Maternal Mental Health Matters . . . A Lot

Making a concerted effort to “enjoy” early motherhood is great (and very important, as per Oma the Oracle). However, it’s also worth emphasizing that deteriorating maternal mental health can and often does render “enjoyment” physically impossible.

Social anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD, depression: Modern mamas experience them all at alarming rates. But, as we know, moms are notorious for putting on their best hero face every GD day—often the closest people in our lives have no idea our mental health is suffering.

Don’t fall into that trap, girl. Seriously.

In the postpartum period, your sleep patterns, interests, cognitions, energy levels, moods, and body weight are all in flux at the best of times, making signs of postpartum depression and anxiety easy to miss. But if symptoms persist, if they’re intrusive, if they’re seemingly never-ending, then please speak up to someone and let them help you.

When it comes to your mental health, don’t fuck around.

Some Identifiers for Postpartum Depression:

• A loss of interest in things that would normally bring pleasure (including the baby)
• Physical feelings of being slowed down
• Excessive feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• Diminished concentration and inability to think clearly, which can be worsened by sleep deprivation
• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

Some Identifiers for Postpartum Anxiety:

• Constant or near-constant worry that can’t be eased
• Feelings of dread about things you fear will happen
• Sleep disruption (waking up or having trouble sleeping at times when your baby’s sleeping peacefully)
• Racing thoughts
• Shakiness or trembling
• Heart palpitations
• Hyperventilation
• Nausea or vomiting

We hate to toss one more thing on your plate right now, but when it comes to your mental health, you need to be your own biggest advocate. Try to be as open and candid with your doctor as possible. Ask for information on services that can help you before and after the baby arrives. If something feels off, ask for help and don’t take no for an answer. Make a commitment, right here and right now, to never feel bad for taking a stand for yourself—in physicians’ offices and in life, okay? Unfortunately, nobody’s going to do it for you.

But there are certain things that we as a society should be doing to support new moms. And it’s gotta start with us. So, when you emerge from the haze of early motherhood and rejoin the “real” world as just a regular old parent, make an effort to be an ally to new moms and an advocate for the ones in your life. Here are a few simple things we can all do to help a sister out when she needs us most:

• Assume a new mom is not okay and go from there. Notwithstanding the overall gains, bringing a child into the world is painful and often traumatic. Treat new mamas with care and understanding always.
• Broaden the maternal mental health conversation beyond postpartum depression. Social anxiety, panic, and post-traumatic stress are surprisingly prevalent yet rarely discussed.
• Look to other cultures for help in managing the postpartum period. At the bare minimum, we need to help new moms gain access to doulas and other birth/postpartum professionals who can offer support and monitor for signs of deteriorating mental health.
• Involve the men. They need to be privy to this conversation because it affects them, too. They need to know how important their involvement and support are to the mental health of their child’s mom. They also need to know that they are vulnerable to paternal postpartum depression and other forms of mental illness. Dads need our support, too.
• Share our stories and experiences with each other. Maybe mommy meetups need to be less about singing “Baby Shark” and more about sitting around shooting the shit about what we’re going through. New moms often feel completely isolated in their feelings. Sometimes all they need in order to move on and enjoy their families is to feel heard and validated—even if it’s just for a few minutes.
• Let her heal. (See here for a refresher.)

We hope you’ve got people in your life who are supporting and advocating for you right now as you undergo this transition from maidenhood to motherhood. If you do, count your lucky stars; if you don’t, well, you’ve got us.

Either way, let’s all agree to pay the good shit forward to every new mom we meet.