Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes · A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology by O'Brien, Cory -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

TITLE PAGE COPYRIGHT DEDICATION CONTENTS INTRODUCTION GREEK

Cronus Likes to Eat Babies Zeus Sticks It to Semele a Little Too Hard King Midas Is: GOLDFINGER Tiresias Is TWICE the Man/Woman You’ll Ever Be Narcissus Probably Should Have Just Learned to Masturbate Persephone Is the Mother of Invention . . . No, Wait . . . Hephaestus Gets Dicked Around a Lot Orpheus Rocks Hard Friends Don’t Let Friends Bang Cows

NORSE

The Norse Are METAL Thor Gets Hammered Odin Gets Construction Discounts with Bestiality Fenrir Is a DILF Sex 4 Gold Thor Gets Jacked All’s Well That Mimir’s Well The End of the Norse World as We Know It

EGYPTIAN

Ra Has Sex with Himself Ra and Sekhmet, or: How Beer Saved the Universe Isis Has Bad Taste in Jewelry Thoth Is Just Giving Out Scorpions Horus Jerks Off in Set’s Salad

MAYAN

The Mayans Have the Most Brutal Calendar Hunahpú and Xbalanqué: ULTIMATE BALLERS Zipacna and the Four Hundred Boys

JUDEO-CHRISTIAN

God Makes a Lot of Stuff Cain and Abel Invent the Sibling Rivalry Abraham Is Totally Cool About Stabbing His Kid in the Face Noah Is on a BOAT King Solomon and the Disposable Baby

HINDU

The Hindus Like to Chop Dudes Up Shiva Cannot Be Stopped Anything Kali Can Do, Shiva Can Do Better Ganesh Is the Very Definition of an Unplanned Pregnancy

JAPANESE

Izanami Gets Real Sore Susanoo Has No Idea What He’s Doing Amaterasu and the Crippling Depression Tanukis Have Big Balls

AFRICAN

CHINESE

Pan Gu Is a Pretty Big Dude Chang’e Is a Substance Abuser Fei Chang-Fang and the Poop Mystic

SUMERIAN

The Ancient Sumerians Knew How to Party Enki and Nimmah Party Far Too Heartily Gilgamesh and Enkidu: ULTIMATE BROMANCE

NATIVE AMERICAN

Wisakedjak Is Highly Irresponsible Killer-of-Enemies and the International House of Vaginas Rabbit Takes Summer Fun to the Next Level The Moon Is Made of Meat

UNITED STATES OF AMERICAN

The Creation Myth . . . of AMERICA John Henry Was a Steel-Drivin’ Man Paul Bunyan Was a Log-Drivin’ Man Pecos Bill Was a Cattle-Drivin’ Man Davy Crockett Talks a Big Game This Is What Tom Cruise Believes In

CONCLUSION ABOUT THE AUTHOR