Chapter 10 Drinking on Campus: Tapping the Keg of Truth

Dear Harlan,

I’m a nineteen-year-old college freshman. I have several very good friends that I’ve known for a long time, some since middle school. Even now, we seem to get along most of the time, but there is one thing that always sets me aside from them: I don’t drink.

I don’t criticize them for drinking. I just don’t join in. When I become legal, I will drink socially, but I don’t see a point in drinking just to get drunk. Lately, two of them, whom I consider my best friends, have been excluding me. When I ask them why, they tell me that they feel bad that I’m not drinking and they are. How do I let them know that I’m not judging them?

I’ve thought about just giving in and getting drunk with them, but alcoholism runs in my family and I want to be the exception to that disease. I realize that by drinking every once in a while, I will not become an alcoholic, but I think there are better ways to spend my nights than drinking and spending the whole next day hungover. Am I just being too conservative?

—Sober

Dear Sober,

Too conservative would be walking into their rooms when they drink and grabbing their beer, then pouring it on them while screaming at the top of your lungs, “Too drunk to get an umbrellaaaaa?!”

Your friends’ excluding you just sucks for them—not only do they lose a friend, but also a designated driver. The colder the winter, the more they’ll miss you and your sobriety.

Thank them for their concern, but tell them that it makes you more concerned to be excluded. Remind them that you don’t care if they get drunk, and they shouldn’t care if you don’t. If anything, they have someone to drive them around, watch their back, and bail them out should they do something stupid. You’re a great friend to have.

Make sure they also know that you honestly don’t mind hanging out and drinking something nonalcoholic. Should they still exclude you, don’t worry, you’ll find other friends. Not everyone drinks on campus (or gets so drunk that other people who aren’t drunk are a problem). If you find they’re just too insecure and stupid, use your free time to get involved with clubs, activities, sports, organizations, religion, or anything to help you meet people.

It’s sad that this is what’s happening, but friends can grow apart. Don’t become a drunk just to keep your friends.

If you can’t handle drinking and going to school, then you’re not responsible enough to do both. Accept the fact that you’re not and pick one.

My future is really important to me. I wanted to party, but I also wanted to go to class. The further I went into my major, the more I realized that college is the most important thing to me. I’ve had friends that have had really low GPAs and quit because they partied too much. My one friend was only sober two days a week. She had to move back home to Wisconsin. Most of us are mature enough and figured it out—that you have to do your homework and go to classes to stay here. Your job is to go to classes. There are mornings when I wish I didn’t have to go to school but I need to. I just can’t live my life drinking. We’ll be in the library in our going-out clothes, and I don’t go out unless my homework is done. I go to all my classes, even if I’m hungover. If you’re going to do it, then you have suffer the consequences.

Time to Party, Or Not

Hours per week spent partying:

None: 33.4 percent

Less than 1 hour: 12.5 percent

1–2 hours: 15.1 percent

3–5 hours: 21.3 percent

6–10 hours: 12.3 percent

11–15 hours: 3.3 percent

16–20 hours: 1.1 percent

21–30 hours: 1 percent

Most Students…

• have NOT driven a car after drinking.

• have NOT let alcohol use negatively affect their academics.

• do NOT drink to excess.

• drink one time a week or less.

—The BACCHUS Network, “Tell It Like It Is—National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week”

•Tequila makes us psycho—my friend got into a bar fight after drinking tequila.

•No drunken dials—it always leads to a call to an ex and making an ass out of yourself, so we take away the cell phones.

•No friends with benefits—you hook up after drinking and then have sex. We try to keep that rule, but sometimes we break it.

If you’re using this book as a beer coaster, you might have a drinking problem…

Some students drink a lot, some drink a little (wine with Ramen), others don’t drink at all. Alcohol is available and accessible on college campuses. Whether a campus is wet (allows booze) or dry (no booze for you), you can find it if you want it. Yes, it’s illegal if you’re under twenty-one, but people find it. Unlike high school, your parents will not know what you do (unless you get so stupid you break into a bread delivery truck, pass out on a baguette, and need to beg them to bail you out of jail).

Let me shock you—most students don’t get stupid drunk. More than you think don’t drink at all. First-year students have this idea that college is a drunken free-for-all where everyone is wasted. As a result, new students come to college and start drinking to fit in. But the truth, according to the American College Health Association’s 2014 report, is that 20 percent of students have never used alcohol. And another 13 percent of students had not consumed alcohol in the thirty days prior to taking the survey. This means that ONE-THIRD of students had NO alcohol within the past thirty days. When students were asked how many of their peers have NEVER consumed alcohol, students guessed 3.2 percent were totally sober, when in reality, 20.1 percent had NEVER consumed alcohol. What students think is happening is NOT happening. It’s a fact. When asked to estimate how many students had used alcohol in the last thirty days, respondents thought 94.9 percent of their peers were drinking, when the actual percentage was only 66.8 percent. Yes, some college students drink, but most college students don’t drink to the point of being completely stupid. How much you decide to drink or not drink is up to you (assuming you’re of age).

