Notes
[1] Author Neil Gaiman paraphrased G. K. Chesterton’s longer quotation found in Tremendous Trifles, which was first published in 1909. In chapter 17, “The Red Angel,” Chesterton says: “Fairy tales, then, are not responsible for producing in children fear, or any of the shapes of fear; fairy tales do not give the child the idea of the evil or the ugly; that is in the child already, because it is in the world already. Fairy tales do not give the child his first idea of bogey. What fairy tales give the child is his first clear idea of the possible defeat of bogey. The baby has known the dragon intimately ever since he had an imagination. What the fairy tale provides for him is a St. George to kill the dragon. Exactly what the fairy tale does is this: it accustoms him for a series of clear pictures to the idea that these limitless terrors had a limit, that these shapeless enemies have enemies in the knights of God, that there is something in the universe more mystical than darkness, and stronger than strong fear.”
[2] To read more about the challenges in families where both parents work, see Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi, The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Mothers and Fathers Are Going Broke (New York: Basic Books, 2003).
[3] For the record, we’ve purchased numerous copies of The Total Money Makeover since then, and it’s our go-to gift for any graduation or wedding. I’m hoping that grants us absolution. Side note: if you’re at all familiar with Dave Ramsey and have any amount of debt, he’s the type of guy you want to both bear-hug and stare down with the stink eye. It’s funny how we can both embrace and push back on our own darkness when it’s dragged into the light.
[4] I’m often asked a number of questions about how we paid off so much debt so quickly. Did we cash out our retirement? Did we inherit or win a large sum of money? Did we consolidate our debt? Did we sell a major item like a vehicle? The answer to all of the above is no. We nickeled-and-dimed our way into six figures of debt with really nothing to show for it and then nickeled-and-dimed our way back out again.
[5] Oh, my friends who like their grammar squeaky clean, I need to apologize. I realize that technically the correct terms are “Princess Elder” and “Princess Younger” since there is no third princess in the mix. However, every time I heard “Princess Elder” it conjured up images of an ancient wizard or a high-ranking officer in a secret society. So with an apologetic curtsy, I acknowledge and honor your grammar purism while breaking the rules and sticking with the royal titles I’ve always used on my blog.
[6] Esther 4:14, NIV
[7] When attending a conference in 1999, my husband, Brian, jotted down the words of one of the speakers, Mike Silva, who said, “The death of dialogue is the birth of resentment.”
[8] The full quotation is “There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.” G. K. is my homeboy.
[9] No Fred Johnsons were harmed in the writing of this chapter.
[10] My apologies to the Fred Johnsons of the world. I am quite positive that each of you is a delightful and amazing person. I promise I’m only using your name as an illustrative example and have no intentions of besmirching your outstanding character. My next book just might be Why You Should Be More Like Fred Johnson, but for now, please accept my humble apologies.
[11] Jeffrey Dew, Sonya Britt, and Sandra Huston, “Examining the Relationship between Financial Issues and Divorce,” Family Relations 61, no. 4 (October 2012): 615–628.
[12] Joshua 1:9, NIV. After spending many years in children’s ministry, Brian and I can’t recite this verse without singing it.
[13] Emphasis added. The Bible tells us not to fear more than 365 times! Three other such passages that I particularly appreciate are Matthew 14:26-27; Luke 1:12-14; and Revelation 1:16-18.
[14] To learn about all seven steps in great detail, check out “The Seven Baby Steps” at www.daveramsey.com/new/baby-steps (accessed April 24, 2014).
[15] John Trent, The 2 Degree Difference: How Little Things Can Change Everything (Nashville: B&H Publishing, 2006).
[16] I also once shared this tip in a newspaper article. Said newspaper article was read by my pastor’s sixth-grade son, who exclaimed, “Why would Mrs. Lowe say that?!” Note to self: if you ever want sixth-grade boys to look you in the eye again, don’t share this story with them. My apologies to the sixth-grade boys who read this book and are now reading this endnote.
[17] Computers have long been a part of my life. As a kid, one of my biggest joys was to type in the monthly BASIC programming from my 3-2-1 Contact magazine to create a smiley face or a simple computer game on the screen. I’m a geek and I know it. So it’s not a surprise that this method of budgeting comes most naturally to me.
