This is probably the biggest complaint from parents when it comes to mealtimes: “I have a picky eater.” Even though cooking for picky eaters can be challenging, know that you are laying the ground for solid, healthy eating and food habits for when they are teenagers and adults. In this section I give some food tips for working with picky food patterns. But first, let’s touch on some parenting perspectives and the developmental considerations for handling picky eaters.
You’re in good company: Remember that you are not alone. Most children are picky at some point, my own children included. Our children eat well, but picky eating is no stranger in this household! If you feel discouraged, connect with other like-minded parents for support.
Focus on the successes: When we feel challenged during a picky stage (ex: toddler years) it’s important to recognize all the good plant-powered foods our kids do eat, instead of focusing on what they won’t eat.
Practice makes praxis!: Practice may not make perfect, but it does instill the habit. Stick with it, and these healthy food habits will build over time. You are giving your children a better start than most children (and probably a better start than you had yourself).
Three Cs: consistent, certain, and calm: Children are clever. They know when we will give in. They pick up on our intention, voice, and nonverbal cues. So, if you are uncertain whether they will eat the food, then they will be, too! Be consistent and certain in your approach. If you cave and give them other meals, they will surely repeat the performance next mealtime. This doesn’t mean force your children to eat one particular food they really don’t like (ex: eggplant) or eat everything on their plate. I’m referring to overall meals with a selection of healthy foods. If your child is hungry, and the foods aren’t “kid-unfriendly” (i.e., not too spicy for them, or with really foreign ingredients), they will eat. But if they know you are in the habit of giving in and allowing them to have something else, you bet they’ll hold out until you do! Stand your parental ground, and do so calmly. Try to keep your cool to avoid a power struggle.
Talk to your children: As your children mature, they will understand more about food. Start talking about food from the beginning. Open up the discussion, asking and answering questions like: Why don’t we eat animals? Why don’t we drink cow’s milk? Why do we need to eat greens? Why is it important to eat a variety of foods? And other relevant and age-appropriate questions. Children love to learn about food, and we are their best educators. They will understand how their diet is compassionate, healthy, and good for the environment.
Practice your plant-power preach!: Role modeling is the most important action you can take as a parent to encourage healthy food habits. Remember that actions scream louder than advice or orders. If you insist your kids eat their veggies first while you eat pizza first, what message are you sending? If you happily dig into a big salad bowl for dinner with greens, quinoa, avocado, veggies, and a delicious dressing, and emphasize how delicious and fresh it tastes . . . you’ll have their interest! Be the change you wish to see in your children and you will gain their trust and willingness to make healthy choices.
Age is important: There are opportunities to explore food at all ages, but also challenges inherent with certain stages. For instance, toddlers are always on the move; it is part of their developmental stage to explore! So, getting them to sit still for very long is a challenge. When they are hungry, they will sit to eat. Once they are sufficiently satiated, most toddlers are ready to rock ’n roll again! You may need to work more healthy foods into snacks and not focus too heavily on mealtimes. But also be careful not to overdo the snacks, so that wholesome meals will be eaten. Toddler years are also a time when favorite foods can work to your advantage (see below). Use their preferred soups, pastas, food purees, and healthy puddings to repeatedly introduce foods that aren’t their favorites. As children grow, mealtimes become easier and children can become more involved in the process.
Is this a food phase?: Children move in and out of food phases with likes, dislikes, food habits, and patterns. They often have favorites that stick with them through the years, but other times there are foods they love and almost suddenly aren’t interested in anymore. Try to go with the flow. Once children notice some “pickiness” brings attention, an otherwise small and temporary issue can become far more problematic. Try to recognize these stages as temporary, and avoid engaging in food power struggles. Employing a few mealtime ideas might make all the difference!
Accept some dislikes: Your children will likely have a few foods they simply do not like. For instance, one of our daughters does not like berries of any sort—blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, or raspberries. She is ten and has not liked them for as long as I can remember! You may feel persistent about getting your children to try foods they dislike, but it is more useful to let that one food go and look at all the wonderful, healthy foods they do like!
Try to be flexible: While I advocate preparing one meal for the family, don’t expect everyone to enjoy every component of that meal. One child might like broccoli in a stir-fry or stew, the other carrots. We have to accept some of their preferences and dislikes, whether temporary or more permanent.