•It’s a group thing. Drinking is typically pretty social, and it’s easy to hang out with people who are drinking. The way you are included is if you drink.

•It’s a social crutch. A lot of people have a hard time talking to strangers while sober. They call it shy. I call it afraid of being judged.

•It’s a hookup thing. While you can’t talk to that guy or girl in class while sober, you can simulate having sex in 15 different positions on the dance floor.

•It’s an emotional crutch. Going to college is a dramatic change, and big changes are naturally uncomfortable. Put people in an uncomfortable situation and give them the chance to drink, and they’ll drink. But they don’t need to drink to accomplish these same things.

•It’s an addiction thing. Social drinking can become antisocial drinking, which can become an addiction. Students with a family history need to be extra careful (yes, alcoholism has been proven to run in families).

Naked note: Most college students don’t love getting wasted, vomiting, and doing things they regret. Students drink too much because they can’t say what they think and do what they feel while sober. They hate rejection and can’t stand feeling uncomfortable (been there, done it). Want to have it all without having to get wasted? Find your people, find your places, and be patient. Focus on what you want (not being wanted). Create a world of options. The more people and places in your life, the less likely you’ll be to buckle to pressure and do things that aren’t in alignment with your values (e.g., drugs and alcohol). Follow the five steps in Tip #54 and apply them to all the other risks you’ll take during your college experience. It works.

Not as many people drink as you might think. If you can’t do it sober, don’t do it drunk.

I was not much of the partying type in high school. I was what you’d call inexperienced. I went to a party my first week of school and made the mistake of consuming a lot of alcohol on an empty stomach. I had whatever my friends were having. We had fun for a while, until things started spinning. About two hours into the night, I was on my hands and knees puking my guts out. I didn’t quite make it into the bathroom, but no one saw me spill it. I was sick. I was the opposite of holding my liquor. I didn’t know how much or how fast I could drink. My friends from my floor and a buddy from high school were there to make sure that I got home. This was the night before I had the worst hangover of my life. As for the hangover—water, drink lots of water. Never again did I partake in the brew without first eating the food.

There’s no rush (unless you’re running to pee). Should you decide to drink, pace yourself and know what the hell you’re drinking.

Sobering Stats

Assault: More than 696,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 are assaulted by another student who has been drinking.

Injury: 599,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 are unintentionally injured under the influence of alcohol.

Death: 1,825 college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die each year from alcohol-related unintentional injuries, including motor vehicle crashes.

—According to the NIDA, www.CollegeDrinkingPrevention.gov/StatsSummaries/Snapshot.aspx

A common recipe for party punch is a combination of grain alcohol, water, and sugary fruit punch mix. Grain alcohol is about 190 proof, or 95 percent pure alcohol. For the most part, it’s odorless, tasteless, and potent. Because it doesn’t have a lot of taste, it’s extremely dangerous when consumed—even in small quantities. Someone who doesn’t weigh much and doesn’t eat much doesn’t need to drink much to get wasted, and get sick. It happens all the time. Do not drink the punch. If you do decide to accept some concoction that someone hands to you, then just hold it. Let it spill or pour some of it down a sink. If you do drink it (bad idea), don’t drink much. Drinking too much too fast will make you sick and create serious problems.

“No matter where you go, there will always be sober friends you can hang out with.”

Another relatively new way to get wasted quickly is to consume Alcoholic Energy Drinks or mix alcohol with an energy drink. This isn’t just a bad idea, it’s dangerous. DO NOT MIX ALCOHOL AND ENERGY DRINKS!!! Why? Alcohol is a depressant. Energy drinks are stimulants. The two combined can mask the effects of the alcohol until it’s too late. This can cause people to drink too much too fast and get dehydrated very quickly (stimulants can cause you to pee more). This combo can make you go from sober to sick in a matter of minutes. As a rule, avoid all energy drinks when consuming alcohol.

“Do not eat the fruit out of the punch bowl at frat parties. When I got to college, the first week we were invited to a frat party. Not being a big drinker, I was basically watching everyone get wasted. I noticed all this fruit floating in the punch and started eating it. I had no idea that all the fruit absorbed the alcohol and that they had also soaked some of the fruit in the alcohol beforehand! Needless to say I don’t remember much after that.”