[18] Christians believe in giving a percentage of income (generally 10 percent) every month to their local church. It’s not a tax or a payment to God in hopes of gaining His good favor. I’ve known those who don’t attend church to misunderstand this practice as “dues” given to a religious organization. Instead, tithing is a way to sacrifice part of your income, acknowledging that all blessings, monetary and otherwise, come from God, the giver of all good things. Through giving, we joyfully show our gratitude and enable the church to make a difference in the world, drawing more people toward the compelling love of Jesus. Tithing can be controversial (How much? Gross vs. net? Is it a sin not to tithe?).
I’m no biblical scholar, but my heart breaks when I talk to families who long to give but cannot do that and pay their bills. I’m not talking about the cable bill or the cell phone bill, but the grocery bill. I love the wisdom of Timothy Keller, who teaches that tithing should be our aim, but that we should give until we feel a sacrifice. (By the way, Keller also points out that for some people, 10 percent is too small a sacrifice.)
Can I be boldly honest with you? In the heat of our battle against debt, Brian and I felt the sacrifice of giving sooner than we do now. Though we didn’t give a set percentage to our church every week as we were paying off debt, we found ways to give by serving others with our talents. There was sacrifice involved and we certainly felt it, even if it wasn’t a full “tithe” in the eyes of most. Maybe we were out of line. Maybe you feel differently. I’m not saying we made the best choice, nor am I dictating that this is the path for you to walk. This is just my honest explanation of how we handled this soul-searching decision.
One of the beautiful parts of becoming debt-free is the enhanced ability we now have to give to others, including the traditional method of tithing and even giving beyond that percentage.
For some of the wisest, most encouraging words on tithing, I encourage you visit the following site to read, study, and listen with an open heart: http://www.redeemer.com/learn/resources_by_topic/generosity/stewardship/.
Timothy Keller has specific words about paying off debt and tithing in the last video, entitled “Wealth,” here: www.redeemer.com/learn/resources_by_topic/generosity/generosity_sermon_series/generosity_questions_and_answers. This sermon series also explains generosity well: www.redeemer.com/learn/resources_by_topic/generosity/generosity_sermon_series.
[19] Once we were debt-free, we created an emergency car fund for car repairs and the purchase of a new car.
[20] While many personal finance experts recommend this strategy for monthly home budgets, I first learned about it from Dave Ramsey’s teachings.
[21] Gregory Karp, “Cash vs. Credit Mindset,” Chicago Tribune, December 15, 2011, http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-12-15/news/sc-cons-1215-karpspend-20111210_1_credit-cards-card-balances-debit-cards (accessed April 24, 2014).
[22] I carry the black-and-white wallet and love it. See www.thriftyzippers.com.
[23] 2 Kings 4:2, italics added
[24] Retail employees, please don’t hate me. This is not a regular practice of mine, nor am I suggesting it for others. It was a one-time event, and I felt horrible about it (still do). I am usually very intentional about putting items back or handing them to the cashier upon checkout with an apologetic “We don’t need this after all; I am so sorry.” I have horrible guilt if I place an item in the wrong place —I dwell on it for days. I also have issues with not placing my cart back in the corral. But that’s another story for another day.
[25] Not that I’ve ever snapped a little girl’s head off and placed ice cream and three bags of potato chips in my cart willy-nilly because for the love of all, can we just get out of here and go home and eat already! I’d rather you picture me softly humming a hymn as I gently push my cart through the aisles wearing my best dress and heels, waving to my neighbors and instructing my children on the joy and beauty that is life.
[26] I still know my best friend from sixth grade’s phone number and birthday: 397-2394 and September 20. No peeking on Facebook necessary.
[27] Thomas J. Stanley, PhD, The Millionaire Mind (Kansas City, MO: Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2001), 277–278.
[28] Lest you think my husband is a complete killjoy or enforced his extreme frugality upon the rest of our family, I want you to know that he did not require the rest of us to abstain from restaurants while he did. It was his choice. He sat through business lunches without eating. We went on short road trips where he did not eat at restaurants. He was an absolute oak in his personal choice. On occasion, when we had budgeted for it, our family still dined out. He simply sat and chatted with us rather than partaking of the food. It turned out to be a huge blessing because he would attend to the needs of our children while I actually got to eat. Parents know that you have to either gobble down your food first and then attend to children or eat cold food after the other parent has rapidly consumed his or hers. And of course right after your food arrives, someone always has to go to the bathroom. It’s not very much fun. Now that Brian eats at restaurants, I kinda wish he’d quit again.
