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Index
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
A Note for Readers
Epigraph
Introduction
Frequently Asked Questions by New Time Travelers
Repair Guide
Oh.
How to Use This Guide
Contents
1: How to Tell What Time Period You’re Stranded In: A Handy Flowchart
2: A Special Note if You Are Stranded Between 200,000 Bce and 50,000 Bce and You Are Thinking, “the Humans Here Are Crazy and I Am Definitely Doomed Forever”
3: The Five Fundamental Technologies You Need for Your Civilization
3.1: Spoken Language
3.2: Written Language
3.3: Non-Sucky Numbers
Sidebar: Why Can’t You Divide by Zero?
3.4: The Scientific Method
3.5: Calorie Surplus: The End of Hunting and Gathering, and the Beginning of Civilization
4: Units of Measurement Are Arbitrary, but Here’s How You Can Reinvent the Standard Ones Used in This Book from Scratch
Sidebar: Handy Measurement Templates
5: Now We Are Become Farmers, the Devourers of Worlds
Selective Breeding
Crop Rotation
6: What Will Other Humans Be Eating if I’m Stranded After They’ve Evolved but Before Agriculture and Selective Breeding Are a Thing, and How Can I Tell if It’s Poisonous, Because I Bet These Ancient Humans Are Eating Some Really Stupid Stuff?
Sidebar: The Universal Edibility Test
7: Putting Down Roots: Useful Plants for the Stranded Time Traveler
7.1: Apples
7.2: Bamboo
7.3: Barley
7.4: Black Pepper
7.5: Cacao Plant
7.6: Chili Pepper
7.7: Cinchona
7.8: Coconut
7.9: Coffee
7.10: Corn
7.11: Cotton
7.12: Eucalyptus
7.13: Grapes
7.14: Oak Trees
7.15: Opium Poppy
7.16: Papyrus
7.17: Potato
7.18: Rice
7.19: Rubber Plant
7.20: Soybean
7.21: Sugarcane
7.22: Sweet Orange
7.23: Tea
7.24: Tobacco
7.25: Wheat
7.26: White Mulberry
7.27: White Willow
7.28: Wild Cabbage
7.29: Yam
Sidebar: It’s Time for Some Beer
8: The Birds and the Bees: Useful Animals for the Stranded Time Traveler
8.1: Bison (american Buffalo)
8.2: Camels
8.3: Cats
8.4: Chickens
8.5: Cows
8.6: Dogs (also: Wolves)
8.7: Goats
8.8: Honeybees
8.9: Horses
8.10: Llamas/Alpacas
8.11: Pigs
8.12: Pigeons
8.13: Rabbits
8.14: Sheep
8.15: Silkworms
8.16: Turkeys
8.17: Beavers
8.18: Earthworms
8.19: Leeches
8.20: Lice
8.21: Mosquitoes
9: Basic Nutrition: What to Eat So You Won’t Die for at Least a While Longer
10: Common Human Complaints That Can Be Solved by Technology
10.1: “I’m Thirsty”
10.1.1: Charcoal
10.1.2: Distillation
10.2: “I’m Hungry”
10.2.1: Horseshoes
10.2.2: Harnesses
10.2.3: Plows
10.2.4: Preserved Foods
10.2.5: Bread (and also: Beer) (also: Alcohol)
10.2.6: Salt Production
10.3: “I’m Sick”
10.3.1: Penicillin
10.3.2: Stethoscopes
10.4: “The Natural Resources I See Around Me Suck; I Want Better Ones”
10.4.1: Mining
10.4.2: Kilns, Smelters, and Forges
10.4.3: Glass
10.5: “I’m Lazy; I Want a Machine to Do Work for Me”
10.5.1: Waterwheels and Windmills
10.5.2: Pelton Turbines
10.5.3: Flywheels
10.5.4: Steam Engines
10.6: “No, I Mean I’m So Lazy I Just Want to Flip a Switch and Have Machines Work as if by Magic”
10.6.1: Batteries
10.6.2: Generators
10.6.3: Transformers
10.7: “it’s Late and I’m Cold, and I’d Like to Know How Late and How Cold It Is”
10.7.1: Clocks
10.7.2: Thermometers and Barometers
10.8: “I Want People to Think I’m Attractive”
10.8.1: Soap
10.8.2: Buttons
10.8.3: Tanning
10.8.4: Spinning Wheels
10.9: “I Would Like to Have Some Cool Sex”
10.9.1: Birth Control
10.9.2 Birthing Forceps
10.9.3: Incubators
10.10: “I Want Things That Won’t Catch on Fire”
10.10.1: Cement and Concrete
10.10.2: Steel
10.10.3: Welding
10.11: “there’s Nothing to Read”
10.11.1: Paper
10.11.2: Printing Presses
10.12: “it Sucks Here and I Want to Go Literally Anywhere Else”
10.12.1: Bikes
10.12.2: Compasses
10.12.3: Latitude and Longitude
Sidebar: How Far Is It Between Lines of Latitude and Longitude Anyway?
