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ABOUT THE BOOK
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Also by Helen Fielding
PROLOGUE
Thursday 18 April 2013
PLENTY OF FUCKWITS
Thursday 18 April 2013 (continued)
THE ART OF CONCENTRATION
Friday 19 April 2013
DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
Friday 19 April 2013 (continued)
Mark Darcy 1956–2008
PART ONE
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2012 DIARY
Thursday 19 April 2012
A NEW START – A NEW ME
Friday 20 April 2012
SOCIAL MEDIA VIRGIN
Saturday 21 April 2012
Sunday 22 April 2012
Monday 23 April 2012
Tuesday 24 April 2012
Wednesday 25 April 2012
Tuesday 1 May 2012
Wednesday 2 May 2012
THE FLABBY DIAPHRAGM
Wednesday 9 May 2012
Thursday 10 May 2012
Thursday 17 May 2012
MAKEOVER!
Thursday 24 May 2012
Thursday 31 May 2012
Thursday 7 June 2012
Thursday 14 June 2012
Wednesday 20 June 2012
Wednesday 27 June 2012
Thursday 28 June 2012
Thursday 12 July 2012
Friday 13 July 2012
Tuesday 17 July 2012
Thursday 26 July 2012
Monday 30 July 2012
Tuesday 31 July 2012
Wednesday 1 August 2012
Thursday 2 August 2012
Friday 3 August 2012
Sunday 5 August 2012
Thursday 9 August 2012
Friday 10 August 2012
Thursday 16 August 2012
Thursday 23 August 2012
Monday 27 August 2012
SMUG MARRIED HELL
Saturday 1 September 2012
A PLAN
Sunday 2 September 2012
Wednesday 5 September 2012
A DANIEL IN SHINING ARMOUR
Wednesday 5 September 2012 (continued)
THE PERFECT BABYSITTER
Thursday 6 September 2012
THE STRONGHOLD
AFTERMATH
Friday 7 September 2012
WOMEN CHANGE THEIR MINDS
Saturday 8 September 2012
CRASHING WAVE
Sunday 9 September 2012
HOW NOT TO DO DATING
Wednesday 12 September 2012
FINE
NOT FINE
ANDY??
DO NOT GET CARRIED AWAY
TRY TO RETAIN SOME VESTIGE OF OBJECTIVITY
DO NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS OR FANTASIZE
ON THE FIRST DATE: LET HIM PAY
RESPOND TO WHAT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING, NOT WHAT YOU WISH WAS HAPPENING
IT WASN’T
DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO DISRUPT YOUR LIFE OR EQUILIBRIUM
Thursday 13 September 2012
DO NOT OBSESS OR FANTASIZE WHEN DRIVING
Friday 14 September 2012
DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO MAKE YOU GENERALLY DISTRACTED AND CRAZY
NOTICE HOW HE MAKES YOU FEEL. SOMEWHERE AMIDST LIST – ‘HORNY’, ‘TAKING STOMACH MEDICINE DUE TO ANXIETY’ – THERE SHOULD BE THE WORD ‘HAPPY’
THE NUMBER ONE KEY DATING RULE
Saturday 15 September 2012
DO NOT TEXT WHEN DRUNK
ALERT! ALERT! DO NOT EVEN OPEN WINE WITHOUT WRAPPING PHONE UP IN NOTE SAYING ‘NO TEXTING’ AND PUTTING ON HIGH SHELF
ALERT! ALERT!
DO NOT USE WORDS OF POP SONGS TO GUIDE BEHAVIOUR, ESPECIALLY WHEN DRUNK
DO NOT TEXT WHEN DRUNK
CONTINUING DATING INCOMPETENCE
Sunday 16 September 2012
ESCALATING DATING INCOMPETENCE
ON THE FIRST DATE – JUST GO ALONG WITH WHAT HE SUGGESTS
Wednesday 19 September 2012
DON’T MAKE IT ALL ABOUT THE BABYSITTER
Sunday 23 September 2012
DON’T PREARRANGE FIRST-TIME SEX
Monday 24 September 2012
Tuesday 25 September 2012
Saturday 29 September 2012
BE ON TIME, REMEMBERING THAT THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN CHANGING OUTFITS AND PUTTING ON MAKE-UP, RATHER LIKE WHEN CATCHING A PLANE
MAKE SURE YOU BOTH THINK YOU’RE GOING TO THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME
WHEN YOU ARRIVE, BE RELAXED AND SMILE, LIKE A GODDESS OF LIGHT AND CALM
DO NOT GET DRUNK OR OTHERWISE INTOXICATED
DO NOT TRY TO HAVE SEX BEFORE YOU’RE READY
DO NOT KEEP DISAPPEARING INTO THE TOILET FOR AGES OR HE WILL THINK YOU HAVE A DRUG OR DIGESTIVE PROBLEM
DO NOT CONFUSE HIM
YOU DECIDE WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE SEX, NOT HIM. DECIDE AND BE CLEAR ABOUT IT
DON’T CREATE PRESSURE
DON’T EXPRESS YOUR VULNERABILITIES. WAIT TILL THEY KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND
ALWAYS BE CLASSY, NEVER BE CRAZY
DON’T MAKE HIM FEEL CAGED
CREATE BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES
Sunday 30 September 2012
Friday 5 October 2012
Monday 8 October 2012
Tuesday 9 October 2012
IF HE PULLS AWAY, DON’T FIGHT IT. STEER INTO THE SKID
BE AUTHENTIC
Wednesday 10 October 2012
Friday 19 October 2012
Saturday 27 October 2012
Sunday 28 October 2012
DO NOT TEXT AT ODD TIMES OF DAY OR NIGHT IN MANNER OF STALKER
Friday 2 November 2012
INTENSIVE DATING STUDY
WALLOWING IN IT
Monday 26 November 2012
Sunday 2 December 2012
CHRISTMAS
Friday 7 December 2012
Monday 31 December 2012
PART TWO
2013 DIARY
Tuesday 1 January 2013
PERFECT MOTHER
Saturday 5 January 2013
A NEEDLE IN A TWITTERSTACK
Saturday 5 January 2013 (continued)
Sunday 6 January 2013
DO NOT TWEET WHEN DRUNK
Thursday 10 January 2013
TWUNKEN AFTERMATH
Friday 11 January 2013
SCREENWRITER
Monday 14 January 2013
Tuesday 15 January 2013
Wednesday 16 January 2013
LET IT SNOW!