[29] You don’t have to give up meat to pay off debt. This was something we felt called to do to speed our process. We began by eating meat only on weekends. We then progressed to not purchasing it at all. Princess Eldest protested. She really likes cheeseburgers.
[30] Washing soda is found in the laundry detergent aisle, typically with the powdered detergents. Borax and washing soda are nothing new. Your grandma or great-grandma probably used them regularly.
[31] You can grate the soap with your good ole cheese grater. It’s fine to use the grater on foods again after you wash it or put it in the dishwasher. I have heard of others using Fels-Naptha soap too. It’s another “classic cleaner” that has been around for decades. To chop it into small pieces, you might need a food processor because it’s much harder and more dense than Ivory.
[32] Thanks to Grandma Thelma, I love Erma Bombeck. Every time I spent time at my grandparents’ home, I pored over paperbacks by Bombeck for hours in the guest bedroom. Recently I stumbled onto the idea that her style of humor on everyday life was the forerunner to mom blogging. I was completely absorbed in her mom humor long before I ever dreamt of having a child. Here’s to you, Erma, for keeping it real before it was cool to keep it real, and here’s to you, Grandma Thelma, for letting a ten-year-old kid read real books.
[33] I know you think I’m seriously bonkers here, but you can use toothpaste to clean your jewelry —gold, white gold, sterling, or tarnished silver. Avoid the whitening, anti-tartar, and gel varieties and opt for plain old cheap (no added silica) toothpaste. Use an old toothbrush to scrub the piece, rinse it with water, and then dry it with a soft cloth. Or you can use another favorite recipe of mine —1 cup of hot water (microwaved or heated on the stove), 1 tablespoon of salt, 1 tablespoon of baking soda, and 1 tablespoon of dishwashing liquid, like Dawn. Line a cereal bowl with a piece of aluminum foil. Pour hot water in the bowl. Add the other ingredients. They will bubble up. (Science is cool!) Then place your jewelry on top of the foil. Let it sit for five to ten minutes. Rinse with cool water, scrub with an old toothbrush if necessary, and dry with a soft cloth. It really works! Your royal jewels will be super sparkly. Discard the solution, which doubles as a great drain cleaner. As a side note, from everything I’ve read, the second recipe is not advised for silver and soft stones like pearls or opals.
[34] I found our current dishwashing detergent recipe on Pinterest in several places, so I’m not sure who deserves to be credited. Mix one 76-ounce box of borax, one 55-ounce box of washing soda, 3 cups of Epsom salts (found in the pharmacy), and 24 small packets of lemonade drink mix (think unsweetened Kool-Aid). The number one ingredient in the drink mix is citric acid, which will do the heavy lifting when it comes to getting your dishes spic and span. Be sure to keep the detergent in an airtight container and avoid getting it wet because it has a tendency to clump. More tips and tricks to using it (as well as alternative uses for this cleaner) can be found at www.queenoffree.net/2012/07/homemade-dishwasher-detergent-recipe.
[35] I love using half.com, a subsidiary of eBay, to sell books. I typically price books just below the highest priced item. Save on packaging by reusing boxes and envelopes you receive, and be sure to send the books via media mail for the lowest postal rates.
[36] See, for example, “Good Debt vs. Bad Debt,” CNNMoney, http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/money101/lesson9/index2.htm (accessed April 24, 2014).
[37] “Friends and Family Influence Your Health Habits,” Huffington Post, August 12, 2013, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/12/friends-family-health-habits-smoking-drinking-alcohol_n_3728302.html. See also Nicholas A. Christakis and James H. Fowler, Connected (New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2009). This book examines how those in your social media networks also influence your choices. Find more information at http://www.connectedthebook.com.
[38] From the “Friending” message series, LifeChurch.tv
[39] To find a course near you, see http://daveramsey.com/fpu/classfinder or http://www.crown.org/AboutUs/FindCrown.aspx.
[40] Mark 8:36, NIV
[41] I’m sure it’s theologically incorrect to imply that you and I make God cry. So perhaps it’s better to point out that we might bring Him grief. I once witnessed someone telling her child that the reason it was raining was because God was sad. That made me wince. Hopefully, I didn’t make you wince. It was a parallel metaphor and turn of phrase. Please don’t send me hate mail.
