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Index
Cover
Also by Kathy Lette
Title Page
Copyright
About the Book
Contents
Dedication
Epigraph
1. Introduction: The Pitter Pitter Pat of Tiny Crows’ Feet
2. Are you Sure You Need Only One Cake For All Those Candles?
3. Medics! We Have Incoming!
4. Too Old to Lambada, Too Young To Die
5. If I Can’t Have It All, Can I At Least Have Some of Hers?
6. You Turn Me On Like a Cuisinart, Baby
7. When You Wish Upon A Michelin Star
8. Many a True Word Is Spoken Ingest
9. It Is as Bad as It Gets and They Are Out to Get You
10. Husband Uncertainty Syndrome
11. Never Darken My Dior Again
12. Having Your Cake and Not Eating It Too
13. What Am I? A Hamster?
14. Is That A Wallet in Your Pocket or Are You Just Pleased to See Me?
15. Long Day’s Journey into Shite
16. With a Husband Like Mine, Who Needs Enemas?
17. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Marriage! It Smells, Tastes, Looks and Spreads Like Marriage, But It Just Isn’t
18. The Night Is Young, but You Are Not
19. A Stitch in Time – Now That Really Would Have Confused Einstein
20. All Stressed Out With No One To Kill
21. Say Goodbye To Childhood, Hello To Adultery
22. Sigmund Freud Floor – Neurosis, Psychosis, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Delusions of Normality And Ladies’ Lingerie, All Exit, Please
23. Shopping and Tucking
24. Ladies and Gentlemen, Due to Illness, Tonight the Part of Lizzie McPhee Will Be Played by Pamela Anderson … Now Sit Back and Enjoy the Show
25. ‘I’m a Natural Blonde, So Please Speak Slowly’
26. The Boobed Job
27. I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Almost Like You’re Here
28. Relying on the Kindness of Passing Serial Killers
29. Premature Cremation
30. That Was Then, This Is Noir
31. Ugliness Is In The Eye of the Beholder: Get It Out With Optrex
Acknowledgements
About the Author
An Invitation from the Publisher
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