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Index
Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Bob’s Success
Is This Book For You?
Techniques That Interfere with Your Addictive Impulses
How I Changed My Life
You Always Have a Choice
How Difficult Is It?
Are You Under the Spell of Sex Addiction?
Are You a Train Wreck Waiting to Happen?
You Calling Me a Sex Addict?
Coping Strategies for Uncomfortable Feelings
Who Becomes a Sex Addict?
Confusing Sexual Messages
Changing Your Mind
Identifying the Voices in Your Amphitheater
Turning On the Lights in Your Personal Amphitheater
Where Do Your Subpersonalities Originate?
Free Yourself from the Addiction of Compulsive Thinking
Confronting Your Addict in the Amphitheater
You Are Not Your Mind
Your Mind Is Like a Library
Cutting Through Euphoric Recall
You Can Say No to Your Addict
Your Mind Is Not Who You Are
C.S.I.—Clues to Your Unique Story
Your Addict’s Story: It’s Fiction, Not Fact
Be a Crime-Scene Investigator for Your Unique History
Taking Your History
Consider Your History
What’s Always True: Knowing Your Essential Self
An Addiction to Your Mind
You Are Separate from Your Subpersonalities
What Is Always True Is That You Are in Charge
Conscious Awareness Is Always True
Your True Addiction Is to Your Mind
Communicating with Your Complexes
The Benefits of Stillness
The Blonde in the Beemer: What to Do When You’re Out of Control
The Blond in the BMW
Do You Know When You’re Out of Control?
Your Behavior Is a Wake-Up Call—Pay Attention!
From Fantasy to Intimacy
Crashing Fantasy with Reality
Where You Hurt the Most: Your Original Emotional Wound
What Is an Original Emotional Wound?
Notice the Contradictions in Your Life
Your Original Wound Is Like an Injury
Dialogue to Convert Negative Behavior to Positive
Addiction as a Reaction to Your Original Wound
Compulsive Behavior and Shame
Break the Cycle of Self-Blame: Stepping Beyond Your Story
Coping Behaviors to Feel Better
Self-Blame: It Must Be Me
Blue Sky and High Heels: Understanding Your Addictive Triggers
Blue Sky and High Heels
Demystifying the Power of a Trigger
You Don’t Have to Pull the Trigger
That Magic-Fingers Feeling
The Centerfold Versus Reality
You Always Have a Choice
Choice throughout Your Life
Always Remember: What Else?
Conversation with Choice Point
Your Story, Your Choice, Your Life
My Story of Making a Choice
Your Red Light Guy: Change Sexual Energy into Positive Behavior
I Meet My Red Light Guy
Putting the Red Light Guy into Practice
What You Can Do Now
Your Red Light Guy
Opportunities to Use Your Red Light Guy
First Thought Wrong: Learn Not to Trust the Thoughts of Your Addict
Identifying Your Addict’s First Thoughts
Making First Thought Wrong Stick
First Thought Wrong and What Else?
Who’s in Charge Here? Taking a Stand With Your Addict
The Not-So-Silent Retreat
Take a Stand with Your Addict’s Voice
Is the Tail Wagging Your Dog?
Taking a Stand with HALT
Reward Yourself for Taking a Stand
Take a Stand and Be Your Own Hero
Taking a Stand in the Amphitheater
In the Octagon: Your Addict Versus Your True-Self
How Good Can You Stand It? Connecting with Yourself and Others
Your Mind Doesn’t Give a Damn about You
Experiencing Stillness
Practicing How Good Can You Stand It?
How Intimate Can You Stand It?
Can You Stand to Live without Pain and Fear?
The Moment of Truth
The Incredible Pleasure of True Intimacy
What to Tell Your Loved One about Change
What It’s Like to Live with You
You Feel Triggered—and You’re with Your Wife
Shift Your Triggers from Destructive to Instructive
Turn Your Trigger Moments into Relationship Plus Points
When You Take a Startle
At a Party with Your Loved One
Triggered at the Movies
You Only Think You’re Getting Away with It
From Sex Addiction to Intimacy
Your Problem Is Her Problem
Tell the Young Men
Never Forget That You Are Not Your Story
A Slip Does Not Need to Become a Slide
What to Say to a Possible Sex Addict
References
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