Collected Poems by McGough, Roger -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

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Cover About the Author Title Page Copyright Page CONTENTS PREFACE Collected Poems

Learning to Read My Little Eye Bye Bye Black Sheep Snipers Bucket Smart Railings Tramp Tramp Tramp Bars are Down Sad Aunt Madge Hearts and Flowers Casablanca What Happened to Henry What Happened to Dorothy The Fallen Birdman Alphabet Soup The Railings Squaring Up ‘What does your father do?’ Having My Ears Boxed Another Brick in the Wall Sacrifices Wearing Thin How to Become a Sixer Maurice Hard Times Spitting Prohibited Ee Bah Gum A Fine Tooth Comb Vague Impressions George and the Dragonfly Snowing Down South An Apology humdinger Man the Barricades, the Enemy has let loose his Pyjamas! Shy Rainbow Poem on being in love with two girls at the same time Comeclose and Sleepnow A lot of Water has Flown under your Bridge Aren’t We All after the merrymaking, love? The Act of Love Dunenudes My little plastic mac Discretion Who was the Naughty Girl? Contact lenses Near to You Sundeath/greentears If life’s a lousy picture, why not leave before the end You and Your Strange Ways The Fish May Ball The sun no longer loves me Vinegar On having no one to write a love poem about My cat and i Dreampoem Dreampoem 2 What You Are A Square Dance On Picnics Why Patriots are a Bit Nuts in the Head M62 Noah’s Arc Icarus Allsorts Three Rusty Nails Mother the Wardrobe is Full of Infantrymen At Lunchtime On Having a First Book of Poetry Published (The day the world ended.) Let me Die a Youngman’s Death Summer with Monika Summer with the Monarch happiness Buddies un Amateur traumatics bravado Vandal Bulletins Trenchwarfare McGough’s last stand Cake tigerdreams tightrope Hash Wednesday The Mongrel 10 Ways to Make a Killing on the Stock Market All Over bar the Shouting The Perfect Crime Last Lullaby You and I 40 – Love No Message A golden life P.O.W. Three weeks ago we decided to go our separate ways The Rot Head Injury Mouth Holiday on Death Row Goodbat Nightman P.C. Plod at the Pillar Box P.C. Plod in Love The Sergeant gets a handsome deal P.C. Plod versus the Youth International Party On the Road Birmingham Wolverhampton Bradford (i) Huddersfield Newcastle Leeds Sheffield (i) Canterbury Cardiff 6 p.m. Cardiff 11 a.m. Cardiff Poem for National LSD Week Nottingham 9 to 5 (or cosy biscuit) Conversation on a Train SPORTING RELATIONS

Grandma Uncle Malcolm Cousin Wystan Uncle Mork Uncle Pat Cousin Caroline Uncle Anthony Kung Fu Lee Albert Robinson Cousin Chas Aunty Dora Aunt Ermintrude Uncle Bram Billy Our Kid Wild Bill Sitting Bull Uncle Noah Granny Dear Lonely Hearts Cousin Reggie Angelina Uncle Sean Merve the Swerve Terry and Pancho Uncle Jack Uncle Trevor and Aunty Penny Cousin Horatio Alf Alfreda Cousin Fosbury Aunt Agatha Old Mac Eno Marvin Barry Bungee Uncle Jason Cousin Christ Cousin Fiona Big Arth Accrington Stan The Hon. Nicholas Frayn Aunty Ann Uncle Leo Uncle Len Elmer Hoover Uncle Jed Cousin Daisy Cousin Nell

