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Imperial Library
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Index
Title
Copyright
Dedication
1 - Congratulations, You Are No Longer A Minority
2 - Is There An Award For Craziest?
3 - Next Stop: Nowhere
4 - Oh Look, There's A Sale On Spandex
5 - I Said I Wanted My Mom Not My Mum
6 - The Mole Of The Beast
7 - Lose Weight By Not Eating People
8 - She's Only Been Cranky For What, 300 Years?
9 - You Keep The Earrings, I'll Keep My Head, We'll Call It Even
10 - When it Comes To Green I Prefer Mold
11 - Now This Is More Like It, A Room That's Only Mildly Disturbing
12 - I Know I'm No Michaelangelo, But This Is Ridiculous
13 - In The Morning I Can Be Just As Scary
14 - Press One To Die, Two To Die A Horrible Death
15 - Hello I'm A Mac, He's A PC, And She's Evil
16 - Something Ate The Easter Bunny
17 - Explosions Class, Mom And Dad Would Be So Proud
18 - Someone's A Bit Emo
19 - I Prefer Moaning Zombies To Snarky Ones
20 - Gardening Can Be So Relaxing
21 - Butcher-Knife-Wielding Librarians Are Surprisingly Nice
22 - How Can I Keep Track Of All These Names?
23 - Now You Die
24 - I Still Say It Was Mist
25 - We Don't Talk Much About The Other Baby Gertrude
26 - Why Predict The Weather When You Can Make It Up
27 - Ummm? Could You Repeat The Question?
28 - Can We Get A Judges' Ruling On This Smudge?
29 - I Was Late The Day They Handed Out Superpowers
30 - The Peeps Theory
31 - When Brain Matter Seeps Out, That's When You Know It's Working
32 - I Saw Death The Other Day Playing Bingo
33 - Like The Da Vinci Code But With Moles
34 - You Know Who Hates Daisies? Bunnies
35 - I Pledge Allegiance To The Well Of The Putrid Water Of Flopsville
36 - None of Your Business, Move On To The Next Chapter
37 - That Slasher Guy Is So Thoughtful
38 - This, I Wasn't Expecting
39 - How To Raise A Serial Killer
40 - I'm Gonna Need A Pooper Scooper
41 - This, I Wasn't Expecting Either
42 - Here's My Poem: Your Poems Suck, Suck, Suck. The End.
43 - Why Blood? Why Not Chocolate?
44 - This, I Saw Coming A Mile Away
45 - No More Techno Talk Please, Just Kill Me
46 - I Am So Annoying!!!
47- I'll Give You A Hint: They Walk In The Daylight And Sparkle
48 - It's The Second House On The...Never Mind
49 - That Wouldn't Have Worked With My Old Principal
50 - The Floor's Fine, Thanks
51 - Sometimes Cryptids Just Need A Hug
52 - It Was Nonsense, But It Was Really Good Nonsense
53 - There's A Twist, But You're Still Going To Die
54 - I So Think This Plan Is Going To Work
55 - That's Your Secret Weapon? Bad Acting?
56 - Guys With Detonators Are Liars
57 - Dear Miss Manners, Is It Polite To Leave The Dinner Table Running And Screaming?
58 - I Don't Mind Dying As Long As I'm Warm
59 - The Slasher Of Flopsville
60 - You're Not So Bad When You Try Doing The Opposite
61 - Take Two Extra-Strength Shackles Every Twelve Hours
62 - I'm Looking For The Kidnapper's Convention?
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
About the Author
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