Thursday 17 January 2013
Friday 18 January 2013
DO NOT TWEET ABOUT DATE DURING DATE
Sunday 20 January 2013
JUST GO ALONG WITH WHATEVER HE SUGGESTS
Tuesday 22 January 2013
DATE WITH TOY BOY
Tuesday 22 January 2013 (continued)
JOY MIXED WITH SICK
Tuesday 22 January 2013 (continued)
Wednesday 23 January 2013
GETTING TO SECOND DATE
Thursday 24 January 2013
HARD-HATS-OFFING!
Saturday 26 January 2013
THE BARNACLE’S PENIS
Saturday 26 January 2013 (continued)
TO SLEEP WITH OR NOT TO SLEEP WITH?
Wednesday 30 January 2013
Thursday 31 January 2013
Friday 1 February 2013
SECOND DATE WITH TOY BOY
Friday 1 February 2013 (continued)
DEFLOWERED
Saturday 2 February 2013
Sunday 3 February 2013
BACK IN THE PRESENT MOMENT
DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
Saturday 20 April 2013
Sunday 21 April 2013
POWER MOTHER
Monday 22 April 2013
NITS IN THE WORKS
Tuesday 23 April 2013
Wednesday 24 April 2013
Thursday 25 April 2013
NIT-INFESTERED POWER MEETING
Friday 26 April 2013
Saturday 27 April 2013
FIRE! FIRE!
Wednesday 1 May 2013
THE TROUBLE WITH SUMMER
Tuesday 7 May 2013
Wednesday 8 May 2013
Thursday 9 May 2013
Monday 13 May 2013
DIRECTION!
Tuesday 14 May 2013
Wednesday 15 May 2013
THE TROUBLE WITH OUTFITS
Thursday 16 May 2013
Friday 17 May 2013
HEADY GLAMOROUS TIMES
Monday 20 May 2013
TALITHA’S PARTY
PART THREE
HORRIBLE NO-GOOD VERY BAD DAY
Tuesday 4 June 2013
OVERSTUFFED LIVES
Wednesday 5 June 2013
Thursday 6 June 2013
MINI-BREAK OR BREAK-UP?
Saturday 8 June 2013
Sunday 9 June 2013
IS IT SNOW OR IS IT BLOSSOM?
Tuesday 11 June 2013
FRANTIC
Wednesday 12 June 2013
FARTING SPORTS DAY
Thursday 13 June 2013
THE DEEP FREEZE
Tuesday 18 June 2013
Friday 21 June 2013
THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR
Saturday 22 June 2013
THE YAWNING VOID
Monday 24 June 2013
Tuesday 25 June 2013
Wednesday 26 June 2013
Thursday 27 June 2013
Friday 28 June 2013
JUST THE WAY THEY ARE
Friday 28 June 2013 (continued)
LET’S FACE THE MUSIC AND TEA-DANCE
Saturday 29 June 2013
Sunday 30 June 2013
Monday 1 July 2013
GETTING ONLINE
Tuesday 2 July 2013
Wednesday 3 July 2013
KBO
Wednesday 3 July 2013 (continued)
THE SUMMER CONCERT
Thursday 4 July 2013
THE HORROR, THE HORROR
Friday 5 July 2013
MID-MATCH COLLISION
Friday 5 July 2013 (continued)
REKINDLING
Thursday 11 July 2013
BLIMEY
Saturday 13 July 2013
GIVING IN
Saturday 13 July 2013 (continued)
PART FOUR
SUMMER OF FUN
Saturday 31 August 2013
BACK TO SCHOOL
Friday 13 September 2013
Friday 27 September 2013
THE MIGHTY JUNGLE
Friday 18 October 2013
Monday 21 October 2013
PARENTS’ EVENING
Tuesday 5 November 2013
FIFTY SHADES OF OLD
Friday 22 November 2013
Saturday 23 November 2013
THE SOUND OF SHELLS CRACKING
Monday 25 November 2013
Tuesday 26 November 2013
A HERO WILL RISE
Friday 29 November 2013
’TIS THE SEASON
Monday 2 December 2013
Tuesday 3 December 2013
Wednesday 4 December 2013
Thursday 5 December 2013
THE CAROL CONCERT
Wednesday 11 December 2013
THE OWL
Thursday 12 December 2013
THE YEAR’S PROGRESS
Tuesday 31 December 2013
OUTCOME
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
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