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COVER PAGE
TITLE PAGE
COPYRIGHT PAGE
DEDICATION
CONTENTS
‘NO POINT IN LOSING YOUR HEAD, ISLA, IF PEOPLE WON’T HELP YOU LOOK FOR IT.’
‘THE ROAD TO SUCCESS IS A BUMPY ONE, ISLA, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR FATHER IS DRIVING.’
‘GLOBAL WARMING MY BACKSIDE, ISLA! IF WE GET ANY MORE RAIN IN GLASGOW THIS YEAR, WE’LL NEED AN ARK.’
‘TOO MANY COOKS SPOIL THE BROTH, BUT IF YOU’RE DOING THE COOKING, ISLA, ONE WILL DO JUST AS WELL.’
‘LEARN TO CLOSE YOUR GOB, ISLA, OR YOUR BRAIN MIGHT DO A RUNNER.’
‘IF DADS ARE THE HEADS OF THEIR FAMILIES, ISLA, MUMS ARE THE FEET. IT’S HARD TO GIVE YOUR KIDS A KICK UP THE BUM WITH YOUR NOGGIN.’
‘IF IT LOOKS LIKE A HORSE AND SMELLS LIKE A HORSE, IT’S PROBABLY A DONKEY.’
‘THEY SAY YOUR LIFE FLASHES BEFORE YOUR EYES WHEN YOU DROWN, ISLA, SO IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DIE BORED, LEARN TO SWIM.’
‘EMBARRASSMENT IS A STATE OF MIND, ISLA. YOUR STATE, LINGERING MUCH LONGER THAN YOU’D LIKE IT TO IN OTHER PEOPLE’S MINDS.’
‘WINDOW-SHOPPING IS A WASTE OF TIME, ISLA, IF YOU LIVE IN A TENT.’
‘A BIRD IN THE HAND COULD CRAP ON YOUR FINGERS, ISLA. I’D ALWAYS CHOOSE TWO IN THE BUSH.’
‘IF YOU MUST CHOOSE BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE, ISLA, PICK THE ROCK THEN THROW IT AT THE PERSON WHO GOT YOU INTO THE MESS TO BEGIN WITH.’
‘THE PROBLEM WITH TERRY IS TERRY.’
‘I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THIS FOREIGN KARMA THING, ISLA, BUT HERE IN SCOTLAND WE ALL KNOW THAT WHAT’S FOR YOU WON’T GO BY YOU.’
‘ISLA, NEVER STAND DIRECTLY BEHIND A PERSON WHO’S TAKING A BULL BY THE HORNS!’
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