Note: The first phase (fussy period) of this leap into the perceptual world of "programs" is age-linked and predictable, emerging between 49 and 53 weeks. Most babies start the second phase (see box "Quality Time: An Unnatural Whim" on page 17) of this leap 55 weeks after full-term birth. The first perception of the world of programs sets in motion the development of a whole range of skills and activities. However, the age at which these skills and activities appear for the first time varies greatly and depends on your baby's preferences, experimentation and physical development. For example, the ability to perceive programs is a necessary precondition for "washing dishes" or "vacuum cleaning," but these skills normally appear anywhere from 55 weeks to many months later. Skills and activities are mentioned in this chapter at the earliest possible age they might appear so you can watch for and recognize them. (They may be rudimentary at first.) This way you can respond to and facilitate your baby's development.
Every child’s first birthday is a significant occasion. The end of the first year means for many parents the beginning of the end of babyhood. Your little cherub is about to become a toddler. In many ways, of course, she is still a baby. She still has so much to learn about her world—which has become such an interesting place to explore. She can get around so much better now, though, and she has become adept at getting into everything that interests her.
Shortly after the first birthday, at around 55 weeks, your little one will have gone through another big change in her mental development and will be ready to explore the world of programs. This will make her seem even more like a little person with her own way of approaching the world. A watchful parent will begin to see the blossoming of a new understanding in the toddler’s way of thinking.
The word “programs” is very abstract. Here’s what it means in this context. In the past leap in development, your baby learned to deal with the notion of sequences—the fact that events follow one after another or objects fit together in a particular way. A program is a degree more complicated than a sequence since it allows the end result to be reached in any number of ways. Once your child becomes capable of perceiving programs, she can begin to understand what it means to do the laundry, set the table, eat lunch, tidy up, get dressed, build a tower, make a phone call, and the millions of other things that make up everyday life. These are all programs.
The main characteristic of a program is that it has a goal but that the steps taken to accomplish it are flexible. This is how it differs from a sequence, which is the same every time. An example of a sequence is counting from 1 to 10. You do it the same way each and every time. Dusting is an example of a program. You do not necessarily have to dust an object in the same way each time—you can dust the legs of a table first and then the top, or the other way around. Every time that you dust, you can choose the sequence that you feel is best for that day, that room, that chair, and your mood. However you choose to do it, the program you are working with remains “dusting.” So a program can be seen as a network of possible sequences that you can carry out in a variety of ways. The options may be limited in dusting, but if you think of examples such as “going on vacation” or “changing jobs,” the programs become very complex.
Your child can now think of a goal, such as “going shopping,” and know that this may mean putting on hats, coats, and boots and getting in the car. Or she may be eager to “help” you—doing the cleaning, taking the dog for a walk, and putting away the groceries. She may insist on doing things herself—washing her hands, feeding herself, even undressing herself.
As your child changes, you may feel that she is more unpredictable than ever. Interpreting her actions used to be easy when they were part of simple sequences, because one thing always led to the next in a familiar pattern. Now her world is much more flexible and any action can form part of any program. This is confusing for you both. Until you get used to the way she is operating, some of her actions may be hard to understand because you can’t guess what she’s trying to achieve any more. This leap will also be apparent in her play. She will begin to be interested in some of her toys all over again, and you may notice for the first time a budding imagination and more complex play.
Between 49 and 53 weeks, your child begins to perceive that her world is changing again. While she is sorting out this new complexity, she will need some extra comfort and support, and this makes her appear fussy and demanding for a while. This fussy period will often last for 4 or 5 weeks, but it can be as short as 3 weeks or as long as 6. If your baby is cranky, watch her closely. There’s a good chance that she’s attempting to master new skills.
Your child may cry more easily than he did during the past weeks. Children are usually quicker to cry now than their mothers have been used to. They want to be near their mothers, preferably all day long. Some children are much more insistent about this than others are, of course. They may also seem cranky, unmanageable, and temperamental.
“My son could be pretty bad-tempered at times. Not all the time—he would play on his own for a while, but then suddenly it was all over and he would be terribly weepy for quite some time. Then he would want me to hold him. And all of this commotion would take place in just one morning.”
Bob’s mom, 52nd week
“My daughter was very quick to cry. All I had to do was say ‘no,’ and she’d have an immediate crying fit. It was not like her at all.”
Eve’s mom, 52nd week
Children usually cry less when they are with their mothers or when their mothers are somehow occupied with them, playing with them, or watching them.
“While my little girl is doing things, I’m supposed to stay sitting on the sofa, preferably not doing anything myself. I long for the day when I’ll be able to knit something quietly while I’m sitting there.”
