After writing The Chimp Paradox, I was humbled by the response from many members of the public requesting further ideas and information on how we can use neuroscience in an accessible way. I have put some ideas forward in this book.
During our childhood, we learn to manage emotions and thinking by developing coping strategies and beliefs. These strategies and beliefs, whether helpful or unhelpful, are frequently stored in our memory and often progress into unconscious habits for life. Habits are therefore not just actions but can also be repeated beliefs. Unhelpful habits that persist into adult life usually bring stress and can be detrimental to our day-to-day functioning, psychological health and relationships. Therefore, the Silent Guides are unconscious beliefs and behaviours turned into habits that guide or automatically act to take us through life. Most importantly, we can challenge these underlying beliefs, coping strategies and habits to make sure that we have helpful Silent Guides.
This book has two themes:
•To help adults to consider and understand where some of their unhealthy or destructive learnt behaviours and beliefs might have come from, and then offer ways to replace them with healthy and constructive behaviours and beliefs
•To offer ideas and support to parents, teachers or carers that could help children to form healthy and constructive habits and prevent unhealthy or destructive habits from developing
•Learning to apologise or say sorry effectively
•Being proactive and stopping procrastination
•Developing a positive outlook
•Changing negative emotions into positive emotions
•Seeking appropriate help
•Learning to collaborate
•Getting over mistakes
Many unhelpful habits are not recognised as being habits. Once we recognise them as habits, we can change them. For example:
•Having a negative outlook as a default position (Chapter 5)
•Being overly self-critical and unable to forgive yourself for mistakes (Chapter 6)
•Holding onto guilt and beating yourself up (Chapter 10)
•Not reaching out and asking for help (Chapter 11)
•Fearing failure and unforgiving perfectionism (Chapter 13)
•Living with low self-esteem (Chapter 13)
•Worrying excessively (Chapter 13)
•Overreacting to situations (Chapter 14)
•Generally moaning and complaining (Chapter 16)
Important point
We can develop helpful habits and prevent unhelpful habits from forming during childhood. We can change old habits or form new habits in our adult life.
I have written the book around childhood, but the principles that operate are the same for anyone of any age. Here is a simple example of how a childhood principle can relate to any adult. We know from research that children whose parents or teachers are overly critical can undermine a child’s development and create self-doubt.[1] In contrast, praising a child for accomplishments, or efforts made, can give the child better self-esteem. This principle could be applied to any adult, not just a child. If you develop the habit of praising yourself for what you have accomplished, or what effort you have made, then your self-esteem can rise. Having a habit of being overly critical of yourself only leads to self-doubt and low self-esteem. Recognising the habit of unhelpful self-criticism, and changing it, can alter self-esteem.
For readers who wish to explain to a child the ideas that are covered in this book, I have also written My Hidden Chimp, a children’s educational book with graphics, exercises and activities.