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Index
Introduction & Mea Culpa Must Be Willing to Lie About How We Met Monogamy is for Losers My First Muff Dive Date With a Parking Ticket In It Two Women in One Night H’s Version of Our Night Out Are You My Girlfriend Now? Natasha Richardson, or Smoking Cigarettes on the Roof Ass Bangin’ and Astral Projection I Was a Six-Year-Old Virgin Morning Breath Premature Ejaculation Having Sex at Weddings Intimacy on a Trip to the Dentist Shave My Bush How to Pick Up Women Breaking Up in a Text Message Rate My Penis Size On Your Own, or Moving On Rate my Blowjobs The 45-Minute Walkout Hitting Snooze on the Morning After Come on My Face The Wine Bar as the End of Civilization Some Corner in Brooklyn Your Mom Will Do Buying New Underwear, or Sex in a Dressing Room How to Pick Up a Bartender The Funny Thing About Handjobs There’s a Possibility You’ve Been Infected With HIV Let’s Make Babies The Three-Year Itch Why Women Suck in Bed I Kissed A Boy Picking Up Women in Gay Bars Why Women Are Great in Bed My Mother Sex With 19-Year-Olds The Gun Show, or Is That All You Got? Living Like A Bachelor Because I Can My Kingdom for a Boner Does My Butt Show When I Walk? Let Me Seduce You with The Cardigans Tom Brady’s Love Handles Chest Hair, or the Shaved Eunuch Who is Lauren Cohan and Why Is She Hitting On Me? Willing to Relocate How Soon, Sex Toy? Crying In Public: My Cubicle Moving to New York and Where It Got Me The Seductive Art of Dancing Taking A Break From Dating Loyal as a Dog The Most Expensive Date I’ve Ever Been On Women at Thirty, or the Scent of the Medicine Cabinet Get Your Hands Off of My Woman Don’t Google ‘Fisting’, and Why Women Apologize So Much My Friend’s Girlfriend is My Girlfriend Getting Laid If You Can Get Me Hard I’ll Show You A Good Time How I Would Make Love to Gloria Swanson Going to Bed Angry My First STD Show Me Your Penis Talking About Sex With Your Parents The Hooker on the Corner Don’t Make Poopy in the Office The F U Date Having Sex on Inauguration Night Kissing in the Rain Let’s Just Be Friends Infidelity Listening to the Neighbors Have Sex Macho Voce, or Women Who Sound Like Men Making Love to ESPN Having Sex at Weddings Redux Old Love Letters, or Things That Got Thrown Away in the Move Super Macho Man Slumber Party Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, or Leaving Home Moving to New York Long Distance Lovers The Celebrity You Most Resemble How to Pick Up a Nurse at the HIV Clinic Lying Lovers, or the Padded Bra Look Ugly in a Photograph Using Your Words Tool Academy Sleeping Naked Becoming a Virgin Again Masturbating Upside Down I Am Error Levitating in Time
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