Emily’s mom, 53rd week
“Whenever I’m busy doing something, my son wants to be picked up. But once he’s on my lap, he wants to get off quickly again, and he expects me to follow him around. He’s absolutely impossible.”
Frankie’s mom, 52nd week
It’s still too early for your little one to tell you in words how he’s feeling. But still, he is able to express the turmoil he feels inside. Here’s how.
He May Cling to Your Clothes
Your little one may start clinging more to you again—many children do at this age. He may want to be carried around or cling to your legs to prevent you from walking away and leaving him behind. Others do not necessarily need physical contact, but they may keep coming back to be near their mothers for only brief moments or to touch them. Every child comes back for his own brand of “mommy refill.”
“My daughter stays around me more again, plays for a moment, and then comes back to me.”
Hannah’s mom, 54th week
“I can’t do a thing as long as my son is awake. When he’s out of his playpen, he is constantly underfoot, and when he’s in the playpen, I have to stay near him. Otherwise, he’ll throw a screaming fit.”
Frankie’s mom, 55th week
“When I stand up and walk into the kitchen, right away my daughter will come after me and want to be carried. She’ll really make a scene. It’s all terribly dramatic. You’d think something awful was happening.”
Emily’s mom, 53rd week
He May Be Shyer with Strangers
When there are strangers near, your little one may cling to you even more fanatically than he often already did. Once more, many children suddenly want to have less to do with strangers now. Sometimes, this even includes their own family members.
“This week, my daughter would suddenly become extremely upset, and she’d want only to be with me. If I put her down or gave her to my husband, she’d panic.”
Jenny’s mom, 56th week
“My little girl won’t accept anything to eat from strangers, not even a slice of bread or a cookie.”
Nina’s mom, 54th week
But there are also children who want only to be with their fathers.
“My daughter was completely crazy about her father for 2 days. She didn’t want to have anything to do with me then, even though I hadn’t done her any wrong. If he didn’t pick her up right away, she’d start crying.”
Juliette’s mom, 53rd week
He May Want Physical Contact to Be as Close as Possible
Some children hold on as tightly as they can, even when they are being carried. They do not want to be put down—and very likely yours doesn’t either. There are also little ones who do not mind being put down, as long as their mothers don’t walk away. If anyone leaves, it is allowed only to be the little tyrant himself.
“One evening I had to go away. When I set my son down to put on my coat, he started crying, grabbed me, and tugged at my hand, as if he didn’t want me to leave.”
Paul’s mom, 52nd week
“I really have to keep a close eye on my daughter. If I want to set her down to go into the kitchen for a second to get something, she’ll go for the dog, pretend to pet him, while at the same time she pulls out whiskers and tufts of fur.”
Emily’s mom, 53rd week
He May Want to Be Entertained
Your little one may start asking for more attention. Most children do. Demanding ones do this all day long. But even easy, even-tempered children prefer doing things together with their mothers.
“My daughter keeps coming to get me, pulls me along by my hand so we can play together, with her blocks or dolls or to look at a book together.”
Jenny’s mom, 53rd week
He May Be Jealous
Some more possessive children seem to put on an act when their mothers pay attention to someone or something else. They pretend to be cranky, mischievous, or determined to hurt themselves. Others act sweetly and cuddly in an exaggerated way in order to get their mothers’ attention.
“My son gets jealous when I give something to the tiny baby I look after.”
Matt’s mom, 53rd week
“My friend came over with her baby. Every time I said something to her baby, mine would step in between us with this big grin on her face.”
Jenny’s mom, 54th week
He May Be Moody
Your little one may be happily occupied one moment, then become sad, angry, or infuriated the next, for no apparent reason. You may not be able to pinpoint a particular cause.
“Sometimes, my son will sit and play with his blocks like a little angel, but then suddenly he’ll become furious. He shrieks and slams his blocks together or throws them across the room.”
Steven’s mom, 52nd week
He May Sleep Poorly
Your child may sleep less well. Most children resist going to bed, have difficulty falling asleep, and wake up sooner. Some sleep less well during the day, others are restless at night, and still others simply refuse to go to bed quietly at any time.
“This week, I noticed for the first time that my toddler often lies awake for a while at night. Sometimes, she’ll cry a little. If I pick her up, she goes back to sleep in seconds.”
Ashley’s mom, 54th week
“We’d really like our daughter to make less of a fuss about going to sleep. Right now, it involves a lot of screaming and crying, sometimes almost hysterics, even when she’s exhausted.”
