CHAPTER THIRTEEN
BEGINNING MEDITATION WITH FIVE- TO EIGHT-YEAR-OLDS
One of the main characteristics of children of this age group is their short span of concentration. Often they are easily distracted and quickly become restless if they do not feel fully engaged in what they are doing. Working successfully with this age group requires, therefore, a relatively short period of time spent on each of the activities and as much variety as possible. The more you work with the children and learn about their preferences, their responses and their capabilities, the easier it will become to tailor your programme of meditation exercises specifically to them. Children of this age are usually very receptive, and if they like you, they will generally try hard in whatever they do with you, as much to please you as themselves.
The advantages of meditation have been discussed throughout the book. Starting to meditate at such an early age can set a strong foundation for later work of this kind and can help children to begin to improve the quality of their life.
Meditation with Small Groups
We will begin with the practicalities of taking a group of five- to eight-year-old children out of the class into another room, say two or three times a week. A group of between five and nine children is optimum.
Time
The actual time spent in meditation will be quite short at first, one minute at the most. But the activities in preparation for it and related to it will occupy between ten and fifteen minutes, depending on how many of the activities you decide to do. Remember that time needs to be allowed for getting to the room used for the meditation activities, taking off shoes and putting them on (which can take much longer, taking into account the problem of tying laces).
Selecting Your Group
It can be a temptation when choosing a group for this activity, to select only the children whom you are sure will behave sensibly and who are most likely to sit still. One reason for this is that you might feel that over-boisterous children would only disrupt the good ones, making the activity more difficult for everyone, including yourself. This is a decision which rests with you, but it is worth considering that it is perhaps the more restless children who could most benefit from both the exercises and the small group attention which the activity offers.
The Room
Ideally the children should always be taken to the same room, and preferably always at the same time of day. Young children tend to respond well to routine and predictability. If possible, the room should not be too bright, nor too gloomy. The temperature should be such that the children are neither too hot nor too cold. There should be as few distractions as possible (for example, no interesting toys within easy reach!). If the room happens to face onto a playground, then curtains or blinds will minimize distraction, and will help to avoid self-consciousness if other children gaze in curiously at the group.
Very gentle music playing softly as the children come into the room will also aid relaxation. In fact it is sometimes helpful if the music is played throughout the session. It should be very soft, with a slow even tempo all the way through. A soothing meditative track would be ideal. The room should preferably be empty of furniture, or at least have a large space in the middle where children can sit in a circle. If the floor is carpeted, all the better. If the floor is hard and cold, then chairs may be used, but make sure they are easy to move, since there will be movement at some point in the session.
Beginning the Session
The session really begins as soon as the children are collected from their class. They should be encouraged to walk into the meditation room quietly and, once in the room, to take off their shoes in silence and sit in a circle. This works best if you can sit in the circle yourself as soon as possible so that they can join you. Be particularly patient with the children in the early sessions and never raise your voice. Speak to them clearly and firmly. Initially, some of the very lively ones will find walking into a big space and sitting quietly too much of an effort, and they may rush into the room, fling their shoes anywhere and promptly run around the room before coming to the circle. Don’t let that put you off; the behaviour is usually due to natural high spirits, combined with novelty and a big space in which to move around. These livelier children may also be testing out the rules in a new situation. Gradually, as they get used to this new event, this will change. We have noticed that after a few sessions children tend to quieten down, line up their shoes neatly without being asked and take their places without fuss.
Once in the circle, some children may make a noise to try to engage the attention of others. This is where you take a gentle but firm stand and explain the rules of the session to the children. It is important for them to learn to respect others’ space and wishes. Explain the strategy of ‘self-controlled exclusion’ as described below, which is in the interest of all members of the group. This is an effective strategy for dealing with disruptive behaviour that allows the child to retain freedom of choice about whether they take part in the lesson or not.
Self-controlled Exclusion
If a disruptive child does not respond to your firm but gentle efforts to ask him or her to sit quietly, a very effective strategy is that of selfcontrolled exclusion. He or she should be asked to leave the circle. Explain that it is because they are disturbing people who would like to continue with the activity, and who do not wish to be disturbed. Direct the child to a part of the room where they will not unduly disturb the other children. Explain that they may either stay where they are quietly, or rejoin the group activity whenever they wish.
