Good Enough Parenting · An In-Depth Perspective on Meeting Core Emotional Needs and Avoiding Exasperation by Louis, John Philip -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Half title Title Copyright Table of Contents Acknowledgements and Dedications Preface Section One: Introducing Good Enough Parenting

Chapter One: Parenting Matters Chapter Two: The Case for Core Emotional Needs

Lifetraps, Coping Styles and Domains The Foundation of Core Emotional Needs How Marriage Affects Parenting

Chapter Three: The Frustration of Core Emotional Needs

Unintentional and Subtle Moral, Conventional, Personal, Prudential

Chapter Four: Exasperation Interactions

Belittling Perfectionistic & Conditional Controlling Punitive Emotionally Depriving & Inhibiting Dependent & Selfish Overprotective Pessimistic Overly Permissive Why are Lifetraps (Schemas) a Big Deal?

Section Two: The Core Emotional Need For Connection And Acceptance

Chapter Five: Connection and Acceptance

Connection is Crucial Parenting Pioneers

Chapter Six: The Domain of Disconnection and Rejection

The Lifetrap of Mistrust / Abuse The Lifetrap of Defectiveness / Shame The Lifetrap of Emotional Deprivation The Lifetrap of Social Isolation / Alienation The Lifetrap of Emotional Inhibition The Lifetrap of Failure Basic Safety Zone

Chapter Seven: Quality Time Takes Time

The Power of One-on-One The Power of Daily Dinners The Power of Early Attachment The Power of Connect, Work and Play (and Dads Love to Play!)

Chapter Eight: Empathy and Validation of Feelings

The Benefits of Empathy Zero Degrees of Empathy Processing Emotions Accepting Feelings vs. Accepting Behavior

Section Three: The Core Emotional Need For Healthy Autonomy And Performance

Chapter Nine: Healthy Autonomy and Performance

Autonomy and Self-Esteem Autonomy and Motivation

Chapter Ten: The Domain of Impaired Autonomy and Performance

The Lifetrap of Vulnerability to Harm or Illness The Lifetrap of Dependence / Incompetence The Lifetrap of Enmeshment / Undeveloped Self The Lifetrap of Abandonment / Instability The Lifetrap of Subjugation The Lifetrap of Negativity / Pessimism Basic Safety Zone

Chapter Eleven: Age-Appropriate Empowerment

Provide Age-Appropriate Choices Communicate Respect Keep Agenda in Check

Section Four: The Core Emotional Need For Reasonable Limits

Chapter Twelve: Reasonable Limits

Everyone Needs Boundaries The Benefits of Self-Control

Chapter Thirteen: The Domain of Impaired Limits

The Lifetrap of Entitlement / Grandiosity The Lifetrap of Insufficient Self-Control / Self-Discipline The Lifetrap of Approval-Seeking / Recognition-Seeking Basic Safety Zone

Chapter Fourteen: What Inhibits Limits?

Frequently Seen Bottlenecks Needs vs. Wants; Rights vs. Privileges Parents’ Expectations The Vortex

Chapter Fifteen: Staying Out of The Vortex

1. Give Clear Instructions (with Strategies in Place) 2. Be United 3. Be Optimistic and Encouraging 4. Role Play during Family Time 5. Engage Cooperation 6. Maintain an Excellent Connection 7. Revise the Rules Periodically 8. Give Options and a Second Chance 9. Allow Consequences to Take Effect 10. Reconcile with Meaning Attribution and Closure

Section Five: The Core Emotional Need For Realistic Expectations

Chapter Sixteen: Realistic Expectations

Exaggerated Expectations Are Not the Cure The Barrenness of A Busy Life

Chapter Seventeen: The Domain of Exaggerated Expectations

The Lifetrap of Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness The Lifetrap of Punitiveness The Lifetrap of Self-Sacrifice Basic Safety Zone

Chapter Eighteen: Parental Involvement—Asset or Liability?

Section Six: Moving Towards A Healthier Outcome

Chapter Nineteen: Spiritual Values and Community

Spiritual Values Healthy Community

Chapter Twenty: Repair and Reconnect

Healing Comes from Being Vulnerable How To Be Vulnerable Principles to Consider Forgiveness

Epilogue Appendix 1: Exasperation Interactions Worksheet Appendix 2: Exercise on Processing Emotions Index Endnotes