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Imperial Library
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Index
Copyright Page
Dedication Page
Acknowledgments
Contents
Introduction
Anti-Principles & Principles
Facilitate Listening and Speaking
Principle 1: Don’t hear attack. Listen for what is behind the words.
Principle 2: Resist the urge to attack. Change the conversation from the inside.
Principle 3: Talk to the other person’s best self.
Principle 4: Differentiate needs, interests, and strategies.
Principle 5: Acknowledge emotions. See them as signals.
Principle 6: Differentiate between acknowledgment and agreement.
Principle 7: When listening, avoid making suggestions.
Principle 8: Differentiate between evaluation and observation.
Principle 9: Test your assumptions. Relinquish them if they prove to be false.
Change the Conversation
Principle 10: Develop curiosity in difficult situations.
Principle 11: Assume useful dialogue is possible, even when it seems unlikely.
Principle 12: If you are making things worse, stop.
Principle 13: Figure out what’s happening, not whose fault it is.
Look for Ways Forward
Principle 14: Acknowledge conflict. Talk to the right people about the real problem.
Principle 15: Assume undiscovered options exist. Seek solutions people willingly support.
Principle 16: Be explicit about agreements. Be explicit when they change.
Principle 17: Expect and plan for future conflict.
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