When drinking alcohol, it’s hard to say how much is too much. Factors like gender (the same amount of alcohol will always affect a woman more than a man), body weight, full/empty stomach, medications or other drugs, an individual’s mood, what someone drinks, one’s tolerance (the amount it takes to feel the effects of alcohol), and how fast someone drinks all contribute. Even if you know what you’re drinking, you might not know how you’ll react to it.

Another problem with so many new students is that they’re also new drinkers. According to the Higher Education Research Institute at UCLA, more than half of all new college students never drank in high school. This means they don’t know their limits. And they start figuring out their limits during the most important and unstable time in college.

Come to college with three places in mind where you’ll find connections. Arrive with people in your corner who you can turn to while sober. If you do these things, you don’t have to drink to feel connected and supported. Drinking too much too soon can mess you up. You can oversleep, sleep around (and that can consume your thoughts), and sleep through classes (if you make it to classes). And a crappy GPA your first semester can end up burying you. So, if you choose to drink, pace yourself.

“The key to any social situation where drinking is involved is to know your limit.”

My first semester I was determined not to drink, and I didn’t. I was worried about what my sorority sisters would think, but they were cool with that. You learn to hold an empty beer can after a while—the problem is when someone takes it from you and wants to get you a new one. I just tell them that I’m taking a break…like for the rest of the night. I still don’t drink and none of my friends seem to care. A lot of my friends do things that I don’t feel comfortable doing, and I don’t say anything to them. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on any part of college life. My boyfriend respects that I don’t drink. There are a lot of things to do besides get drunk. It just doesn’t interest me.

Freshman year, I went to my first college party. I’ve been to Catholic and private school my entire life, and the past four years had been an all girls’ school experience. I didn’t drink, I didn’t smoke, and it was fun until about 2 a.m., when the sheer volume of people around me becoming more and more intoxicated and unaware of their surroundings was almost too much to bear. It did become too much when I saw a close friend of mine do something I never imagined he was even capable of. I found some sober friends and left. My system was in a literal shock. I didn’t go to sleep until the sun came up, and my mind was just reeling with what I’d experienced, even though somewhere in the depths of my brain I knew such behavior was kind of the college party norm. I decided to shower and take a walk. When I couldn’t even write in my journal I decided to go for a walk-in counseling session at the Health Center. The woman was kind and inviting, and I got to let it all out. She helped me realize that even though what had gone on was normal to a lot of other people who were used to partying, it was good that I recognized that it wasn’t normal for me, and good that I took steps to take care of myself (like leaving early and going to the health center). I also learned that people have a lot of different sides of themselves, and one of those sides is the intoxicated one. I realized that my friend is the still the awesome person that he is despite the thing he did when he was drunk, but I also realized that I didn’t want to be around him when he was drunk, and that’s okay. I’ve learned that the people I hang out with at night can be a little different from the people I hang out with during the day.

“I see the weight they’ve put on due to their alcoholic binges. Alcohol is a sure way to gain the infamous freshman 15.”

Some people look like they’re drinking, but really, it’s all just a big illusion. That guy holding the beer? It’s filled with Mountain Dew. That guy pouring drinks from the keg? He’s totally sober and likes playing bartender so he has something to do. That girl with the mixed drink? It’s cranberry and water. Not as many people as you think are drinking the alcohol. But sure, some are.

If you don’t want to drink, then don’t drink. If you don’t want to tell people that you don’t drink, just hold a drink and disguise it. You can pour out the beer and fill the container with something that looks like what you’re supposed to be drinking (ginger ale looks like beer, coke looks like rum and coke, grape juice looks like cheap wine). If the problem is holding something, then you can hold a cup with 7UP and a lime. If you want to hold something and don’t have a cup, you can just hold yourself. If you don’t want to hold yourself then you can hold a small pet, like a ferret, guinea pig, or mouse (all great for making conversation).

If someone gives you a hard time about drinking, think to yourself, Man, this person is so uncomfortable in his or her social thong (if you don’t understand this metaphor turn to the Naked Pause after Tip #3). Then smile and move on. If you choose to engage further, say that you just don’t drink. If that’s not enough of an answer, then say you have a medical condition or you’re on antibiotics. If that still doesn’t work, let him or her know that you don’t drink because you tend to vomit uncontrollably in the person’s room who pressures you to drink (that should do it). The point is that if you’re underage or uninterested, you have a choice.

Don’t make the wrong friends. If all your new friends drink, you might feel like you don’t have a choice. But you do. This is why you need people. If you design a world in college where you have options (a few groups of friends, for instance), you can have the power to say what you feel and do what you want to do without feeling pressured or trapped.

As a rule, if you only make friends with people who drink all the time, chances are you’ll begin to drink sooner or later. If you have a few groups of friends, you can hang out with all types of people. It’s all about options.

