Log In
Or create an account ->
Imperial Library
Home
About
News
Upload
Forum
Help
Login/SignUp
Index
Title
Copyright
Contents
Introduction
Part One: The Basics
1. What is cancer?
2. How is cancer treated?
3. What can I say to people who have cancer? What shouldn’t I say?
4. How do I offer to help a person with cancer?
5. What does it mean to be a “caregiver”?
6. Why did I become the caregiver?
Part Two: Managing Medical Treatment and Care
7. We have met so many people involved in my wife’s care. Who are all these people, and what do they do?
8. Who is the best doctor to treat this cancer? How do I find that doctor?
9. When should we seek a second opinion?
10. Between appointments, my wife and I think of many important questions to ask the doctor, but when we finally get into the exam room, I get intimidated and distracted. How can I be more relaxed and better express myself to the medical team?
11. My wife and I don’t speak English well. What can we do to make sure this doesn’t become a problem?
12. Playing the “hurry up and wait” game—why does it take so long to do a workup or to see the doctor?
13. Where can I find reliable information about cancer?
14. Are chat rooms and Internet postings good places to look for information?
15. It seems the more we find out, the more questions we have. Can too much information be a problem?
16. What are clinical trials? How do we locate appropriate trials?
17. Is it better to be in a clinical trial rather than standard treatment?
18. Will my insurance pay for treatment in a clinical trial?
19. How do I know whether we are making the best treatment decisions?
20. My husband says he would rather die than live with the surgery the doctors suggest. Can’t he just let his disease take its natural course without subjecting himself to this treatment?
21. My adult daughter always seems to be complaining of being in pain or fatigue and generally not feeling well. I don’t think she is trying hard enough. Are her “unseen” symptoms real? If so, what can I do to help her?
22. I sometimes feel that I am doing too much for my father. The doctors and the physical therapist say he needs to do more for himself, including walking, preparing meals, and other things. How can I allow my father to do these things without feeling that I am neglecting him?
23. What is the difference between alternative and complementary medicine?
24. What will the doctor think if my loved one uses alternative or complementary techniques? Should I tell the doctor?
25. How do I know that my father is eating a healthy diet?
26. My mother is losing weight. I am feeling so frustrated. How can I get her to eat more?
Part Three: Helping Your Loved One Cope
27. Our lives have been out of control since my partner was diagnosed with cancer. How can we regain some control?
28. Did stress or depression cause the cancer?
29. I have heard that “positive thinking” can help cure cancer. Does this mean I should discourage my wife from thinking negatively?
30. How do I help my loved one better manage the emotional “ups” and “downs”?
31. After being diagnosed with cancer, my husband had a variety of emotional reactions. Is this normal, or is he going crazy on top of having cancer?
32. Who is at higher risk to experience difficulties in coping with cancer?
33. How do I know if the distress has reached such a level that my loved one needs professional help?
34. How do I help my partner manage the stress? The cancer diagnosis, upcoming surgery, and possible chemotherapy and radiation therapy all seem so overwhelming. Where do I begin?
35. I’ve heard that exercise can reduce stress. But won’t it use up energy my spouse should use to fight the cancer?
36. What can help my loved one to relax during treatments and tests?
37. My husband has very little to say abou this cancer, other than, “The doctors will take care of it.” How do I break through his denial?
38. What about God and religion? Will it help to discuss these things now?
39. After telling my wife she had cancer, one of the first things the doctor suggested was that she stop smoking. She’s tried in the past, but it hasn’t worked. How can I help her?
Part Four: Caring for Yourself
40. Lately I seem to think a lot about other bad things that have happened to me in my life. I don’t usually dwell on the past. Is something wrong with me now?
41. Thinking about the future and everything that has to be done—how can I manage this practically?
42. Am I getting “burned out”? What are the signs, and how do you prevent caregiver burnout?
43. I have not seen my friends for weeks. Sometimes I feel that I just need to get away from the hospital, doctors, and the cancer for a while. How can I do this without feeling too guilty?
44. Even though I feel overwhelmed, I don’t think it’s right to think of my needs right now. Shouldn’t I be doing everything possible to help the patient?
45. What are support groups and how can they help me? If I decide to try out a group, how do I locate one right for me?
46. I am not really interested in attending a group or talking with a bunch of peoplea bout my caregiver concerns. Where do I find other caregivers with whom I can talk one-on-one?
47. Despite the fact that my son was diagnosed with cancer almost two months ago, I constantly think about his cancer and feel down much of the time. What should I do? Would counseling help?
48. Should I consider using medications to help my depression and anxiety?
Part Five: Relationship and Family Issues
49. Why is this so frustrating for the both of us?
50. How do I get away from feeling that the cancer is our entire life?
51. With the doctor’s appointments, the chemotherapy, and all the changes in our lives, both my husband and I seem to “blow up” at the smallest thing. How do we handle this?
