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Imperial Library
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Index
Dedication
Contents
What Is Glop?
Achieve
Beauty
How to Make Your Hair Say “I Care about Water Quality in the Developing World, but Not in a Depressing Way”
Natural Botox: Mummification and Then Lying Motionless in a Sarcophagus
My Best Organic Beauty Secret: Being Born to Extremely Attractive Parents
What’s Wrong with Your Vagina?!
Detoxes
Raw Raw Honey Detox
Raw Ice Detox
Ultra-Refined Vibrance Powder Detox
Edamame-Pods-That-Have-Been-Discarded-by-the-Cultural-Elite Detox
Locked in a Room with No Doors and No Windows Detox
Health
5 Everyday Things That Can Turn Water into Poison
Choosing the Right Shaman to Bring on Your Family Vacation
The Beginner’s Guide to Sweating
Cut Loose with These 6 Fresh Weekend Colonics
15 Things You Didn’t Know Were Toxic and Now You Have to Stay Away Forever
Fitness
3 At-Home Workouts So Easy, an Academy Award–Winning Actress with Full-Time Nannies Could Do Them
Inspirational Quotes from My Beloved Personal Trainer
Workout Wear for Maximum Impact & Minimal Moving
Easy Travel Fitness Hacks to Make Sure You Never Have an Excuse to Stop Exercising
Nutrition
The Glop Guide to What Foods Should Be Replaced by Pills, What Foods Should Be Replaced with Broths, and What Foods Should Be Replaced by Fart-Smelling Green Powders
Shopping at The Organic Grocery Store: It’s Not Just for Poor People!
How to Source the Freshest Bones for Your Bone Broth, “Legally”
You Need to Eat Bees. Now!
The Ultimate Guide to Cheat Days
Exist
Sitting Very Still & Staring Ahead Blankly
Sitting Very Still & Staring Ahead Blankly: A 21-Day Plan
Work & Finances
Invite Abundance into Your Life by Having More Money
Quality, Not Quantity (But Also Quantity)
The Universe’s #1 Financial Law: If You’re Poor, It’s Because You Keep Thinking about Being Poor
Learning What a “Boss” Is So You Can Explain That You Are Your Own
Parenthood
9 Additives I Can’t Believe You Let Your Children Go Near
Are Wi-Fi Rays Why Your Baby Can’t Speak French?
Trending Baby Names
How to Tell Your Nanny How to Guide Your Kids Through the Ups and Downs of Adolescence
3 Must-Have Apps to Help You Remember Which of Your Kids Is Into Ballet Now, or Dinosaurs, or Something
How to Explain to Your Child’s Teacher That He’s Not Disruptive, He’s the Reincarnation of a 12th-Century Tibetan Lama
Relationships
Finding a Couples Therapist Who Will Always Take Your Side
The Best Organic Fiber Couches to Make Him Sleep on Tonight
How to Do “Sex”
Sitting Very Still & Staring Ahead Blankly: For Him and Her
Spirituality
How Quantum Physics Discovered That Nothing Actually Exists & What This Means for Your Cleanse
Are You Doing Yoga Wrong or Just Mostly Wrong?
Glop’s Resident Spiritual Advisor, Guelph, on How Suffering Is Inevitable in This Life
But Is Suffering Really Inevitable in My Life?
Create
Recipes
Appetizer: “Fish” “Tacos”
Meat: Roasted Chicken with Thrushed Nerfherders, Two Ways
Vegetable: Easy, Filling Asparagus-Quinoa-Sriracha-Vellum-Bee Clavicle-Bone Fragments from the Reliquary of Saint Abban Magheranoidhe Smoothie
Dessert: “Vanilla” “Ice Cream” Made with Rock Milk and Nut Gel
Entertaining
How to Find Locally Sourced, Sustainable Karaoke
Tips for Throwing a Party That Screams, “I Have Two Black Friends!”
How to Let Leonardo DiCaprio Know That Your Carbon Footprint Is Smaller Than His
G’s Favorite Party Games
Gain
Beauty
The Biggest Beauty Secret of All: Confidence (Also, Lasers)
G’s Personal Stash: Use Crystals to Distract Yourself from the So-Called “Realities” of Aging
How to Purchase Healthy, Nontoxic Makeup (from Glop)
3 Amazing Skin Products You Should Have Started Using 10 Years Ago and Now It’s Way Too Late for Them to Make Any Kind of Difference
How to Smell like Glop
Fashion
Socially Conscious Fashion: I’m Still Going to Wear Leather, Though, I Mean Come On
Everyday Basics That Cost $1,000 but You’d Understand Why if You Could You Could Touch Them (You Will Never Touch Them)
The Glop Guide to the Right Outfit for the Right Occasion
Solving the Cultural Appropriation Dilemma by Appropriating from Cultures That Don’t Exist
Home
The Only Bidets You’ll Ever Need
Décor I Would Never Personally Buy, but Maybe It Would Look Nice in Your Smaller Home?
How to Decorate the Wings of Your Home That You Have Closed Off
A Bunch of Expensive Fucking Pots, Just Because
Gifts
3 Gifts That Say, “Sting, I’m Sorry, Can We Talk? This Isn’t Easy for Me, Either”
7 Easy Hostess Gifts for the Woman Who Literally Has Everything
Birthday Gifts for Your Friend Who You Know Wants a Cartier Watch but You Don’t Think She Deserves It
What to Buy for Your Friend Who Lets Her Kids Eat White Flour
Kids!
4 Endangered Species Protection Society Memberships to Get Your Children Instead of What They Really Want
4 Best Caviarz for Kids
Family Fun Picks from My Children, Perforated Hespadrille and Choade
Look At
The Glop Guide to Spending a Ton of Money in Paris
10 Must-See TED Talks to Expand Your Horizons Without Ever Leaving Your Sensory Deprivation Chamber
How Will Glop Change Your Life?
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
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