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Index
WELCOME
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE: FLOP SWEAT
CHAPTER TWO: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… ME!
PART ONE: THE ROAD TO RONKONKOMA
CHAPTER 1: WELCOME TO MY WORLD
CHAPTER 2: A STRANGER IN AN EVEN STRANGER LAND
CHAPTER 3: JAMIE TO THE RESCUE!
CHAPTER 4: DOWN AND UP
CHAPTER 5: AND NOW—THE GOOD STUFF
CHAPTER 6: MY AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL
CHAPTER 7: THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME (IF THERE WERE, THE AUTHORITIES WOULD SHUT IT DOWN)
CHAPTER 8: WITH BROTHERS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?
CHAPTER 9: BRAINSTORMING!
CHAPTER 10: IT’S A SMALL BEACH, AFTER ALL
CHAPTER 11: SAND TRAPPED
CHAPTER 12: THERE’S NOTHING FINER THAN SATURDAY AT THE DINER
CHAPTER 13: FROM RUSSIA, WITH LOVE
CHAPTER 14: THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME (SERIOUSLY, THERE ISN’T)
CHAPTER 15: HOME IS WHERE THE HEARTLESS BULLY IS
CHAPTER 16: ME AND MY CRAZY FRIENDS
CHAPTER 17: THE BIGGEST LOSER
CHAPTER 18: THE CRIP FROM CORNBALL
CHAPTER 19: MY LUNCH DATE
CHAPTER 20: WHY “PUBLIC SPEAKING” SHOULD BE CALLED “PUBLIC EXECUTION”
CHAPTER 21: FIRST AID FOR CHOKING VICTIMS
CHAPTER 22: THE LONG WAY HOME
CHAPTER 23: A BAD DREAM COME TRUE
CHAPTER 24: THANK GOODNESS MY DAD HAD A BROTHER
CHAPTER 25: HOME AGAIN, HOME AGAIN, JIGGITY-JIG…
CHAPTER 26: NEW YORK, NEW YORK (SO NICE, THEY NAMED IT TWICE)
CHAPTER 27: WELCOME TO THE COMEDY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!
CHAPTER 28: RUDE AND CRUDE, WITH MY KIND OF ’TUDE
CHAPTER 29: A NEW WEEK, A NEW ME (EVEN THOUGH I LOOK A LOT LIKE THE OLD ME!)
CHAPTER 30: DOING HARD TIME
CHAPTER 31: SAYING THANKS UNTIL IT HURTS
CHAPTER 32: MY MYSTERY GIRL
CHAPTER 33: CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF BRAINSTORMS
CHAPTER 34: HOME IS WHERE THE LAUGHS AREN’T
CHAPTER 35: FINALLY, A GOOD DREAM
CHAPTER 36: HOW DO YOU GET TO RONKONKOMA? PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
CHAPTER 37: SNEAKING OUT OF TOWN
CHAPTER 38: YIKES! IT’S SHOWTIME!
CHAPTER 39: TAKING NO PRISONERS
CHAPTER 40: TIME CRAWLS WHEN YOU’RE DONE HAVING FUN
CHAPTER 41: MAY I HAVE THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE?
PART TWO: THE LONG, WINDING, TWISTING, CURVING, SLOPING, SLIPPERY-WHEN-WET ROAD HOME
CHAPTER 42: HERO FOR A DAY!
CHAPTER 43: OKAY, HALF A DAY
CHAPTER 44: COOL GIRL TO THE RESCUE
CHAPTER 45: NOTE TO SELF: TELL UNCLE FRANKIE!
CHAPTER 46: FEELING THE LOVE… AND JUST A LITTLE HATE
CHAPTER 47: TIME FOR A LITTLE Q&A
CHAPTER 48: NEW YUKS FOR NEW YORK
CHAPTER 49: DYING IN THE LIVING ROOM
CHAPTER 50: THAT’S ALL, FOLKS!
CHAPTER 51: I’M OFFICIALLY OFF THE CLOCK
CHAPTER 52: THE BIG (AND EXTREMELY CROWDED) DAY!
CHAPTER 53: MEETING THE PEOPLE I’M GOING TO LOSE TO
CHAPTER 54: THE SHOW MUST GO ON (SOMETIME SOON, PLEASE?)
CHAPTER 55: BATTER UP!
CHAPTER 56: BRINGING IT HOME!
CHAPTER 57: LOOK AT ME! I’M THE COMEDY KING OF THE WORLD!
CHAPTER 58: CASUALTIES OF COMEDY
CHAPTER 59: WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?
CHAPTER 60: AN EVEN BIGGER (AND BETTER) SURPRISE
CHAPTER 61: REMEMBERING ANOTHER NIGHT
CHAPTER 62: I AM THE LUCKY ONE
CHAPTER 63: BACK TO SEMI-NORMAL
CHAPTER 64: ZOMBIES ON PARADE!
CHAPTER 65: MOB SCENE BY THE SEA
CHAPTER 66: A SUNDAY DRIVE INTO MY PAST
CHAPTER 67: LAUGHTER REALLY IS THE BEST MEDICINE
CHAPTER 68: AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR TORMENTOR
CHAPTER 69: THE ROAD TO WHATEVER COMES NEXT!
P.S. FROM JAMIE
A PREVIEW OF "MIDDLE SCHOOL THE WORST YEARS OF MY LIFE"
BOOKS BY JAMES PATTERSON
TABLE OF CONTENTS
COPYRIGHT PAGE
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