Total Redneck Manual by Nickens, T. Edward -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Front Cover Title Page Contents FROM THE EDITOR WHAT IS A REDNECK? HUNTING

SMALL GAME

001 KNOW YOUR SQUIRREL DOGS 002 CALL SQUIRRELS WITH STUFF IN YOUR JUNK DRAWER 003 BARK A SQUIRREL 004 MAKE A SQUIRREL TOTE 005 PIMP YOUR .22 006 GO PRONE FOR TREE TOPPERS 007 EAT SQUIRREL BRAINS 008 SELL A LITTLE TAIL FOR POCKET MONEY 009 MAKE A CAJUN SQUIRREL SKINNER 010 PRESERVE A SQUIRREL TAIL 011 TAKE A BUNNY STAND 012 BUILD A RABBIT GUM 013 HANG A SWAMP RABBIT 014 SPEAK LIKE A HOUNDSMAN 015 HUNT A JUNKYARD 016 TOTE A SINGLE SHOT 017 KNOW YOUR HOUNDS

BIG GAME

018 HUNT A 20-ACRE WOODS 019 MOVE A BUDDY STAND 020 PEE FROM A TREE 021 SHOOT A BUCK OVER BAIT 022 GRAB A BUCK BY THE OYSTERS 023 MAKE RATTLING ANTLERS 024 FIX YOUR BOW WITH DENTAL FLOSS 025 KNOW YOUR X-BOW 026 SPIT-TUNE A MUZZLELOADER 027 AGE VENISON IN A COOLER 028 MAKE A UTILITY TABLE BUTCHER SHOP 029 SHOOT A DEER IN FRONT OF DOGS 030 DRAG A DOE WITH A STICK 031 MAKE YOUR OWN COVER SCENTS 032 PUT ON AN OLD-SCHOOL DEER DRIVE 033 MAKE MEAT 034 LOAD A DEER BY YOURSELF 035 HUNT A SWAMP BUCK 036 FRY UP THE BEST ELK EVER 037 SPEAK CRITTER 038 DON’T OVERTHINK IT 039 KNOW YOUR HORSE 040 LOSE THE GUT 041 DECOY A PRONGHORN 042 TAPE YOUR GATORS 043 BE A REDNECK GOURMET 044 SNATCH A BEARD 045 BLOW A WINGBONE YELPER 046 KILL THE FARM BIRD 047 DRY A FAN 048 MAKE A MOCK DUSTING BOWL 049 BLITZ A MOUNTAIN BIRD 050 PICK A HEN FIGHT 051 DOUBLE LIKE A PRO 052 COOK GOBBLER HOT WINGS 053 SWITCH IT UP WITH AN OLD-SCHOOL CALL 054 FRY A BIRD WHOLE 055 KNOW YOUR TARGET 056 SHOOT A ROTISSERIE PIGLET 057 STICK A WILD PIG 058 READ SWINE SIGN 059 PULL OFF A BEAR DRIVE 060 BAIT A BEAR WITH BACON 061 KILL A BEAR WITH AN $8 KNIFE 062 KNOW WHERE THE BIG BEARS LIVE

UPLAND BIRDS

063 HUNT DITCH PARROTS WITHOUT A DOG 064 MASTER THE GROUND SWAT 065 TEACH A DOG TO TRAIL 066 PREPARE A DOVE FEAST 067 AMBUSH BIRDS AT PONDS AND PINES 068 SHOOT FOR THE BEST DAY 069 PUT BIRDS ON A WIRE 070 BE A SWINGER 071 KNOW WHAT YOUR BIRD DOG SAYS ABOUT YOU

WATERFOWL

072 CLEAN A DUCK CALL 073 COOK DUCK ON A STICK 074 KNOW THE RULES OF PUBLIC LAND 075 SHOOT BEAVER-SWAMP DUCKS 076 MAKE A CANOE VANISH 077 LEARN TO LOVE A SMILING MALLARD 078 HUNT YARD BIRDS 079 ROCK A PIRATE’S DUCK HEAD

SHOOT SOME VARMINTS

080 HUNT ’YOTES DURING DEER SEASON 081 MASTER THE COYOTE KISS 082 DIAL IN A COYOTE SHOTGUN 083 BE A CAT CALLER 084 ENJOY ROAST BEEF OF THE CREEK 085 FIGHT A CHIGGER BITE 086 SQUALL DOWN A COON 087 SHOOT FROM A TRUCK HOOD

FISHING

PANFISH

088 PULL THE LONG LINES 089 FIGHT ’EM TIGHT 090 CATCH BIG GIRLS WITH A SPIDER RIG 091 KICK IT WITH SWIMBAITS 092 MAKE A CRAPPIE LOVE NEST 093 HOLD THE MINNOWS 094 KEEP A WORM BED 095 GO TO BED 096 MAKE A BREAM PEE 097 ’CRACKER THE CODE 098 FISH LIKE THEY DO IN L.A. (NO, NOT THAT ONE) 099 SHOP LOCAL 100 CHUM BREAM WITH MAGGOTS 101 BE A BASKET CASE 102 MAKE A BLUEGILL POPPER FROM A WINE CORK 103 FISH A CORK RIG FOR RIVER REDBREAST 104 SPOTLIGHT WHITE BASS 105 FISH THE DEPTHS FOR ELEPHANTS 106 AMBUSH SPAWNING WHITE BASS

