Note: The first phase (fussy period) of this leap into the perceptual world of "relationships" is age-linked and predictable, emerging about 23 weeks. Most babies start the second phase (see box "Quality Time: An Unnatural Whim" on page 17) of this leap 26 weeks after full-term birth. It sets in motion the development of a whole range of skills and activities. However, the age at which these skills and activities appear for the first time varies greatly and depends on your baby's preferences, experimentation and physical development. For example, the ability to perceive spatial relationships is a necessary precondition for "crawling inside or under things," but this skill normally appears anywhere from 6 to 11 months. Skills and activities are mentioned in this chapter at the earliest possible age they might appear so you can watch for and recognize them. (They may be rudimentary at first.) This way you can respond to and facilitate your baby's development.
At about 26 weeks, your baby will start to show the signs of yet another significant leap in his development. If you watch closely, you will see him doing or attempting to do many new things. Whether or not he is crawling at this stage, he will have become significantly more mobile as he learns to coordinate the action of his arms and legs and the rest of his body. Building on his knowledge of events, he his now able to begin to understand the many kinds of relationships among the things that make up his world.
One of the most significant relationships that your baby can now perceive is the distance between one thing and another. We take this for granted as adults, but for a baby it is an alarming discovery, a very radical change in his world. The world is suddenly a very big place in which he is but a tiny, if very vocal, speck. Something he wants can be on a high shelf or outside the range of his crib, and he has no way of getting to it. His mother can walk away, even if only into the next room, and she might as well have gone to China if he can’t get to her because he’s stuck in his crib or hasn’t yet mastered crawling. Even if he is adept at crawling, he realizes that she moves much faster than he does and can get away from him.
This discovery can be very frightening for a baby, and it may make these few weeks quite taxing for his parents. But when you understand the source of this fear and uneasiness, there are many things you will be able to do to help. Naturally, once your baby learns to negotiate the space around him and control the distance between himself and the things he wants, he will be able to do much more on his own than he used to. But there will be a period during which he will need a lot of support.
Entering the world of relationships will affect everything your baby perceives and does. He senses these changes taking place at around 23 weeks, and that’s when the disturbances begin. Caught up in a tangle of new impressions, he needs to touch base, return to his mommy, and cling to her for comfort. The familiar feeling of security and warmth she provides will help him to relax, let the newness sink in, and grow into the new world at his own pace. This fussy period often lasts about 4 weeks, although it may be as short as 1 week or as long as 5. Since one of the important skills he has to learn during this leap is how to handle the distance between his mom and himself, your baby may actually become fussy again for a while around 29 weeks, after his new skills have started to take wing. Do remember that if your baby is fussy, watch him closely to see if he is attempting to master new skills.
When your baby becomes aware that her world is changing, she will usually cry more easily. Many mothers may now call their babies cranky, bad-tempered, whiny, or discontented. If your baby is already strong willed, she may come across as being even more restless, impatient, or troublesome. Almost all babies will cry less when they are picked up and cuddled, nestled up against mommy, or at least kept company while they’re playing.
“My baby is starting to stand up for herself more and more. She makes demands, angrily ordering me to come to her or stay with her. In this way, she makes sure I am there to help reach her toys.”
Hannah’s mom, 25th week
Here are some of the signals that your baby may give you to let you know he’s approaching this leap into the world of relationships.
She May Sleep Poorly
Your baby may sleep less than you are used to. Most babies have difficulty falling asleep or wake up sooner. Some don’t want to nap during the day, and others don’t want to go to bed at night. There are even those who refuse to do either.
“Bedtime and naptime are accompanied by terrible screaming fits. My son yells furiously and practically climbs the walls. He’ll shout at the top of his voice and practically wind himself. I just can’t handle it. It seems as if I never see him lying peacefully in his crib anymore. I just pray it doesn’t last forever.”
Bob’s mom, 26th week
“My baby’s rhythm is totally off because he keeps waking up a little earlier each day. But apart from that, his sleep is normal.”
Frankie’s mom, 25th week
She May Have “Nightmares”
Your baby may sleep uneasily at this time. Sometimes, babies can toss and turn and thrash about so much during their sleep that it looks as if they’re having nightmares.
“My daughter is a very restless sleeper. Sometimes, she’ll let out a scream with her eyes closed, as if she’s having a nightmare. So I’ll lift her up for a minute to comfort her. These days, I usually let her play in the bathtub in the evening. I’m hoping it will calm her down and make her sleepier.”
Emily’s mom, 23rd week
Your baby may not want other people to look at him, talk to him, or touch him, and he certainly won’t want to sit on their laps. He may even start to want you in plain sight more often from this age on, even when there aren’t any strangers around. Almost every mother will notice this now. At this age, shyness is especially obvious, for a very good reason—your baby is now able to understand that you can walk away and leave him behind.
“My baby gets shyer every day now. I need to be where he can see me at all times, and it has to be close to him. If I walk away, he’ll try to crawl right after me.”
Matt’s mom, 26th week
“Even when I sit, I can hardly move without my daughter crying out in fear.”
Ashley’s mom, 23rd week
She May Demand More Attention
Your baby may want you to stay with her longer, play with her more, or just look at her and her alone.
“My daughter is easily discontented and has to be kept busy. When she wakes up in her crib, for instance, she’s really eager to see one of us right away. Also, she’s quick to react. She doesn’t just cry; she gets really mad. She’s developing a will of her own.”
Hannah’s mom, 26th week
“All my baby wants is to get out of his playpen. I really have to keep him occupied on my lap or walk around with him.”
Frankie’s mom, 27th week
“My daughter was up to mischief all the time, behaving badly and acting cranky when she wanted attention. I had to play with her or find some way to occupy her all day long. As long as I did that, everything was okay.”
Jenny’s mom, 25th week
She May Always Want to Be with You
Your baby may insist on remaining in your arms. Many babies don’t want to be put down very much. But some are not completely satisfied with the peaceful rest on mommy’s lap that they cried for. As soon as they reach their goal, they start to push off and reach out for interesting things in the world around them.
“My son keeps on bothering me to sit on my lap. But as soon as I take him, there’s almost no controlling him. He crawls all over me and gropes around like a monkey for anything he can get his hands on. It bothers me. I try playing games, but it’s a waste of time. So he doesn’t feel like playing with me, okay, but at least he could stop being so difficult. To be honest, I feel rejected when he refuses to play my game, so I put him back in his playpen. But as soon as I do, he’ll immediately start wailing for me again.”
Matt’s mom, 27th week
The Gender Gap
Girls who want physical contact usually agree to play with their mothers, but boys who want physical contact insist on exploring the world around them at the same time.
Both babies who are breastfed and those who are bottle-fed sometimes drink less milk or refuse to drink at all. Other food and drink may be rejected, too. Often, babies also take longer to finish their meals. Somehow they seem to prefer the comfort of sucking or playing with the nipple over the contents of the bottle or breast.
