—Dirk1 JG suggests “BEST?” But remember, these notes are just his SUGGESTIONS—after all, you’re THE WRITER! Nobody can take that away from YOU! —Dirk
2 Per JG: Could we swap out CHRONIC INSOMNIAC for “POWERHOUSE PLAYER” and/or “TOP TINSELTOWN EXEC”? (Note: JG prefers both!) —Dirk
3 Pls. include tumblr pages, digital posts & twitter feeds per LIFESPAN’s social media mandate! And RE your GREAT Q—how much MORE MEDIA is “TRANSMEDIA” than “MULTIMEDIA”? It’s N/A: we’re now saying “ULTIMEDIA.” (GREAT Q, THO!) —Dirk
4 JG isn’t LOVING the nickname. 
Could we bring in a few writers & tweak? We have a line on the guy who came up with “Beliebers” and “Roycers” if that works for you? —Dirk
5 Per JG: The “Beverly Hills Post Office” neighborhood is now considered “luxury”? (Jeff is laughing.) —Dirk
6 No, no, no. Do not mention Duke of Ducks. This is a Duck-free zone. (Jeff is not laughing.) —Dirk
7 Per JG: “Fun violence is not what will happen if this DOD reference doesn’t come out.” —Dirk
8 Per JG: Network wants to pair this scene with Porsche’s product line, Cuties by Porsche cuticle cream and Pores by Porsche facial mask. Pls pump up the product profile! —D
9 Per JG: Network wants Cuticle Approval over hand models, after last month’s unfortunate “Fat Cuticles” incident. Jeff claims he is “Cuticle Switzerland.” Pls advise. —D
10 Per JG: “Trashpirational! I still remember that theme song! ‘With that camo wedding dress, you’re my trash-pir-a-tion! In that monster truck hot mess, you’re my trash-pir-a-tion!’ ” —D
11 “I Like Big Butts” could also work here, per JG. It’s his ironic karaoke song. Pls consider. —D
12 “CGB” Jeff wonders if we’ve sent this through trademarks, suggests we go for universal rights to “cute,” “gay” and “brother” separately as well? Pls revise to include. —D
13 JG points out if B had gained the weight B would never be back on camera. Delete as obvious/superfluous? —D
14 14 JG is in favor of the Mexico references. Great for DiosGlobale product placement. Could Bentley work in a reference to some of the more popular Luchadores here? Esp the ones DiosGlobale has contracts with? Pls revise. —D
15 Per JG: Could we change this reference to a Lifespan show? Greatest American Ninjacats or similar? —D
16 It is to us vegans! —D
17 Per JG: So we’ll need to hire a fake camera crew to follow our fake/real Royce family around while our real camera crew follows the fake crew around? Budget note for pilot.—D
18 JG points out that the RWTR contracts are perfectly clear on this point, and suggests this addition: “Even if it was clear to LITERALLY everyone else that Jeff Grunburg was the boss of Mercedes Royce.” (He’d also suggest bolding.) —D
19 JG asks: How deep? JG is concerned, will circle back on this. (I’d actually like to know too.) —D
20 Per JG: Remind Marketing—prime opportunity to promote our BigBoxBaby megastores!—D
21 Jeff’s daughter Tallulah “Saved Animals” as her Mitzvah project, so JG will have Tallulah (or T’s assistant, Felicity) get back to us with notes on which groups to mention here! (Expect Post-its; T has Felicity drive them over most afternoons. One at a time.) —D
22 Reminder: pls destroy this footage. It can never surface. Ever. Anywhere. —D
23 I feel this statement was perfectly self-explanatory. —D
24 Jeff prefers the term “direct reports.” —D
25 Per JG: Think of it as an executive parking spot, only for asses. —D
26 Jeff feels this comment is sexist and suggests you replace “taller than he was” with “too tall.” Or similar. —D
27 Do not remind Jeff about his Fatty Liver. He gets really upset and then I have to spend hours rejiggering the proportions in his chia hemp mulberry amaranth mix! —D
28 Jeff seems skeptical that anyone feels differently? Delete as obvious?—D
29 It so is. Even vegan cobbs are the vegan cheesecakes of vegan salads! —D
30 Per JG: Has someone actually pitched this to Original Programming? Promising reboot potential, no? —D
31 I’m here! *Waves* So exciting! —D
32 Thank you! (Boot Camp five mornings a week on the beach! The boots really add to the burn, esp. when they fill with sand!) —D
33 It’s actually my sculpted bone structure—I get “hot robot” a lot. #genetics #thanksmom —D
34 Is that true? Adorable!!! —D
35 Shhhh! Can’t disappoint my fan base! —D
36 *coughs* Lin-Manuel Miranda, and I gave him an extra twenty mins. —D
37 Because they are. —D
38 Per JG: Poker circuit cameo? With Bach Royce limited-edition decks? Talk to Simran in Short-Form. —D
39 Jeff asks if you could swap out for “reviewing potential foreign market drama acquisitions,” or similar? —D
40 Recycled? (Jeff would like you to indicate in text.) We’re a green network! —D
41 Per JG: See Manuscripts Museum, Biblioteca Alexandrina, for more detail. Could be good for the Tallulah character. (Also for Tallulah.) —D
42 As you know, JG has begun AGGRESSIVE litigation vs. his home air purification system manufacturer re the removal of processed food smells along with any allergens, thus limiting his ability to parent effectively. Legal says to stick a pin in this chap. —D
43 Jeff & I would also like to see these stats, if we do end up tracking them down. —D
44 Per Jeff: he’s filed paperwork to trademark his name for that rush: “the shark bite.” He’d like you to include here, if possible. (His lawyers will contact you for remittance.) —D
45 Can they do that now? Like Coolsculpting, but with heat? Will have to ask my guy! —D
46 Per JG: “Or he was just doing his job.” —D
47 Per JG: “Or the head of a network?” —D
48 Per JG: “Reports of this incident are greatly exaggerated.” He’d prefer you stick to the facts (his version). —D
49 Per JG: “*$#@!^&*%$#” (Per Dirk: I’m staying out of this one!)—D
50 Per JG: No comment. (His lawyers have advised him not to comment!) —D
51 FRanch = Organic Vegan Ranch-Free Ranch dressing substitute. Is that clear enough or do we need to provide nutritional information? Jeff doesn’t want ppl to think he sends Tallulah to a school that endorses DAIRY! —D
52 Jeff would also like you to know, as an ally, he has also always considered his private office bathroom all-gender. (Conceptually. Though only he uses it. #equality) —D