Jenny’s mom, 52nd week
“My son is awake a lot during the night, terribly distressed. He really panics. Sometimes, it’s hard to get him to calm down again.”
Bob’s mom, 52nd week
He May “Daydream”
Occasionally, some children can just sit, staring out into nothingness, as if they are in their own little worlds. Mothers do not like this dreaming one bit. Because of this, they will often try to break into these reveries.
“Sometimes, my daughter will sit, slouching and rocking back and forth, gazing into thin air. I always drop whatever I’m doing to shake her and wake her up again. I’m terrified there might be something wrong with her.”
Juliette’s mom, 54th week
He May Lose His Appetite
Many little ones are fussy eaters. Their mothers almost always find this troubling and irritating. A child who is still being breastfed usually wants the breast more often, not because he really wants to nurse, but so he can stay close to his mother.
“My daughter is suddenly less interested in food. Previously, she would finish everything within 15 minutes. She was like a bottomless pit. Now it sometimes takes me half an hour to feed her.”
Ashley’s mom, 53rd week
“My son sprays his lunch around with his mouth. He dirties everything. The first few days, I thought it was quite funny. Not anymore, I should add.”
Bob’s mom, 53rd week
He May Be More Babyish
Sometimes, a supposedly vanished babyish behavior will resurface. Mothers do not like to see this happen—they expect steady progress. Still, during fussy phases, relapses such as these are perfectly normal. It tells you that progress, in the shape of a new world, is on its way.
“My daughter crawled again a couple of times, but she probably just did it to get attention.”
Jenny’s mom, 55th week
“My daughter is putting things in her mouth a little more often again, just like she used to.”
Hannah’s mom, 51st week
“My son wants me to feed him again. When I don’t do this, he pushes his food away.”
Kevin’s mom, 53rd week
He May Act Unusually Sweet
Some little clingers suddenly come up to their mothers for a few moments just to cuddle with them. Then they are off again.
“Sometimes, my son comes crawling up to me just to be a real sweetie for a moment. He’ll lay his little head very softly on my knees, for instance, very affectionately.”
Bob’s mom, 51st week
“My daughter often comes up for a quick cuddle. She says ‘kiss,’ and then I get one, too.”
Ashley’s mom, 53rd week
He May Reach for a Cuddly Object More Often
Your little one may cuddle a favorite object with a bit more passion. Many children do so, especially when they are tired or when their mothers are busy. They cuddle soft toys, rugs, cloths, slippers, or even dirty laundry. Anything soft that they can lay their little hands on will do. They kiss and pet their cuddly things as well. Mothers find this endearing.
“My son cuddles away while I’m busy. He’ll hold his toy elephant’s ear with one hand and stick two fingers from his other hand in his mouth. It’s a sight to see.”
John’s mom, 51st week
He May Be Mischievous
Your child may try to get your attention by being extra naughty, especially when you are busy and really have no time for him.
“I have to keep telling my daughter ‘no’ because she seems to do things just to get my attention. If I don’t react, she will eventually stop. But I can’t always do that because sometimes there’s a chance she might break whatever it is she’s taking apart.”
Jenny’s mom, 53rd week
“My son is being a handful at the moment. He touches everything and refuses to listen. I can’t really get anything done until he’s in bed.”
Frankie’s mom, 55th week
“Sometimes I suspect that my son doesn’t listen on purpose.”
Steven’s mom, 51st week
He May Have More Temper Tantrums
If you have a hot-headed little tyke, he may go berserk as soon as he fails to get his own way. You may even see a tantrum that comes out of nowhere, perhaps because he is anticipating that you may not allow him to do or have what is on his mind.
“My son wants me to put him on my lap and feed him his bottle of fruit juice again. If he even suspects it might not happen quickly enough, he’ll toss his bottle across the room and start screaming, yelling, and kicking to get me to take it back to him.”
Matt’s mom, 52nd week
“If I don’t respond immediately when my daughter wants attention, she gets furious. She’ll pinch the skin right off my arm, nastily, quickly, and violently.”
Emily’s mom, 53rd week
“My son refuses to have anything to do with ‘bed.’ He gets so angry that he bangs his chin on the railings of his crib, hurting himself every time. So now I’m really afraid to put him in bed.”
Matt’s mom, 52nd week
Between 49 and 53 weeks, your child may show signs that he is ready to make the next leap, into the world of programs.
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
“I was visiting friends with my daughter and talking with one of them. Suddenly, my daughter grabbed the cup and smashed it on the floor, tea and all.”