“My baby always refuses to nurse in the morning and at night. He just pushes my breast away, and it really hurts. Then, when he’s in bed and can’t get to sleep, he does want to nurse. He’ll drink a little and doze off in the middle of it.”
Matt’s mom, 26th week
She May Be Listless
Your baby may stop making her familiar sounds. Or she may lie motionless, gazing around or staring in front of her. Mothers always find this behavior odd and alarming.
“Sometimes, all of a sudden, my little one will stare or gaze around silently. On days when she does it more than once, it makes me feel insecure. I start to wonder whether perhaps there’s something wrong. I’m not accustomed to seeing her that way. So lifeless. As if she’s sick or mentally challenged.”
Juliette’s mom, 24th week
She May Refuse to Have Her Diaper Changed
Your baby may cry, kick, toss, and turn when she is set down to be changed or dressed. Many babies do. They just don’t want their mothers to fiddle with their clothes.
Between 22 and 26 weeks, you may notice your baby starting to show any of these behaviors. They are probably signs that he is ready to make the next leap into the world of relationships. Check off the signs you see on the list below.
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
“When I put my baby on her back for a clean diaper, she’ll cry every time. Usually not for very long, but it’s always the same old story. Sometimes I wonder if there could be something wrong with her back.”
Juliette’s mom, 23rd week
“Almost every time I dress or change my baby, he’ll scream bloody murder. When I have to pull a sweater over his head, we really have a field day. It drives me crazy.”
Bob’s mom, 24th week
She May Reach for a Cuddly Object More Often
Some babies reach for a teddy, slipper, blanket, or towel more often. For most babies, anything soft will do, but some babies will accept only that one special thing. Sometimes, they’ll cuddle it while sucking a thumb or twiddling an ear. It seems that a cuddly object spells safety, especially when mommy is busy.
“When my daughter realizes whining and complaining aren’t going to get her out of her playpen, she gives up. She sits and sucks her thumb with her blanket in her hand. It’s adorable.”
Ashley’s mom, 24th week
“Thumb sucking is the big thing now. A lot of the time when my son starts to grow tired, he’ll stick his thumb in his mouth, put his head on his teddy bear, and fall asleep. It’s so touching.”
Steven’s mom, 23rd week
Your baby certainly lets you know how these changes make her feel. This is bound to affect you. Here are some emotions you may feel this time around.
You May Be (Even More) Exhausted
Fussy periods can be nerve-racking. Mothers of especially demanding babies may feel like complete wrecks toward the end. They complain of stomachaches, backaches, headaches, and tension.
Being Fussy Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Teething
The illustration above shows the order in which teeth emerge most often. Just remember that babies are not machines. Your baby will cut his first tooth whenever he is ready. How quickly teeth are cut in succession also has nothing to do with the state of health or mental or physical development of the baby. All babies can cut their teeth early or late, fast or slow.
Generally speaking, the lower front teeth are cut when the baby reaches 6 months. By his first birthday, a baby generally has six teeth. At about age 2½, the last molars come through, completing the full set of baby teeth. The toddler then has 20 teeth.
Despite the old wives’ tale, a high temperature or diarrhea has nothing to do with teething. If your baby shows one of these symptoms, call his pediatrician.
“My son’s crying gets on my nerves so much that I’m totally obsessed with keeping myself from crying. The tension it creates swallows up all of my energy.”
Steven’s mom, 25th week
“One night, I had to keep walking back and forth to put the pacifier in my daughter’s mouth. Suddenly, at 12:30 A.M., she was wide awake. She stayed awake until 2:30 A.M. I’d already had a busy day, with a lot of headaches and backaches from walking her up and down. I just collapsed.”
Emily’s mom, 27th week
You May Be Concerned
It’s natural that you may feel troubled or nervous every time something seems to be the matter, and you can’t figure out what it is. When very young babies are involved, mothers generally rationalize that they must be suffering from colic because nothing else seems to be wrong. At this age, however, mothers are quick to put two and two together and embrace the thought that their babies are fussy because they’re teething. After all, most babies start cutting their teeth around this age. Still, there is no connection between clinginess due to a big change in the baby’s mental development and teething. Just as many babies start teething during a fussy period as in between them. Of course, if your baby starts teething at the same time as she undergoes a big change in her mental development, she can become super-troublesome.
“My daughter right now is extremely bad-tempered, only wanting to sit on my lap. Perhaps it’s her teeth. They’ve been bothering her for 3 weeks now. She seems pretty uncomfortable, but they still haven’t come through.”
Jenny’s mom, 25th week
“My little guy became very weepy. According to the doctor, he has a whole bunch of teeth waiting to come through.”
Paul’s mom, 27th week (His first tooth was not cut until 7 weeks later.
Many mothers get angry as soon as they feel sure their babies have no good reason for being so troublesome and fussy. This feeling tends to get stronger toward the end of the fussy period. Some mothers, especially those with very demanding babies, just can’t take it anymore.
“It was a terribly trying week. My son would cry over anything. He demanded attention constantly. He was up until 10:00 P.M., and agitated. I carried him around an awful lot in the infant carrier. This he liked. But I felt tired, tired, tired from all that schlepping and the continuous crying. Whenever he’d start to throw one of his temper tantrums in bed at night, it was as if I’d crossed a line. I could feel myself getting really angry. This happened often this past week.”
Bob’s mom, 25th week
Don’t lose control. Remember that having feelings of anger and frustration at times is not abnormal or dangerous, but acting on them is. Try to get help long before you lose control.
You May Start to Argue
Arguments may develop around mealtimes. Most mothers hate it when their babies won’t eat and continue to feed them. They try doing it playfully, or they try to pressure them into eating. Whatever the approach, it’s usually to no avail.
At this age, strong-willed babies can be extremely stubborn about their refusal. This sometimes makes mothers, who are also being stubborn (but out of concern!) very angry. And so mealtimes can mean war.
When it happens to you, try to stay calm. Don’t fight about it. You can’t force her to eat, anyway. During this fussy phase, many babies are poor eaters. It’s a temporary thing. If you make an issue out of it, chances are your baby will continue to refuse food even after the fussy period is over. She will have made a habit of it.
At the end of the fussy phase, you may correctly sense that your baby is capable of a lot more than you thought possible. Many mothers do. That is why an increasing number of mothers now get fed up with the annoying clinginess and decide that it’s time to put a stop to it.
“My little girl keeps whining for attention or to be picked up. It’s really aggravating and, what’s worse, she has no excuse whatsoever! I have enough to do as it is. So when I’m fed up now, it’s off to bed with her.”