Give them choices: My kiddos don’t love every vegetable or fruit! It can be useful to give them a choice, such as “pick two veggies to have with your lunch.” Recently, I was surprised when one of our girls chose celery—I never thought she would touch it! She saw “ants on a log” in a book, and so asked to make it herself. She did . . . and she ate it all! Their choices may surprise you, and if they don’t suggest choices, then give them options, like “cucumber and carrots, or zucchini and red pepper slices?” Sometimes they just need to be given an option—not whether to eat any vegetables, but which of a selection of vegetables they would like to eat.
Let them participate in shopping, choosing recipes, and cooking: Parenting is busy business! It is often enough work to just get out, grab our groceries, and get a meal prepped and on the table. So, most times we want to just do it ourselves, right? It’s easier, faster, and less stressful. But, as discussed in “Involving Your Children” on page 19, when children are at least part of the process, they are usually more willing to try new foods. When grocery shopping, let them pick out a new grain or bean, or vegetable or fruit. Have them choose a new recipe to try. They can also help you make that recipe, if you have the time (and patience)!
To sneak, or not to sneak: While there can be some benefit to “sneaking in” particular foods to broaden your child’s food consumption, I don’t encourage hiding foods all the time. I use a lot of vegetables in pureed forms in recipes anyhow, to boost texture, flavor, and nutrition. However, I believe that children need to see, touch, smell, and taste foods in their natural state as well. They may never know how much they like asparagus or bell peppers until they try them straight up! They need to recognize foods for what they are, understand how they taste, and know how they best enjoy them (ex: raw or cooked). Your children may reject a certain meal, but perhaps it was a spice or the overall texture they didn’t care for rather than the carrots, peas, or beans that might have been prominent in the meal. That same prominent vegetable might be a food they love raw or lightly cooked. Give your kids samples of vegetables and other foods in their natural state, without presuming their reactions.
Snack portions: Healthy snacks are good, but too much snacking leaves little appetite for a proper meal. Be mindful of snack quantity, and also timing. If it’s close to mealtime, keep snacks lighter—a piece of fruit or a handful of dried fruit and seeds, for example.
Fruit juice spoiler: Reduce or eliminate premade, processed fruit juices. They aren’t very nutritious and some are very processed. Kids drink a lot, are temporarily satiated, and bypass eating more nutritious meals and snacks. Fresh-pressed juices are different, as they are nutrient-rich. Otherwise, skip the juice and opt for the whole fruit!
Two-bite try: If you have a new (or semi-new) food to offer your children, employ the “two-bite” rule. Ask them to take two bites of the new food, and if they still don’t like it, they can move on and enjoy the rest of their meal Or, try this modified technique: “If you don’t like it on its own, then eat it with something on your plate that you do like.” Our middle daughter would not eat spinach and lettuce for a long time, but once we tried this idea, she starting eating it layered on potatoes, bread, pizza, or rolled around pieces of tofu! It might get a little messy, but if they eat it, that’s a step forward!
Remember seasonings: There are some sweet and savory seasonings and condiments that most children enjoy, including tamari, maple syrup, cinnamon, ketchup, nutritional yeast, sea salt (or Herbamare), and vinegars. A little sprinkle or drizzle can go a long way!
Sauce-it-UP!: While some children prefer foods plain, most children love sauces and dips. See page 97 for sauce/dressing recipes, and page 80 for dip recipes. Dips can be packed in lunches, for raw or steamed veggies and also for fruit, tortillas, breads, and crackers. Sauces can be used in so many ways, like mixing through grains, beans, vegetables, and pasta. Some tips on using sauces:
–Tip 1: Use a little water to thin out favorite dip recipes (ex: hummus) for an instant sauce.
–Tip 2: If your kiddos aren’t fond of natural jarred pasta sauces, try adding a splash of balsamic vinegar and/or pure maple syrup. Many organic/natural sauces aren’t sweet, so just a touch of balsamic and/or maple syrup makes a big difference.
Savvy cooking techniques: Try new cooking techniques, such as roasting cauliflower or grilling bell peppers. Roasting and grilling coax out the natural sweetness of vegetables and soften bitter flavors. Also try these cooking methods on green beans, asparagus, zucchini, eggplant, sweet potatoes, winter squash, Brussels sprouts, and mushrooms.
Reward with dessert?: “Eat all of your _____ and you can have a piece of cake!” Most of us grew up hearing this, but I don’t recommend it as a meal strategy. There is a place for treats, but in rewarding with dessert we set a mentality that desserts are the only delicious or worthy things to eat. That programming is difficult to change in adulthood, and not all children love desserts to begin with! That meal of roasted sweet potatoes, burritos, and creamy dressing is delicious and worthy all on its own! Having said that, don’t allow your kids to fill up on treats if they haven’t eaten a decent meal. They need to understand that good nutrition comes first. Of course, we can enjoy treats, but let’s not make them bribes.
