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Index
Contents
Preface
THE HISTORY & PSYCHOLOGY OF SHOPPING
Introduction
The Dawn of Shopping (Squirrel Blood and Yak Urine)
The First Shopping Mall (Curse You, Victor Gruen)
Rise of the Planet of the Dawn of the Modern Mall (The Virus Spreads)
Critical Dates In Shopping & Fashion History (Plus, The Return of Brenda Valskamp)
The Psychology of Shopping (Hint: It’s Crazy)
The Science of Shopping (Why Doesn’t Someone Help Those Poor Monkeys?)
PREPARATION IS THE KEY TO - OH, WHO ARE WE KIDDING, YOU'RE DOOMED
Introduction
How To Tell Your Espadrille From Your Epaulets (Fashion Terminology)
Papayawhip or Peachpuff? (Comprehending Colors)
You’re Not Fat, You’re Just Three 5’s In A 15 Suit (Understanding Sizes)
What To Bring (Hint: It’s A Short List)
IT’S TOO LATE; YOU’RE SHOPPING
Introduction
Getting Your Bearings and Attempting to Not Die
Deciphering Departments: The Modern Caste System
Handbags
Handbag Brand or Italian Race Car Driver?
Shoes
Shoe Brand, Kentucky Derby Horse or Hipster Band Name?
Lingerie
Jewelry and Fragrances
Designer Jewelry Brand or Your Next Door Neighbor
Makeup
Lipstick and Nail Polish
Lipstick Color or 80’s Girl Punk Band Name?
Discounts and Coupons
Returns
DEALING WITH THE NATIVES
Introduction
Salespeople
"What Do You Think, Honey?"
Fitting Rooms
Watching the Purse
Handbag Brand or Embarrassing Personal Malady Picked Up On An Overseas Vacation?
Prom Dresses and High Heels
Surviving “Black Friday”
Christmas Shopping
WILL IT EVER END? HELLO? ANYBODY?
Introduction
The Five Stages of Shopping Grief
Checking Out (And By This I Do Not Mean Suicide)
Epilogue
Home Improvement Survival Guide excerpt
About The Author
Dedication
Copyright
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