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Index
About the Author
Also by Billy Connolly
Title Page
Copyright
Contents
Introduction
1. Do What Makes You Happy
2. If No One Gives You a Medal, Design Your Own
3. Avoid People Who Say They Know the Answer
4. Never Run in Loose Underwear
5. Interfere With Yourself on a Regular Basis
6. Plot Your Escape
7. Never Change Planes to Wash Your Socks
8. Seek Wisdom At the Font of Snapple
9. Consider Yourself Lucky
10. Take Your Knickers Down and Dance
11. Learn to Do the Moonie
12. If You Arrive on a Motorcycle, You’ll Have a Better Day
13. Grow Your Hair
14. Stay Clear of Musicals
15. Aim Higher Than ‘Stupid But Saveable’
16. Get Yourself a Fire-Breathing Hootchy-Cootchy Dancer
17. Fuck Political Correctness
18. Learn to Speak Baby
19. If You Can Lie on the Floor …
20. Embrace the Non Sequitur
21. If Your Heart Stops, Apply Vinegar
22. Misbehave in Public …
23. Beware the Indomitable Jobbie
24. Swear Like a Glaswegian
25. Strip As Many Willows As You Can
26. Don’t Eat Anything That Comes in a Bucket
27. Save the Baby Crimples
Acknowledgements
Picture Acknowledgements
Picture Section
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