of senior management, door-proximity sensors and steaming fluids ensues... 1999 # 24 - A Mental Lapse... 1999 # 25 - Medical Matters. 1999 # 26 - Staff Induction?... 1999 # 27 - Arty Murray Arrives.. 1999 # 28 - The End? 2000 2000 #1 - The return. 2000 #2 - The PFY is back. 2000 #3 - A good printer is hard to find... 2000 #4 - A Few good bytes 2000 #5 - Purchasing Power 2000 #6 - Experts 2000 #7 - We're all about privacy. 2000 #8 - Upskilling the unwashed.. 2000 #9 - Account-ability 2000 #9 - Password Expiry Blues 2000 #10 - The world Beyond 2000.. 2000 #11 - Is that you ELIZA? 2000 #12 - "Undisputed" software 2000 #13 - The Bastard wants to know - How're your interpretation Skills? 2000 #14 - Noone likes the sight of blood - especially new blood... 2000 #15X - Dreams of justifiable user homicide 2000 #15 - Technical from, mmmm, Hell 2000 #17 - Respect the Morning Paper 2000 #18 - THE EPISODE YOU NEVER SAW! 2000 # 19 - How are you with Marketing Blurb? 2000 # 20 - Audits 2000 #21 – Health and Unsafety 2000 #22 – Better get a quote for that 2000 #23 - The Bastard wants to know - How dangerous are your users? 2000 #24 – To Survey or not to Survey? 2000 #25 - IVR Blues 2000 #26 - Can I help you sir? 2000 #27 - The Bastard wants to know - Would you make a good engineer - Part One 2000 #28 - Would you make a good engineer, Part 2 2000 # 29 - OF COURSE you can configure your own machine! 2000 #30 - Let's talk upgrades 2000 #31 - Outsourcing 2000 #32 - Contractural Obligations 2000 #33 - The constant danger of viruses 2000 #34 - ANOTHER new Boss 2000 #35 Performance Appraisals 2000 #36 - Electronic retail - the next big thing... 2000 #37 - The Company Cruiser 2000 #38 - The Comms room from Hell 2000 #39 - Vendor Christmas Party Antics 2000 #40 - "Technical" Management 2000 #41 - The Night before Christmas 2001 2001 #1 - Christmas in review. 2001 #2 Speccing a new machine 2001# 3 - Management Reporting 2001 #4 - Virus Protection 2001 #5 – Technical Explanations 2001 #6 – Contractors Induction Time 2001 #7 Mail Filtering 2001 #8 – I.T. Celebrity Golf 2001 #9 – Remote Control 2001 #10 - An I.T. Odyssey 2001-11 Wireless is the new Grey 2001 #12 - Future Directions 2001 #13 Health and Fitness 2001 #14 Auditors 2001 #15 - Thievery! 2001 #16 – Fire Auditing 2001 #17 – Hello Helpdesk, How may I resolve your call? 2001 #18- Unix Desktops 2001 #19 - Always good to have an expert on a job 2001 #20 – Always got time for a survey 2001 #21 – Lets just get secure 2001 #22 - A new dietary leaf 2001 #23 - Call THAT a disaster? 2001 #24 - It came from the back of the OPS room-HELLDESK II 2001 # 25 - Are you losing your edge? 2001-26 - A work of Fiction 2001 #27 - I Spy with my Bastard Eye.. 2001 #28 - The BOFH Self-Helpless Guide 2001 #29 - The BOFH Content Management System 2001 #30 - The Trivia Quiz - BOFH-style.. 2001 #31 - The BOFH techno-zealot alert 2002 2002 #1 - Supergeeks 2002 #2 - Desktop Upgrades 2002: #3 – Junket Watch 2002 #4 – DBA Understanding 2002 #5 – Access Denied 2002 #6 - Bastardman 2002 #7 – What’s the website name again? 2002 #8 – Junket Island 2002 #9 – Knowing your place in the World 2002 #11 - Desidoreplicator 2002 #11b - Wearable Computing 2002 #12 - Email Snooping 2002 #13 - Clocking 2002 #14 - Overclocking 2002 #15 - Vending Machines 2002 #16 - VOIP 2002# 17 - Another New Boss 2002 #18 - Corporate Branding 2002 #19 - The PFY's Sulk 2002 #20 - Luser Group Meetings 2002# 21 - How Geeky are you? 2002 #22 - Bot Wars 2002 #23 - The Disciplinary Meeting 2002 #24 - The Nigerian Connection 2002 #25 - Stuck in a Lift 2002 #26 - Xmas Plans 2003 2003 #1 Survivor 2003 #2 - Recycling 2003 #3 - Relative worth 2003 #4 - Head of IT Interviews. 2003 #5 - The bastard wants to know - How's your interviewing style? 2003 #6 - The New Laptop... 2003 #7 - The Boss' report 2003 #8 - 24x7 x 365 2003 #9 - When the UPS is out - everything is out. 2003 #10 VIRUS!! !! 2003 #11- Is there such a thing as a bad junket? 2003 #12 - What you call Piracy... 2003 #13 - "Skilled" Engineers 2003 #14 Conferences, Sigh. 2003 #15 Boss-Porn. doc 2003 #16 Star Wars - The Reused Plot 2003 #17 - Wireless Apps 2003 #18 - Extortion 2003 #19 - But what is "Production"? 2003 #20 - A few pointers for the old CV... 2003 #21 - Liability 2003 #22 - Expenses Audit 2003 #23 - Mobile Comms - How SAD is your workplace? 2003 #24 - Hardware BLOODY Maintenance 2003 #25 - Health and Safety Revisited 2003 #26 - Megalomania 2003 #27 -Government Contracts! 2003 #28 - The Induction Course 2003 #29 Personality Quiz. rtf 2003 #30 Porn Printing 2003 #31 Xmas Bonus. doc 2003 #32 Godfather 2003 #33 Space Problems
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