A Helping Hand · Mediation with Nonviolent Communication by Larsson, Liv -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Page Title Page Copyright Preface Summary of the book Chapter 1 Mediation

What is mediation? Our view of human nature affects our ability to mediate A need-based view of human nature Mediation as a natural part of our culture? Justice has to be done??? Our words carry our view of human nature

Chapter 2 The dream - a world without conflict?

Conflict – crisis or possibility? The difference between domination cultures and life - serving cultures Win-Win or zero-sum games

Chapter 3 Minding other peoples’ business

Mediating without being invited When the mediator is not received Civil courage or disrespectful behavior? Passivity supports violence Passivity and obedience Your internal reaction when people around you are in conflict Your internal reaction to other peoples’ conflicts when you want to give advice or “fix it”

Chapter 4 Sweet revenge and losing face

How revenge became sweet Revenge and forgiveness – two sides of the same coin The core of mediation, revenge and reconciliation Empathy instead of “forgive me” To apologize with the help of NVC Losing face What do you do to avoid losing face? Never do anything to avoid shame or guilt

Chapter 5 Nonviolent Communication as an approach to mediation

Nonviolent Communication Basic principles of NVC When mediation can be used Mediation can be used in conflicts The model Needs - our common denominator Cause or stimulus Some of our common human needs Feelings – the children of needs Strong feelings - a help or a hindrance? Some basic feelings we all have When it comes to making requests in mediation Practice asking for what you want Challenges To be able to differentiate observing from judging Static language vs process-oriented language Enemy images Observation or interpretation, depending on the point of view Conflicts lead to conflict Reflect on “Conflict” Conflicts exist on the level of strategies - not on the level of needs Empathy When we choose something else than empathy The difference between empathy and sympathy Advice instead of empathy Reflecting back exactly what someone has said Mixing feelings with thoughts Sort out your listening The ultimate solution The price we pay for getting stuck defending one position How big is the cake? Compromising or shifting Body language that matches the words Touch

Chapter 6 The mediator’s tool box

Tools used at a mediation 1. Listening, translating and rephrasing what is being expressed 2.“Pulling someone by the ear” – helping the parties to understand each other 3. To interrupt 4. First aid-empathy 5. Self-Empathy - to empathize with oneself 6. Tracking - to follow what is going on Cycles Problem-solving or reconciliation Educate or mediate Summary of the mediators’ role

Chapter 7 Practise practise practise

Preparing to mediate Pitfalls and benefits Be clear about your purpose in mediating Translating expressions that can get in the way of connection Translating what is being expressed so that it contributes to connection Reflecting – What have I learned from these exercises? Practising “Pulling someone by the ear” Written exercise - “Pulling someone by the ear” Exercise in interrupting Writing exercise in interrupting Exercise in interrupting and giving first aid-empathy The roles to be taken Writing exercise - in interrupting and giving first aid-empathy Reflecting In depth exercise in interrupting Practising Self-Empathy during mediation Exercise in tracking needs Exercise informal mediation - in slow motion

Chapter 8 Formal mediation

To mediate after being invited to do so What happens during a mediation Meeting with the parties before the mediation The mediator’s preparations Background information Prepare yourself to mediate The sense of free choice -a prerequisite for a successful mediation If someone hears demands and rebels If someone hears demands and “gives in” If someone hears demands and “gives in” The neutral mediator Two mediators or one? The place for the mediation The start of the mediation Who starts? Time frames Solutions and agreements Clear requests can prevent conflicts Focus on the core of the conflict After the mediation Reminders to the mediator Mediation in five steps Mediation step by step Practicing formal mediation - in slow motion

Chapter 9 Challenges and opportunities

Variations of mediation 1. When neither party wants to listen 2. In different rooms 3. Communication through the mediator 4a. The mediator takes one of the roles 4b. Two mediators each take a role 5. Record the talks 6. Threatening situations 7. The mediator as a fellow human The mediator’s responsibility Situations where mediation might not be a good idea Process or a separate event - shuttle mediation The purpose of a shuttle mediation Shuttle mediation – preparations Exercise in shuttle mediation Roles It’s not about doing “the right thing” Our choices will affect others Moral development Mediation in crime Summary - What mediation in crime can contribute to: Restorative justice Traditional legal system: Restorative system: Summary of Restorative justice Mediation in the work place Appreciation - Conflict prevention Appreciation à la NVC Daily nutrition Conflict is costly Escalating or lowering conflicts Learn from your mistakes Evaluating your mediation skills Celebrate your successes and learn from them

Chapter 10 Mediation between children

Mediation between children If the adult chooses not to intervene If the adult stops the conflict rather than attempting to mediate If the adult compares More results of comparing Describe what you see rather than compare Using power to protect When an adult tries to mediate by using punishment Mediate between children

Some final words

Study plan First session Second session Third session Fourth session Fifth session Sixth session and onwards Everyday expression for needs The model Some basic feelings we all have Some basic needs we all have References and literature Electronic sources Thank you About the author