52. How can I be “strong” and supportive with my spouse while continuing to cope with my own reactions to this diagnosis?
53. Am I a spouse, or am I a caregiver?
54. I feel that my husband and I are growing apart since his cancer diagnosis. Why is this happening?
55. What techniques can I use to deal with sexual changes associated with cancer?
56. We want to have children in the future. Is this possible after cancer?
57. The doctor told me some news about my mother’s cancer; should I tell her? Wouldn’t it be better not to tell her and avoid upsetting her?
58. I have two children. I don’t want to tell them about my wife’s diagnosis and surgery because I don’t want to upset them. I can barely handle this myself, so how can they cope with the cancer? Should I tell them about the cancer, and if so, how much?
59. Is it okay to bring a child to the hospital?
60. Our children haven’t said much since their father was diagnosed with cancer, but we’ve noticed that they’re trying almost too hard to help out at home, which is definitely a change. Is this normal?
61. What if my child asks: “Is Mommy going to die?”
62. How do I know if my children are having problems coping?
63. My friend is a single mother of two young children. Even though she is doing fine medically since her cancer diagnosis, she would like to make plans for the care of the children if something should happen to her. Is this possible? If so, what do I do to help her?
64. My husband is not sure whether he wants to tell anyone about his diagnosis. I believe that I have to let some family members and friends know what’s going on. Whom do I tell, what do I tell them, and how will they react?
65. I heard that my wife’s cancer may be genetically related. Do other family members have to be told? Should they be encouraged to be tested for cancer themselves?
66. Since my spouse’s diagnosis, it seems that our family has really changed. We have each risen to the challenge, but how much change is good for our family, and how can we keep things as normal as possible?
67. Like any family, we have members who don’t get along, complicated by long-term, unresolved problems, divorces, etc. Is there any way to minimize these tensions, at least while we are dealing with this cancer?
68. My partner and I are in a committed relationship, but are not married. How will this affect us?
69. Now that my wife has completed cancer treatment, how do we move forward with our lives?
Part Six: Home Care, Medical Equipment, Placement, and Other Practical Matters
70. What is home care? What can we expect from home care after surgery and during other treatments?
71. My husband just had colon surgery, and we were just told by the doctor that he no longer needs to stay in the hospital. Are we really going to be able to manage his care at home?
72. Can we get a hospital bed for my husband when he returns home from the hospital?
73. My mother can barely get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Even though we’ve hired an aide to help her at home during part of the day, I’m really concerned about her safety when she’s alone. What should we do?
74. What is a skilled nursing facility? How does my father get into one?
75. The doctors want my husband to get radiation therapy for the next six weeks, five days a week. I don’t drive, and I’m afraid my husband won’t feel well enough after his treatments to drive himself. How is he going to get back and forth for his treatments?
Part Seven: Insurance Issues
76. How can we protect our family financially while being faced with expensive treatments for cancer?
77. What is Medicare?
78. What is Medicaid?
79. What if the patient does not qualify for Medicaid?
80. Prescription drug coverage is getting so expensive, even though we have insurance. Is there anything I can do to reduce this expense?
81. What are some tips on negotiating with my partner’s insurance company?
82. What if insurance denies a claim?
Part Eight: Work Concerns
83. What is the difference between Social Security Disability (SSD), Supplemental Security Income (SSI), Social Security (SS), and public assistance (welfare)? How cansome one apply?
84. Whom should I tell at work that my family member has cancer?
85. How should patients negotiate for sick leave or disability leave from work? Also, how do I negotiate for time off from work to be with my family member for medical appointments and to help her at home?
86. I have to go to work for financial reasons, but I feel so bad about leaving my husband to go to medical appointments without me. How can I do my job and not feel so guilty?
87. Will my partner be able to continue working during radiation therapy and chemotherapy?
88. Is my family member protected from workplace discrimination?
Part Nine: Emotional Reactions and Practical Concerns About Death and Dying
89. Is thinking about death bad luck? Although he doesn’t talk much about it, I know my husband has been thinking about death and dying since the doctors first suspected he might have cancer. How much is normal?
90. The doctors say there is nothing more they can do to treat my wife’s cancer. What do I do now? Just give up?
91. Even though my husband is still alive, I find myself thinking about my life after he dies. Somehow, this doesn’t seem right—is it wrong to have these kinds of thoughts?
92. What is hospice?
93. Is making “quality of life” the goal going to shorten my husband’s life?
94. What is a healthcare proxy and living will?
95. What is a DNR order?
96. Even though we talked about it, I don’t know if I can make a “life or death decision” for my husband. Would it be so terrible just to let nature take its course?
97. What do I do now that my loved one is dying?
98. What do I do now that my loved one has died?
99. What are the tasks of grieving, and what does it feel like?
100. Where can I find more information?
Appendix
Glossary
Index
← Prev
Back
Next →
← Prev
Back
Next →