To recap: if you don’t want to drink, hold a cup, hold yourself, or hold a small animal.

During spring break of my senior year, I went to Cancun with some friends. We usually would go with a group of guys, but this time it was just the girls. When we are with guys, they kind of protect us. This time it was different. When we went to bars everyone was all over us. It was “free drinks for girls all night.” I was already questioning my current relationship and whether it was still something I wanted to continue. I was going to graduate and we were going to be living far apart. My friends met up with a group of guys. The one I met knew I had a boyfriend, but was pretty persistent. He made a move on me at the bar. My friends tried to stop him, but I didn’t. We made out that night. The next day I felt so guilty. My boyfriend found out. He asked me if I had ever cheated. I told him I didn’t mean to do it. When I’m drinking, I tend to do things I wouldn’t normally do.

“Every time we drink we hook up, but we can’t seem to talk when we’re sober.”

One more thing people do when drinking—some of my friends are drunk dialers. These are people who call the people they haven’t talked to in a while. They will literally go through their cell phones and delete numbers if they go out drinking so they’re not tempted to call them when drunk. After a few drinks, it’s easier to call an ex-boyfriend or someone you’re interested in. Bad idea.

“If you can’t call someone you’ve hooked up with twenty-four to forty-eight hours after you’ve exchanged bodily fluids, because you’re afraid of being annoying, it should never have happened.”

FLASHBACK: Dating works like this—put a group of people in a room long enough and they will hook up. Put them in a room with alcohol, and it happens that much faster—not a good thing. But it’s true. WE HATE REJECTION. Alcohol numbs our fears. Here’s how alcohol acts as a social lubricant:

Most people can’t talk to someone they like while sober because they’re too afraid of taking risks—again, we hate rejection. When people drink, they find the courage to do and say things they could never say or do when sober. It’s easier for some people to take risks after drinking because the more they drink, the less they fear being judged. People call it being “less inhibited,” but I call it being less aware, more tolerant, and not as afraid of rejection (to take risks sober, see Tip #54).

The problem with the drunken relationship is that when two people can only connect after drinking, once sober it can leave one or both feeling awkward, uncomfortable, confused, shy, paranoid, and afraid of making mistakes. That’s when partners start getting controlling, jealous, and insecure. Assuming most of your life is spent sober, you’ll probably want to be comfortable with someone while sober. That’s why it’s so much better to connect with someone while sober, assuming you want the connection to last longer than one night or a few hours or minutes (even if you don’t, you still have to worry about if what you’re doing is consensual).

Now, if you find that you can’t find the courage to approach someone while sober, and instead you’re drinking or doing a shot to find your courage, turn to Tip #54 and look into training for the sport of taking risks. You can also read more about this on my website. Drunk love typically turns into a sobering and sad reality with bad morning breath.

If you can’t do it sober, don’t do it. A relationship that’s built on drunken hookups is a relationship built on a sloppy foundation that can fall apart at any moment. If you can’t do it, say it, or feel it when sober, you shouldn’t be doing it at all.

Drunk people say and do stupid things. Sober people say and do stupid things too, but drunk people say and do more stupid things.

Don’t be so drunk that you bring home a random guy, don’t use protection, and then freak out when you realize what happened.

We had had a party at our house. I drank way too much with my sorority sisters, to the point that I was blacking out. I then went to a bar with some close friends. I proceeded to drink even more. I don’t remember anything, just snapshots of the night. You think you’re taking in everything you see, but in reality, you’re only taking in ten minutes of the night. While waiting for my friends outside, I bumped into some random guy. We started making out. I brought him home. We ended up having sex. My friends thought it was funny. Once you’re not a virgin, your friends are not going to stop you. A few hours later, I just kind of snapped out of it and then freaked out. I kicked him out. I had some alone time where I just bawled. We didn’t use a condom and I was freaking out. I went to the health center and got emergency contraception. The next day, everyone wanted to know what happened. I denied that it happened because I was so embarrassed. More than anything, I’m disappointed with myself. I let one night of intoxication almost ruin me.

If you’re going to do it, then don’t do it drunk. When you’re drunk, you get sloppy and then you can mishandle the equipment. Let me explain…

