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Index
Cover Praise for PLIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD About the Author Also by Matt Simon Title Page Copyright Dedication Contents Introduction: Welcome to the surreal world of the real-life living dead. 1. The First Rule of Zombification: You Do Not Want to Be a Zombie
This Might Sting a Little A Brief and Dare I Say Fascinating Story of the Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection If You Be My Bodyguard, I Can Be Your Long-Lost Manipulative Pal The Very Not Hungry Caterpillar
2. Nothing Brings the World Together Like Unsolicited Mind Control
The Zombie Ant: Chronicle of a Death Foretold Your Long-Lost Uncle, the Fungus Hey Sister, Go Sister, Soul Sister, Go Sister: Ain’t No Family Drama Like Ant Family Drama The Fungus Among Us Attack of the Zombie Unicorn Caterpillar and the Flying Salt Shaker of Death
3. When Life Gets Complicated, Life Gets Zombified
Disco Snails and the Ants That Would Be Berries That Time Crustaceans Clamped onto a Guy’s Leg Hairs and Began a Scientific Movement How to Get into the Business of Ruining Other Creatures’ Lives Evolution: Making Watches (of Sorts) Since 3.5 Billion Years BC Second Curse, Same as the First
4. No Creature Lives in a Vacuum, Not Even a Zombie
Parasites Warm the Heart of My Cockle You’re off the Hook This Time, Butterflies On the Road with Hitchhikers, Lucky Passengers, and Copilots
5. How to Succeed in Parasitism Without Really Dying
I’ve Got a Gut Feeling Insane in the Membrane (Insane in the Brain) It Ain’t Easy Being Mean I’ve Got a Parasite, and the Only Prescription Is More Fever
6. Dawn of the Sexually Undead
Barnacles: The Sexual Deviants of the Sea If a Bacterial Infection Changes Your Sex, It’s Probably Too Late for Antibiotics Sex Appeal
7. The Great Escape from the Umwelt
The Legendary Biologist Who Thought Darwin Was Full of Shit The Actuality of the Cave The Curious Case of the Bird That Smelled Kind of Funny Breaking the Sound Barrier
8. The Great Hacking of the Umwelt
Let’s Not Necessarily Get Physical The Inherent Poetry of Bumblebees Slaughtering Each Other That’s a Nice Family You’ve Got There. It’d Be a Shame If Someone Parasitized It. Bastardizing the Umwelt
9. The Brain-Hacked Mouse That Wore a Funny Hat and Destroyed the Notion of Free Will
Welcome to the Machine The Whole-Body Model of the Great Big Sham That Is Free Will
10. You, the Undead
Reality Bites As If You Needed Another Reason to Get a Dog Instead of a Cat Inside the Fallible Human Brain
11. End Times Acknowledgments Bibliography
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