Juliette’s mom, 26th week
At about 26 weeks, you’ll discover that your baby is again trying to learn one or more new skills. This is the age at which babies will generally begin to explore the world of relationships. This world offers her many opportunities to develop skills that depend upon understanding the relationships among objects, people, sounds, and feelings. Your baby, depending on her own temperament, inclinations, preferences, and physical makeup, will focus on the sorts of relationships that appeal to her the most. She will use this understanding to develop the skills best suited to her personally. You can help her best by encouraging her to do what she is ready to do, rather than trying to push her in directions that don’t interest her. This will be increasingly hard to do, anyway, as her personality begins to emerge and her own ideas start to dominate.
“I keep seeing this pattern of a difficult, sometimes extremely trying period that peaks at the end, and is then followed by a peaceful stage. Every time I think I can’t take it anymore, my little boy changes course and suddenly does all these new things.”
Bob’s mom, 26th week
The world of relationships opens up so many possibilities that your baby could not explore them all, even if she wanted to. What aspects of this world she will explore depend entirely on what sort of child she is growing up to be and what her talents are. A very physical baby will use the distance perception to improve balance and to crawl after you if she is able. The watching-listening baby will find plenty to occupy her as she tries to figure out just how this world works. As you read the following list of possibilities, check off the ones that apply to your baby just now. You might want to do this two or three times before the next leap happens, since not all of the skills your baby will develop are going to appear at once. In fact, some won’t appear at all until much later.
BALANCE
BODY CONTROL
GRABBING, TOUCHING, AND FEELING
LISTENING
MOTHER-BABY DISTANCE
MIMICKING GESTURES
MISCELLANEOUS
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
For the first time, your baby can perceive all kinds of relationships and act on them. He can now discover that there is always a physical distance between two objects or two people. And of course, his distance from you is one of the first things he will notice and react to. While observing this phenomenon, he discovers that you can increase the distance too much for his liking, and it dawns on him that he cannot do anything about it. Now he knows that he has lost control over that distance, and he gets frightened. So he will start to cry.
“We have a problem. My girl doesn’t want to be put in her playpen any more. Her lips start to tremble if I even hover her anywhere above it. If I put her in it, she starts screaming. It’s fine, though, if I put her on the floor, just outside of the ‘cage.’ Immediately, she rolls, swivels, and squirms in my direction.”
Nina’s mom, 25th week
The juxtaposition of objects comes as a real revelation to your baby when the idea first dawns. He begins to understand that something can be inside, outside, on top, above, next to, underneath or in between something else. He will love to toy with these notions.
“All day long, my son takes toys out of his toy box and puts them back in again. Sometimes, he’ll toss everything over the side of the playpen. Another time, he’ll carefully fit each item through the bars. He clears cupboards and shelves and is thrilled by pouring water from bottles and containers into the tub. But the best thing yet was while I was feeding him. He let go of my nipple, studied it with a serious look on his face, shook my breast up and down, sucked once, took another look, and continued this way for a while. He’s never done this before. It’s as if he was trying to figure out how anything could come from there.”
Matt’s mom, 30th week
Next, your baby can begin to understand that he can cause certain things to happen. For example, he can flip a switch that causes music to play or a light to come on. He becomes attracted to objects such as stereo equipment, television sets, remote controls, light switches, and toy pianos.
He can now start to comprehend that people, objects, sounds, or situations can be related to each other. Or that a sound is related to an object or a particular situation. He knows, for example, that bustling in the kitchen means that someone is preparing his dinner, the key in the front door means “daddy’s home,” the dog has its own food and toys, and mommy and daddy and he belong together. Your baby’s understanding of “family” won’t be anywhere near as sophisticated as your own, but he does have his own understanding of what it means to belong together.
Next, your baby can begin to understand that animals and people coordinate their movements. Even if two people are walking separately, he still notices that they are taking each other’s movements into consideration. That is a “relationship” as well. He can also tell when something goes wrong. If you drop something, let out a yell, and bend down quickly to catch it, if two people accidentally bump into each other, or if the dog falls off the couch, he understands that it is out of the ordinary. Some babies find this highly amusing; others are scared out of their wits. And still others become curious or take it very seriously. After all, it is something that is not meant to happen. Each brand-new observation or skill can, for that matter, make your baby feel wary until these things prove themselves harmless.
“I’ve noticed my son is scared of the slicing machine at the bakery. As soon as the bread goes into it, he glances at me as if to ask, ‘Are you sure that it’s okay?’ Then he looks frightened, then he looks at me, then frightened again, then at me again. After a while, he calms down.”
Paul’s mom, 29th week
Your baby may also begin to discover that he can coordinate the movements of his body, limbs, and hands and that they work together as one. Once he understands this, he can learn to crawl more efficiently. Or he may try to sit up by himself or pull himself up to stand and sit down again. Some babies now take their first steps with a little help. And the exceptional baby will even do it without help, just before the next leap begins. All this physical exercise can also be frightening to a baby. He fully realizes that he could be losing control over his body. He still needs to learn how to keep his balance. And keeping one’s balance has a lot to do with being familiar with the idea of distances.
When your baby starts to be active in the world of relationships, he will do it in his unique way. He will use the skills and concepts that he has acquired from previous leaps in his mental development. So he will only be able to perceive and experiment with relationships that involve things he already understands—things he has learned from the worlds of patterns, smooth transitions, and events.
Between 26 and 34 weeks, you can discover what your baby likes best in the world of relationships. Take a good look at what your baby is doing. Use the “My Diary” list to help you determine where his interests lie, and respect your aby’s choices. It’s only natural to make comparisons with other mothers’ observations of their babies, but don’t expect all babies to be the same. The only thing you can be certain of is that they won’t be!
Keep in mind that babies love anything new. Whenever you notice your baby showing any new skills or interests, be sure to respond. Your baby will enjoy it if you share these new discoveries. Your interest will help his learning progress more quickly. That’s just how babies are.
Every baby needs time, support, and lots of opportunities to practice and experiment with new skills. You can help her by encouraging her when she succeeds and comforting her when she fails (by her own baby standards). If she persists too long in trying something she’s not able to master yet, you may be able to distract her by coming up with something she can do.
Most of your activities as an adult are firmly rooted in the world of relationships—loading the car, getting dressed, putting cards in envelopes, holding a conversation, following an exercise video, to name a few. Let your baby watch these and join in where she can. Let her share your experience of sights, sounds, sensations, smells, and tastes whenever she wants to. You are still her guide in this complex world.
Always keep in mind that she will almost certainly be specializing in some kinds of activities at the expense of others. It really doesn’t matter whether your baby learns about relationships from the watching or listening areas only. Later on, she will quickly and easily be able to put this understanding to use in other areas.
In the world of relationships, almost every baby begins to realize at this time that her mommy can increase the distance between them and can walk away and leave her. Previously, her eyes could see it, but she didn’t grasp the full meaning of leaving. Now that she does, it poses a problem. She gets frightened when it hits her that her mommy is unpredictable and beyond her control—she can leave her behind at any time! Even if she’s already crawling, Mommy can easily outdistance her. She feels she has no control over the distance between herself and her mother, and this makes her feel helpless. It’s hard to accept at first that this state of affairs is progress, but it is a clear sign of a mental leap forward. Your baby has to learn how to deal with this development and make it a part of her new world so that it is no longer frightening. Your task is to help her achieve this. It takes understanding, compassion, practice, and above all, time.
