[Survival Guides for Men 01] • Shopping Survival Guide for Men

A frank and hilarious guide to every man’s mind-numbing nemesis: Shopping.

Uncover the hidden history and insidious psychology of shopping (Hint: it’s crazy), plus get priceless tips on how to survive everything from makeup, handbags, and lingerie ("I believe Victoria's ‘Secret' is that she knows her product is selling for $39.99 when it appears an entire run of underwear can be made with a bag of rubber bands and some gauze from my car's first aid kit.”); shoes (“There are enough shoes in the world to encircle the globe 14 times, causing traffic to be stopped behind rows of tiger-striped pumps and darling flats with those little roses on them, and making your wife angry because she can't get to the store to buy more shoes.”), to fashion terminology ("Puckered Bodice: A banned professional wrestling move involving a lemon, a folding chair, and a car battery.”). Learn how to comprehend color names (“…such as 'fuchsia', ‘puce', ‘mauve', or ‘smalt', which sound more like contagious skin conditions.”), and discover critical dates in shopping history (“1687: Isaac Newton develops the law of universal gravity after his wife’s shoe rack collapses on him.”). Comical bonus quizzes (“Shoe Brand, Kentucky Derby Horse or Hipster Band Name?”) help you pass the time until you’re asked to haul the bags out to the minivan.

Don’t get dragged to The Mall without it!