It’s a night where you meet that someone “special.” You and the object of your affection find a cozy place to get more comfortable. You are in a deep kiss, bodies pressing, arms exploring, and hearts beating. You think to yourself, Mmmm, this is oh-so-good, but…This is the “but” that tells you that you have no clue who your partner has been with or what your partner may or may not have in his or her pants. I’m talking about herpes, genital warts, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV…the list goes on and on. The action is too hot to stop and have your partner fill out a sexual résumé. Plus, you’re too drunk to really care and it all feels “Mmmm, oh-so-good.” You let it go. And you also let the rest of your clothing go. Now you’re wearing nothing but each other’s hands. Things start moving, churning, yearning, and grinding. You decide that the moment is right to have sex. While you’re drunk, you’re not too drunk to remember to use a condom (assuming you can find a condom). But being so drunk, you and your partner fumble with the condom. First it goes on wrong, then it goes on right (but it could have sperm on it now). You forget to pinch the top of the condom to allow a reservoir for the ejaculate. While you’re protected, you’re not really all that protected. Besides, a condom can’t protect you from exposure to some STDs/STIs. The sex happens, the sex ends, and the problems begin. One minute you’re screaming, “Ohhh GOD,” the next day you’re screaming, “Help me, Harlan!” (No, I’m not the one in the bed, I’m the one people write to with their problems in the morning.) The condom broke, fell off, or disappeared.

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, four hundred thousand students between the ages of eighteen and twenty-four have had unprotected sex, and more than one hundred thousand students between the ages of eighteen and twenty-four report having been too intoxicated to know if they consented to having sex. Those statistics are sobering (I know, I also hate it when people use that analogy when talking about alcohol, but it’s true). This doesn’t even factor in those who use protection and use it incorrectly, or use it correctly and still find themselves dealing with STDs/STIs. And emotionally, it’s all so draining. When things go bad, you end up putting so much time and so much energy into these issues. Talk about time mismanagement. Save yourself the trouble and do it sober.

When you drink it’s easy to fumble a condom, go too far, or just get messy, leading you to possible sexual souvenirs or pregnancy scares.

Watch out when you go drinking; you never know who is watching and what they may put in your drink.

The first night I actually got to go out and drink, I thought I knew the guys I was with, but I didn’t. One of the guys put something in my drink. Usually, you can’t taste roofies or other date rape drugs—I sure didn’t. I didn’t remember the night—my friends told me the next day how I acted and who I left with. But I do remember the next morning. I woke up and I knew what had happened. I went to class and couldn’t concentrate—all I could do was cry. I am so thankful to have friends that would listen. If it ever happens to you, most colleges have student health centers and they really helped me out.

Tragic Fact:

More than 97,000 students between the ages of 18 and 25 are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape.

—National Institute on Drug and Alcohol Abuse

The National College Women Sexual Victimization Study estimated that between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 college women experience completed or attempted rape during their college years. For more info on sexual assault, see Tip #101.

Women (and some men) often write to me or come up to me after a speaking event to say that they are survivors of sexual assault. Rape and attempted rape happens. Women share their stories with me all the time (men too). They tell me about the secrets, the shame, the confusion. Some think it’s their fault that it happened. Some think that they did something to bring it on. No. Never. It’s just not true.

No survivor of rape, whether sober or drunk, is ever at fault. Never, never, never. It’s not your fault! Please don’t feel ashamed.

The ugly reality is that approximately one in four to one in five college women will be the victim of attempted rape or rape by the time they graduate (just as ugly, men are also victims, though at a lower rate). Most survivors know their attacker.

When people drink, they become less inhibited. They can be bad listeners. They can become aggressive, and far more dangerous. And they don’t always take no for an answer. Sadly, you can’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt when that person has been drinking. The reality is that 90 percent of sexual assaults involve alcohol, and 84 percent of the time, the assailant is someone the victim already knows. It’s one night that can change your life forever.

Sexual Assault Facts

• Over 90 percent of all sexual assaults involve alcohol.

• 84 percent of victims know their assailants.

• 90 percent of sexual assault victims are female; 10 percent are male.

• Sexual assault also occurs in gay and lesbian relationships. The stigma of being gay or lesbian makes it even harder for these victims to come forward.

—U.S. Department of Justice

The National College Women Sexual Victimization Study estimated that between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 college women experience completed or attempted rape during their college years. I know I keep mentioning this stat, but it’s something you need to remember. And for the men reading this, yes, you can be survivors of sexual assault too. For more info on sexual assault, see Tip #101.

Please be careful. Watch out for your friends. Watch out for yourself. If you’re drinking, never drink from an open beverage that you have not prepared and had your eye on the entire night. Hang on to your drinks, even if you go the bathroom (a great time for someone to slip roofies in drinks). I’ve had several people tell me stories about this during my research for this book.

“Two months into their relationship, my best friend and her boyfriend went to a party and she got really drunk, so drunk that she could barely walk and he had to carry her back to the dorm. Instead of bringing her to her room or the common area, he brought her to his room and locked the door. She was uncomfortable but kept saying to herself, ‘He won’t do anything.’ He did…She started experiencing PTSD symptoms. She was obsessed about keeping the door locked, and she couldn’t sleep. She revealed to me what had happened to her two days later…I called the emergency mental health counselor that moment, and skipped all my classes the next day to be with her for her checkup and initial counseling…All that mattered was making her feel safe. It’s been a month and she’s still recovering, but I know she’s doing much better than she would have if she had waited to talk to someone. I couldn’t have handled it on my own.”