Laura’s mom, 55th week
No doubt you’re feeling the stress of your baby’s changes as well, if only vicariously. Here are some of the signs.
You May Feel Insecure
When a mother is confronted with a little fusspot, she may at first be worried. She wants to know what is wrong with her child. But at this age, irritation soon sets in.
Also during this period, some mothers wonder why their children are not walking as quickly as they expected them to. They worry that there might be something physically wrong with them.
“We spent a lot of time practicing, and I’m amazed that my daughter can’t walk on her own yet. She’s been walking while holding my hand for so long now that I feel she should have been walking long ago. Besides, I think one of her feet is pointing inward, so she keeps tripping over it. I showed them at the day care center. They told me that I wasn’t the only mother worried about a foot pointing inwards at this age. Still, I’ll be happier when she’s walking.”
Emily’s mom, 53rd week
You May Become Really Frustrated
Toward the end of the fussy period, parents often become increasingly aggravated by their babies’ demands on them. They become increasingly annoyed by seemingly purposeful mischief and the way they use temper tantrums to get their own way.
“I’m so annoyed by my daughter’s crying fits whenever I leave the room. I can’t stand the fact that she immediately crawls after me either, clutching my leg and crawling along with me. I can’t get anything done this way. When I’ve had enough, it’s off to bed with her, I’m afraid.”
Juliette’s mom, 52nd week
“My son keeps pulling at the big plant to get my attention. Distracting him doesn’t work. Now I get angry and push him away, or I give him a gentle slap on his bottom.”
Matt’s mom, 56th week
“My daughter flies into a rage every other minute whenever she’s not allowed to do something or can’t manage it. She’ll throw her toys and start whining like mad. I try to ignore this. But if she has several tantrums in a row, I put her to bed. When she first started doing this 2 weeks ago, I thought it was very amusing. Now I’m terribly aggravated by it. Her sisters just laugh at her. Sometimes, when she sees them doing that, it brightens her up and she’ll start smiling back at them, shyly. It usually does the trick, but not all of the time.”
Ashley’s mom, 53rd week
You May Argue
During this fussy period, quarrels are usually brought on by temper tantrums.
“I feel myself getting angry when my daughter starts bawling if she isn’t getting her own way. This week, she got furious when I wouldn’t immediately follow her into the kitchen. So I gave her a good smack on the bottom, after which her rage turned into real tears. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I was fed up.”
Jenny’s mom, 54th week
It is understandable that things can get too much sometimes. But hitting or a “good smack on the bottom” does not solve anything. It unnecessarily hurts your baby and damages the trust your baby has in you.
During each fussy period, mothers who breastfeed feel a desire to stop. At this age, this is because the baby keeps wanting the breast by fits and starts, or because his demands are accompanied by temper tantrums.
“I’ve really given up now. My son would throw temper tantrums from just thinking about my breast. It messed up our entire relationship with him tugging at my sweater, kicking, screaming, and me getting angry. Perhaps those tantrums will start to disappear now, too. The last time he nursed was on the night of his first birthday.”
Matt’s mom, 53rd week
Around 55 weeks, you will notice that your little one is less fussy. At the same time, you should notice that he is attempting and achieving entirely new things again. He deals with people, toys, and other objects in a more mature way and he enjoys doing new things with familiar toys and household objects that have been there since he was born. At this point, he doesn’t quite feel like your little “baby” any more but will seem to be transformed into a little toddler. This is because he is entering the world of programs where he is beginning to see that the world is full of goals and sequences of action leading up to such a goal. This new flexible world is his to discover, but, as usual, he will want to do this in his own way and at his own speed. As a parent, your help will be as vital as ever, although it may not always feel that way when another temper tantrum rolls in.
In the past leap in development, your baby learned to deal with the notion of sequences—where events follow one after another or objects fit together in a particular way. A program is more complicated than a sequence because you can reach the end result in any number of ways.
An adult’s world is filled with complicated programs. Fortunately, your child’s world is simpler. Instead of dealing with enormous programs like “going on a vacation,” your child will be working with programs such as “eating lunch.” However, operating a program entails choices at each crossroad—rather like finding your way across town. During lunch, he will have to decide after every bite whether he would rather take another bite of the same food, switch to something different, have a sip of his drink, or perhaps even three sips. He can decide whether to take the next bite with his hands or use a spoon. He can decide to finish what he has or clamor for dessert. Whatever he opts for, it will still be the “eating lunch” program.
Your toddler will as usual experiment with this new world. Expect him to play with the different choices he can make at every juncture—he may just want to try everything out. He needs to learn what the possible consequences are of the decisions he makes at different points—so he could decide to empty the next spoonful on the floor instead of in his mouth.