CATFISH

107 FISH THE BENDS 108 LEARN TO LOVE LILY PADS 109 CATCH CATFISH WITH LINGERIE 110 GO NOODLING 111 LEARN SOME WRASSLIN’ MOVES 112 GET THE HOTS FOR CATS 113 SPEAK THE LOCAL LINGO 114 GET THE GEAR 115 GET THE LOW DOWN 116 MAKE A SURVIVAL BUSH HOOK 117 MAKE A POOL NOODLE JUGLINE 118 CHUM FOR POND CATS 119 EAT A CAT BELLY 120 MAKE GLOWING LIMBLINES 121 CATCH LIVE BAIT WITH YOUR HANDS 122 BAG BAIT IN BULK

BASS

123 TAKE A HERO SHOT 124 HELP YOUR KID BUILD A BASS PLUG 125 CRANK A RUBBER CRAYFISH 126 STEER A SHINER TO A BIG HAWG 127 TAKE A DATE FISHING 128 FISH A GOLF COURSE 129 ID A GREAT BASS POND 130 WIN THE LOCAL DERBY 131 TWITCH CYPRESS KNEES 132 NIGHT FISH FOR LARGEMOUTHS 133 CATCH A POND LUNKER 134 ’NECK UP A PORK RIND

SNAKES AND SMALLMOUTHS

135 WIN A SLIME FIGHT WITH AN EEL 136 HOOK A LANDLOCKED ROCKFISH 137 SURF-CAST LIKE A CANNON 138 FISH A BASS ORGY

TROUT AND FLIES

139 EMBRACE POWERBAIT 140 SERVE FISH A CASSEROLE 141 SHOW THEM THE SIZZLE 142 FISH A SURE THING 143 DITCH YOUR TREBLES 144 GO TINY WITH A CASTING BUBBLE 145 CATCH A NIGHT MONSTER 146 COOK TROUT ON A STICK 147 FISH A BREAM BED 148 HUNT FOR FLY-TYING MATERIALS 149 GEAR UP 150 TEACH A KID TO FLYFISH 151 PREP YOUR LESSON PLAN 152 TIE A FLY WITH TRUCK TRASH

FISH WITH TEETH

153 TWITCH UP CHAINED LIGHTNING 154 RIP HEAVY METAL FOR MUSKIES 155 CATCH A PINT-SIZE WATER WOLF 156 MAKE A DAM JIG 157 FISH A LEECH 158 HEAD SOUTH FOR YOUR TROPHY 159 HAND-LINE A BIG WALLEYE

LEARN TO LOVE TRASH

160 BUILD A BOWFISHING RIG 161 BEAT THE DRUM 162 FIND THE BEST CARP 163 TRY GAR BALLS 164 TRICK OUT A BOAT 165 WRASSLE A MUDFISH 166 CATCH GAR ON A ROPE 167 GIG A SUCKER

GUNS, GRUB & FUN

PARENTING

168 TEACH YOUR KID TO CATCH A SNAKE 169 SAVE YOUR LURES FROM YOUR LITTLE ONES 170 TEACH A KID THE SEVEN FARTS 171 LEARN TO POOP IN THE WOODS 172 GET A REDNECK KID TO EXERCIZE 173 TEACH A KID TO DRIVE A STICK 174 WATCH OUT FOR ROCKS 175 TEACH A KID TO BACK A TRAILER

COOKING & DRINKING

176 OPEN A BEER WITH ANYTHING 177 PAIR YOUR BEERS RIGHT 178 MAKE A BEER CAP FISHING LURE 179 TEACH A DOG TO FETCH A BEER 180 ASK FOR LEMONADE 181 MAKE STRAWBERRY SCHNAPPS 182 HAVE A BLACK-PAN SPA DAY 183 SKIP THE SUPERMARKET 184 BREW MUSCADINE WINE 185 MAKE CAMP BISCUITS 186 WHIP UP RED-EYE GRAVY 187 GET TO THE HEART OF IT 188 KNOW YOUR GAS STATION CUISINE 189 MAKE SOME JERKY 190 BOIL MUD BUGS

GUNS & KNIVES

191 BUILD YOUR KNIFE COLLECTION 192 KNOW THE BOWIE KNIFE 193 CRAFT A PVC RIFLE REST 194 TURN A PISTOL INTO A SHOTGUN 195 SIGHT IN ON THE CHEAP 196 THROW A KNIFE 197 UP YOUR PLINKING GAME 198 DO MORE WITH DUCT TAPE 199 GET MORE OUT OF PARACORD

ON THE FARM

200 GET A TRACTOR DEAL 201 BURN IT DOWN 202 BREAK IT UP 203 HOOK UP A 3-POINT IMPLEMENT ON YOUR OWN 204 SHARPEN A CHAINSAW 205 USE A TIRE CHOP-BLOCK 206 RIG ANYTHING

BACK 40

207 PEE IN A BOTTLE 208 PICK A TICK 209 MAKE A TRUCK STICK 210 SIPHON GAS 211 DIAGNOSE A DEAD ENGINE 212 BUILD THE .44 MAGNUM OF BONFIRES 213 GET YOUR AXE BACK TO WORK 214 WHITTLE LIKE AN OLD-TIMER 215 DECORATE WITH DEER ANTLERS 216 SPIT ON THE FIRE 217 MAKE A BEER-CAN SPITTOON 218 STOCK A REDNECK MAMA’S TOOLKIT 219 ROCK CROCS WITH PRIDE 220 LEARN SKINNY-DIPPING 101 221 DIVERSIFY YOUR REDNECK PORTFOLIO

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