As for going home with hookups, one girl on a campus I visited told me the rule that she and her friends follow—no one goes home with anyone who has been drinking. They live by it. For the men and women who are aggressors—if you’re with someone who is not sober enough to consent to sex, it’s not consensual sex. If someone says no, listen. If you don’t, it’s called rape. It doesn’t matter what you call it.

For those who are survivors of sexual assault—get help immediately. Call your local police, a campus sexual assault hotline, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) hotline (there’s now online crisis support available at www.RAINN.org), or go directly to the emergency room after the assault. Tell the nurse and doctor what happened. They can collect evidence using a rape kit that you can use later, should you decide to take legal action. And again, please never think it’s your fault. And you’re definitely not alone. More than seventy thousand students between the ages of eighteen and twenty-four are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape. And that stat only reflects reported incidents—who knows what the real numbers are. As a result, the government has started to take action and help college students.

Check out www.NotAlone.gov to find resources and support services. Not Alone was launched in connection with the White House Task Force to Protect Students from Sexual Assault. The Task Force was established on January 22, 2014. The Not Alone website is a place to learn your rights, get help, read stories, and know that you’re never alone.

There’s a 100 percent chance that someone reading this will be (or has already been) a victim of sexual assault. Please, know that you’re never alone, and please get help.

My freshman year in college, a bunch of us went out to a party sometime in the first couple of weeks. This one guy, who was one of our friends, was drunk out of his mind—just belligerent. He was screaming at everyone and being really ignorant. Everyone got mad at him. A couple of us were designated drivers. He didn’t want to leave the party and freaked out when we drove him home and got back to the dorms. He was screaming at everyone, and throwing punches. We took him back up to his room. He went inside and closed the door. We thought he’d be fine. A half hour later, someone was on my floor talking about how he was in the hallway screaming again, but went back into his room and passed out. When I heard this, I went to see if he was all right. I opened the door and saw him lying on his back with vomit all over his mouth. He had thrown up and had passed out. It was all in his mouth and he was definitely not breathing. I started screaming for anyone to come and get help. I then stuck my hand in his mouth and was pulling out the vomit. It was so disgusting. I turned him over onto his stomach and was retching while trying to clear it all away. He then came to and started choking. The paramedics arrived and took him to the hospital where he had his stomach pumped. When he was well enough to leave, they arrested him. The judge near our school is hard when it comes to underage drinking. The guy had to spend the night in jail to sober up. We bailed him out the next morning. He was so embarrassed. Since then I have never seen him that drunk again.

“The first week of school I found out that my friend was diabetic. He played soccer with me and was always monitoring his insulin levels during practice. One night, he drank heavily and wasn’t paying attention to his insulin level at all. When I got back home, I found out that he was passed out in the middle of the hallway and I called the paramedics. When they got there we informed them that he was diabetic. They asked what his insulin level should be—for some reason I remembered what it was supposed to be. They used the information to save his life.”

My roommate during my junior year of college almost died. You’ve never heard about him. There’s no reason for you to know. Unless he died on campus, incidents like this don’t make the headlines. Thankfully, he survived.

It all started after a party one Friday night. He had consumed just enough alcohol to make him vomit in the middle of the night and throw up blood. He didn’t think much of it because this had happened to him once before. As the day progressed, he looked worse and worse and worse. When we saw him in the afternoon, he looked green. He said that he wanted to take a nap and sleep it off. My friend and I didn’t think that was a good idea. That’s when we told him, either we drive you to the hospital or we call an ambulance. At first he resisted, but then he backed down and was taken to the hospital. Upon arrival, he started to pass out. He was then rushed into the emergency room for an emergency surgery. It turns out that he had ruptured his esophagus when he vomited and had been hemorrhaging throughout the night and day. He almost died. Luckily, he made it through surgery and was back at school a few days later. His parents were very appreciative. They bought me a shirt from the Gap to thank me. He survived, and I got a new shirt—a happy ending for everyone.

Do whatever you want to do, but be smart about being stupid. Don’t accidentally kill yourself or stand by quietly while a friend kills himself or herself. If you’re vomiting and you see blood, go to the doctor. If you’re feeling sick beyond sick—get help. If you see that your friend is unconscious, call the paramedics. They can tell you what to look for to see if it’s a true emergency. Just call them. Take care of yourself and then take care of the people around you. If you see that your friend is drunk and wants to drive home, stop him or her. If your friend won’t listen, call the police and anonymously report him or her. If your friend is mixing drugs and alcohol, stop him or her. If you see that your friend is drunk and drinking a fifth of vodka from a beer bong, stop him or her. When a friend is too drunk and starts being stupid, you need to be the smart one, or your friend might end up the dead one or the one in the emergency room. If a friend won’t listen to you, enlist other friends, parents, professionals, and even the police. Don’t stop until the friend stops.

