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Index
Acknowledgements
Making Love Real
You Want to Have a Real and Loving Relationship
The Problem with Current Road Maps to Relationship Success
The Somatica Method: A Holistic Road Map for Making Love Real
Disappointment: What the Other Road Maps Leave Out
What’s Sex Got to Do with It?
How to Use This Book
Part 1 Cultivating Intimacy
What Is Love?
Attraction: Why You Choose Your Partner
Taking the Fall
Long-Term Love
All Relationships Have Conflict
Meet Your Inner Child
Know Your Inner Child’s Fears
Care for Your Inner Child
Understand Your Partner’s Fears
Share the Responsibilities of Inner-Child Care
Challenges to Inner-Child Care
Exercise: Inner Child Visualization
Journal opportunity: Your Inner Child
Share Your Visualizations
Understand Your Habitual Responses
Exercise: Map Your Triggers
Get on the Same Team
Exercise: Why I Want YOU on My Team
Use Connection Tools
Journal opportunity: Triggers and Habits
Vote for Connection Instead of Protection
Learn the Tools of Vulnerability
What Is a Feeling?
Watch for Nonverbal Cues
Exercise: Read Your Partner’s Nonverbal Cues
Journal opportunity: Non-Verbal Cues and Triggers
What Is a Need/Desire?
Turn Up the Volume on Your Desire
Know What You Want
Exercise: Celebrate Your Desires
Journal opportunity:Celebrating Desires
Ask for What You Want
Teach People How to Love You
Ask for Connection
Eye Contact
Exercise: Show Your Partner You Are There and You Want Them
Share Quality Time
Exercise: Define Your Quality Time
Appreciate Your Partner
Exercise: Share Mutual Appreciation
Show Physical Affection
Exercise: Teach Your Partner Physical Affection
Dream Together
Honor Your Freedom
Exercise: Have a Desire-Honoring Conversation
What Is Your Capacity?
Accept Your Capacity
What Are Boundaries and Why Do You Need Them?
Know When You Are Letting Your Boundaries Be Crossed
Exercise: Offer a Boundary Lovingly
Journal opportunity: Boundaries
Share Your Feelings, Needs, and Boundaries
Know When You Are Having an Emotional Conversation
Harness the Power of Loving Listening
Listen with Embodied Empathy
Know Your Communication Pitfalls
Blaming
Shaming
Interrogating
Threatening
Debating
Martyring
Appeasing
Observing
Silence
Exercise: Identify Your Inner Child’s Strategies
Share Your Feelings from the Adult Place
Example Conversation: Bring Listening and Sharing Together
Listen to the Hurt Child
Excavate the Feelings
When Listening Isn’t Balanced
Enhance Your Connection
Bring All Your Tools Together
Part 2 Disappointment
Why You Get Disappointed
Love Is Blind
Life Circumstances Change
People Grow and Change
Journal opportunity: Disappointment
The Ways People Deal with Disappointment
Hiding Your Needs
Pushing Your Partner to Change
Staying and Building Resentment
Leaving
Staying and Sharing Your Disappointment
Outsourcing
Journal opportunity: Outsourcing
Outsourcing Dishonestly
Affairs
Avoiding Affairs
Recovering from an Affair
Outsourcing Honestly (Non-monogamy, Polyamory, or Open Relationships)
Part 3 Sex
Move Beyond Damaging Myths
Heal from the Damaging Effects of Social Messages
Understand the Challenges Created by Social Messages
Challenges for Women
Distractibility During Sex
Loss of Sexual Interest as a Mom
Low Sexual Desire
Sexual Dysfunction
Challenges for Men
Midlife Crisis
Sexual Dysfunction
Challenges for Couples
Sexless Relationship/Marriage
Emotional Distance
Affairs
One Couple’s Plight Through the Lens of Social Messages
Journal opportunity: Social Messages
Sexual Rules to Live By
Understand Your Sexual Brain
Flesh Out Your Hottest Sexual Movie
Solo Exercise: Identify Your Hottest Sexual Movie
Couple Exercise: Share Your Hottest Sexual Movie
Know the Difference Between Psychological and Physiological Arousal
Learn What’s on the Menu
Tell the Story
Exercise: Write Your Partner Five Sexy Texts
Feel the Energy
Exercise: Share Erotic Energy and Breath
Explore Touch
Exercise: Touch for Your Own Pleasure
Express with Words
Exercise: Talk Sex
Show with Gestures
Go to the Movies
The Romantic Movie
Exercise: Talk Romance to Each Other
The Passionate Movie
Exercise: Throw Each Other Against the Wall
The Dominant/Submissive Movie
Exercise: Give Your Partner a Spanking
Journal opportunity: Your Hottest Sexual Movie
The Spiritual Movie
The Fetish Movie
The Sensation Movie
Combine Movies and Bring Sensuality
Tease and Tantalize the Body
Move from Periphery to Center
Caress the Entire Body
Exercise: Receive Actively
Give Each Other Amazing Orgasms
Understand and Expand Women’s Orgasms
The Damaging Myth of the Proper Orgasm
Types of Female Orgasm
Clitoral Orgasms
Try the Three Basic Moves
Discover Advanced Clit Play
Multiple Orgasms
G-Spot Orgasms
Uterine or Cervical Orgasms
Combination Orgasms
Oral Sex on a Woman
Journal opportunity: Women’s Orgasms
Expand Men’s Orgasms
The Damaging Myths About Men’s Sexual Response
Cocks
Advanced Cock Strokes
Blow Jobs
Intercourse
Journal opportunity: Men’s Orgasms
Anal Pleasure: The Final Frontier
Bring All Your Sexy Tools Together
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