If they do not settle down and continue to disrupt the group, then explain kindly but firmly that this time they will need to return to the classroom. As soon as the children are sure you mean what you say and see that you give them every chance to stay in the group, they tend to settle down. It is important that this removal from the group is not seen as a punishment. It should be seen as simply protecting the interests of the group activity and not as a rejection of the child.
Of course, it may feel like a punishment to the child at first, but if you have explained carefully the reason why it has to be done, and make it clear that whether or not they join in the group activities is entirely within their control, they will eventually develop a sense of responsibility for themselves and for the other group members. Always be pleased for them to come back into the group of their own accord and carry on from that point as before, expecting the best from them. If you do this, the children will feel less at the mercy of your judgement. This is crucial; you are allowing the children to retain their personal power and take responsibility for themselves. They have complete control over whether to sit in the group or to face the wall. This avoids feelings of rejection, and helps children to develop a sense of responsibility towards others. Treated in this way, children are able to recognize the effects of their actions and realize their own efficacy. Most children generally like to be part of anything interesting which is going on, and before long settle down and naturally return to the group.
Using Up Excess Energy
If the children have spent most of the time before the meditation session sitting quietly and seem a bit restless, it is a good idea for them to engage in a short exercise before you start. This could be simply stretching as high as they can, on their toes, arms upwards, trying to reach the ceiling or the sky, then as wide as they can, trying to touch the walls on each side of the room with their arms outstretched, fingers reaching and legs stretched wide apart. They usually put considerable effort into this, and may be quite out of breath afterwards. This might then be followed by a systematic shaking of first one hand and arm, then the other, followed by each leg and foot, then finally the whole body so that they feel loose and relaxed. They should then organize themselves quietly into the circle ready for the next part of the session.
Communication (the ‘Chat’)
Before the first meditation exercise, a good way to proceed is to allow each child to have the opportunity to say how he or she is feeling now. This allows the children to talk about their worries, hopes or fears, to feel safe, accepted and therefore more settled. Initially with this age group of five- to eight-year-olds, you may find that the range of emotions which they describe is limited to happy and sad, with maybe a reference or two to being excited. This is fine; the range will increase naturally as the children develop their capacity for introspection and learn to understand their own emotions. The function of this ‘chat’ is to help to increase the children’s emotional awareness, as well as helping them learn to empathize with others. Allow a little time for gentle exploration of issues with them, but if they choose not to enlarge upon things, let it go. In this way children learn how to listen, how best to respond and how to express themselves. They learn very quickly not to interrupt each other and often reveal a caring side of their nature which may have gone hitherto unnoticed or misinterpreted. An example of this is illustrated by the case of Michael below.
Michael
Eight-year-old Michael was always getting into trouble. He would get into quarrels with other children, often ending up with some form of physical aggression, yet there was something very lovable about him. During our pre-meditation chat one of the children in the group, Sharon, said that she was sad because she couldn’t go to visit her aunty. Michael retorted, ‘Huh, that’s not awful.’ Sharon was hurt at this remark and she and the other group members were cross with Michael. They told him off and he got upset because he couldn’t understand what was wrong. Normally this situation would have escalated into a full scale confrontation. I [Ingrid] was able to interject and ask Michael what had prompted him to say that. He replied, ‘I didn’t mean to upset her, I just didn’t think it really mattered.’ This gave me the space to explain that different things are upsetting to different people and that even if we wouldn’t feel the same as they would in a situation it is more helpful if we try to understand them, or at least to accept that they are upset. He seemed satisfied with this and voluntarily said sorry to Sharon. Thereafter he was quite different in our ‘chat’ part of the session and proved to be a sensitive and caring child. He had misunderstood and had in turn been misunderstood himself. He had been attacked, his natural defence was to counterattack, then war would break out. This session had given everyone an opportunity to develop a greater understanding and therefore tolerance of one another.
You will generally find that children enjoy this part of the session, and they will soon remind you if you forget to include it at the beginning. It seems to settle them, and allows them to feel accepted and understood. You may wish to develop this part of this session into another kind of related activity outside the meditation group.
Movement Meditation
After the ‘chat’ or sharing part of the activity, you may wish to introduce a movement activity, especially if there was no initial ‘looseningup’ exercise. Asking the children to walk slowly around the room quietly without bumping into each other, and changing direction at your bidding is a good way to start (an early version of the kinhin we mention on pages 81–2).
