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Index
Cover Page
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Contents
Prologue
1. Let the Anxiety Commence
2. How to Exploit an Unborn Baby
3. A Twenty-pound Basketball With Legs and Arms
4. Dressing Like a Concubine in Humpty Dumpty's Harem
5. Labor to the Tune of Janet Jackson's Nipple
6. You Have to Feed the Baby...Through Your Boobs
7. Sympathy for the World
8. It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Pokes Their Eye Out With a Baby
9. The Dive That Turned Into a Belly Flop
10. Your Biological Clock Is a Dumbass
11. Other Mothers: Your Harshest Critics
12. Trusting the Wisdom of a Dog
13. Finally, Proof That I Was in the Room When She Was Conceived
14. Heather, Interrupted
15. Her Screamness Who Screams a Lot Every Day With the Screaming
16. If Your Wife Is Pregnant, You Might Want to Skip This One
17. My Arms Spread Completely Wide
18. I Never Thought I Would Become This Woman
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Photographic Insert
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