*IM = implied meetings
53 Per JG: “Ironic, since most of what our writers give us is garbage.” “Ha, ha.” —D
54 Per JG: No BooBoo! Never a BooBoo! Lifespan isn’t TLC! (Pls. revisit!) —D.
55 I have that glow too, it’s from the La Mer product line, right? —D
56 Per JG: Is humility aspirational enough for Lifespan? He isn’t sure, will kick it up the chain. Let’s stick a pin in that line. —D
57 Per JG: Sugar is considered a drug in this community; could he call her PLUMMY PLUM instead? FRUITY PLUM? PEACHY PLUM? Or similar. —D
58 Per JG: We have an overall with Hipster Hut, so this brand may have to go. —D
59 Not actual cigarettes though, right? Jeff feels that would be “too New York.” —D
60 A library? Full of BOOKS? Jeff wonders if this could become a comic-book store, food truck rodeo, improv workshop, modeling agency, beach club, or similar? Discuss! —D
61 Jeff thinks we’ll have to check with Standards about showing this. —D
62 Per JG: Duct-tape-related product line tie-ins? Check with Lifespan Consumer Products.—D
63 Per JG: Could we swap “hard driving journalism” for “talkie fluff?” Pls. revisit! —D
64 Per Consumer Products: We’ve run into a snag with the “Porsche Royce Engagement Ring Pops” promotion—standard Ring Pops aren’t large enough so we’re going to have to special order Jumbo Ring Pops—ups the per unit price. Stay tuned! —D
65 Standards has still not approved “Horse Porn.” They’re asking if “horse corn” could evoke the same basic feel? Better yet: “Horse Popcorn”? Potential snack foods tie-in? —D
66 Per JG: Could we price mass production of the signature “Whitey” Black Bandanna? Look into trademarking the color black, also bandannas? He says “There’s something there.” —D
67 Per JG: Really, don’t say it. —D
68 Per JG: Licensing tie-in opportunity: Canoodling Pasta? Canoodle the noodle? Canoodles and Cheese? Or similar? —D
69 Mercedes Royce has asked that we delete this detail from the manuscript. “That little…” Pls. revise. —D
70 Tough call, Jeff notes. A chicken binge could be pretty regrettable. —D
71 Per JG: IQH2O water? Or similar. Check with sponsors! —D
72 Per JG: The school would like a few of its Emmy-winning parent screenwriters to do a polish on this chapter before it prints. Y/N? —D
73 Jeff is curious—who owns an aircraft-carrier-size yacht? Sting? Tom Hanks? Spielberg?—D
74 Per JG: “Is it me?”—D
75 Per JG: “And if it is I don’t want it, am I right?” —D
76 Per JG: “Little!?” —D
77 Jeff feels several liberties have been taken with the retelling of this conversation. He’d urge you to closely re-read the passage to make certain it’s accurate. And then delete it. —D
78 If you find your way down there, Jeff recommends the totopos at Las Ventanas. —D
79 Some of our top sellers, Jeff notes. Great product placement! —D
80 Jeff thinks you’re describing a gummy bear. (But—an amazing one!) —D
81 Per JG: “Do we have this? Can we?” —D
82 JG points out that this chapter does not precisely mesh with his personal recollection of that night’s events. He suggests Legal will work it out. —D
83 Jeff is volunteering to play himself in this scene. He feels he’d make a good Jeff. —D
84 Gluten-free? JG asks. —D
85 Production Note: Licensing is thinking about other directions. Could we spin Bentley as a Maxxinista? Or similar.—D
86 Production: Is she a Visual Asset? Jeff is asking for more VA’s and fewer VP’s. (Visual Problems.) —D
87 Jeff feels “bawled” may be an overstatement here. Soften?—D
88 JG: “And probably still will!”—D
89 Finally, Jeff says. The moral of the story!—D
90 Jeff says he does. He really does.—D
91 Per JG: “TWEEN? TALLULAH?” Also: Jeff wonders if anyone ever uses that word without flinching? He suggests SUB-TEEN or PROTO-TEEN? (Could shorten to PREEN?) —D
92 Jeff wonders if Production could get that number down in the next draft? (Spiritually, he feels he’s more of a 36. He says 34 would also work.) —D
93 I really don’t either. —D
94 Per MR: Mercedes wonders if we could bring some writers in to do a polish on a more rousing “moment of victory” speech? Maybe the Mullholland Hall guys? Or similar. —D
95 Per MR: One more thing—Mercedes says to ignore all the previous notes! —D
* Side note: Kids, when you’re figuring out what you want to do when you grow up, ask yourselves these questions: 1) Would I do it for free? 2) Would I do it with these people? 3) Would I keep doing it? 4) If things went south, would I say to myself, like any good sea commander, “It is my honor and privilege to go down with this ship”? If the answer is yes to all of the above, you’re right where you’re supposed to be…like me!