Regardless of our gender, we all possess the feminine and masculine within us. But more often than not, we tend to be rewarded for the more masculine expressions of ourselves and we’ve learned to ignore or override our feminine traits.
For years I tried to suppress my sensitive, introverted, and emotional nature. This manifested in me drinking excessively to calm and quiet my internal world. My emotions bubbled over uncontrollably, and I experienced the ebb and flow of anxiety and depression. I didn’t ask for anything, not wanting to appear needy. As a result, I shut people out, struggled to find fulfilling work, and always felt like I was searching for a missing piece that would make me feel happy. Things only began to turn around for me when I acknowledged the feminine piece that had been a part of me the whole time.
When we finally accept our whole self—especially the parts we’ve rejected—we can show up authentically and start to make magic happen. The strongest way to start this journey to healing through magical self-care is by embracing the feminine—to heal our relationship with it, become whole again, and appreciate and embody the parts of ourselves that are more intuitive, internal, and wild.
Before we dive deep into the feminine side of life, nature, and healing, let’s get clear on some distinctions and definitions. I use the terms feminine and masculine because I resonate with them, but I understand that this duality isn’t for everyone.
The terms feminine and masculine are beyond gender, but they often bring up polarizations that some people don’t jive with. I include Yin and Yang as maybe not perfect, but closely related and helpful, alternatives.
I think of the feminine as an embodiment of Mother Nature. She nurtures, holds, provides, and accepts, but can show her strength, beauty, and force in powerful and overwhelming ways. She rolls with the seasons and changes with grace, patience, and receptive energy.
Embracing the feminine is about knowing your unique worth and multifaceted power and working with it in a positive way.
The rise of the feminine
Because we live in a society that values the masculine more than the feminine, we’ve been rewarded and conditioned over time to focus on the masculine qualities of productivity, output, action, and independence. And, as a consequence, we’ve systematically undermined the feminine traits of feeling, receptivity, and interconnectedness. We’ve shut down our channel to the gut feelings and heartfelt emotions that live in our bodies.
Collectively, we’re ready to turn on our feminine wisdom and intuitive powers and let them help us, which is why all things witchy are coming to the fore. We’re shifting out of the masculine-dominated structure to one that incorporates the feminine and seeks a balance and merging of the two.
Why embrace the feminine?
The short answer: to find a better balance in our lives and step into our full power.
While fully embracing the feminine—both within ourselves and out in the world—is a key component of magical self-care, we are ultimately seeking balance between the two. We need both feminine and masculine to be working together in harmony. When we look at the Yin and Yang black-and-white symbol (see opposite), we see the two parts perfectly in balance, a little of the other in each, and meant to fit together.
Forget striving for work/life balance, we should instead seek feminine/masculine balance by finding ways to uncover and work with our feminine side on a daily basis. By nurturing the Yin qualities that we all possess, but which are often underused, we’ll begin to find a harmony between the two. When we wake up to the feminine within ourselves, we will be able to realize our full power and creativity as beings on this planet.
With a balance of feminine and masculine you are in flow with your work and life, and acting out of alignment rather than obligation and living out your purpose. It’s both giving and receiving in equal measure—filling yourself up so that you can help others.
THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MASCULINE AND FEMININE
| Masculine/Yang | Feminine/Yin | |
| Qualities | Refers to the external—action, productivity, rationality, logic, structure, motivation, expression, output, stability, the hustle, and independence | Refers to the internal—intuition, deep feeling, creativity, interconnectedness, cycles, openness, self-worth, wildness, and receptivity |
| Elements | Fire and air: communication, mental sharpness, ideas, follow-through, dynamic action | Earth and Water: being grounded, emotions, instinct, feelings, soul purpose, nurturing, embodiment |
| Body | Solar plexus and throat | Heart and gut |
| Reaction | Speaking | Listening |
| Cosmic connection | Sun | Moon |
JUMP IN: Embracing the feminine in your everyday life
Embracing the feminine doesn’t have to be all goddess circles, chanting to Kali, or looking at your vulva with a hand mirror (but you totally should if any of those pique your interest). There are plenty of everyday grounded ways to get more in step with our feminine.
Getting enough rest
Drinking plenty of water
Nourishing your body with good food
Feeling your feelings
Honoring the cycles of your body
Having a daily pleasure practice
Focusing on the five senses
Asking your intuition questions
Meditating to quiet the ego and overactive brain
Breathing intentionally
Movement, such as hip circles, dance, and stretching
Sex magic
To get in touch with our energy and wisdom, we must honor our body’s needs first and foremost. We must give ourselves enough rest, good food, and water to not only function, but thrive. Nurture yourself by asking your body what it needs and really listen to what it is telling you. It’s often the simplest things that we need the most. When the body feels properly fed, watered, and rested, it’s easier for us to connect to our intuition. That’s why I’ve included recipes in this book—being nourished helps us lay the foundation for hearing our intuition more clearly.