If your baby shows fear, accept that fear. She will soon realize that there is nothing to be afraid of, since her mother is not deserting him. Generally, babies panic the most around 29 weeks. Then it improves somewhat, until the next leap begins.
“My son has his moods when he screams until he’s picked up. When I do, he’ll laugh, utterly pleased with himself.”
Frankie’s mom, 31st week
“Everything’s fine as long as my daughter can see me. If not, she starts crying out in fear.”
Eve’s mom, 29th week
“My little girl had been with the babysitter, as is usual. She wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep, wouldn’t do anything. Just cried and cried. I’ve never seen anything like it with her. I feel guilty leaving her behind like that. I’m considering working shorter hours, but I don’t know how to arrange it.”
Laura’s mom, 28th week
“If my daughter even suspects I’ll be setting her down on the floor to play, she starts to whine and cling with intense passion. So now, I carry her around on my hip all day long. She has also stopped smiling the way she used to. Just last week, she had a smile for everyone. Now it’s definitely less. She’s been through this once before, but in the past she’d always end up with a tiny grin on her face. Now, it’s out of the question.”
Nina’s mom, 29th week
“This was a week of torment. So many tears. Five minutes on his own was already too much for my guy. If I so much as stepped out of the room, there’d be a crying fit. I’ve had him in the infant carrier a lot. But at bedtime, all hell would break loose. After 3 days, I was beat. It was too much. I started feeling extremely angry. It looked like it was starting to become a vicious circle. I was really pushing myself, feeling lonely and completely exhausted. I kept breaking things, too—they would just drop from my hands. That’s when I took him to the day care center for the first time. Just so I could catch my breath. But it didn’t work out, so I quickly went to get him. I felt really bad about dumping him somewhere, while at the same time, I had given it a lot of thought and felt it was the best solution. I push myself too far too often, and it only makes me feel lonely, aggressive, and confined. I also keep wondering whether it’s me, whether I’m to blame for being inconsistent or for spoiling him too much.”
Bob’s mom, 29th week
To ease your baby’s anxiety, make sure she feels you near her in case she really needs you. Give her the opportunity to grow accustomed to the new situation at her own pace. You can help her by carrying her more often or staying a bit closer to her. Give her some warning before you walk away, and keep talking to her while you walk away and when you’re in the other room. This way, she will learn that you are still there, even if she can’t see you anymore. You can also practice “leaving” by playing peek-aboo games. For example, you can hide behind a newspaper while sitting next to your baby, then you can hide behind the couch close to your baby, then behind the cupboard a little farther away, and finally behind the door.
If your baby is already a little mobile, you can reassure her on the question of desertion by helping her to follow you. Try first telling her you are leaving—this way, your baby will learn that she does not have to keep an eye on you, that she can continue to play at ease. Then slowly walk away, so that she can follow you. Always adjust your pace to your baby’s. Soon, your baby will learn that she can control the distance between the two of you. She will also come to trust you not to disappear when you have to get something from another room, and she won’t bother you as much.
“At first, my son used to cling to my leg like a monkey and ride on my shoe when I walked. I had to drag this ‘ball and chain’ around everywhere. After a few days, he started keeping a slight distance. I could take a few steps to the side before he’d crawl up to me. Now, I can go into the kitchen while he’s crawling around. He won’t actually come looking for me unless I stay there for a while.”
Bob’s mom, 31st week
Often, the desire to be near you is so strong that even the inexperienced crawler is willing to put in some extra effort and ends up improving her crawling. The desire to keep up with mommy, along with the coordination she’s able to utilize at this point, might provide just the extra incentive she needs.
If your baby was already a little mobile after the last leap, you will see a big difference now. Her effortful journeys used to take her farther away from you, and she would stay away longer than she does now. Suddenly, she’s circling you and making short dashes backward and forward, making contact with you each time.
“My baby keeps crawling back and forth. Then he’ll sit under my chair for a while. He also stays nearer to me than he used to.”
John’s mom, 31st week
Offer your baby the chance to experiment with coming and going, with you as the center point. If you sit on the floor, you’ll notice she will interrupt her excursions to crawl over you.
Over the weeks, parents grow more and more irritated if they don’t get the opportunity to continue their everyday activities. Once their baby has reached 29 weeks, most mothers call it a day. They start to gradually break the old habit (“I am always here for you to cling to”) and lay down a new rule (“I need some time and space to move as well”). They do so most times by distracting the babies, sometimes by ignoring their whines for a while, or by putting the babies to bed if they are really fed up with their behavior.
Are boys different from girls after all?
Mothers of boys sometimes seem to have a harder time with their babies than mothers of girls. They often don’t understand their sons. Does he or doesn’t he want to play with his mom?
“My son often whines for contact and attention. I always respond. But when I pick him up to play a game, it’s obviously not what he had in mind. Then he’ll spot something, and all of a sudden that’s what he wants, and he reaches and whines to get at it. He seems to want two things—me and exploring. But he always makes a mess of these ad ventures. He’ll grab something pretty roughly and hurl it aside. He likes to go through the entire house this way. I would have liked him to be a bit more cuddly. We could talk, play games—just do nice things together and have some fun. Whereas now, I’m constantly trying to prevent accidents from happening. Sometimes I feel dissatisfied myself.”
Matt’s mom, 32nd week
Mothers with both boys and girls usually find that they can do more with their girls. They feel they can better sense what a girl wants. They share more of the same interests, which they call sociable and fun.
“I’m able to play mother with my daughter more. We do all kinds of things together. When I talk, she really listens. She enjoys my games and asks for more. Her brother was much more his own man.”
Eve’s mom, 33rd week
Whatever you decide to do, take into consideration how much your baby can handle before she gets really afraid. Knowing that you can leave her whenever you choose can be very frightening for her and very difficult to deal with.
“It’s so annoying the way he keeps clinging to my legs when I’m trying to do the cooking. It’s almost as if he chooses to be extra difficult because I am busy. So I put him to bed.”
Kevin’s mom, 30th week
If your baby loves to crawl, allow him to roam around freely in a room where he can do no harm. Watch him to see just what he does. When he enters the world of relationships, an early crawler begins to understand that he can crawl into, out of, under, over, in between, on top of, and through something. He will love to toy with these various relationships between himself and the objects in his surroundings.
“I like to watch my son play in the living room. He crawls up to the couch, looks under it, sits down, quickly crawls over to the closet, crawls into it, rushes off again, crawls to the rug, lifts it up, looks under it, heads toward a chair that he crawls under, whoosh, he’s off to another cupboard, crawls into that one, gets stuck, cries a little, figures out how to get out and closes the door.”