If you’re going to be stupid, don’t be so stupid that you accidentally kill yourself or me or someone reading this. If your friends are going to be stupid, don’t let them be so stupid they accidentally kill themselves.

Even one or two beers can screw you up and follow you around. It can also cost you a lot of money. I’ve seen this happen to many people.

A couple of friends and I went to a bar. They were having dinner. It was five miles from my school. I drove there with two twenty-one-year-olds. I had three beers in a little over an hour. So, you know, they all had the same beer. I thought I was fine to drive. So, I got in the car and was driving back home. To get to Elon, you have to cross over a railroad track. Of course, there was a train. To my left was a municipal building and there was a side road. It didn’t seem like a good idea to cut through a police station after drinking a couple of beers, but I did. Of course, there were two police officers standing in front of the building. One motioned for me to stop. He said, “Are you lost, son?” I said, “No, sir, I’m just cutting through.” Then he asked if I’d been drinking. Then I said, “Yes, sir.” I didn’t think I could lie. He asked if I was twenty-one years old. I told him I was twenty. Before I knew it I was out of the car and he had me by the arm guiding me into the police station. He unlocked the door and put me inside. My heart was beating out of my chest. He sat me down and gave me a Breathalyzer. The first time, I blew .03. I did it again ten minutes later and it was the same exact thing. Since I was drinking and I was underage, he could have taken my license and put me in jail. We would have never been caught had we not tried to take a shortcut. Since I was cooperating, he didn’t arrest me, but he gave me a DUI (the same charge that would have gotten me arrested). Two years later, it still hasn’t been resolved. It cost me about $1,000 for a lawyer, and I’ve been to court eight times. Now I’m twenty-one years old, I have a job, and I still have this unresolved issue that shows up everywhere I go. The employer did a report for an internship—have you ever pled guilty or been convicted of a misdemeanor—I thought that I wasn’t convicted. A couple weeks later I was called and this was discussed. I need to disclose it. You never want this to happen again—it never goes away.

You are stupid, selfish, and deserve to go to jail. When people tell me they drive drunk, I want to yell at them. I have to bite my lip (usually it’s during a professional situation). I despise sharing the road with you. You might kill me, a loved one, friends, family, or your passengers. You might injure, maim, or kill yourself. And buzzed and high driving is just as dumb. Please, just don’t drive at all if you’re going to party. I beg of you, my family pleads with you, and all the people you might hurt, injure, or kill ask you. And no, I’m not being dramatic. We all know someone who has been impacted by drunk driving. We can stop it.

As for you people letting someone drunk drive you around—I know—it’s so much easier not to bother asking the person driving you how much they’ve had to drink. I know—it’s only a few blocks. I know—it seems so much easier to assume it will all be fine. But it’s not easier, because should you run a stop sign, hit someone, get hit, swerve into oncoming traffic, brake too late, react too slowly, hit some ice, run into a tree, or just be lucky enough to only get pulled over and arrested, it will be hell. That’s what can happen in a few blocks. A few blocks and a lifetime filled with regret.

The truth is that most college students do not drive after having even one sip of alcohol—to be exact, the ACHA-NHSA 2014 survey indicated that 78.8 percent hadn’t driven under the influence of any alcohol in the previous 30 days. And really, there isn’t any reason to drive drunk. Between buses, taxis, Uber, campus shuttle services, walking, and sober friends who can do the driving, there’s no reason to drive drunk. Besides the safety issues, a felony charge for drinking and driving can follow you around for the rest of your life. Drinking and driving is one of those things that you wish you could go back in time and never let yourself do. Assuming you’re not reading this while awaiting trial for DUI, this is your chance to not get into a situation where you know you’ll be filled with terrible regret and possibly do time in prison. I meant it when I mentioned it in the tip before—if you’re in a situation where someone drives drunk, don’t just look the other way. Call the police and report them. Wait a few minutes and then drive by your friend pulled over on the road to see if there’s anything you can do to help. A true friend will not ignore drunk driving.

And really, you can still get where you want to go without driving. A lot of campuses have free driving services that pick up students and drop them off—no questions asked. The idea is to provide a safe place to live and go to classes.

Before driving drunk, think about the people you could possibly kill on the road and their families (that could include your grieving family), then think about jail time if you survive. It’s so much easier to walk or to call for a ride.

