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Index
Title Page
Table of Contents
Introduction - We Love Each Other, But …
Chapter 1 - Four Basic Truths About What Makes Love Last
Truth #1: We Love Those Who Make Us Feel Good About Ourselves
Truth #2: Most of Us Know What Will Warm Our Partner’s Heart
Truth #3: Criticism Erodes Love
Truth #4: There Is No Such Thing As Unshakable, Immutable, Affair-Resistant Love
Chapter 2 - We Love Each Other, But … Every Decision Is a Tug-of-war
Being Afraid to Join
Being Agreeable
Seduction Versus the Sledgehammer
The Importance of Elaboration
Even Lawyers Aren’t Always Adversarial
The Third Alternative Versus Compromise
Persnickety Piggery’s Wise Solution
The Importance of Letting Each Person March to His Own Drummer
Chapter 3 - We Love Each Other, But … We Get into Really Bad Arguments
Learning to De-escalate
Five Tips on How to Talk About What Is Bothering You
Five Tips for How to Listen to Complaints So That a Productive Discussion Occurs, Rather Than an Argument
A Word About Apologies
Chapter 4 - We Love Each Other, But … We Don’t Have Much of a Sex Life
What to Do When You’ve Lost Interest in Sex
Being Out of Sync
When Sex with Your Partner Doesn’t Feel Right
Chapter 5 - We Love Each Other, But … I Have a Hard Time Dealing with My Partner’s Emotional Hang-ups
Four Stories
Knowing Your Partner’s Hot Spots
Understanding Your Own Contribution to the Problem
Five Tips for Using Knowledge of Your Own and Your Partner’s Sensitivities to Avoid Arguments
How to Be in Control of Your Feelings
Treating Your Partner’s Vulnerabilities as Opportunities to Be Loving
Chapter 6 - We Used to Love Each Other, But … Now I’m Not So Sure
Watching Problems Snowball: Three Stories
Four Tips for Getting Change Started
Can a Marriage Survive the Betrayal of an Affair?
Seeking Professional Help
Chapter 7 - We Love Each Other, But … Life with Children Isn’t Easy
How to Stay Lovers Even If You Are Parents
Tips for Keeping Romance Alive Day In and Day Out
Dealing with Your Anxiety About Leaving Your Children with Baby-Sitters
Resolving Conflicts over Child-Care Responsibilities
Getting Your Child to Bed Earlier
Reducing the Stress of Family Life
Improving Your Ghild’s Behavior
Teaching Your Child to Be Self-Comforting
Giving Each Other Some Time Off from Family Life
Chapter 8 - We Love Each Other and We Get Along Well, But … Is This It?
Not in Your Underwear, Please
How to Stay Interested in Each Other for the Rest of Your Lives
ALSO BY DR. ELLEN WACHTEL
Appendix - A Note for Couples Therapists on How to Help Couples Follow the Tips in This Book
Notes
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright Page
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