Steven’s mom, 30th week
If your baby takes pleasure in doing these things, leave some objects around that will encourage him to continue his explorations. For instance, you can make hills for him to crawl over out of blankets, quilts, or pillows. Of course, you should adjust this soft play circuit to suit what your baby can do.
You can also build a tunnel from boxes or chairs that he can crawl through. You can make a tent out of a sheet, which he can crawl into, out of, and under. Many babies enjoy opening and closing doors. If your baby likes this, too, you can include a door or two. Just watch out for his fingers. If you crawl along with him, it will double the fun. Try adding some variety with peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek games, too.
If your baby enjoys moving his toys around, make this into a game. Give him the opportunity to put playthings inside, on top of, next to, or under objects. Allow him to throw his toys—it’s important in getting to understand how the world works. Let him pull toys through something, such as the legs of a chair or a box made into a tunnel. To the outsider, it may seem as if he is flying like a whirlwind from one object to the next, but this frenzied activity is providing exactly the input his brain needs to understand this new world of relationships.
“My baby will lay her blocks, her pacifier, and her bear in a basket. When she’s standing, she’ll pick up toys from the floor and toss them on the chair. She also pushes things into her playpen through the bars. If she’s actually in the playpen, she’ll throw everything out over the top. She likes to watch what she’s done. She’s a real little rascal.”
Jenny’s mom, 30th week
Give your baby a shelf or cupboard of his own, which he can empty out and you can easily tidy up again. Give him a box he can put his things in. Turn a box upside down, so he can put things on top of it. Allow him to push things out of the playpen through the bars, or throw them out over the top. This is an ideal way for babies who aren’t yet interested in crawling to explore relationships like inside, outside, underneath, and on top of.
Another way your baby can toy with relationships is by throwing, dropping and overturning objects. He may do so to see and hear what happens. Maybe he wants to find out just how a particular object breaks into several pieces. You can watch him enjoy knocking over towers of blocks, which you have to keep building up again. But he will gain just as much pleasure from tipping over the wastepaper basket, overturning the cat’s water bowl, dropping a glass of milk or a bowl of cereal from his high chair, or any other activity that is bound to make a mess.
“My daughter loves experimenting with the way things fall. She’s been trying it with all kinds of things—her pacifier, her blocks, and her cup. Then, I gave her a feather from Big Bird, the parakeet. This took her by surprise. She prefers things that make a lot of noise!”
Nina’s mom, 28th week
“Boy, did my son laugh when I dropped a plate, and it shattered into a million pieces. I’ve never seen him laugh so hard.
John’s mom, 30th week
In the world of relationships your baby may discover that things can be taken apart. Give him some things that are designed for exactly that purpose—nesting cups and bright laces tied into bows. He will tug and pull at things that are attached to objects or toys, such as labels, stickers, eyes and noses of cuddly toys, and wheels, latches, and doors of toy cars.
Baby Care
Remember that your baby can be fascinated by things that are harmful to him. He can stick a finger or tongue into anything with holes or slots, including things such as electrical outlets, electronic equipment, drains, and the dog’s mouth. Or he can pick up and eat little things he finds on the floor. Always stay near your baby whenever you let him explore the house freely.
But take care: Buttons on clothing, switches and wires trailing from electrical equipment, and bottle caps are equally attractive and just as liable to be taken apart whenever possible. To your baby, there is no such thing as off limits in this new and exciting world.
“My son keeps pulling his socks off.”
Frankie’s mom, 31st week
If your baby dearly loves watching things disappear into something else, invite him to watch your activities. You may think cooking is ordinary, but to him it is magic to watch all the ingredients disappear into the same pot. But keep an eye on him, too, because he may look for disappearing acts of his own.
“My daughter likes to watch the dog emptying his bowl. The closer she can get, the better. It seems pretty dangerous to me, because with all that attention, the dog gulps it down faster and faster. On the other hand, the dog suddenly seems to be paying more attention to my daughter as well when she’s eating. She’ll be sitting at the table in her high chair, with the dog right next to her. So what do you know? It turned out she was dropping little pieces of bread and watching him wolf them down.”
Laura’s mom, 31st week
Sometimes babies like putting one thing inside another. But this happens only by coincidence. He can’t yet distinguish between different shapes and sizes.
“My girl tries fitting all kinds of things together. A lot of the time, the size is right, but the shape never is. Also, she isn’t accurate enough. But if it doesn’t work, she gets mad.”
Jenny’s mom, 29th week
“My son discovered his nostrils. He stuck an inquisitive finger in one. I hope he doesn’t try the same with a bead!”
John’s mom, 32nd week
Is your baby intrigued by a toy with a squeak in it when he pushes, or a toy piano that produces a musical tone when he hits a key? Let him explore these things. They concern relationships between an action and an effect. But beware, he can also turn over a bottle filled with nail polish or perfume or some other dangerous substance.
“I held a toy bear upside down so that it growled. Then I put the bear on the floor, and my son crawled right over and rolled it around, until it made that sound. He was so fascinated that he kept turning the bear over and over, faster and faster.”
Paul’s mom, 33rd week
In your baby’s body, relationships abound between the various body parts. Without the efforts of all the muscles the relationships between the various parts of the skeleton would be lost and we would collapse like a sack with bones. About this time, your baby may start to try to sit up by himself, depending on his balance skills.
“My son’s learned to sit up now. He started out by balancing on one buttock with both hands flat on the floor in front of him. Then he lifted one hand. Now he can sit without using his hands at all.”
Matt’s mom, 25th week
“Now my baby sits alone without any fear of losing her balance. She couldn’t do that last week. She sometimes takes things, holds them over her head with both hands, and then throws them away.”
Jenny’s mom, 28th week
“When my little one sits up, he often rolls over. He also topples forward or backward. Whenever that happens, I’m quick to laugh. Then he’ll often start laughing, too.”
Bob’s mom, 26th week
If your baby is not sitting steadily enough to feel confident on his own, help him. Try to find out if you can make him more confident by playing balancing games in which he has to regain his balance every time the wobble sets in. Look for favorite balancing games under “Top Games for This Wonder Week” on page 187.
Some babies try to stand up. If your baby does, how is his balance? Help your baby when he’s not standing firmly, or if he’s afraid of tumbling down. Play balancing games with him—these will make him familiar with his vertical position. But never try to hurry your baby toward sitting or standing. If you try too early for his liking, he may get afraid and you may even slow his development.
“We tried to put my son on his feet by the table. He stood there, very unstable, swaying like a puppet on a string, looking as if he was about to topple over. It’s too soon for him.”
Steven’s mom, 31st week
“My daughter is beginning to stand up, but she doesn’t know how to sit back down. It’s tiring. Today, I found her standing in her crib for the first time, wailing. That irritates me. She’s supposed to go to sleep when she’s in bed. I just hope it doesn’t take too long and that she works out how to sit back down sometime soon.”