Ask your intuition questions
Your intuition lives in your body, not your rational brain, so your gut or heart are great places to direct your queries. It can be hard to quiet the mind enough to hear an intuitive response, but it can help to start by picturing where your intuition lives.
The main difference between the brain and the intuition is that the intuition is felt. It feels like a knowing and is calmer and quieter than the brain. The brain can often be wrapped up in fear or comparison, so watch out for words and phrases like “should,” “need to,” or “have to”—these are all clear indicators that the response is coming from your brain. Try meditating or moving your body to clear some space for your intuition to come through, and don’t rush or force it.
Intuition answers come quickly and simply, almost like a reflex. Start by training the intuition muscle with simple questions like: “Shall I wear the red or white sweater today?” / “What shall I make for dinner tonight?” / “What route do I want to take to walk home?” Note your first response to these questions and what it feels like when you hear it. Build up to the trickier questions from there.
Feel your feelings
When an emotion arises—good, bad, or neutral—can you just let yourself be with it? Try to avoid finding whys or immediately attempting to fix it. Instead, simply observe it. You can try greeting it if that’s helpful, with something like: “Oh hey frustration, I see you’ve showed up again today—that’s cool.”
We often try to ignore, rationalize, fix, or tamp down our emotions in order to move past them as quickly as possible, especially the negative ones. But if we can choose to really feel and embrace our emotions fully, and be available for whatever they bring up, we can actually move through them much more effectively than if we just try to ignore them.
Remember: we are not our emotions. This can be hard to remind ourselves of in moments of anger, sadness, or jealousy. This practice of showing up for what we’re feeling can help us to separate the self from the emotion.
Instead of letting waves of emotion crash over you, pulling you under or catching you in a rip, learn to ride the wave by being present to what you’re feeling and letting it take you along on its journey. Soon the wave will taper off and a new one will come.
This is tough work and no one is perfect at it, but if you keep practicing, you’ll be able to stay more centered and true to you in all situations, which is the ultimate power stance.
Resting restores us in so many ways and is just as important as the action phases of our days. It allows us to receive more healing, intuitive hits, and magic in our lives. And while sleep is so important—it helps us heal and regenerate more efficiently, enables our brain to function better, and keeps our moods and blood sugar more stable—it shouldn’t be the only time we rest.
90/10 work/rest: While working, commit yourself to a 10-minute break every 90 minutes. Do something you enjoy that doesn’t require using a computer or phone (playing music is allowed). Take a walk, stare out of the window, do some stretches or breathing exercises, have a snack, or pamper yourself with a face spray or some hand lotion. Repeat throughout your day.
Screen-free time: Screen time does not count as rest. In addition to taking 10 minutes in between working stints, build in screen-free time at the beginning and end of your day. I set my phone to dim all the apps and stay on quiet mode between 8pm and 9am. It’s an easy reminder to put the phone down after dinner and until breakfast. This time helps me to be more creative, connect more easily to my partner, and get better sleep.
Meditation: I think that everyone can find a way to meditate that works for them—even if they don’t call it that. You can do a walking meditation, a visualization, repeat a mantra, sit and do breathing exercises, or use mindfulness techniques (see below). Choose your own adventure and mix it up. I find that when I’m tired and depleted, even just 5 minutes lying down and breathing mindfully restores me. There are many different meditation techniques, but the goal is to observe your thoughts and eventually calm the mind by separating ourselves from our thoughts.
Mindfulness: One way of being more meditative is through mindfulness. This is the act of bringing your attention to the present moment. You can do this by focusing on your breathing or checking in with all of your senses. What do you hear, see, feel, smell, and taste? You can try a mindful breathing practice, a body scan, or simply go about your everyday chores more mindfully—for example, be more present when you’re washing the dishes. Or you might be more attentive in your self-care—for example, being more mindful as you wash your hair and body in the shower and enjoying the sensation of the water, rather than mentally running through your to-do list. Mindfulness can be used as part of a meditation practice as a way to quiet the mind.
Connect with nature: This can serve as brain rest, meditation, and screen-free time. When we see trees, sky, and earth, we feel restored. As someone who lives in a big city, I know this isn’t always easy to do, but parks are amazing for this reason. I think connecting to nature even in a small way subconsciously reminds us of our core self and if you can’t get outdoors, bring some beautiful house plants into your home.