When they are competent, increase the speed, but they should still be walking quietly and avoiding contact with anyone else. If they handle this well, ask them to walk backwards, looking over their shoulders, first slowly then a little more quickly. This exercise encourages concentration, alertness, co-ordination and self-discipline.
The Growing Seed
A successful preliminary exercise that teaches concentration, imagination, co-ordination and grace is the ‘growing seed’. Ask the children to find a space in the room and curl up into a little ball. Join in with them, saying something like the following:
• You are a tiny seed in the ground covered with earth. It’s lovely and warm and you feel the soft earth all around you. You have felt the gentle rain, and now you feel the warm sun shining on the earth. You start to grow . . . very slowly until you are poking through the ground. You keep growing and your leaves start to unfurl, maybe one opens before the others, you grow up, up and up, you see the sun smiling down upon you, you feel its warmth, and you stretch as tall as you can to reach it. You feel the warmth on your face . . . the day passes and the sun slowly disappears and you slowly begin to curl up again until you are a tiny little ball again.
Children appreciate it if the teacher joins in with them, as long as she or he keeps watching them all the time. Don’t forget to praise them collectively at the end. Children usually try very hard with this exercise and tend to enjoy it. Below is a small example of the kind of effect this exercise can have:
Julie
During the above exercise Julie, a five-year-old girl, said, ‘Oh, that was lovely, can we do it again with our eyes closed?’ The children thought this was a good idea and tried very hard. They enjoyed it immensely and used a lot of control to move slowly and gracefully, opening out as if into a tall plant. Some wanted to be sunflowers and some tulips, while others wanted to be a tree. Then Julie had another request: ‘Can we do it again with love in our hearts?’ From this it would seem that the work touched something quite deep in some of the children. One little boy looked puzzled and asked, ‘How do you do it with love in your heart?’ I [Ingrid] suggested, ‘Think of the person you like best in the world, and imagine them coming towards you smiling. Think how you feel about them, how happy you are when they are around you and how you care about whether they are happy or sad. That is probably the feeling of love in your heart.’ This seemed enough guidance to satisfy him.
Getting Ready for Sitting Meditation
Begin by asking the children to sit up straight without straining. Sitting cross-legged on the floor is generally the most comfortable way. If some of them find that this is not comfortable, allow them to discover their own way, but tell them that it is better if the body is held upright so that the breathing and the flow of energy is unhindered.
To demonstrate this to them, ask the children to slump over so that the body is bent forward. Ask them to notice their breathing, then to experience the difference in how breathing feels when they are sitting up straight (without straining). If the children are sitting on chairs, it is better if their feet can comfortably reach the floor. Again, they should sit with their backs straight but relaxed, their arms and hands relaxed, their heads straight, and their necks relaxed. When they are ready, they should close their eyes. If some of them find this difficult, encourage them to focus their eyes on one thing, for example, a mark or a pattern on the floor or carpet in front of them. Their eyes should be lowered, and looking only about two metres away.
Watching the Breath
Sitting correctly and quietly in the circle, begin meditating by focusing on the breath (see pages 55–6). For five-year-olds this can be harder than you might anticipate. For older children, it comes more easily. But even with the little ones, a tried-and-tested method is to ask them to be aware of the air, cool as it enters the nose and warmer as they breathe out. The first time they do this you will probably find that their breathing becomes very exaggerated. Many of the children will breathe in with all their might, almost pink with effort and somewhat noisily; breathing out will be similarly spectacular with huge and grateful releases of breath. Gently remind them that they should breathe normally. It helps if you demonstrate this by asking them to watch you as you talk them through it:
• Watch as I breathe in normally. [Demonstrate this.] I can feel the cool air as it enters my nose. [For the youngest children, point to your nose.] Now I am breathing out normally [breathe out normally, still pointing to your nose], and I can feel the warm air as it comes out through my nose. Now I’ll show you the whole thing without speaking. [Just breathe in and out normally.] Now see if you can do that.
This usually works first time, although there may be one or two who rather enjoy exaggerating, but who soon settle down to join the others. Ask them to do this for about five breaths and then stop. Gentle encouragement and practice will soon allow them to do this naturally.
To begin with they will be able to maintain this for about three complete breaths (i.e. in and out) at the most. This exercise encourages concentration, focus and awareness. It also helps the children to become more aware of their breathing which in turn can enhance their health. A case study in the following chapter (pages 165–6) illustrates this.