Juliette’s mom, 31st week
“My baby insists on me sitting her back down after she’s stood up. Her sister isn’t allowed to help her, even though there are many things she will let her do. She’s obviously scared that she won’t be able to do it well enough.”
Ashley’s mom, 32nd week
“My baby kept trying to pull herself up this week, and at a certain point she succeeded. She had pulled herself up in bed, stood up right away, and stayed standing up, too. Now she can really do it. She pulls herself up using the bed, playpen, table, chair, or someone’s legs. She also stands by the playpen and takes toys from it with one hand.”
Jenny’s mom, 28th week
If and only if you notice that your baby has great fun walking, give him a hand. Hold on to him tightly, because his balance is usually unstable. Play games with him that will familiarize him with keeping his balance, especially when he shifts his weight from one leg to the other. Never go on hour-long walks with him. He really won’t learn any faster that way. Your baby won’t start walking until he is ready to.
“When I hold both of my baby’s hands, she walks in perfect balance. She crosses the small gap between the chair and the television when she’s standing. She walks alongside the table, around the bends. She’ll walk through the room pushing a Pampers box. Yesterday, the box slid away, and she took three steps by herself.”
Jenny’s mom, 34th week
“I’m irritated by my son’s slow coordination. He doesn’t crawl, he won’t pull himself up. He just sits there and fiddles with his playthings.”
Frankie’s mom, 29th week
Remember that your baby has no motive for learning to walk or crawl just yet. Plenty of other activities will teach him things worth knowing. For him, these things are more important right now.
Babies who have entered the world of relationships can also begin to understand the connection between what their two hands are doing, and they can get better control over them. This way, they can cope with two things at once. If you see your baby trying to use both hands at the same time, encourage him to go on. Let him hold a toy in either hand and clash them together. Or let him make this clashing movement without toys, so that he claps his hands. Let him knock toys against the floor or the wall. Encourage him to pass toys from one hand to the other. And let him put two toys down at the same time, and pick them up again.
“My daughter has the hitting syndrome. She beats anything she can lay her hands on.”
Jenny’s mom, 29th week
First Steps
Once your baby has acquired the knack of perceiving and experimenting with relationships, she can understand what walking is, but understanding doesn’t mean she will actually do it. To really start walking, she must choose to. And even if she does, she might not succeed because her body is not ready. Your baby won’t learn how to walk at this age unless the proportions between the weight of her bones, her muscles, and the length of her limbs compared to her torso meet certain specifications. If your baby is occupied with something else—for instance, speech, sounds, and music—there may simply be no time left to spend on walking. She can’t do everything at once.
If your baby tries to master the concerted action between two fingers —for instance his thumb and forefinger—again he is toying with relationships between the two. In the process he is also busy inventing a new tool, the pincer grip, that he can put to use immediately. He can learn how to pluck extremely small objects, such as threads, from the carpet. He can learn to pick blades of grass, or he may take pleasure in touching and stroking all kinds of surfaces with his finger. And he may have great fun examining every detail of very small objects.
“My baby goes through the entire room and spots the smallest irregularities or crumbs on the floor, picks them up between her thumb and her index finger, and sticks them in her mouth. I really have to pay attention so she doesn’t eat anything peculiar. I let her eat small pieces of bread by herself now. At first, she kept sticking her thumb in her mouth instead of the bread she was holding between her fingers. But she’s starting to improve now.”
Hannah’s mom, 32nd week
Babies who were extra sensitive to sounds and gestures in the past may start to grasp the connection between short sentences and their meaning or particular gestures and their meaning as soon as they have entered the world of relationships. In fact, they may even make the connection between words and gestures that go with them. But you will still find that these babies can understand these things only in their own surroundings and as a part of a familiar routine. If you were to play the same sentences from a tape recorder in a strange place, they wouldn’t have a clue. That skill doesn’t develop until much later.
If your baby likes playing with words and gestures, use this to his advantage. There are several things you can do to help your baby to understand what you’re saying. Use short sentences with clear and obvious gestures. Explain the things you are doing. Let him see, feel, smell, and taste the things you are talking about. He understands more than you think.
“Once, I told my son to watch the rabbit, and he understood what I meant. He listens very closely.”
Paul’s mom, 26th week
“I get the feeling that my son knows what I mean when I explain something or make a suggestion, such as, ‘Shall we go for a nice little walk?’ or ‘I think it’s bedtime!’ It’s so cute—he doesn’t like hearing the word ‘bed’!”
Bob’s mom, 30th week
“When we say, ‘Clap your hands,’ my daughter does. And when we say, ‘Jump up and down,’ she bends her knees and bounces up and down, but her feet don’t leave the ground.”
Jenny’s mom, 32nd week
“When I say ‘bye, say bye, bye’ while waving at daddy who is leaving, my daughter waves while keeping a steady eye on my waving hand.”
Nina’s mom, 32nd week
Her First Word
Once your baby has gained the ability to perceive and experiment with relationships, she may discover her first word. It doesn’t mean that she will start to talk, though. The age at which babies begin to use words differs greatly. So don’t worry if she puts it off for a few more months. Most babies produce their first real word during the 10th or 11th month.
If your baby is obsessed with something else, such as crawling and standing, there may simply be no time left to spend on words. She can’t do everything at once.
If your baby attempts to say or ask something with a sound or gestures, make sure you let him know that you are thrilled with his potential. Talk and signal back to him. The best way to teach your baby to talk is by talking to him a lot yourself. Call everyday items by their names. Ask questions, such as, “Would you like a sandwich?” when you put his plate down. Let him hear nursery rhymes, and play singing games with him. In short, make speech attractive.
“Whenever my son wants to do something, he’ll put his hand on it and look at me. It’s as if he’s trying to ask, ‘May I?’ He also understands, ‘no.’ Of course, it doesn’t stop him from trying, but he knows what it means.”
Bob’s mom, 32nd week
“Last week, my daughter said ‘oo’ (oops) for the first time when she fell. We also noticed that she was starting to copy sounds from us, so we’ve started teaching her to talk.”
Jenny’s mom, 29th week
“My daughter is a real chatterbox. She’s especially talkative while crawling, when she recognizes someone or something. She talks to her stuffed toys and to us when she’s on our laps. It’s as if she’s telling entire stories. She uses all kinds of vowels and consonants. The variations seem endless.”
Hannah’s mom, 29th week
“My son nods his head and makes a certain sound. If I imitate him, he starts giggling uncontrollably.”
Paul’s mom, 28th week
If your baby loves music, make sure you do a lot of singing, dancing, and clapping songs with him. This way, your baby can practice using words and gestures. If you don’t know many children’s songs, you can buy a music CD. Some public libraries lend these out, too.
“When we were singing at the baby swimming class, my baby suddenly started singing along.”
Nina’s mom, 30th week
“Whenever my daughter hears music or I start to sing, she immediately starts wiggling her tummy.”