He can also decide when to put a program into operation. For example, he can get the broom out of the closet because he wants to sweep the floor. He can get his coat because he wants to go out and do the shopping. Unfortunately, misunderstandings are quick to occur. After all, he can not explain what he wants yet and his mother can easily interpret him wrongly. This is very frustrating for such a young person, and a temperamental child might even throw a tantrum. Even if a mother does understand her child correctly, she may just not want to do whatever he wants at that very moment. This, too, can frustrate such a toddler quite quickly, for he can’t understand the idea of “waiting” at this age.
Your child’s brain waves will show changes again at approximately 12 months. Also, her head circumference will increase, and the glucose metabolism in her brain will change
Besides being able to learn how to carry out a program himself, he can now perceive when someone else is doing the same thing. So he can begin to understand that if his mother is making tea, a snack will follow shortly and he can expect a cookie—or not.
Now that your toddler can learn to perceive and explore this world, he also understands that he has the choice of refusing a program he does not like—at least in theory. If he doesn’t agree with his mother’s plan, he may feel frustrated and sometimes even have a temper tantrum. You may be seeing a lot of them these days.
All toddlers will begin at this age to understand and experiment with the world of programs, a world that offers a wide range of new skills to play with. Your child will choose those things that interest her, things that she has perhaps watched others do in the world about her, but also those things that most suit her own inclinations, interests, and physique. Every little individual learns about programs in her own way. Some children will be acute watchers, studying with care the way things are done around them. Others may want to “help” all the time. Yet others will want to do it themselves, and they will let you know in no uncertain terms that they do not want any interference.
Check off the boxes below as you notice your baby changing. Some of the skills in the list below may not appear until weeks or months later. Your toddler will exercise his own choices in exploring what he can do in his new world.
STARTING A PROGRAM HIMSELF
JOINING IN WITH YOUR PROGRAM
EXECUTING A PROGRAM UNDER SUPERVISION
INDEPENDENT PROGRAMS
WATCHING OTHERS CARRYING OUT A PROGRAM
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
You are probably getting to know the personality of your toddler quite well by now, and many of her choices will follow patterns that you’ve noticed previously as she has grown. She is still capable of exploring new skills and interests, however, as the opportunity presents itself. Watch your toddler carefully to determine where her interests lie. Use the list on pages 286-288 to mark or highlight what your child selects. Between 55 and 61 weeks, she will start to choose what she wants to explore from the world of programs. Remember to respect those choices and to let your child develop at her own pace. Concentrate on helping her to do what she is ready to do. Young children love anything new and it is important that you respond when you notice any new skills or interests. She will enjoy it if you share these new discoveries, and her learning will progress more quickly.
Help your toddler as he makes his first tentative steps toward his encounters with programs. Talk about what he’s going to achieve and how he’s going to do it. If he enjoys watching you, encourage this. Talk about what you are doing as you are carrying out your program. Offer him opportunities to help you. Allow him to try carrying out his own program when you notice that he seems to have one in mind.
If your child is interested in dressing, undressing, and grooming herself, then let her see how you do these things. Explain to her what you are doing as well as why you are doing it. She will be able to understand more than she is able to tell you. If you have a little time, let her toy with washing and dressing herself or, if she wants to, somebody else in the family.
“My daughter tries pulling her trousers up by herself or putting her own slippers on, but she can’t do it yet. Then suddenly I found her walking around in my slippers.”
Jenny’s mom, 55th week
“My daughter likes walking around with a cap or hat on. Whether it’s mine, hers, or a doll’s—it’s all the same to her.”
Eve’s mom, 57th week
“This past week, my son kept putting all sorts of things on his head: dishcloths, towels, and, a few times, someone’s pants. He’d walk around the house impervious to his surroundings while his brother and sister were on the floor laughing.”
Frankie’s mom, 59th week
“As soon as my daughter is dressed, she crawls over to my dressing table and tries to spray herself with perfume.”
Laura’s mom, 57th week
“Yesterday, when I went into my son’s room to get him, he was standing up in his crib grinning like mad. He had gotten almost completely undressed by himself.”
John’s mom, 58th week
“My daughter feeds her dolls, bathes them, and puts them to bed. When she’s used her potty, she’ll put her dolls on the potty, as well.”
Jenny’s mom, 56th week
If your little one wants to eat on his own, let him try it as often as you can. Keep in mind that he is creative enough to want to test different methods of eating—and all of them will probably be messy. If cleaning up gets tiring, you can make cleaning easier by putting a large sheet of plastic on the floor under his chair.