Now suggest that they sit really quietly with their eyes closed, while you count up to five under your breath. Count up to five under your breath, then say, ‘When you are ready, you can open your eyes.’ These are the first steps to a ‘sitting’ meditation. If there is time, you may want a few children to talk about how it felt. If not, ensure that your voice remains soft as you direct them to their next activity.
Counting the Breath
Here the children are encouraged to breathe in slowly to the count of three, hold the breath for the count of three, and then breathe out to the count of three. This is a good exercise for breath control, concentration and self-awareness. Children may not at first take easily to this exercise so, as with everything, we need to add interest. You can do this by asking the children to take it in turns to do the counting for the others. This involves three children at a time. The first counts ‘in, two, three’, the second ‘hold, two, three’ and the third ‘out, two, three’. This actually requires some practice since some younger children become flustered and excited when it is their turn to count, and tend to forget which is their line or suddenly become too shy to say it. Gentle perseverance is needed. They will be able to do it with practice. Because they enjoy doing this so much, you must ensure that everyone has a turn. It is important that the counting should be rhythmical, not too fast and not too slow, and this is no mean feat in itself. You need, of course, to demonstrate the whole set of instructions very evenly and rhythmically yourself, so that the children are able to hear what they are aiming for. Three complete rounds of in, hold and out is usually enough at first. With a group of nine children, this will allow each child to have a turn at both breathing and counting, and is in itself a study in concentration and self-control.
Either or both of the following visualization exercises follow on well after the breathing exercises.
Visualization and Drawing
As we stressed in Chapter 9, visualization encourages concentration, creativity and self-knowledge. For the following exercise, you need to provide the children with sheets of paper, pens and crayons. Children can draw quite well while resting their paper on the floor, unless it is carpeted, in which case they will need something firm upon which to lean. Make sure that they write their name and the date on their paper, as this allows you to look at the changes in their drawings over time.
The children should remain in their relaxed but upright sitting position with their eyes closed. Speak to them softly, as follows:
• Keep your eyes closed and imagine a place inside your head, just above the top of your nose and between your eyes. Imagine there is a white screen there, now allow yourself to see any pictures on the screen that come into your mind.
After about thirty to forty seconds, ask them to stop. Each child should have a chance to talk about, as well as draw a picture of, what they saw. Although praise is an important part of teaching and indeed of any interactions with children, it must be stressed that during any activities when children report their feelings or experiences, you should not praise the content of their experiences as this will inevitably serve to shape their future responses. They might well end up producing what they think you want to hear or see. Just be interested and listen, maybe asking a little more about their experiences if you feel it would be helpful to them.
Experience of this activity has shown that over only a few weeks the content of their reported pictures changes considerably. At first children may report seeing images or scenes which they think they ‘ought’ to see, for example by conforming to gender stereotypes, with boys seeing superheroes, and girls ponies. After a few sessions they may start reporting things like ‘I saw my granny who died a long time ago and she smiled at me’, or sometimes they report encountering living relatives whom they see only occasionally. This seems to be a source of comfort or pleasure to children. Later still, they begin to say other more imaginative things; one little boy said, ‘I saw elephants washing themselves’, another said, ‘I saw hippopotamuses playing in the mud’ and a little girl said, ‘I saw myself on a white bird flying in the sky’.
Without passing value judgements on these experiences, it does seem that they show an interesting and positive development.
The Wheel
Ask the group to lie down on the floor in their circle with their feet pointing inwards, like a wheel. You should remain sitting outside the circle as at this point you may find yourself needing to encourage the children not to play around with other people’s feet by sliding their own across and pushing them. Often when children do something they have never done before, particularly when it increases their self-consciousness, they cover their embarrassment by joking or disrupting someone else, thus directing attention away from themselves or the activity. This is natural, and as they get used to the activity you will find this problem becomes less as self-awareness and self-confidence develop and generalize to other situations. Once the children are in position, talk to them in a gentle voice and ask them to relax. It is better if they are on their backs but some may feel too vulnerable and prefer to turn onto their sides. That is all right; it may change later as they see the others on their backs and realize that is safe. Again, this is a moment for giggles and little points of physical contact – gently persuade them to stop.