Eve’s mom, 32nd week
Whatever new things your baby comprehends, you can demand from him nothing more, but also nothing less. Breaking old habits and setting new rules are also part of developing new skills. When your baby is busy learning new skills, he can be very irritating in the process. This is because old ways of doing things and established rules of behavior may no longer suit the baby’s current progress. Both mother and baby have to renegotiate new rules to restore peace and harmony.
At first parents worry when their baby enters a new fussy phase. They get annoyed when they discover that nothing is wrong with their baby and, to the contrary, he is in fact ready to be more independent. It is then that they start demanding that their baby do the things they feel he is able to do. As a consequence, they promote progress.
“I’ve always rocked him to sleep while breastfeeding. But now it irritates me. I feel he’s old enough to just go straight to bed. My husband likes putting him to bed, too, but that’s out of the question now. And you never know, someday it might have to be done by someone else. I’ve started getting him used to going straight to bed once a day. But he’s certainly putting up a fight.”
Matt’s mom, 31st week
Top Games for This Wonder Week
Here are some games and activities that work best for babies exploring the world of relationships. Whatever kind of game you choose, language can now begin to play a big part in your games
These are very popular games at this age. The variations are endless
PEEK-A-BOO WITH A HANDKERCHIEF
Put a handkerchief over your head and see if your baby will pull it away. Ask “Where’s mommy?” Your baby will know you’re still there, because he can hear you. If he doesn’t make any attempts to pull away the handkerchief, take his hand and pull it away together. Say “peek-a-boo” when you reappear.
VARIATIONS WITH PEEK-A-BOO
Cover your face with your hands and take them away, or pop up from behind a newspaper or book held between you and the baby. Babies also like it when you appear from behind a plant or under a table. After all, they can still see parts of you.
Or hide in a conspicuous place, such as behind a curtain. This way, she can follow the movements of the curtain. Make sure your baby sees you disappear For example, announce that you’re going to hide (for non-crawlers), or that she has to come look for you (for crawlers). If she didn’t watch you or was distracted for a moment by something else, call her name. Try it sometime in the door opening too. This will teach her that leaving is followed by returning. Reward her every time she manages to find you. Lift her up high or cuddle her—whatever she likes best.
A lot of babies discover they can hide themselves behind or under something. They usually start with a cloth or an item of clothing while being changed. Take advantage of any opportunity to develop a game that the baby has started. This way, he’ll learn that he can take the lead.
HIDING TOYS
Try hiding toys under a blanket. Make sure you use something your baby likes or that she’s attached to. Show her how and where you hide it. Make it easy for her the first time around. Make sure she can still see a tiny part of the toy.
HIDING TOYS IN THE BATHTUB
Use bath foam in the bathtub and allow your baby to play with it. Try hiding toys under the foam some time and invite him to look for them. If he can blow, try blowing at the foam. Or give him a straw and encourage him to blow through it.
You can make talking attractive by talking to your baby frequently, by listening to him, by reading books together, and by playing whispering, singing, and word games.
LOOK AT PICTURE BOOKS TOGETHER
Take your baby on your lap—he usually likes that best. Let him choose a book to look at together. Call by name whatever your baby looks at. If it’s a book with animals in it, mimic the sounds the animals make. Babies generally love hearing and making sounds like bark, moo, and quack. Let him turn the pages by himself, if he wants to.
Most babies love it when sounds or words are whispered in their ears. Making little puffs of air that tickle his ear is interesting, too, perhaps because a baby can now understand what blowing is.
SONG AND MOVEMENT GAMES
These games can be used to encourage both singing and talking. They also exercise the baby’s sense of balance.
GIDDY-UP, GIDDY-UP, LITTLE ROCKING HORSE
Take your baby on your knee, upright and facing you. Support him under his arms and jog him up and down gently, singing:
Giddy-up, giddy-up, little rocking horse
Giddy-up, giddy-up, little rocking horse
Giddy-up, giddy-up, little rocking horse
Ride away, away to Candy Land.
THIS IS THE WAY THE LADY RIDES
Take your baby on your knee, upright and facing you. Support her under her arms, and sing the following song:
This is the way the lady rides,
The lady rides,
The lady rides,
This is the way the lady rides,
So early in the morning.
(Sing slowly and solemnly, and jog her neatly up and down on your knee. )
This is the way the gentleman rides,
The gentleman rides,
The gentleman rides,
This is the way the gentleman rides,
So early in the morning.
(Sing faster, and jog her faster. )
This is the way the farmer rides,
The farmer rides,
The farmer rides,
This is the way the farmer rides,
So early in the morning.
(Sing wearily and jog her up, down, and sideways. )
CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP
AND DOWN INTO THE DITCH!
(“DOWN” comes as a surprise. Pull your knees apart and let her “fall” between your knees. )
A lot of singing games, like those above, are also balancing games. Here are some others.
SITTING GAME
Sit down comfortably. Take your baby on your knee. Hold his hands, and move him gently from left to right, so that he shifts his weight from buttock to buttock. Also try letting him lean forward or backward carefully. Babies find the latter the most exciting. You can also move him in small or large circles, to the left, backward, to the right, and forward. Adjust yourself to your baby. The movement has to challenge him just enough to make him want to find his balance himself. You can also let him swing like a pendulum of a clock while you sing: tick tock, tick tock in time with the movement.
Kneel comfortably on the floor and let him stand in front of you while you hold his hips or hands and move him gently from left to right, so that he transfers his weight from one leg to the other. Do the same thing in a different plane so that his body weight shifts from back to front. Adjust yourself to your baby. It has to challenge him just enough to make him want to find his balance himself.
FLYING GAME
Grasp your baby firmly, lift her, and let her “fly” through the room. Let her rise and descend. Turn left and right. Fly in small circles, in a straight line, and backward. Vary the movement and speed as much as possible. If your baby enjoys this, then try letting her land carefully upside down, head first. Naturally, you’ll accompany the entire flight with different zooming, humming, or screeching sounds. The more alert you can be to her reactions, the more easily you will be able to adjust this game so it’s just right for her
STANDING HIM ON HIS HEAD
Most physically active babies love horsing around and being stood on their heads. However, others find standing on their heads frightening or over-exciting. Play this game only if your baby likes playing rough. It’s a healthy exercise for him. Remember to support his body completely as you hold him upside down
For now, the best “toys” are all the things babies can find to get into around the house. The best games are emptying cupboards and shelves, dropping things, and throwing things away.
Organize a cupboard for the baby and fill it with things that she finds super attractive. Usually this will include empty boxes, empty egg cartons, empty toilet paper rolls, plastic plates, and plastic bottles with lids and filled with something rattly. But also include things she can make a lot of noise with, such as a pan, wooden spoons, and an old set of keys.
FALLING GAME
Some babies like hearing a lot of noise when they drop something. If your baby does, you could make a game of it by putting him in his high chair and placing a metal serving tray on the floor. Hand him blocks, and show him how to let them go so that they fall on the tray and make a big bang.