“Since my son has learned how to eat his dinner by himself with a spoon, he insists on doing it completely on his own. Otherwise, he won’t eat. He also insists on sitting in his chair at the table when he’s eating.”
Kevin’s mom, 57th week
“Suddenly, my daughter discovered it was great fun to first stir something with a spoon, then stick it in her mouth.”
Jenny’s mom, 56th week
“My son loves eating raisins from a packet by himself.”
Matt’s mom, 57th week
“My daughter says ‘pie’ when she’s finished eating her food, so she knows there’s more to come. As soon as she’s finished her dessert, she has to be taken out of her chair.”
Emily’s mom, 60th week
Bags, purses with money inside, the television set, the radio, cleaning utensils, makeup—many little persons want to use everything the same way their mothers do. Some children now leave their own toys lying somewhere in a corner. Try to work out what your little one is trying to do, even if he does not always make life easy for you.
“I saw my son pushing phone buttons for the first time today, putting the receiver to his ear, and babbling busily. A few times he said ‘dada’ before hanging up.”
Frankie’s mom, 56th week
“My daughter picked up the phone when it rang and I was out of the room for a second and really ‘talked’ to her grandma.”
Emily’s mom, 60th week
“My little girl knows exactly which button to press to open the cassette player. When she comes to me with a CD of children’s songs, she’d really prefer to be putting it in the CD player herself.”
Jenny’s mom, 57th week
“My son is in love with the toilet bowl. He throws all sorts of things in it, and cleans it with the brush every 2 minutes, drenching the bathroom floor at the same time.”
Frankie’s mom, 56th week
“My son brings me newspapers, empty beer bottles, and shoes. He wants me to tidy up and put them away.”
Frankie’s mom, 56th week
Many children now become interested in more complex playthings that allow them to imitate programs, such as a garage with cars, a train with track, a farmhouse with animals, dolls with diapers or clothes, tea sets with pots and pans, or a play shop with packages and boxes. If your little one shows an interest in such toys, offer him opportunities to play with them. Help him once in a while. It is still a very complicated world for him.
“When I sit next to my son on the floor and encourage him, he’ll sometimes build towers as high as eight blocks.”
Matt’s mom, 57th week
“When my daughter plays on her own and needs help, she’ll call out ‘Mama.’ Then she’ll show me what she wants me to do.”
Hannah’s mom, 55th week
“My daughter is becoming increasingly interested in Primo toys, especially the little people and the cars. She’s also starting to try to build things from the blocks. She fits the pieces together properly once in a while. She can continue doing this for quite a long time.”
Emily’s mom, 57th week
“My son is getting much better at playing by himself. Now he is seeing new possibilities in old playthings. His cuddly toys, trains, and cars are starting to come alive.”
Bob’s mom, 55th week
Most children are interested in seeing the “real thing,” too. For example, if your baby is interested in garages, take him to see cars being repaired. If he is interested in horses, tour a riding school. And if his tractor, crane, or boat is his favorite toy, he will certainly want to see a real one working.
When he leaps into the world of programs, your child becomes fascinated by stories. You can let him hear and see them. You could let him watch a story on television, you could let him listen to a tape, or best of all, you could tell him a story yourself, with or without a picture book. Just make sure that the stories correspond with whatever your child is experiencing himself or with his interests. For some children, this will be cars, for others it will be a special flower, animals, the swimming pool, or his cuddly toys. Keep in mind that each story must contain a short and simple program. Most little ones of this age can only concentrate on a story for about 3 minutes.
“My son can really become absorbed in a toddler show on television. It’s very funny. Previously he just wasn’t interested.”
Kevin’s mom, 58th week
Also offer a budding little talker the opportunity to tell his own story when you are looking at a picture book together.
“My daughter can understand a picture in a book. She’ll tell me what she sees. For instance, if she sees a kid in a picture giving a treat to another kid, she’ll say, ‘yum.’”
Hannah’s mom, 57th week
Many little children are eager chatterboxes. They will tell you entire “stories” complete with questions, exclamations, and pauses. They expect a response. If your toddler is a storyteller, try to take his stories seriously, even if you are still unable to understand what he is saying. If you listen closely, you may sometimes be able to make out a real word.
“My son talks until your ears feel like they’re about to drop off. He really holds a conversation. Sometimes he’ll do it in the questioning mode. It sounds really cute. I would love to know what he’s trying to tell me.”