Ask the children to be aware of their body, to feel the floor beneath them, to relax their feet and then their legs, and follow this relaxation all the way up to their backs, arms, shoulders and neck, and finally their face. (More details of this kind of activity are to be found in Chapter 7.) Ask them to imagine that they all make up a wheel, which is moving slowly round to the left. Wave your arms to the left as some of them may not know left from right. After about fifteen seconds, ask them to imagine the wheel going the other way, still with their eyes closed. After a further fifteen seconds, stop. This has allowed them to feel a connection with each other as all of them have formed an essential part of the wheel.
Continue by asking them to imagine themselves in a favourite place – maybe in their bedroom, in the garden, beside a stream or on the beach. While their eyes are closed, speak the following words gently and slowly to them. Make sure that you pause long enough after each suggestion for them to experience the different sensations:
• Stay lying down. Keeping your eyes closed, use your mind to look around and see all the things around you. Maybe you can also hear sounds. Perhaps you can touch things; notice what they feel like. You are lying in your favourite place feeling very happy and peaceful. Now you can see your favourite person or pet coming along to join you. He or she sits down next to you; maybe you talk to one another. Listen to what you say to each other, think about how you feel. Now your friend or animal has to leave and you say goodbye. You are on your own again, still feeling peaceful, knowing that you will meet your friend again. [Pause.] You are now back in the room, in school, with your friends around you. When you are ready, open your eyes and sit up.
It is important to give each child a chance to share his or her experience with the group. You will usually find that this is a pleasant experience for all of them, so you can tell them that they can go back to this special place whenever they wish.
Music
Another activity which is conducive to meditation is music. We have already mentioned the value of playing music softly as the children enter the meditation room, but they can also make their own. If you have some percussion instruments, so much the better, if not, then inventiveness with plastic washing-up liquid bottles decorated and filled with dried peas or lentils etc. can be an effective substitute. If you have percussion instruments, it is better to begin by using only the relatively quiet ones. As the children’s self-control and concentration increases, all the instruments may be used. Young children love playing with percussion instruments, and will probably want to have a turn on more than one of them. They also like to push the instruments to their limits, that is to play them as loudly as they can and generally experiment with them. Initially you can be forgiven for the use of bribery. For example, you might say to them that if they are very good and show that they can play well, you will let them play what they like at the end of the whole session. This generally does the trick until they learn to enjoy control, and begin to play naturally in a concentrated and creative way. Let them experiment gently, then choose a peaceful song, perhaps a lullaby, to sing. Encourage the children to watch carefully as you point to the instruments to indicate when each is to play and when to stop. This increases their concentration, coordination and co-operative team skills. Do this several times. When you feel they are ready, repeat the song and encourage the children to listen carefully and decide for themselves how to accompany it. Finally, as you promised, let the children change their instruments if they wish, and allow them free expression for one or two minutes. Ensure that they put the instruments back where they came from, before returning to the circle.
As the children become more centred and calm through meditation and related activities, they will each be able to play their instrument softly and harmoniously without direction from the teacher, by listening very carefully to all the other children’s instruments. This can be quite an intense form of joyful meditation.
Keeping the instruments until the end of the session can be helpful as an incentive to the children to behave for the rest of the lesson. If they think that there is the remotest possibility that they may be deprived of this pleasure, they can usually demonstrate quite exemplary behaviour throughout.
Closing the Session
It is always a good thing to end the session by sitting in the circle together, doing the basic breathing exercise three times and then continuing to sit in silence for a further twenty seconds, building up to a minute over several sessions. This is much harder for some children than one might anticipate, so initially the strategy of saying, ‘let’s see who can sit really quietly while I count up to twenty under my breath’, generally has an amazing effect. Gradually you can increase the time to one minute, and soon the children will be able to sit without inducement. Some children, even as young as five years old, take to this naturally, and can sit for relatively long periods undisturbed by anything going on around them. Not surprisingly, these children also tend to find all the other activities relatively easy. But even the very lively ones can eventually participate in all of them.
The session should end with the children leaving the circle and quietly putting on their shoes. If they don’t have far to go to their class, they can leave when they are ready. If they have to wait for you to take them back, they should line up and return to their class in an orderly fashion. Teachers have often reported their surprise at how changed, quiet and focused the children are for some considerable time after they return from the session. The following comment is not unusual after a meditation session. ‘I couldn’t believe it, they came back quietly, just got on with their work and were wonderful all day. They worked hard and even the livelier ones didn’t get into any trouble.’