Try cycle syncing
If you’re a bleeding female, I strongly recommend the work of Alisa Vitti, founder of FLO Living, specifically her book WomanCode. In it, Vitti details a protocol for working with your menstrual cycle to support your body throughout the month. Cycle syncing is the idea of eating, moving, and working to support your natural cycles, and in turn, letting your cycles and rhythms support you. If you don’t bleed or aren’t currently bleeding, a similar syncing can be done in accordance to the moon as outlined in the Lunar Living chapter (see page 54).
Because our hormone levels change weekly, depending on where we are in our menstrual cycle, the same food, exercise, and spiritual practices as last week might not work for us this week. We can support ourselves better when we know where we are in our cycle, making us feel more in tune with our body and intuition and enhancing our overall wellbeing.
| Menstrual (1st day of period–day 7) | Follicular (days 7–14) | Ovulation (days 14–21) | Luteal (days 21–28+) | |
| Moon phase | New Moon | Waxing | Full Moon | Waning/Dark Moon |
| Season | Winter | Spring | Summer | Fall |
| Vibe | Inward-focused, connected spiritually, getting pings from the universe, deeply intuitive. | Balanced time between the masculine and feminine. Acting on ideas you had during your menstrual phase, creativity. | External, action-oriented, full bloom, high energy, making things happen, socializing. | Transformative, releasing what’s not serving, fiery, preparing to shed. |
| Food | Warming, cooked foods, roasted root vegetables, and healthy fats. Dark-hued foods that enrich your iron along with calcium and omega-3s—like beets/beetroot, kale, broccoli, mushrooms, avocado, black lentils, black beans, beef, salmon, chia seeds, berries, pepitas/pumpkin seeds, and linseeds/flaxseeds. | Lightly cooked foods (steam and sauté), sprouted and fermented vegetables. Cooked and raw vegetables along with denser grains and lean proteins. Think foods like raw sauerkraut and kombucha, fresh foods like parsley, salad greens, and cabbage, along with grains farro and oats, plus proteins like eggs, chicken, green lentils, pepitas/pumpkin seeds, and linseeds/flaxseeds. | Fresh, raw, and lightly cooked foods like vegetable and fruit smoothies, salads, and lighter grains and proteins. Think foods with lots of vitamin C, fiber, and omega-3s. Opt for bitter greens, spinach, red (bell) pepper, tomatoes, strawberries, quinoa, salmon, chia seeds, sunflower seeds, and sesame seeds. | Root vegetables, hearty grains, dark greens. Sauté, roast, and bake. Focus on B and A vitamins, magnesium, iron, and fiber—dark leafy greens, butternut squash, carrots, cauliflower, buckwheat, millet, chickpeas, beef, cod, apples, dates, sunflower seeds, and sesame seeds. |
| Movement | Walking, light stretching, rest, and a little yoga later in the phase. Keep it slow. | You have more energy and brain power to take on something new and challenging, so go to that class you’ve been eyeing and give it a shot. | Higher-intensity workouts and cardio—running, cycling, weight-lifting. | Starting to wind down. In the first half, you might still have energy for the higher-intensity activities of the ovulation phase but in the second half, transition to gentler activities such as yoga, walking, and pilates. |
| Self-care practice | Rest. Lay on the couch and read a good book or watch a movie. Buy yourself the fancy tea and (at the risk of being a cliché) the good dark chocolate. Don’t feel guilty for taking some time for yourself. | Get out there. Whether you go to a breathwork circle or a new cafe, get out in the world and do something that lights you up. Now is the time to get inspired. | Plan a dinner with friends—either at someone’s place or out at a restaurant—and spend time connecting, catching up, and storytelling. | A luxurious, tricked-out salt bath—so grab those Epsom salts, skin-safe essential oils, crystals, candles, and whatever else makes you feel like a queen. Go the extra mile for yourself. Soak for a minimum of 30 minutes. |
For recipes ideas for each phase of your cycle, refer to the seasonal recipes on pages 34–41 and see the resources, pages 139–140.
Strawberry Beet Power Smoothie
I created this smoothie with the menstrual and follicular phases in mind. It contains beet/beetroot and strawberries which aid depleted iron levels (the strawberries add vitamin C, helping you absorb the iron in the beet more easily), along with lots of fiber from the cauliflower and the seeds for these phases. This smoothie can be enjoyed at other times too, of course.