[42] Melanie Hicken, “Average Cost to Raise a Kid: $241,080,” CNNMoney, August 14, 2013, http://money.cnn.com/2013/08/14/pf/cost-children (accessed April 24, 2014).
[43] Matthew 7:9-11, NIV
[44] Note to self: “Bread and Fish” and “Stones and Snakes” are both awesome potential band names.
[45] See Deuteronomy 11:18-21.
[46] Big love to Visit Indy and the Doing Indy community. You have brought us joy unspeakable.
[47] If, by chance, you ever find yourself flying in a vintage trick plane in formation with two other airplanes over an enormous body of water, may I give you a few suggestions? (1) Don’t come down with shingles the week you are scheduled for said flight. It will become incredibly uncomfortable when you begin to push into the seat, holding on for dear life. (2) Realize that hanging upside down is not nearly as unnerving as seeing another plane flying so close to you that you can wave at the other passenger and see him wave back and then begin to pick his teeth. (3) Take Dramamine. Better safe than sorry. I was glad I did even though I don’t typically have motion sickness. (4) Be sure that all of the dials in front of you are working, even if it doesn’t matter. Seeing the fuel gauge point to “E” will elicit a baby panic attack, even when the pilot assures you his gauge reads “F.” (5) If you decide to allow your seven-year-old daughter to watch from the ground so she can witness just how awesome her mom is, you might also want to bring another family member with you. Midflight, as you squeal in panic and delight, it might occur to you that a family friend who probably isn’t best suited for the task may be now saddled with the responsibility of telling your sweet cherub that Mommy is swimming with the fishies at the bottom of Lake Michigan. (6) Relax, listen to the pilot’s country playlist, and enjoy the ride, realizing that you will probably never have this opportunity again.
[48] Stan and Jan Berenstain, The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Birthday (New York: Random House, 1986).
[49] One of the Princess Youngest’s best reactions at Christmas ever was over a box of Goldfish that we bought for her. She repeated, “Thank you” over and over again and gave us both hugs. It just goes to prove that a gift doesn’t have to be dazzling to elicit a joyful and gracious response from a child.
[50] “2013 Back to School: Spending Less, Shopping Smart,” National Retail Federation, August 14, 2013, http://www.nrf.com/modules.php?name=Dashboard&id=53 (accessed April 24, 2014).
[51] Andy Stanley, “Our Way, A Way,” (sermon, North Point Community Church, Alpharetta, Georgia, September 9, 2012), http://futurefamily.org/#our-way-a-way.
[52] See Jeremiah 29:11.
[53] Mothers of Preschoolers; see http://www.mops.org.
[54] Melody Carlson, It’s Not Funny, I’ve Lost My Money! (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2000). Sadly, it appears the book is now out of print. If you ask nicely, I’ll loan you my copy.
[55] Don’t know how to begin a relationship with God? Just like paying off debt, it’s not complex. Take a simple moment to breathe a prayer acknowledging your need for God to lead your journey. Express your belief that Jesus came to earth with the divine mission of dying to give you true life. Rejoice in the fact that He did not remain in the grave but conquered death. Confess that your efforts fall short and realize your great need for God. Reach out to me or someone you know who has faith in God, and we’ll help you find a community to grow your new faith. You won’t regret this decision.
[56] Actually, Brian went with us to the Texas Roadhouse, but he did not eat. He sat and watched, celebrating with us. He wanted to be intentional with his first real meal out.
[57] Dave Ramsey invites his listeners to visit Financial Peace Plaza to watch him record his show and once they’ve paid off their debt, to scream “We’re debt-free!” on air. For more information, see https://www.daveramsey.com/show/visit/. To hear our debt-free call, go here: http://www.queenoffree.net/2012/04/on-being-on-dave-ramsey-show.
[58] Blood:Water partners with grassroots organizations in Africa to address the HIV/AIDS and water crises. For more information, visit www.bloodwater.org.
[59] My friend Dustin is an amazing musician. You should check him out. Since the songs are parodies, we don’t have the coin to print them here. If you e-mail me, I might be able to respond with the lyrics. Find Dustin Stamper at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dustin-Stamper/117304811615653.