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Index
Cover
Title Page
Contents
—FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE —
THE AMISH
ANTIBIOTICS
APPETITES
ARITHMETIC
ASPARAGUS
ATTILA
THE BABE
BABY FOOD
BABY JUMPING
BABY NAMES
BAD TRADES
BANK ROBBERY
BEARDS
instant personalities
BERTRAND RUSSELL
BLACKJACK
BOWER BIRDS
BOXING
BRIDES
BUDDY RICH
BURIALS
BUTTERED TOAST
THE CAN OPENER
CASTRATION
CHARLES II
CHEESE ROLLING
CHEMISTS
instant personalities
CHEWING GUM
CLAMS
CLICHÉS
COCKROACHES
COFFEE
CONDIMENTS
CONDUCTORS
CROSSED EYES
CRUISE CONTROL
CRUSADES
D-DAY
DALI
DEADBEAT DAD
instant personalities
DEATH
DIABETES
DICTATORS
DINOSAURS
DISPENSERS
DIVINITY SCHOOL
DIXIE CUPS
DOUBLE DECAF
DOWNSIZING
ELEPHANTS
THE ELITIST DICTIONARY
END OF THE WORLD
ESCALATORS
instant personalities
EVA PERÓN
EXECUTION
EX-LAX
FAN CLUBS
FISHING
THE FLASHLIGHT
FLIRTING
FORESKINS
FORGERIES
FORMAL WEAR
FREEMASONS
FUNERAL FEASTS
GANDHI
GENGHIS KHAN
GERMOPHOBES
G.I. JOEL
instant personalities
GOD COMPLEX
GOLDFINGER
GUM CONTROL
HAIR LOSS
HAM
HANGOVERS
HITCHCOCK
HORSES
HUMAN MEAT
IMELDA MARCOS
INFLATION
INSTANT BACON
instant personalities
INTERSTATE HIGHWAYS
IRELAND
JAPANESE DIETS
JEFFERSON
JELL-O
JESUS’ BROTHERS
JEWS
KIM JONG IL
KITTY-CAT
KLACKERS
KLUTZINESS
KOALAS
instant personalities
KUDZU
LANGUAGE ARTS
LA-Z-BOY
LEMMINGS
LEONARDO DA VINCI
LEONA HELMSLEY
LICKS
LIONS
LIQUID PAPER
LORD OF THE (CIGAR) RINGS
LOSING A BET
THE LOTTO
LOVE LETTERS
instant personalities
THE MAD HATTER
MARQUIS DE SADE
MASTICATION
MATZO BALLS
MERCEDES-BENZ
MICE
MICROWAVES
MILK
MONA LISA
MONOGAMY
MOTHS
MOUNT EVEREST
MOUNT RUSHMORE
instant personalities
NAPPING
NATIONAL ANTHEMS
NEW COKE, PART I
NEW COKE, PART II
NIETZSCHE
NIXON
NOUGAT
NUTS
OBJECTION!
OPUS DEI
OSLO
OZONE
PADDLE BALL
instant personalities
PAGANINI
THE PAPER CLIP
PASSENGER PIGEONS
PATERNITY
PERFUME
PET ROCKS
PETS
PEZ
PHYSICISTS
POLO
PONZI SCHEME
POPCORN
POPES
PORN
instant personalities
PORT ROYAL
PREGNANCY
PRESIDENTIAL AFFAIRS
PYGMY
THE QUADRO
QUOTES
RATS
REVENGE
RICHARD III
ROCK PAPER SCISSORS
ROGET
ROLLER COASTERS, PART I
ROLLER COASTERS, PART II
instant personalities
RONALD MCDONALD
SADDAM
THE SAFETY PIN
SALIVA
SCHOPENHAUER
SCOPES (MONKEY) TRIAL
SEA MONKEYS
SHAKERS
SHAKESPEARE
SHEEP
SIBLING RIVALRY
SLICED BREAD
SLOT MACHINES
instant personalities
SOUP
SOUTHERNERS
SPANISH FLY
SPOILED MILK
SQUID
THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER
STELLA (THE FELLA?)
SUDDEN DEATH
TELEGRAPH
TELEPROMPTERS
TELEVISION
THALES OF MILETUS
instant personalities
TOADS
TWINKIES
UNENVIABLE PREGNANCIES
UNSHELLED NUTS
USSR
VACUUM CLEANERS
VACUUMS
VAN HALEN
VELCRO
VELVET REVOLUTION
VODKA
W. C. FIELDS
instant personalities
WAR
WEBSTER
WEDDING TRADITIONS
WEREWOLF SYNDROME
WHITE-FRONTED PARROTS
WOODCHUCKS
WORK
WORLD WAR III
THE WORST
WRIGHT
XIUHCÓATL
X-DRESSING
X-ROADS
THE YAP
YEMEN’S NATIONAL PASTIME
ZAMBONI
ZERO
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