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Index
Cover
Contents
Introduction
Emotional Pain: Typical or Overwhelming?
What Causes Emotion Dysregulation?
Biology
Environment
Effects of Emotion Dysregulation
Not Knowing Who You Are
Problems in Relationships
Unhealthy or Destructive Behaviors
What Is Dialectical Behavior Therapy?
Your Next Steps
Chapter 1: Mindfulness: Waking Up to Your Life
What Is Mindfulness?
Focusing on the Present Moment
Accepting the Present Moment
How Mindfulness Will Help You Survive the Emotional Roller Coaster
Reducing Emotional Pain
Increasing Positive Emotions
Feeling Calm and Relaxed
Increasing Self-Control
Improving Concentration and Memory
Finding Balance
How to Practice Mindfulness
Four Steps to Mindfulness
Narrating or Witnessing
Internal vs. External Experiences
Developing Your Own Practice
Your Next Steps
Chapter 2: What You Need to Know About Your Emotions
What Is an Emotion?
Naming Your Emotions in Order to Manage Them
Getting to Know Your Emotions
Anger
Fear
Sadness
Shame or Guilt
Love
Happiness
The Role of Emotions
Motivation
Information
Communication
The Connection Between Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors
The Role of Interpretations
Thoughts and Emotions Are Not Facts
Your Next Steps
Chapter 3: Slowing Down the Emotional Roller Coaster
Three Ways of Thinking
Emotional Self
Reasoning Self
Wise Self
Finding Balance
How to Get to Your Wise Self
Increasing Self-Awareness
Narrating or Witnessing Your Experience
Breathing Well
Your Physical Health Can Affect Your Thinking Style
Balancing Sleep
Get Comfortable
Reduce Caffeine and Other Stimulants
Balancing Eating
Reducing (or Eliminating) Use of Drugs and Alcohol
Increasing Exercise
Taking Care of Yourself Physically
Your Next Steps
Chapter 4: Leaving the Judgments Out of It
Being Nonjudgmental to Quiet Intense Emotions
What Is a Judgment?
Practicing Mindfulness to Judgments
The Consequences of Judging
Judging Makes You More Vulnerable to Your Emotional Self
Judging Others Affects Relationships
Judging Doesn’t Provide Helpful Information
Self-Judgments Damage Self-Esteem
Some Judgments Are Necessary
Judgments vs. Evaluations
Positive Judgments
What to Do About Judgments
Increasing Awareness
Turning a Judgment into a Nonjudgment
Your Next Steps
Chapter 5: Dealing with Intense Emotions
Messages About Emotions
“Anger Is Bad”
“Don’t Worry”
“There’s Nothing for You to Feel Sad About”
How Your Beliefs Affect the Way You Feel: Primary vs. Secondary Emotions
Validating Your Emotions
Acknowledging
Allowing
Understanding
Your Next Steps
Chapter 6: Stop Letting Your Emotions Get in the Way
What Does It Mean to Be Effective?
Considering Your Goals
“Don’t Cut Off Your Nose to Spite Your Face”
Acting from Your Wise Self
Acting Opposite to Your Emotion
Obstacles to Effectiveness
Not Knowing What Your Goal Is
Not Responding to Reality
Not Looking at the Long Run
What Does This Skill Mean for You?
Your Next Steps
Chapter 7: Accepting Reality
What Does Fighting Reality Mean?
Pain vs. Suffering
Reality Acceptance
What Does Accepting Reality Mean?
Practicing Reality Acceptance
What Acceptance Isn’t
Acceptance Doesn’t Mean Approval
Acceptance Doesn’t Mean Forgiveness
Acceptance Doesn’t Mean You Give Up
You Can Accept Only What Is Reality
Was That Really Acceptance?
What Do You Need to Accept?
Your Next Steps
Chapter 8: Surviving a Crisis Without Making It Worse
What Is a Crisis?
What to Do in a Crisis
What Do You Do to Cope?
Thinking About the Consequences
Using What’s Worked Before
Distracting Yourself from the Crisis
Soothing Yourself
Dealing with Distressing Thoughts
Using Mindfulness to Let Go of Thoughts
Reframing
Encourage Yourself
Compare
Putting These Skills Together
Your Next Steps
Chapter 9: The Building Blocks for Positive Emotions
Improving Your Mood Takes Work
Seeing the Positives
Having Goals to Work Toward
Pleasurable Activities
Building Mastery
Just Do It!
Being Mindful of Your Emotions
Validating Your Emotions
Your Next Steps
Chapter 10: Improving the Relationships in Your Life
How Healthy Are You in Relationships?
Who’s in Your Life Already?
Taking Care of Current Relationships
Communication Is Key
How to Be Assertive
Mindfully Listening to the Other Person
Being Nonjudgmental
Validating
Acting According to Your Morals and Values
Having Healthy Limits
Balancing the Give and Take
How to Set Limits
Increasing Friendships
What Gets in the Way?
Deepening Current Relationships
Rekindling Old Friendships
Looking for New Friendships
Your Next Steps
Conclusion
Making a Plan
Cheerleading Yourself!
Asking for Help
Being Patient
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