Opting Out
After you have given all the children an opportunity to try a few sessions, if some of them really do not wish to continue, it is better to let them opt out. They may just not be ready, but the seeds will have been sown, and they may change their minds later, and start again from the beginning with a new group.
Meditation with the Whole Class
We now need to go further and provide recommendations for how meditation can best be incorporated into work with the whole class. It can be used regularly at particular times of the day as a settling down and focusing activity, and at times it may be extended to include visualization and drawing as well as communication and listening. If your class also undertakes the group meditation described above, so much the better. The length of the whole class meditation session will depend on both the constraints within your timetable and on the way the children respond at any given time. But another benefit is that not only does the meditation session help to centre the children, it can serve to centre you and help you to feel more relaxed.
Regular Short Meditations
As mentioned earlier, a short session is a very good way to start the day. Probably your present practice for beginning the day is to have everyone sitting quietly while you take the register. It is right that this should come first, as the latecomers can fit in easily without missing anything from another session. So a good place for the first meditation of the day is after the register. Often register is followed by an assembly, but you can usually still fit in a few moments meditation before this happens. Your usual practice when taking the register may be to have all the children sitting around you, or you may prefer them to sit on chairs at their tables. If they are at tables, ask them to turn their chairs so that they are all facing you. Using the floor is another option; all the children need do is spread out so they are not touching each other. Make sure that they have nothing in their hands.
Talking About Meditation
Before you begin the actual exercises, you should talk to the children about meditation or, if you do not wish to use the term ‘meditation’, the exercises you are about to teach them. It is important to tell the children why you are teaching them meditation. Children like to see a point to an activity, especially when they have nothing immediately concrete to show for it. Explain to them that it will help them with their work and it will help them get on better with their friends. (See Chapter 1 for more benefits.) Allow them to ask questions, as all children love to do.
On the following page you will find some questions that come up and some suggestions for possible answers.
Q. How will meditation help us with our work?
A. Sometimes when you are working and other children are being noisy or doing something you would prefer to be doing, it is hard for you to focus. Perhaps you leave what you are doing and join in, then get into trouble. Or perhaps you just get fed up and then you don’t want to finish what you are doing. Then you don’t do your best work. Practising meditation helps you not to be put off so easily.
Q. How will it help us get on better with our friends?
A. It can help you to be more thoughtful and to think before you do something that will upset someone else. It may help you not to get angry and to be more considerate, and then people will like you more and there will not be so much to quarrel about.
Although it will not be necessary to invite questions before every meditation session, it is a good idea to request them from time to time to remind the children, and yourself, of the benefits of meditation. This is a good time to talk to the children about the importance of respecting other people’s space and wishes, so that seductive activities such as prodding or pulling hair become considered to be unsociable and inconsiderate things to do. A short discussion about considerate behaviour in general could be introduced by asking the children to think of ways in which they like to be treated. Ask them to think of behaviours which they consider to be kind and thoughtful and behaviours which they dislike. Maybe they can think of someone they particularly like or admire and discuss what they particularly like about them. This will lead naturally to the idea that we should treat others as we would like them to treat us, and will heighten the children’s awareness and help them to realize the effect they have upon other people. If this is practised often, it should eventually have a long-term effect, in encouraging more controlled and thoughtful behaviour until it becomes natural.
With their awareness of consideration for others heightened, let the children shuffle into a comfortable position, with hands on laps and fingers relaxed. They should sit with straight backs, without straining. They should feel comfortable and relaxed. There is no special position for the hands, but you will probably find that some will place them into a traditional Buddhist position, perhaps because they have seen it in pictures or on television. Others will copy whatever they see you do, as they will think this is right. Others will find their own way. At this stage, it really doesn’t matter as long as they are relaxed and focused. If they are on the floor, then sitting cross-legged is probably easiest for them. If they are on chairs, it is better if their legs are side by side with both their feet touching the floor.
They may do the following exercise with their eyes open if they wish, as some children initially feel vulnerable closing their eyes in the course of the day with other people around them. It is important to remember that meditation is an activity unlike anything they will have done before. Saying prayers is probably the closest thing to it they will have experienced, but in prayer they repeat words whereas you will be asking them to do nothing. You will probably find that most children will close their eyes straight away, and after a few sessions the rest will probably close them quite naturally too.