Footy Poem Is My Team Playing Poem for the opening of Christ the King Cathedral, Liverpool, 1967 In Two Minds crusader Catching up on Sleep vampire warlock poems Nocturne exsomnia ofa sunday italic Scintillate Unlikely Waving at Trains Flying Newsflash Postcard dawnmare on 24th St Incident at a Presidential Garden Party There’s Something Sad What the Littlegirl Did The horse’s mouth Poor Old Dead Horses My Busconductor My Busseductress The Hippopotamusman The Icingbus Just another Autumn day The Last Strike Conservative Government Unemployment Figures Work-to-rule The Leader A Fair Day’s Fiddle out of sequence Unlucky for Some The Lesson Water, Tree, Cave, Mother Pantomime poem Sleep Over Persimmons The Stranger snowscene The Wreck of the Hesperus Closet fascist There are fascists Vegetarians There Was a Knock on the Door. It Was the Meat. Cabbage Soil and the field screamed ‘TRACTOR’ The Scarecrow The Birderman The One About the Duck Honey and Lemon Five Ways to Help You Pass Safely through a Dark Wood Late at Night a cat, a horse and the sun Trees Cannot Name the Seasons Sap Conservation Piece Green Piece Behemoth The Fly Crocodile in the City The Lake Curse Pure Jaguar Five-car Family Stop All the Cars Stinging in the Rain The City of London Tour Sheer On Dover Beach Global Warming Fatal Consequences Bad Day at the Ark St Francis and the Lion The Father, the Son Tsutsumu Spoil-sports Pen Pals Old-fashioned Values Light Sleeper Ex Patria Posh Shite The Jogger’s Song Fart End of Story No Surprises Six Shooters Greek Tragedy The Terrible Outside The End of Summer A Brown Paper Carrierbag The Identification A Cautionary Calendar Kyrie Train Crash Funny sort of bloke Uncle Harry Good Old William Tide and time In Transit War of the Roses What My Lady Did W.P.C. Marjorie Cox Poem for a Lady Wrestler Who Can Remember Emily Frying? The Host The Tallest Man in Britain Laughing, all the way to Bank Valentine As Every Bandage Dreams Romantic Your Favourite Hat Today is Not a Day for Adultery Fits and Starts The Map Whoops! Dialectically Opposed Bath – Avon The Examination The Poet Takes an Autumnal Stroll on Hampstead Heath Creative Writing Meeting the Poet at Victoria Station Blazing fruit Take a poem, Miss Smith An Ordinary Poetry Reading After the Reading Clone Muffin the Cat The Logic of Meteors His poems are nets A Critic Reviews the Curate’s Egg Two Riddles The Nearest Forty-two The Written Word Word Trap Planet Babel On the Point of Extinction The death of John Berryman in slow motion One Poet May Hide Another A Visit to the Poet and his Wife All for Laurie Lee Educating Rita This be Another Verse The Darling Buds of Maybe From ‘Les Pensées’ by Le Duc de Maxim Toffee Poetspotting Trust Me, I’m a Poet Wheelchairs For Want of a Better Title Memento Mori A Serious Poem Awful Acrobats It’s Only a P… It’s Only a P… Part Two Coach and Horses Poem for a dead poet The Filmmaker When I Am Dead Repelled by Metal The Oxford Book of Twentieth-Century English Verse I Don’t Like the Poems Porno Poem This is One of Those The Battle of Bedford Square For the Sake of Argument The Newly Pressed Suit Framed the picture The Revenge of My Last Duchess How Patrick Hughes Got to be Taller The Boyhood of Raleigh Ex art student The Theatre Big Ifs Children’s Writer Joinedupwriting A Literary Riddle What prevents a poem from stretching into Infinity? Haiku Two Haiku The Spotted Unicorn Rabbit in Mixer Survives Happy Ending A Joy to be Old In Good Spirits Nothing Ventured Days In Good Hands Bees Cannot Fly My Life in the Garden The Perfect Place Happy Birthday Here I Am Uncle Roger Punk doll Rocker-by Where It’s At The Lottery Crazy Bastard Fear of Flares Q Clutching at Cheese Straws Half-term Isolation Perfume 5-star Melting into the Foreground Ode on a Danish Lager Missed Used to Drink The Blues Star Juice Drinking Song Another Mid-life Crisis Early-Morning Poems Shavings Account Prayer to Saint Grobianus Fired with Enthusiasm In Case of Fire Vague Assumptions It’s a Jungle Out There Flight Path (9/11) Don’t Read All About It Survivor Everyday Eclipses The End The Bright Side Worry The Unknown Worrier New Brooms low jinks Passion Solarium Dressed for the Occasion Getting On Getting Off You may get the vote at eighteen, but you’re born with a price on your head My Shadow is but a Shadow of Its Former Self Science, where are you? Poem with a Limp Right as Rain Say ‘Ah!’ Bits of Me The Wrong Beds The Health Forecast In Vain THE ELEMENTS

Oxygen Nitrogen Carbon Iron Mercury Sulphur Gold Fool’s Gold Element 109

Bob Dylan and the Blue Angel Hey, Dude A Bolt from the Blue Thank U Very Much My Divine Juggler Love Cycle M.I.L.T. Echoes Sound Afar Balloon Fight The Man in the Moon Defying Gravity Sad Music The Trouble with Snowmen In at the Kill Bearhugs Four Sons Just Passing Who are These Men? Cinders Monstrance The Way Things Are

INDEX OF FIRST LINES INDEX OF SOURCES Footnotes

The Filmmaker

Page 301

This is One of Those

Page 305

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