Makes 1 smoothie
1 beet/beetroot, steamed or roasted and peeled
1 heaped cup/200g frozen strawberries
1 heaped cup/75g frozen cauliflower florets
1 cup/250ml coconut milk
1 tablespoon linseeds/flaxseeds
1 tablespoon pepitas/pumpkin seeds
¼ teaspoon pure vanilla extract
granola or hemp seeds, to top (optional)
Blend everything together at high speed in a blender until smooth and creamy. Pour into a glass and enjoy topped with some granola or hemp seeds, or on its own.
The body can hold on to stress, emotions, tension, and pain long after we’ve experienced a trauma. One way to counteract this is through a regular embodiment practice. Embodiment is a way of feeling into your body. It’s a mindful way of coming home to your physical and emotional self, engaging with it, and being open to all of the sensations and feelings it holds. Embodiment practices can look different for everyone, but some include any or a combination of the following:
HIP-CENTERED MOVEMENT
Hip circles, hip swaying, or hip-opener yoga poses are all effective embodiment practices. Our hips, especially as women, are our power source but are often tight especially for those who sit at a desk all day. Doing a few simple hip circles while standing is an easy way to wake them up. Put on a song and circle in one direction and then the other for the duration. Feel into that power source and creativity.
DANCE
I find one of the easiest and most fun ways to get embodied is through expressive movement along with music that makes you feel something—it can be a great release, helping us connect to our body through rhythm, letting us shake and spin things out. Add hip circles for a two-in-one.
BREATHING
We often take in air in quick, shallow breaths while we’re simultaneously sucking in our guts. Breathing into our diaphragm and stomach helps enliven our gut and wake up our sacral and solar plexus chakras which house creativity and confidence.
SOUND
Using your voice can be a powerful way of releasing or bringing up stuck emotions. There is no need to say actual words, just make sounds that feel cathartic—whatever comes up and out.
Alexandra Roxo’s feminine embodiment practice (see resources, pages 139–140) incorporates breathing, making sounds, and hip circles in a simple routine you can do while lying on your yoga mat. Start with deep belly breaths and long, loud exhales. Then add sounds to your exhales—big sighs, shouts, hisses, laughs, whatever feels right. Then add hip movements in tandem with the other two. This practice is best done with the house to yourself and a playlist turned up loud.
Sex magic
Sexual energy is creative energy. Your sexual energy is often an untapped resource to help enhance your ability to manifest. Owning your sexuality is a way of expressing your power and worth and transforming that energy into something new. Like other forms of energy work, you’re harnessing the power of existing energy and channeling it toward something you want. Simply focus on what you’re trying to call into your life at the moment of climax, then allow yourself to release it and relax. You can do this with a partner or solo, just make sure you’re doing it in a way that feels good to you—whatever makes you feel powerful, comfortable, and aligned is worth doing.
Creating the right ritual for you: Pleasure practice
Cultivating your own pleasure practice will help you tune into your body through the senses. Sensuality, or being in connection to and pleasing the senses, is a big part of the feminine. When we actively engage in our own pleasure—even in tiny, everyday ways—we are showing the universe that we are open to receiving more. Actively pursuing our own enjoyment has the potential to shift our outlook and thought patterns.
Stepping into a headspace of being worthy of receiving good things is one of the best ways we can unlock our magic and magnetic powers. And if you’re doing it through a daily pleasure practice, it can be the most fun too. Take a few deep breaths before you start, go slowly, and focus on whatever you’re experiencing. The only rule is enjoyment. Switch it up each day to find ways to keep it fresh.
Cooking, dancing, and being in a peaceful natural setting hit most or all of the senses at once. Whatever you decide to do, view your pleasure as an act of pure self-love and liberation. Some areas to explore:
Hear: Music, the ocean, silence, rain.
See: Art, trees, ocean, sunshine, plants, architecture, the farmers’ market, loved ones.
Taste: Eat favorite meals and snacks. Buy yourself a fancy version of something you love—chocolate, natural wine, a croissant, a punnet of berries—and take a looong time to eat it.
Smell: Essential oils, going to a beloved bakery, making a great cup of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate, fresh flowers or herbs.
Feel/touch: Fresh air, soft or silky fabrics, a warm bath, cuddling a pet, hugging your partner or a friend, massage (self-massage is great for this practice), clean sheets, warm PJs.
Tarot Reflections
Card 1: What aspect of my feminine side feels neglected?
Card 2: How can I honor my body today?
Card 3: What’s one way I can engage in practicing pleasure right now?
See page 11 for guidance.
