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Index
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Contents
Introduction
The Things Themselves
If magazines profiled men like women
Batten down the hashtags
Precious freedom thingies
Why I miss the ’90s
Hip hop is old-people music now
How Big Waterbed sprung a leak
Hotel beds are the best beds
Fox in socks and sandals
Johnny Depp robbed my car
An extraordinary meeting of the Bounders Club
An extraordinary meeting of the Bounders Club
An extraordinary meeting of the Bounders Club
The upside of the end of the world
Ferris Bueller’s day of the undead
Stuffing Your Piehole
Apocalypse pudding
I take it back, soccer
Save my bacon
Potato cake terrorist
Oh Christmas ham, how did it come to this?
Pig night out
Grand theft mango
Work It, Bitch
The meeting
Procrastination masterclass
I am from the Microsoft Security
There will be typos
Sports and Leisure
Licence to drink
Eating his way to the top
The Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race is a naval battle in the never-ending class war
The Biggest Loser recap: appetite for reduction
Yoga for the modern bro
Leisure Suit Larry and the joystick of destiny
Knocked off your perch
There is a level 200 squirtle at the end of this think piece
Domestic Affairs
He died with a felafel in his hand
The magpie war
I have frozen my last toad
Problem solver needed. Moral flexibility a must
Dog beach
We would become Volvo drivers
‘This car’s from the future!’
Modern Man
Manspreading
Without pants
Cold snap
Bachelor pad
The Tasmanian Babes fiasco
Manflu
Dad bod
Modern dad
Inside The Sausage of Politics
Flopping it out
Ho, fellow conservative Australians!
Statement by the League of Australians for a Muntstitutional Conarchy on the occasion of the Prime Minister’s treasonous plot to raise the Natives above their lowly station
From the office of the Prime Minister
The Ballad of Admiral Morrison
From Scott Morrison: Minister for Stopping Immigration
Spy vs spy
Minutes of an intelligence briefing
The new reality
Let Turnbull be Turnbull
There is no such thing as $22 avocado toast
Exciting marketing opportunity
I read Senator Malcolm Roberts’s scorching indictment of the CSIRO’s criminal conspiracy to ruin us all so you wouldn’t have to
Election wrap
I can haz kompromat?
Why I voted for Cthulhu
The triumph of neo-stupidity
The phone call
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