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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
Title Page
Note to Readers
Dedication
Contents
1. The Magnetic Power of Master Conflicts
The Pros and Cons of the Master Conflict
The Psychological Basis
Key Facts About Master Conflicts
2. The Most Common Master Conflicts
Power vs. Passivity
Where Elliot’s master conflict comes from
Where Marissa’s master conflict comes from
Getting Your Needs Met vs. Caretaking
Where Michelle’s master conflict comes from
Where Tim’s master conflict comes from
Closeness vs. Distance
Where Jeremy’s master conflict comes from
Where Belinda’s master conflict comes from
Conformity vs. Rebellion
Where Samantha’s master conflict comes from
Where Vince’s master conflict comes from
Justice vs. Injustice
Where Gerry’s master conflict comes from
Where Marlene’s master conflict comes from
Success vs. Sabotage (Big vs. Small)
Where Paul’s master conflict comes from
Where Shari’s master conflict comes from
Specialness vs. Ordinariness
Where Nicholas’s master conflict comes from
Where Sophia’s master conflict comes from
Adequacy vs. Inadequacy
Where Ken’s master conflict comes from
Where Molly’s master conflict comes from
Control vs. Chaos (Control vs. Out of Control)
Where Todd’s master conflict comes from
Where Ginny’s master conflict comes from
Legitimacy vs. Illegitimacy
Where Carol’s master conflict comes from
Where George’s master conflict comes from
Person vs. Object
Where Kirk’s master conflict comes from
Where Kristen’s master conflict comes from
Master Conflict List
3. The Origin of Your Master Conflict
The Three Major Sources of the Master Conflict
The Role of the Player (Active Participant)
The Role of the Witness (Passive Participant)
The Role of the Family Trauma
Birds of a Feather? Siblings and Their Master Conflicts
Negative Experiences in Adulthood and the Master Conflict
Life Can Be Good: Positive Experiences in Adulthood and the Master Conflict
The Relationship Developmental Life Cycle and the Master Conflict
Young Couple
Midlife Couple
Senior Couple
Your Portable Master Conflict
Family of Origin Impact Test
Family of Origin Trauma List
External Life Event Impact Test
External Life Trauma List
4. The Defenses We Use
A Therapist’s Tale
The Past Is Too Easy to Repeat
5. The Big Three: Sex, Money, In-Laws and Your Master Conflict
Trouble in the Bedroom: Your Master Conflict and Sex
What’s Behind Your Financial Problems: Your Master Conflict and Money
Problems With Your Partner’s Parents: Your Master Conflict and Your In-Laws
Control and Manipulation
Intrusive
Rejecting
Undependable or Unsupportive
6. Pinning Down Your Master Conflict
Find Your Circular Relationship Pattern
Examine Your Feelings
Check for Overreactions
Overreaction Checklist
Also Consider Underreactions
Underreaction Checklist
Watch for Contradictory and Irrational Behavior
Examine Your Master Conflict Outside Your Relationship
Check With Your Siblings
7. Managing Your Master Conflict, or Moving On
If You Decide to Break Apart
Choosing a New Partner: Doing It Better the Next Time
Last Thoughts
Acknowledgments
Index
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
L
M
N
O
P
R
S
T
U
V
W
Y
Z
About the Author
Footnote
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