As an expert in the art of the hangover, I’d say don’t drink more just to drink more. Switch to water before the room spins. If not, you’ll fall over the edge and pay for it the next day. Me, I have the worst hangovers. It’s a sandwich of nausea. I can’t eat. I barely keep my head up. It hits me in the morning or afternoon, depending on when I wake. Coffee doesn’t work. The caffeine makes me urinate and lose liquid. The secret is hydration. I’ve found sports drinks to be helpful. I’ve tried protein shakes, but the consistency makes me gag. The best attempt to cure the hangover is sleep and water. Actually, that would be water and then sleep. I drink a glass of water before I go to bed. If I’m sick when I wake up, I drink another glass of water and then keep sleeping. I try to eat. If I’m not too sick, I’ll stay up. The better advice is to not drink so much that you get a hangover in the first place. Drinking bad, very bad.

“I never found a hangover cure. I was miserable. I drank tons of water.”

A hangover is the headache, nausea, and aftereffect of drinking too much beer or liquor.

When it comes to curing the college hangover, a lot of people will tell you a lot of different things. Everyone has a “magic cure.” There are even entire websites that share ways to move beyond the pain that comes after the party—from treatment with Borscht (beet juice) to a tuna hoagie to dill pickles to hot chamomile to cold milk. Whatever concoction you try is a waste of time, because time (again, not to be confused with the spice thyme) is the only magic cure that will help your hangover. Should you drink and find yourself feeling not so great when the buzz becomes a banging headache, drink some water (to help dehydration) and watch the clock. That said, if you’re feeling lower than low and not getting any better, don’t hesitate to call your doctor or take a trip to the emergency room.

If you get really desperate and start frantically searching for one of those miracle cures for your hangover, make sure that you read the fine print on the page. On two websites that claim to cure hangovers, the fine print (below) says it all (but really, most people are too drunk to focus on the fine print).

THESE STATEMENTS HAVE NOT BEEN EVALUATED BY THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION. THIS PRODUCT IS NOT INTENDED TO DIAGNOSE, TREAT, CURE, OR PREVENT ANY DISEASE.

If you’re reading this, thinking, Listen, the only way to cure a hangover is to drink some more alcohol, you should put down your cocktail and jump over to Tip #82. You, my friend, are someone who is in serious need of some help.

Drink too much and you’ll pay and pray later (when people are sick, they tend to turn to a higher power for healing).

It’s hard to know how bad your drinking problem is because there are so many times where everyone is drinking. Listen to your friends. They see what you’re doing when you’re too drunk to remember.

I have friends who I think have drinking problems. They seriously drink every night. They can go for hours. On a home game weekend, they’re pretty much wasted or close to it for two days straight. They think it’s not a problem because there are other people who are drunk with them. It’s not like they’re sitting in a room alone taking shots. I’ve mentioned something to them and then they say I’m the one with the problem. They think because they pass all of their classes, there isn’t any problem, but it’s possible to pass classes and still have an addiction. One of them has even told me that alcoholism runs in his family. The problem I’ve seen is that college is filled with so many people who drink and party regularly that it’s a part of life for them, and it’s hard to tell when it’s really a problem. Other than passing their classes, they’re unreliable, irresponsible, they get in fights, and have a different girl every week. They drink all night to get wasted and miss at least a class a week. They say it’s normal. I call it being in denial.

If you are reading this particular tip while sipping a beer after promising yourself that you are done drinking, you might have a problem. If you’re reading this in the morning while craving alcohol, you might have a problem (that means no vodka in your morning coffee). If you’re reading while drinking several alcoholic beverages because your tolerance has increased, you might have a problem. If you find that you drink more than you plan on drinking, can’t seem to control yourself, drink to relieve symptoms of nausea, sweating, shakiness, and anxiety, then you have a problem. If you find yourself falling into any of the above categories while reading this tip, you might be alcohol dependent. You can deny it all you want, but denial is a sure sign that you’re in trouble. If your friends think there’s a problem, there’s a good chance they’re right. So, if you do have a problem, and can admit you have a problem, you can do one of two things. You keep drinking, or you can get help.

As for figuring out when you or someone you know has a problem, answering the following seven questions can help you find out:

•Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?

If you want to get help, there is so much available. Most colleges have alcohol treatment counselors. If your campus doesn’t have a counselor, the counselors in the health center can refer you. The best part about being an alcoholic is that there is so much help and support available to help control your alcoholism. There is counseling. There are support groups. There is even medication.

And in case you didn’t know, alcoholism runs in families. If you have family that has a history, you might be a part of family history about to repeat itself.

College offers lots of opportunities. Unfortunately, one is to become an alcoholic.

Call 1-888-4AL-ANON, Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. ET for meeting information.