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Index
Cover
Colophon
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Epigraph
PART ONE
1 GUN PLAY
2 POSSESSION
3 WHO YOU GONNA BELIEVE, ME OR YOUR LYING EYES?
4 TIME’S WINGED FEET
5 MUSKIE TALE
6 MY BROTHER’S ENABLER
7 MOBY DICK’S
8 SPOT REMOVER
9 THE LOST BOYS OF ELEVENTH AVE.
10 FUTURE SHOCK
11 A MAN IN FULL
12 PERP WALK
13 NUNS PRAYED FOR ME
14 TIME HEALS, TIME FORGETS
15 THE HOUSE OF MANY DOORS
16 THIS IS HOW WE ROLL
17 A CONFEDERACY OF JUNKIES
18 CRACK: A BRIEF TUTORIAL
19 WHEN ELEPHANTS DANCE
20 BAM BAM
21 DIAGNOSIS: NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE
22 BONGO, TONY THE HAT, AND STEVE
23 MUGGED: A COMIC TRAGEDY IN THREE ACTS
24 INCOMING
25 WELCOME TO THE FAMILY OF MAN
26 HAIL MARY
27 GOD SEES EVERYTHING, INCLUDING THE BLIND
28 SNOWSUITS
29 THE LAST WORST NIGHT
INTERMISSION
PART TWO
30 RX FOR GARBAGE HEADS
31 A FEARSOME GOODNESS
32 BOY ISLAND
33 MOTHER HENNEPIN LOOKS AFTER ONE OF HER OWN
34 THREE-QUARTERS OF THE WAY THERE
35 HEAVY IN THE GAME
36 A LARGE UNGUIDED MISSILE
37 MATERIAL WITNESS
38 A VERSION OF NORMAL
39 LESSER EVIL
40 CALL WAITING
41 NO, THANK YOU, BABY JESUS
42 POWER TRIO
43 TYPING TOWARD BETHLEHEM
44 CALL US BACK WHEN PIGS FLY
45 WARD CLEAVER’S LITTLE PROBLEM
46 STILL LIFE WITH ALIEN
47 THE VILLAGE PEOPLE
48 A SAVAGE LOVE
49 MY PLOT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD
50 SHAKING HANDS WITH THE FUTURE
51 WELCOME TO OUR NATION’S CAPITAL, YOU APRIL FOOL
52 THE SKUNK AT THE GARDEN PARTY
53 DAVID BOWIE DID NOT SING TO ME, BUT HE COULD HAVE
54 A COMMON STORY
55 THE NEEDS OF THE MANY
56 THE VILLAGE TAKES A HIT
57 ADDITIONAL RESEARCH
58 STUMBLEBUM
59 RE-LOADED
60 HALF-ZEIMERS
61 NOT NEARLY NORMAL
62 TRUE STORY
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
THE NIGHT OF THE GUN ONLINE
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