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Look, Mr McChap – you’re part of Britain, so just get over it
Clear off, nitwit – I’ll rebuild this hospital
This has been my perfect week
It seems it ain’t art if it ain’t ethnic – Opinion
First, fairy cakes – then welding, kids – Opinion
Oi, state birdbrains – leave our land alone
Give it up, Hamza – you’re too ugly
Skiing through the pain barrier
Bleep off, you’re driving me mad
Oi, shoppers – that’s my petrol
Join me in a saucy oath to Britain
Ruck off, you nancy Aussies
Time to save the world again, lads
Potato heads are talking rot on food
I’d rather hire a dog than a prostitute
Pricking science’s silly sausages
Feed them, or they’ll slash all the seats
A vicious Japanese loo ruined my ah so
Argh! I’ve fallen into a speed trap
It’s just a dumb animal, Mr Oddie
Swim with sharks – it’s easy money
Oi, get your hands off my lap dancers
Dante’s new hell: my work canteen
Now we’re for it: we’ve stopped behaving badly
Working while on holiday is … wow, just look at that
By ’eck, our funny accents are the envy of the world
Peep in my wife’s knicker drawer and see what you get
Miss Street-Porter, I have a job for you in Cambodia
Hey, let’s live fast and die when ministers tell us to
Don’t let banks lose your money – do it yourself
Fingers on buzzers, you bunch of ignorant twerps
Play it my way, kids, and you’ll save rock’n’roll
Ditch the laptop and suit if you wanna stay alive, Mr Corporate
Take in a prisoner as a lodger and that’s two problems solved
Wake up and smell the coffee – tea is for morons
Into the breach, normal people, and sod the polar bears
The daddy of all idiots at your child’s school sports day
I’m a Tigger, he’s a Piglet, and you must be a Pooh
Sorry, worms, you won’t be getting a piece of me
The BBC’s letting loonies gag me with mink knickers
Ambulance, quick – some idiot’s had a brainwave
Save the high street – ditch bad service and ugly sales girls
Ring a ring o’ clipboards – we all fall down
The world will never be safe until Scrabble is banned
Run for cover – Pooh the Dark Knight is coming
Get another round in, lads – we’ve got some pubs to save
Come quick, Nurse – the NHS is going frightfully green
I dare you to visit Johannesburg, the city for softies
Class-A cocoa, the powder of choice on my crock’n’roll tour
I’m starting divorce proceedings in this special relationship
You’re a bunch of overpaid nancies – and I love you
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