Joint Custody With a Jerk · Raising a Child With an Uncooperative Ex · A Hands-On, Practical Guide to Communicating With a Difficult Ex-Spouse by Ross, Julie A. -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Title Page Table of Contents INTRODUCTION 1. - What Did I Ever See in My Ex?

SHARING CUSTODY WITH A JERK LIFE’S MOST IMPORTANT JOB THE SCOPE OF THIS BOOK KEEPING IT IN PERSPECTIVE DRIVING BACKWARD IF IT WALKS LIKE A JERK … RESPECT: A CASUALTY OF DIVORCE YOUR HISTORY PLAYS A PART WHAT’S DONE IS STILL HAPPENING TED’S TIME BOMB RENEGOTIATING YOUR RELATIONSHIP ENDING SELF-DESTRUCTIVE SELF-TALK POST-CRISIS GOALS WHEN “I DO” TURNS INTO “I DON’T HAVE TO ANYMORE”

2. - Identifying the Problem (Other Than Your Ex Is a Jerk)

IT’S ALWAYS SOMETHING DEALING WITH DENIAL SEPARATING THE FEELINGS FROM THE PROBLEMS THE BIGGER PICTURE THE THINK-FEEL-DO CYCLE CHANGING YOUR ACTIONS WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PROBLEM HERE? TO SOLVE OR NOT TO SOLVE ISOLATING THE PROBLEM ACCEPTING TOLERABLE SITUATIONS

3. - Who Tops the Problem Pyramid?

RESPONSIBILITY CONTRIBUTING TO THE SOLUTION JUSTIFYING YOUR ACTIONS MAKING ASSUMPTIONS ENGAGING IN DELIBERATE MANIPULATION PROJECTING THE WORST PLACING BLAME ALLOWING GUILT CLAIMING POWER THE FLIP SIDE OF THE COIN: TAKING TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY THE PROBLEM PYRAMID COMMON PROBLEMS AND IDENTIFYING WHO TOPS THEM

4. - When You Top the Problem Pyramid

PICK YOUR BATTLES CREATE A PLAN OF ACTION DECIDE WHEN AND WHERE TO SPEAK TO YOUR EX FIND A NEUTRAL TERRITORY REFRAME YOUR RELATIONSHIP: THIS ISN’T WAR, IT’S BUSINESS KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM YOUR EX USE “I” STATEMENTS TO COMMUNICATE WHY “I” STATEMENTS ARE EFFECTIVE TONE OF VOICE AND BODY LANGUAGE POSITIVE ASSERTIONS DISARM YOUR OPPONENT POSITIVE VERSUS NEGATIVE ASSERTIONS INTER-GENDER COMMUNICATION ELIMINATE “ALWAYS” AND “NEVER” MAKE YOUR COMMUNICATION EFFECTIVE PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT WHEN THE “I” STATEMENT MEETS RESISTANCE WHEN YOUR EX DOESN’T GIVE A $@#% HOW YOU FEEL SAVE THE SARCASM DISENGAGING SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS TAGGING POSITIVE ASSERTIONS WITH A CHOICE MEANING WHAT YOU SAY BRAINSTORMING SOLUTIONS TO YOUR PROBLEMS AVOIDING ALL-OR-NOTHING TRAPS TAKING IT SLOWLY ASKING QUESTIONS ROLE-PLAY: DOING YOUR HOMEWORK SUMMING IT UP

5. - Problems That You Need to Solve

WORKING THROUGH THE PROBLEMS MY EX CAN DO NO WRONG CHANGING PLANS IN YOUR FACE ON FACEBOOK BLOCKBUSTER BUST PARTY TIME VISITATION VIA SKYPE YOU’VE GOT MAIL! A RECAP

6. - Learning to Cooperate with Your Ex

WORKING AT CHANGE THE FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT RESPONSE DEEP BREATHING: A TECHNIQUE THAT CALMS SHIFTING YOUR MIND-SET GETTING WHAT WE GIVE LISTENING TO UNDERSTAND FINDING AGREEMENT PULLING INSTEAD OF PUSHING AVOIDING COMMUNICATION BLOCKS THE BOX STEP OF COOPERATIVE COMMUNICATION CATCH ’EM DOING IT RIGHT IF YOU LOSE IT COMPLETELY, APOLOGIZE GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION TO COMPROMISE

7. - When Your Child Tops the Problem Pyramid

PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN OVERPROTECTING THEM LISTENING NEUTRALLY TO YOUR CHILD REFRAINING FROM ACTING ON YOUR OWN FEELINGS LISTENING WITH HEART CRACKING THE KIDS’ CODE ACKNOWLEDGING BRAINSTORMING WITH KIDS GIVING ADVICE CAREFULLY WONDERING WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF … HANDLING NEGATIVITY EXAMINING CONSEQUENCES LETTING IT REST ALLOWING YOUR CHILD TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER PARENT HANDLING AFTERSHOCKS AHEAD OF TIME HANDLING MANIPULATION WHEN YOUR CHILD’S PROBLEM IS WITH YOU THE PRE-VERBAL CHILD ONIONS IN THE TUNA WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD TOPS THE PROBLEM PYRAMID STAYING OUT OF IT

8. - Empowering Your Child

EMPOWERMENT = SELF-ESTEEM A WORD ABOUT DISCIPLINE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE HUMAN BEING VERSUS HUMAN DOING LISTENING TO YOUR CHILD SHOWING CONFIDENCE LETTING GO OF IDEALS WATCHING OUT FOR “BUT” SEPARATING COMPLIMENTS FROM REQUESTS SEPARATING BEHAVIOR FROM LOVE NOT VALIDATING THE “MONSTERS” SHIFTING THE FOCUS BEING A ROLE MODEL

9. - When Your Ex Tops the Problem Pyramid

HOW TO COMMUNICATE WHEN THE PROBLEM BELONGS TO YOUR EX TAKING YOUR TIME RECOGNIZING BULLYING TECHNIQUES REMAINING NON-DEFENSIVE HANDING THE PROBLEM BACK AGREEING WITH CONTENT CLICK! THE EX WHO AVOIDS CLAIMING THE TOP OF THE PYRAMID NEEDING LEGAL OR PROFESSIONAL HELP WHEN YOUR EX’S “OTHER” TOPS THE PROBLEM PYRAMID THE ROLE OF THE STEPPARENT

10. - Communicating in Our Digital World

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? COMMUNICATING DIGITALLY TEXTING TEMPTATION I SEE YOU EMAIL EQUALS HE’S GOT MAIL FACE IT A COMMUNICATION DISASTER PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM I JUST CALLED TO SAY I DON’T LOVE YOU NO HYPE WITH SKYPE PICK A DATE

11. - Divorced Homes Are Different (Sometimes)

YOUR FAMILY IS UNIQUE AND SOMETIMES DIVORCED HOMES AREN’T SO DIFFERENT AFTER ALL MONEY ISSUES GO BOTH WAYS DIFFERENT PARENTING STYLES CREATING A DIFFERENT STRUCTURE SEVENTEEN GUIDELINES TOWARD A SUCCESSFUL FOUNDATION YOUR CHILD’S NEEDS AND RIGHTS

12. - Living (and Dating) on the Bright Side

HEALING AFTER DIVORCE MOVING FORWARD

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