Frankie’s mom, 58th week
“My son chatters away like crazy. Sometimes he’ll stop and look at me until I say something back, and then he’ll continue his story. This past week, it sounded like he was saying ‘kiss,’ and then he actually gave me a kiss. Now I pay 10 times more attention.”
Frankie’s mom, 59th week
Many little ones love listening to children’s songs so long as they are simple and short. Such a song is a program as well. If your toddler likes music, she may now like to learn how to make all the appropriate gestures as well.
When you notice your child is trying to lend you a hand, then accept this. He is beginning to understand what you are doing and needs to learn to do his own share.
“My daughter wants to help with everything. She wants to carry the groceries, hang the dishcloth back in place when I’m done, carry the place mats and silverware to the table when I’m setting the table, and so on.”
Emily’s mom, 62nd week
“My daughter knows that apple juice and milk belong in the fridge and runs to the door to open it. For cookies, she goes straight to the cupboard and gets out the tin.”
Jenny’s mom, 57th week
“My daughter plays Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker’s man all by herself, complete with incomprehensible singing.”
Jenny’s mom, 57th week
Some children also have a lot of fun playing their own piece of music. Drums, pianos, keyboards, and flutes seem to be their particular favorites. Naturally, most budding musicians prefer grown-up instruments, but they will be able to do less harm with a toy instrument.
“My daughter loves her toy piano. Usually, she plays with one finger and listens to what she’s doing. She also likes to watch her father play his piano. Then she’ll walk over to her piano and bang on it with both hands.”
Hannah’s mom, 58th week
If your toddler is a little researcher, you could see him performing the following program or experiment: how do these toys land, roll over, and bounce? Your little Einstein can go on examining these things for what seems like forever. For instance, he might pick up different toy people and drop them on the table 25 times and then repeat this up to 60 times with all sorts of building blocks. If you see your child doing this, then just let him carry on. This is his way of experimenting with the objects’ characteristics in a very systematic way. He will be able to put this information to good use later on when he has to decide in the middle of a program whether to do something this way or that. Toddlers are not simply playing—they are working hard, often putting in long hours, to discover how the world works.
Teach Him to Respect You
Many children are now beginning to understand that you can be in the middle of a program, as well, such as when you are busy cleaning. When you notice your baby starts to comprehend these things, you can also start asking him to have consideration for you so that you can finish what you are doing. At this age, however, you can’t expect him to wait too long.
“When my son wants to get his own way, he’ll lay down on the floor just out of my arm’s reach. That way I have to come to him.”
Matt’s mom, 56th week
Breaking old habits and setting new rules are also part of developing each new skill. Whatever new rules your baby understands, you can demand from him—nothing more, but also nothing less.
“When my son is doing something, for instance building, he suddenly shakes his head, says ‘no,’ and starts to do it in a different way.”
Kevin’s mom, 55th week
“My daughter gets out her little locomotive to stand on when she wants to get her things from the closet. She used to always use her chair.”
Jenny’s mom, 56th week
Good to Know
Some children are exceptionally creative when it comes to inventing and trying out different ways to attain the same final goal. Gifted children can be particularly exhausting for their parents. They continually try to see if things can be done some other way. Whenever they fail or are forbidden to do something, they always look for another way around the problem or prohibition. It seems like a challenge to them never to do something the same way twice. They find simply repeating things boring.
Top Games for This Wonder Week
Here are games and activities that most toddlers like best now. Remember, all children are different. See what your little one responds to best
Many toddlers love being allowed to do something very mature all by themselves. Making a mess with water is the most popular job. Most children calm down as they play with water.
GIVING THE DOLL A BATH
Fill a baby bath or a washing-up bowl with lukewarm water. Give your child a washcloth and a bar of soap, and let him lather up his doll or cuddly toy Washing hair is usually a very popular part of this game
DOING DISHES
Tie a large apron on your child, and put him on a chair in front of the sink Fill the bowl with lukewarm water, and give him your dish sponge and an assortment of baby-friendly items to be washed, such as plastic plates, cups, wooden spoons, and all sorts of strainers and funnels A nice topping of bubbles will make him even more eager to get to work Make sure the chair he is standing on does not become slippery when wet, causing the busy person to lose his footing in his enthusiasm Then stand back and let the fun begin
HELPING OUT
Your toddler may prefer to do things with you. She can help prepare dinner, set the table, and shop for groceries. She will have her own ideas about the job, but she will learn a lot by doing it with you. This helps her feel grown-up and content.