Babies love riding in a baby seat on a bicycle, in a baby jogger, or in a baby backpack. Stop frequently to point out things along the way and talk to your baby about what she is seeing.
SWIMMING FOR BABIES Many babies love playing in the water. Some swimming pools have specially heated pools for small children and special hours when a group of babies can play games with parents in the water.
CHILDREN’S FARMS
A visit to a children’s farm or duck pond can be extremely exciting for your baby. She can see the animals from her picture book. She’ll enjoy looking at their wobbly, pattering, or leaping motions. And she’ll particularly like feeding the animals and watching them eat.
Just like mothers get annoyed when their babies keep insisting on being rocked to sleep, so there are at least three other situations where you may feel the urge to make demands: mealtime aggravations, having to forbid things, and impatience.
At this age, many babies get fussy over food, while before they enjoyed whatever they grabbed from your mouth. In the world of relationships many babies come to realize that certain foods taste better than others. So why not pick the tastier one? Many mothers think it’s funny at first. Soon, however, almost every mother becomes irritated when her baby gets fussy. She wonders whether the baby is getting enough nutrition. She tries to distract the fussy eater so she can stick the spoon in her mouth at an unsuspected moment. Or she runs after her the whole day with food.
Don’t do it. Strong-willed babies will resist something that is being forced upon them even more. And a worried mother will in turn react to that. This way, meals become a battleground. Stop arguing. You cannot force a baby to swallow, so don’t even try it. If you do, you might only increase his dislike of anything that has to do with food. Resort to different tactics and make use of other new skills your baby can learn now. He can try holding something between his thumb and forefinger now, but he still needs a lot of practice, so it’s good for his coordination to feed himself. A baby this age also loves to make his own decisions, and the freedom to eat by himself will make eating more enjoyable. Use these new skills to his advantage. While he finger-feeds himself, he could be in a better mood to allow you to feed him as well. It can be messy, but encourage him anyway. Keep putting two pieces of food on his plate, so that he will keep himself occupied. Usually, it will be easy to feed him in between.
You can also make eating more pleasurable for your baby by feeding him in front of a mirror. This way, he can watch as you put a spoonful of food in his mouth or in your own. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work the first time. Many babies go through eating problems, and they also get over them.
Finally, certain eating habits are perceived as irritating by some mothers, while others find them perfectly normal.
“What really gets to me is that she wants to stick her thumb in her mouth after every bite. I won’t allow it! Minor disagreement!”
Ashley’s mom, 29th week
Now that the baby is in the middle of learning new skills, many mothers constantly find themselves having to forbid things. A crawling baby especially is liable to inspect all your possessions. After all, her pleasures are by no means the same as yours. So anything you can do to make life easier for both of you will be worthwhile. Try to prevent what you cannot allow and help her with the activities she is interested in. Above all, remember that you are not the only mother with this problem.
“I constantly have to forbid things. My daughter rampages from one thing to the next. Her favorite targets are the wine rack, the video, my needlepoint kit, cupboards, and shoes. Another one of her hobbies is knocking down plants, digging up plants, and eating cat food. I can’t warn her enough. So sometimes, I slap her hand when I feel it’s gone far enough.”
Jenny’s mom, 31st week
These are toys and things to play with that suit the new skills your baby is developing as he explores the world of relationships
It’s important to put away or take precautions with electrical outlets, plugs, wires, keys, drains, stairs, bottles (such as perfume and nail polish and remover), tubes (such as toothpaste and antiseptics), stereo equipment, remote controls, television sets, plants, wastepaper baskets, trash cans, alarm clocks, and watches.
Your baby does not learn anything from a “correcting” slap on the hand. What is more important, hitting a baby is absolutely not acceptable, even when it is “only” a correcting slap on the hand. It is better to remove your baby from things he is not allowed to touch. And to clearly say “no” when he is doing something that is against your rules. After this leap, babies can be very impatient. This may have several reasons. They don’t want to wait for their food. They get mad if a toy refuses to behave as they wish it would. Or if something is not allowed. Or if mommy doesn’t pay attention to them quickly enough. Unfortunately, babies do have an idea of what it is they want to have or achieve, but they don’t understand why their mommies don’t allow it or why they can’t have it in a flash. This frustrates them, so be understanding but see what you can do to stop the “I want it now” problem.
“My daughter’s becoming very impatient. She wants to have it all, and she gets furious if she can’t reach something and I tell her ‘no.’ Then she’ll really start screaming. It irritates me and makes me think she’s only doing it because I work. She’s much sweeter with the babysitter.”
Laura’s mom, 31st week
“I put my baby to bed this past week because she was carrying on something awful and screaming during supper. She feels it isn’t going fast enough, so she starts yelling, twisting, and wriggling after every bite. Once I got over my anger, about 5 minutes later, we continued. Both of us had calmed down by then.”
Ashley’s mom, 28th week
Between 30 and 35 weeks, another comparatively easy period begins. For anywhere from 1 to 3 weeks, the baby is admired for her cheerfulness, independence, and progress.
“My girl is becoming less and less shy. She laughs a lot. And she’s good at keeping herself occupied. She has become very agile and active again. Actually, I started to see this change last week, but it seems to be progressing.”
Nina’s mom, 33rd week
“Because she was so sweet, my baby seemed like a totally different child. She used to cry and whine a lot. The way she tells stories is also delightful. She’s actually already like a little toddler, the way she trots through the room.”
Jenny’s mom, 35th week
“My son was extremely cheerful, so it wasn’t hard to have fun with him. It also pleases me to see him a little more active and lively in the physical sense. But he’s at his best when he can observe people. He’s very talkative, too, a great kid.”
Frankie’s mom, 30th week
“My daughter’s obviously gotten bigger and older. She reacts to everything we do. She watches everything. And she wants to have whatever we have. I’d almost say that she wants to be a part of it.”
Ashley’s mom, 34th week
“Finally, some rest after a long period of constant changes. A wonderful week. He’s gone through another change. He cries less, sleeps more. I can see a certain pattern starting to develop again, for the umpteenth time. I talk to him much more. I’ve noticed myself explaining everything I do. When I go to prepare his bottle, I tell him. When it’s time for him to go to bed, I tell him. I explain why he has to take a nap. And these talks seem to do me good. The day care center is going well now, too.”
Bob’s mom, 30th week
“We seem to have a different kind of contact now. It’s as if the umbilical cord has finally been cut. The feeling of complete dependency is also gone. I’m quicker to rely on a babysitter. I also notice that I’ve been giving my son a lot more freedom. I don’t have to be on top of him all the time.”
Bob’s mom, 31st week
“This was a really nice week. My baby is cheerful, and he can occupy himself pretty well on his own with his toys. Everything’s still going fine at day care. He reacts in a friendly way to other children. He is a cute little guy, and he’s much more his own little person.”
Bob’s mom, 32nd week
My Diary
Top Toys for This Wonder Week