I get this question all the time: “How do I find life balance?” I used to freak out when my coaching clients would ask me to coach them on this, because I had no freakin’ clue! I myself was constantly searching for it, thinking other women had figured out this “life balance” thing, and surely I was a failure at life, motherhood, marriage, and everything else because I did not know how to do it. I was chasing an elusive unicorn riding on a double rainbow and I was getting rather tired.
Throw in a couple cups of coffee with that thought stream and I was sure to have a complete and total freak-out.
Then, one day, I was reading Danielle LaPorte’s blog and she said there is no such thing as life balance. That the quest for life balance is actually bringing us more stress and that we can never get it right.
I fainted.
Not really, but it was the answer I had been looking for and I could not agree more with Ms. LaPorte. Here’s the thing: I don’t know any woman that has life balance 100 percent of the time. And those who say they do are either high on Valium or lying to your face.
We are constantly inundated with things to do. Things we “should” do. Things we need to do to be evolved, Zen, and mellowed out. We watch Oprah and aimlessly search our Facebook news feed for the answers to our problems.
The truth is, somewhere along they way, we’re all going to fall short — in our job, our marriage and relationships, as parents, and as friends. And with this comes feelings of guilt, and not being enough. Yet at the same time, trying to be all things to all people while creating balance within all of it is a sure-fire way to feel like a failure.
So we can accept that a true specific definition of life balance doesn’t exist and just do the best we can, or we can keep trying to look for this proverbial unicorn on the double rainbow and always come up short.
Your choice.
Several years ago, I had a mentor who told me she looks at life balance using the metaphor of a cattle dog herding its cattle. All the cows are moving along for a while in order, and then one or two veer off in another direction. The herding dog runs out to nip the outlying cows and gets them back on track. This happens several times and it’s just the nature of the herd. The dog really never knows which cow will run off course or when, but he knows it’s his job to get things back in order so that the entire herd stays safe. It’s never a perfect herd going in one smooth direction.
I think our lives aren’t that much different than these cows and dogs (nice metaphor, huh?). Especially if you’re a mom who leads your family, but even if you’re not, chances are you can relate to this. I think once we can let go of life balance needing to look a certain way, therein lies the first step to freedom.
Before I begin the how, for the record, I’d like to change the term “life balance” to “striving for some sort of sanity in this mad, mad world.” There, that feels better.
Let’s go over some ways to make sure you’re in a place of “doing the best you can,” shall we? That way, you can redefine what life balance is for you, remain flexible within that definition, and go on your merry way.
And remember, girls — we’re all struggling and flailing sometimes. Let’s all agree to give ourselves and each other a break when it comes to this myth of life balance.