If there are any children who do not want to join in, they should sit quietly and either just watch or look at a book. They should be discouraged from getting up and walking about as this is disruptive, at least in the early learning stages of meditation.
Watching the Breath
This is described in detail in the previous section for meditation with small groups (see pages 143–5) and will last for only thirty seconds to one minute. The children should sit correctly, eyes usually closed, not touching anyone else, hands empty, feet on the ground if they are on chairs, all facing you. If they are on the floor, sit down with them. If they are on chairs, sit on a chair too. Ask the children to become aware of their breath, as described in Chapter 4.
This short meditation may be repeated as many times as you like. It is a good and constructive way to calm a noisy class or to mark the change over of sessions. At the very least, it makes a good way to start and end the morning, and to start and end the afternoon. After a while, it will come so naturally that the children will really miss it should you forget.
Even in a hectic and busy school environment these quiet meditative breaks can also help to calm and centre you; and the more centred you are, the more centred will be the children. To quote one teacher after a meditation session with six- to seven-year-olds, ‘That was lovely. I feel quite calm and relaxed. It’s really made a difference to my day.’
Counting the Breath
After several sessions of short meditation, go on to the next step, which adds only another thirty seconds to one minute. This is the counting and breathing exercise outlined in the group exercises on page 144. This exercise can be easily adapted to the whole class situation. Make sure that all the children have their turn at being responsible for counting aloud over a period of days. Once they have all had a turn, you can do the counting yourself, up to a maximum of five complete breaths, one breath being ‘In, two, three . . . hold, two, three . . . out, two, three’.
Longer Meditations
Begin with the usual short meditation (watching the breath, see pages 143–4), followed by the breathing exercise (counting the breath, see pages 144–5). Introduce a visualization exercise and let the children subsequently describe or draw what they see. The ideas suggested earlier in this chapter can easily be adapted for a whole class activity. Further exercises which might be appropriate here, such as the drawing of an everyday object from memory (see pages 39–40), are outlined in Chapter 3.
Meditation at Home
Introducing Home Meditation
Introduce home meditation as something which will help the children in their work at school and as something that may be fun. You can also explain that it may help them with their friendships, and with everything that they do. The discussion in the previous section on whole class meditation will provide more ideas for introducing the topic.
You will also need to demonstrate that you meditate for the same reasons yourself, and, of course, you will need to do the exercises alongside your children. One of the big virtues of this session for the children is that not only do they gain from the meditative experience itself but they also receive your undivided attention, and this in itself serves to enhance your relationship further as you share pleasant, equitable and relaxing times together.
The Time
With children as young as five to seven years old, the home meditation sessions and related activities will probably take between five and ten minutes. A good time for meditation at home is shortly before bedtime. If children think that meditation will give them that extra few minutes of staying up it will probably gain instant favour. Doing it at bedtime also means it won’t compete with playing with friends or watching a favourite television programme, and they won’t be in a hurry to stop because of something else they have planned to do.
The Setting
You will need a fairly quiet room where you are not easily distracted, maybe your child or children’s bedroom, if there is enough space. The room should not be too brightly lit but not dingy either; a soft side light is often just the right thing. You will need to ask the rest of the family, if they don’t want to join in, to be a little quieter just for that short period. You might even have a friendly notice on the door of the room you use, saying ‘meditation in progress, please don’t disturb’ or some such thing, so that other family members respect your time and space for the period concerned.
You and the children should wear loose clothing, with feet either bare or just in socks. Everyone should feel free and relaxed. It is nice to have special clothing for the session, such as tracksuits or pyjamas, something you all really like wearing, and which helps to create the right frame of mind.
Movement
Before the first meditation session, do a few gentle stretching and relaxing movements together, such as stretching wide and relaxing, then stretching high and relaxing. There are several possible subsequent approaches to the first session, and if you have read the rest of this book you may already have several ideas of your own. Opposite is one suggestion suitable for a lively child:
Sitting Quietly
Sit on the floor opposite one another and say to your child, ‘Let’s play some games together’. He or she will probably imagine that you are going to play something lively and boisterous, so you will need to point out that these games are new and different from others that you may have played together before.
