A part-Cherokee cowboy from Oklahoma, Will Rogers had become a star on the vaudeville circuit by telling topical jokes about the news of the day while performing rope tricks. In his preface to Rogers-isms: The Cowboy Philosopher on the Peace Conference, Rogers wrote: “In the Five times I have appeared before president Wilson I have used dozens of these same jokes, about him, And he has the best sense of humor and is the best audience I ever played too . . .” In addition to perfecting the art of stand-up political satire, Rogers would become one of America’s most popular newspaper columnists, radio personalities, and movie stars.
I was going to write a Book on the War, But I heard some fellow had already done it,
In fact I figure that the fellow who dont write on the war will be a novelty, There is so many Books on the War that no two people will have to read the same Book.
Then the War was too serious a subject I could not write on it, But the Peace Feast, That seemed to offer a better field for Humor provided you stick to the facts,
I have some inside facts procured from the most reliable source, And as I dont want to see the World grow up in ignorance on this historical subject I would really feel selfish and mean too withold it,
Heres how I got it, There is a fellow I know, Who had a friend, And this friends Sister had a sweetheart and he was a Soldier in France and his cousins pal was a Bunkie of Col Houses Chouffer, The Col told his Chouffer So you see my information comes from the same place Pres Wilsons does,
We are handicapped at this meeting, England and France both have their Prime Ministers there while BILLY SUNDAY dident go for us,
Germany couldent figure out how America could get troops over there and get them trained so quick they dident know that in our manual there is nothing about RETREATING and when you only got to teach an Army to go one way you can do it in half the time,
I feel pretty proud over that last little gag, As I used it before Pres Wilson in Washington and he repeated it in his Boston speech, Saying “as one of our AMERICAN HUMORISTS says,” Up to then I had only been an ordinary Rope thrower,
Pretty tough when the Pres cops your act,
America dident know till they got over there that those European Nations have had a disease for years called the Gimmes.
England and Japan had a secret Treaty where England was to get everything south of the equator and Japan everything North, Guess they were going to leave the equator for Ireland,
They agreed on one of the 14 points that was that America went in for nothing and expects nothing they are all UNANIMOUS WE GET IT,
Wanted to put the LEAGUE of nations in with Peace Treaty, thats like a fellow going into a store and the Merchant wont sell him a Suit unless he uses a Gillette Razor,
Italy left the Conference and got what she wanted, Japan threatened to leave and got what she wanted, If Pres Wilson had left some Republican Senators would have gotten what they wanted,
Well they finally handed Germany the Peace terms 8o thousand words only thing ever written longer than a Lafollette Speech,
HAD TO BE THAT LONG TO TELL THE GERMANS WHAT THEY THOUGHT OF THEM
Imagine what a document for Lawers to pick flaws in,
Could have settled the whole thing in one sentence, “IF YOU BIRDS START ANYTHING AGAIN WE WILL GIVE YOU THE OTHER BARREL,”
From Rogers-isms: The Cowboy Philosopher on the Peace Conference (1919)