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Look, Mr McChap – you’re part of Britain, so just get over it Clear off, nitwit – I’ll rebuild this hospital This has been my perfect week It seems it ain’t art if it ain’t ethnic – Opinion First, fairy cakes – then welding, kids – Opinion Oi, state birdbrains – leave our land alone Give it up, Hamza – you’re too ugly Skiing through the pain barrier Bleep off, you’re driving me mad Oi, shoppers – that’s my petrol Join me in a saucy oath to Britain Ruck off, you nancy Aussies Time to save the world again, lads Potato heads are talking rot on food I’d rather hire a dog than a prostitute Pricking science’s silly sausages Feed them, or they’ll slash all the seats A vicious Japanese loo ruined my ah so Argh! I’ve fallen into a speed trap It’s just a dumb animal, Mr Oddie Swim with sharks – it’s easy money Oi, get your hands off my lap dancers Dante’s new hell: my work canteen Now we’re for it: we’ve stopped behaving badly Working while on holiday is … wow, just look at that By ’eck, our funny accents are the envy of the world Peep in my wife’s knicker drawer and see what you get Miss Street-Porter, I have a job for you in Cambodia Hey, let’s live fast and die when ministers tell us to Don’t let banks lose your money – do it yourself Fingers on buzzers, you bunch of ignorant twerps Play it my way, kids, and you’ll save rock’n’roll Ditch the laptop and suit if you wanna stay alive, Mr Corporate Take in a prisoner as a lodger and that’s two problems solved Wake up and smell the coffee – tea is for morons Into the breach, normal people, and sod the polar bears The daddy of all idiots at your child’s school sports day I’m a Tigger, he’s a Piglet, and you must be a Pooh Sorry, worms, you won’t be getting a piece of me The BBC’s letting loonies gag me with mink knickers Ambulance, quick – some idiot’s had a brainwave Save the high street – ditch bad service and ugly sales girls Ring a ring o’ clipboards – we all fall down The world will never be safe until Scrabble is banned Run for cover – Pooh the Dark Knight is coming Get another round in, lads – we’ve got some pubs to save Come quick, Nurse – the NHS is going frightfully green I dare you to visit Johannesburg, the city for softies Class-A cocoa, the powder of choice on my crock’n’roll tour I’m starting divorce proceedings in this special relationship You’re a bunch of overpaid nancies – and I love you
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