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Index
Cover
Praise for PLIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
About the Author
Also by Matt Simon
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Contents
Introduction: Welcome to the surreal world of the real-life living dead.
1. The First Rule of Zombification: You Do Not Want to Be a Zombie
This Might Sting a Little
A Brief and Dare I Say Fascinating Story of the Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection
If You Be My Bodyguard, I Can Be Your Long-Lost Manipulative Pal
The Very Not Hungry Caterpillar
2. Nothing Brings the World Together Like Unsolicited Mind Control
The Zombie Ant: Chronicle of a Death Foretold
Your Long-Lost Uncle, the Fungus
Hey Sister, Go Sister, Soul Sister, Go Sister: Ain’t No Family Drama Like Ant Family Drama
The Fungus Among Us
Attack of the Zombie Unicorn Caterpillar and the Flying Salt Shaker of Death
3. When Life Gets Complicated, Life Gets Zombified
Disco Snails and the Ants That Would Be Berries
That Time Crustaceans Clamped onto a Guy’s Leg Hairs and Began a Scientific Movement
How to Get into the Business of Ruining Other Creatures’ Lives
Evolution: Making Watches (of Sorts) Since 3.5 Billion Years BC
Second Curse, Same as the First
4. No Creature Lives in a Vacuum, Not Even a Zombie
Parasites Warm the Heart of My Cockle
You’re off the Hook This Time, Butterflies
On the Road with Hitchhikers, Lucky Passengers, and Copilots
5. How to Succeed in Parasitism Without Really Dying
I’ve Got a Gut Feeling
Insane in the Membrane (Insane in the Brain)
It Ain’t Easy Being Mean
I’ve Got a Parasite, and the Only Prescription Is More Fever
6. Dawn of the Sexually Undead
Barnacles: The Sexual Deviants of the Sea
If a Bacterial Infection Changes Your Sex, It’s Probably Too Late for Antibiotics
Sex Appeal
7. The Great Escape from the Umwelt
The Legendary Biologist Who Thought Darwin Was Full of Shit
The Actuality of the Cave
The Curious Case of the Bird That Smelled Kind of Funny
Breaking the Sound Barrier
8. The Great Hacking of the Umwelt
Let’s Not Necessarily Get Physical
The Inherent Poetry of Bumblebees Slaughtering Each Other
That’s a Nice Family You’ve Got There. It’d Be a Shame If Someone Parasitized It.
Bastardizing the Umwelt
9. The Brain-Hacked Mouse That Wore a Funny Hat and Destroyed the Notion of Free Will
Welcome to the Machine
The Whole-Body Model of the Great Big Sham That Is Free Will
10. You, the Undead
Reality Bites
As If You Needed Another Reason to Get a Dog Instead of a Cat
Inside the Fallible Human Brain
11. End Times
Acknowledgments
Bibliography
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