Begin by saying, ‘First, let’s see if we can both sit really still while I count up to five.’ The number to which you choose to count will depend on what you think your child can comfortably achieve. It is important that you do not ask your child to do something of which he or she is incapable. This can only end in frustration and disappointment for both of you. You can always move to a slightly higher target as the activity becomes easier. We cannot emphasize enough that in any activity with your child you should always choose a target that is within his or her reach. It doesn’t always need to be within easy reach as effort is necessary for progress, but it must be possible.
Sit really quietly together as you count to five. Remember to praise any effort your child or children have made. Ask them to close their eyes. If they are reluctant to do so, you might help it along by suggesting a ‘copy me game’: ‘I’ll sit quietly and shut my eyes while you count up to five, then you sit quietly and shut your eyes while I count up to five.’ The fact that you are taking it in turns should help the children to feel more comfortable and should make the whole activity more of a game and more equitable. Already, albeit for only five seconds, the children are consciously taking control of themselves and experiencing quiet moments.
The following activities can be difficult for children as young as three or four years old. It is up to you to choose the activities which you feel are most suited to your children. Often trial and error will help you to discover this.
Watching the Breath and Counting the Breath
Detailed instructions for these breathing exercises with young school children were given earlier on page 144. Watching the breath simply requires us to focus on the cool air entering the nose as we breathe in and the warmer air leaving as we exhale. Counting the breath requires more breath control as we breathe in, hold our breath, then exhale, each to the count of three.
Music
You might follow the breathing exercises by using percussion instruments. Ideally you should have one instrument of the same kind each, so that again you can play the ‘copy me’ game. Play a short rhythm, a maximum of three or four beats to start with, and ask the children to copy you. Do this a few times, then ask each in turn to do the same while you copy.
Visualization and Drawing
This activity should immediately follow the breathing exercises. You will need to have some paper, pencils and crayons for this session. Ask your child or children to keep their eyes closed, and imagine a white screen above the nose and between the eyes. Ask if they can see any pictures on the screen. Encourage them either to talk to you about what they have seen and/or to draw pictures of the images.
Rosie
Rosie was six years old. Her parents were going through a particularly difficult period in their marriage and, although both parents remained as loving and caring as ever to her, Rosie felt torn in her loyalties to them. She sometimes experienced considerable ambivalence and anger towards them. Rosie found the breathing exercises easy and enjoyed the ‘tunnel and light’ visualization (see pages 173–4). When talking about her experience of the visualization afterwards, she reported that the people in the light had been the people she loved most in the world. She had seen her ‘mummy, daddy and sister’ all smiling at her. It had felt lovely and seemed to help to put things back into perspective again.
Rosie also reported that it had been hard to visualize the white screen first and this is something on which children vary considerably.
You might also draw a picture of something you might have visualized yourself. When you have all finished, spend a minute or two talking about the pictures. You must be careful about the way you praise the children’s efforts. As we said earlier, praise the effort but not the content of the pictures because content praise often serves to bias the content of future pictures. If the children think, for example, that you consider their drawing of a house is exciting and wonderful, they might keep on producing houses to please you. If, despite your care to be non-judgemental about their drawings, they draw the samething every time, resist the temptation to sa, ‘that’s very nice, but you did that last time, try to think of something else’. Such a remark suggests that either you are bored with seeing them draw houses, and would like variety, or that you think it is important for them to draw something else. If they draw what they see, then they have done what you have asked of them. The fact might be that the children like or need to draw dolls or houses or aeroplanes many times for a reason which might not be immediately obvious. Encourage them to talk to you about their productions.
The older the children, the longer you can spend on these activities. But much will depend on individual children. Remember to offer them achievable goals, and always praise them for their efforts. If they get fed up after a short while, and gentle encouragement has no effect, then conclude the activity and introduce it at another time. Never force a session to go on, and remember that gentle persistence is often the most effective way to achieve things with children.
Larger Family Group
It is relatively easy to adapt the above activities to a larger family group by making sure that you all take things in turn. For example, for the music activity, each person should have the opportunity to tap out a rhythm which the others copy. But remember that the youngest family members need short, interesting activities with plenty of variety. It might be that when the youngest has had enough, you can close the session so that he or she can go to bed. The rest of you can then carry on later at a pace and length that suits you. It is important that you have enough confidence to modify these activities until you find what suits your child or family best. As long as the exercises are carried out with love and joy you will not go far wrong.