UNPACKING AND PUTTING AWAY GROCERIES
Put fragile and dangerous things away first, then let your little assistant help you unpack. You can have him hand you or bring you the groceries one by one, as he chooses. Or you can ask him “Could you give me the. . . , and now the. . . “ You can also ask him where he would put it. And finally, he can close the cupboard doors when you are finished. Encourage and thank him.
Now you can make these games more complicated than before. When your child is in the right mood, he will usually enjoy displaying his tricks. Adjust the pace to your child. Make the game neither impossibly difficult nor too easy for him.
DOUBLE HIDING GAME
Place two cups before him and put a plaything under one of them. Then switch the cups around by sliding them across the table This way, cup A will be where cup B was, and vice versa The object of the exercise here is not to fool your toddler but the very reverse. Make sure that your child is watching closely when you move the cups and encourage him to find the toy. Give him plenty of praise for each attempt. This is really very complicated for him
SOUND GAME
Many toddlers love looking for a sound. Take your child on your lap and let her see and hear an object that can make a sound—for instance, a musical box. Then close her eyes and have someone else hide the object while it is playing Make sure that your little one cannot see where it is being hidden When it has vanished from sight, encourage her to look for it
“When I ask my daughter, ‘Do you need to use your potty?’ she’ll use it if she really does need to. She pees, carries it to the bathroom herself, and flushes. But sometimes she’ll be sitting, then she’ll get up and pee next to her potty.”
Jenny’s mom, 54th week
When your little one is busy exploring his new world, he will run into things that he does not fully understand. Along the way, he discovers new dangers, ones that he never imagined existed. He is still unable to talk about them, so show him a little understanding. His fear will disappear only when he starts to understand everything better.
“All of a sudden, my son was frightened of our ship’s lamp when it was on, probably because it shines so brightly.”
Paul’s mom, 57th week
“My daughter is a little scared of the dark. Not once she is in the dark, but to walk from a lit room into a dark room.”
Jenny’s mom, 58th week
“My son gets frightened when I inflate a balloon. He doesn’t get it.”
Matt’s mom, 58th week
’My daughter was frightened by a ball that was deflating.”
Eve’s mom, 59th week
“My son gets terribly frightened by loud noises, like jet airplanes, telephones, and the doorbell ringing.”
Bob’s mom, 55th week
“My daughter is scared of everything that draws near quickly. Like the parakeet, fluttering around her head, her brother chasing her, and a remote control car that belonged to a friend of her older brother. It was just too fast for her.”
Emily’s mom, 56th week
Here are toys and things that most babies like best now:
Remember at this time to put away or take precautions with closets and drawers that might contain harmful or poisonous things, knobs on audio and video equipment, electrical appliances, ovens, and lights and power outlets.
“My son simply refuses to get into the bathtub. He doesn’t mind getting into the baby bath when it’s in the big bath.”
Frankie’s mom, 59th week
Around 59 weeks, most toddlers become a little less troublesome than they were. Some are particularly admired for their friendly talkativeness and others for their cute eagerness to help out with the housekeeping. Most are now beginning to rely less on temper tantrums to get their own way. In short, their independence and cheerfulness assert themselves once again. With their new liveliness and mobility, however, many mothers may still consider their little ones to be a bit of a handful. That’s because they think they know it all, but you know they still have to learn so much.
“My daughter is painstakingly precise. Everything has its own little place. If I make changes, she’ll notice and put things back. She also doesn’t hold onto anything anymore when she’s walking. She will happily walk right across the room. To think I’ve been so worried over this.”
Emily’s mom, 60th week
“My son is perfectly happy in the playpen again. Sometimes he doesn’t want to be taken out. I don’t have to play along with him anymore, either. He keeps himself occupied, especially with his toy cars and puzzles. He’s much more cheerful.”
Paul’s mom, 60th week
“My daughter doesn’t play with toys anymore; she won’t even look at them. Watching, imitating, and joining in with us is much more fascinating to her now. She’s enterprising as well. She gets her coat and her bag when she wants to go out and the broom when something needs cleaning. She’s very mature.”
Nina’s mom, 58th week
“Now that my son runs like the wind and wanders through the entire apartment, he also does a lot of things he shouldn’t. He keeps putting away cups, beer bottles, and shoes, and he can be extremely imaginative. If I take my eye off him for a moment, those things end up in the trash can or the toilet. Then when I scold him, he gets very sad.”
Frankie’s mom, 59th week
“My daughter is such a lovely little girl, the way she plays, chit-chatting away. She’s often so full of joy. Those temper tantrums seem like a thing of the past. But perhaps I’d better knock wood.”
Ashley’s mom, 59th week
My Diary
Brain Changes
Do Remember
Top Toys for This Wonder Week