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Lesson One: Introduction to the concept of stealing secrets… which is very, very bad, and should NEVER be done.
Lesson Two: One should NEVER jump to conclusions…
Lesson Three: One should NEVER speak to strangers… for that stranger may just steal your deepest secret.
One should NEVER be too proud to ask for help… for all too soon it may be too late.
One should NEVER give up looking for that which is lost… for it may simply be that it is being dragged along just out of sight by a dashingly handsome fiend wearing top hat, tails, and very, very shiny shoes.
One should NEVER be pretentious… at least not around Sebastian Pritchard, the head of the APPO[31] .
One should NEVER ask a woman if she is a witch… for you will almost assuredly be slapped.
Lesson Eight: One should NEVER get in the way of a timeless romance… or with the timeless wrath of a woman scorned must you contend.
Lesson Nine: One should NEVER steal… for the saying ‘ye shall reap what ye sow’ has more truth to it than you may realise[54] .
Lesson Ten: One should NEVER enter into a relationship with anyone without first investigating his or her criminal record… or you might eventually find yourself entering into wedded bliss with a psychotic axe-murderer.
Lesson Eleven: One should NEVER tempt the proverbial lightning bolt from heaven… God is God, after all, so let’s presume he has good aim. Especially since he created both lightning bolts and good aim.
Lesson Twelve: One should NEVER be mean to orphans… or the Ghost of Westcott will get you.
Lesson Thirteen: One should NEVER drink any clear liquid without first ascertaining its chemical structure… or you might just mistake vodka for water and end up with alcohol poisoning.
Lesson Fourteen: One should NEVER walk in on newlyweds… OH&S regulation 12.5.3[88]
Lesson Fifteen: One should NEVER trust a girl simply for her pretty face… for it is what’s on the inside that counts. Heart, lungs, gall bladder, the buccinator muscles, etc.
There are no more lessons to be learnt, reader dear. The course has been set. Sit back and enjoy…
The Aftermath
Epilogue
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