10.12.4: Radio
10.12.5: Boats
10.12.6: Human Flight
10.13: “I Want Everyone to Think I’m Smart”
10.13.1: Logic
11: Chemistry: What Are Things, and How Do I Make Things?
What Are Things Made Of?
Where Do Things Come From?
What Can I Make Out of Things?
12: Major Schools of Philosophy Summed Up in a Few Quippy Sentences About High-fives
13: The Basics of Visual Art, Including Some Styles You Can Steal
Sidebar: Where Can You Get Pigments?
14: Heal Some Body: Medicine and How to Invent It
The Germ Theory of Disease
How to Evaluate Medical Treatments
Sidebar: Normal Human Baselines
Sidebar: Rehydration Drink
15: Basic First (and in Your Case, Only) Aid
Choking
Breathing but Unconscious
Not Breathing
Sidebar: Cpr Songs
Broken Bones
Wounds
Infection
16: How to Invent Music, and Musical Instruments, and Music Theory, and Also We Included Some Really Great Songs for You to Plagiarize Too
How to Invent Musical Instruments
Basic Music Theory
How to Produce a 440hz Sound Wave at Any Point in History Like It Isn’t Even a Big Deal
Reading Music
These Really Great Songs That We Put in This Book for You to Plagiarize
17: Computers: How to Turn Mental Labor into Physical Labor, So Then You Don’t Have to Think So Hard but Can Instead Just Turn a Crank or Whatever
What Kind of Numbers Your Computer Will Use, and What It Will Do with Them
What Even Is Adding Though, and How Can We Talk About Adding When I Don’t Even Know How a Computer Works Yet?
Okay, So, Great I’ve Invented All These Gates, but None of Them Add Anything Yet, So What the Heck?
So Let’s Actually Build Some Logic Gates and Solve Computers
Conclusion: Things Should Now Be Pretty Comfortable for You, and You’re Welcome
Appendix A: Technology Tree
Appendix B: The Periodic Table
Appendix C: Useful Chemicals, How to Make Them, and How They Can Definitely Kill You
Appendix D: Logical Argument Forms
Appendix E: Trigonometry Tables, Included Because You’LL Need Them When You Invent Sundials, but They’LL Also Be Useful if You Ever Decide to Invent Trigonometry
Appendix F: Some Universal Constants That Took Humanity a While to Figure Out, and Which You Can Now Name After Yourself
Appendix G: Frequencies for Various Notes, So You Can Play Those Cool Songs We Included
Appendix H: A Bunch of Cool Gears and Other Fundamental Mechanisms
Appendix I: Here’s Where Some Useful Human Parts Are and What They Do
Afterword
Bibliography
Endnotes Written by Me,the Ryan from This Timeline
Index
About the Author
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