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Index
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Contents
Introduction
1 | First, a Little Story
2 | Should You Keep Reading This Book?
3 | How to Be Interviewed
4 | Classic Interview Rules, Plus One More
5 | How to Talk to a Recruiter
6 | How to Enter a Room
7 | How to Have a First Day on the Job
8 | Ways in Which You Must Screw Up Early On: A Handy Checklist
9 | What to Say When Someone Asks for Your Take on the Oeuvre of Werner Herzog at Dinner with Your Brand-New Colleagues and You Don’t Know Who Werner Herzog Is
10 | The Importance of Sucking at a New Job for a Year or Two
11 | How to Smile
12 | How to Shut Up
13 | Things You Should Never Say in a Professional Setting
14 | How to Have a Meaningful Lunch in a Fancy Restaurant Full of Important People
15 | A Few More Rules for the Business Lunch
16 | How to Make Small Talk
17 | A List of Small-Talk Topics for People Who Hate Small Talk
18 | How to Have a Short but Meaningful Conversation in an Elevator
19 | How to Pitch Something
20 | A Few Words on Passion
21 | How to Shake a Hand (Feat. Kanye West)
22 | How to Be Late
23 | How to Be on Time, for Chrissakes
24 | How to Find a Good Bar to Drink in After Work
25 | How to Work While Drinking
26 | How to Begin a Work Thing
27 | How to End a Work Thing
28 | Should You Be Dancing at This Work Thing?
29 | How to Give a Toast
30 | Things You Should Never Say While Giving a Toast
31 | How to Give a Speech When You’re Terrified of Giving a Speech
32 | Things You Should Never Say During a Speech
33 | How to Give a Speech When You Have Just Taken One Too Many Xanax
34 | How to Talk to “Important” People
35 | How to Think About Clothes
36 | Style Rules for Work That You Hear All the Time, Plus One You Never Do
37 | Sprezzatura!
38 | An Impostor’s Garden of Mantras
39 | A Few Words About Collaboration
40 | A Few Words About Credit
41 | How to Email
42 | A Few More Rules for Emailing
43 | Why Strident Postures on Social Media Are, at the End of the Day, Probably a Bad Idea—Especially if You’re Looking for a Job
44 | How to Intimidate People
45 | On Assholery
46 | Are You an Asshole?
47 | The Case for Profanity
48 | How to Work with Someone Who Clearly Resents You and Is Threatened by You and Would Prefer That You Weren’t Around
49 | “Two Beers and a Puppy”: A Helpful Test for Determining How You Feel About Someone
50 | The Score
51 | How to Forget About That Thing That Happened That One Time That You Still Wince About
52 | Why You Should Always Be an Outsider
Afterword
Acknowledgments
Appendix 1 | A Reading List: Self-Help Books That Are Not “Self-Help” Books
Appendix 2 | How to Pronounce the Names of Scotches
Appendix 3 | Rules I Never Got To
Appendix 4 | Key Measures and Equivalents
Index
About the Author
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