Emotional Incest Syndrome · What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life, The by Love, Patricia -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Title Page Copyright Dedication Acknowledgments Contents Introduction Part One - What Is Emotional Incest? - Exploring the Problem

1 - Growing Up with an Invasive Parent

Varieties of Emotional Incest Applying Today’s Insights to Yesterday’s Families

2 - Parents Who Send Mixed Messages:Love, Neglect, and Abuse

The Neglectful Parent The Abusive/Critical Parent The Sexualizing Parent

3 - The Adult Cost of Being a Chosen Child

Denial and Family Mythologies Guilt and Anxiety Self-Image Problems Perfectionism Identity Problems Relationship Problems

4 - The Family Role Call: - How Emotional Incest Affects - Other Family Members

Blood Ties The Invasive Parent The Left-Out Child The Left-Out Spouse The Shadow Parent The Spouse of the Chosen Child A Drama Where Everyone Loses

5 - Why Do Parents Become - Overinvolved with Their Children?

Acknowledging the Pleasures of Parenting Keeping Parental Love within Bounds A Lack of Love, Information, and Role Models A Lack of Self-Awareness Warning Signs of Emotional Incest

6 - Identifying Families at Risk

Emotional Incest and the Single-Parent Family Emotional Incest and the Stepfamily The Only Child Substance Abuse and Emotional Incest Mental Illness as a Contributing Cause The Superchild Syndrome Other Families at Risk

7 - Key Differences Between - Enmeshed and Healthy Families

Part Two - Recovery: - Defining the Cure

8 - Blazing a Path to Recovery: Follow the Yellow Brick Road

A Personal Philosophy of Healing The Miracle of the Self-Healing Child Jim: “Most of my life I’ve been in neutral.” Psychotherapy and the Wizard of Oz Repression and the Chosen Child The Two-Stage Recovery Program Second Order Change Sibling Rivalry and Successful Change “JNDs: Just Noticeable Differences”

9 - Making Your Personal History, History

Coping with Denial and Resistance Removing Guilt as a Barrier to Exploring the Past Tapping in to a Well of Pain Introduction to the Autobiography Exercise Autobiography—General Outline Directions for a Family Genogram

10 - Making Peace with Your Parents

Beth: “I could never figure out why Mother was so angry.” Becoming More Objective Accepting Your Parents’ Negative Traits Affirming a Parent’s Positive Qualities Setting Limits Around an Invasive Parent Marcos: “I could never win in my family.” Examining Your Reasons for Staying Enmeshed Mastering the Art of the Ten-Second Confrontation Coping with Guilt and Anxiety How to Free Yourself from an Extremely Invasive Parent Creating a More Positive Relationship with a Parent Fake It ’Til You Make It Do the Unexpected The Formal Reconciliation Meeting Resolving Your Feelings About a Deceased Parent Making Peace with Your In-laws A Success Story

11 - Making Peace with Your Siblings

Seeing the Larger Picture Second Order Change Directions for a Reconciliation Meeting with a Sibling The Singular Nature of Sibling Dynamics

12 - Strengthening Your Marriage Relationship

Marriage and Second Order Change Creating a Positive Vision The Universal Homework Assignment Resistance Deepening Intimacy Are You Listening to Me? Additional Communication Tips Resolving Cross-Generational Alliances Learning the Art of Compromise Turning off the Projector Polarization Celebrate! What If Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Work on the Marriage?

13 - Shoring Up Your Support Network

Identifying the Nature of Your Boundary Problems Firming Up Your Boundaries Lowering Your Emotional Barriers Suggestions for Making New Friends Maintaining Appropriate Boundaries at Work

14 - Parenting: How to End the Cycle of Enmeshment

Ten Rules for Healthy Parenting Freeing a Child from Enmeshment Realignment Session with a Chosen Child Making Amends with a Left-Out Child Realignment Session with a Left-Out Child A Parent’s Success Story

15 - Victory Laps

Evan: “I came out fighting!” Diana: “My father always told me, ‘You’ll never let me down.’ ” Back to the Self

Notes Suggested Reading About the Authors