If at first they don’t like it . . . : Yep. Try, try again. Children may need to try a new food ten to fifteen times or more to develop a taste for it! So, keep providing the good foods, and keep exposing them to healthy choices. Don’t assume that after three or four “attempts” that your child doesn’t like the food. It might take five tries . . . or twenty! Keep presenting the healthy choices.
Those leafy green blues: Young children are usually naturally averse to strong-tasting leafy greens. We are biologically predisposed to dislike bitter tastes when we are young, as many poisonous plants are bitter. Also, infants begin on breast milk, which is naturally sweet, encouraging ample consumption. So, aversions aren’t always about children being picky, but rather their having an immature palate. Use some techniques described here, and try green smoothies (pages 38 and 40). Understand this might take time.
Plant superpowers!: If your young children are active and joining athletic teams or activities, explain how their bodies become stronger with good nutrition, just like their favorite superheroes! Explain that their muscles grow when they eat beans, vegetables, and those leafy greens. Have fun with it, and flex a muscle when eating your beans and greens. They usually join in and show off their muscles after a bite of healthy food!
Name games: This is specifically geared toward younger children (though older siblings will enjoy partaking). Years ago I came up with a rhyming game for my wee girls, similar to things we heard as kids like “carrots are good for your eyesight” and “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” But these are completely silly, rhyming foods with any real or pretend part of the body. It goes something like this: “Quinoa, quinoa, good for your been-wa” . . . “Chickpeas, chickpeas, good for your little knees” . . . “Carrots, carrots, good for your parrots.” I elaborate by explaining “been-wa” is a nickname for their brain . . . and parrots? . . . a little squawky bird hanging out on their shoulder! The list goes on. Yes, it’s entirely ridiculous and silly, but that’s just what younger kids love! As foolish as it sounds, it does open up discussion about how different foods are healthy for us in different ways, helping build their (very real!) food knowledge.
Guess the ingredients!: This is one of my less ridiculous, and also more useful, games that is fun across age groups. When you make something, ask your children, “What do you think is in this?” Try it with recipes where the ingredients aren’t visually obvious, such as dips, soups, and casseroles. Your children start to learn that foods they LOVE (ex: soups, dips, burgers) might include foods that they think they don’t like (ex: carrots, celery, onion, garlic, bell peppers, tomatoes, mustard). It’s fun to watch them try to discern what creates the textures, colors, and flavors. Over time, they realize that they are eating many foods they might not otherwise eat, and it builds that foundation of food awareness.
Focus on nutritional density: Regardless of which foods your children like and dislike, focus on getting a range of nutrient-dense foods into their weekly diet. If your kids aren’t fond of one bean or nut, focus on other equally nutrient-dense beans or nuts. If you are including a good range of whole plant foods in your family’s diet, feel good about the nutrient-dense building blocks you are providing. Keep focusing on the wins!
Build on foods kids already love: Too often our focus is on what our children won’t eat rather than the good foods they are already eating. If your child “only wants to eat” nut butters, fruit, and pasta . . . you can work with that. More important, you can build on that. Let’s look at some examples.
If your child loves nut butters:
•Add grated or minced fruits or vegetables to nut butter sandwiches, stirring or spreading through.
•Replace the “j” of PBJ or nut butter sandwiches with sliced fresh fruit or dried fruit.
•If they are fussy about beans, try a variety of bean dips with nut butters in them, even sweetened bean dips! You may need to increase the amount of nut butter to make that flavor more prominent; do so until the mixture tastes nutty.
•Make nut- and seed-based sauces that can be poured over vegetables, grains, beans, tofu, and more. Try Zesty Raw Almond Sauce on page 98, Cheesy Caesar Dressing on page 106, or Home-Style Gravy on page 109.
•Ditto for a sweeter sauce or dip, like the Peanut Butter Pudding with Berrylicious Swirl on page 177. Use it for a dip or a sauce for fruit or vegetables. Remember that what we might not combine ourselves, kids might love!
•Let your kids “play” with nut butters to make food faces! It’s so sticky, if they spread it on the surface of a whole-grain pita or slice of apple, they can add raisins or olives for eyes, sprouts or shredded coconut for beard or hair, and cranberries or red pepper slices for a mouth. They can get creative, and you can bet they’ll want to take a bite!
•Many of us know about making “ants on a log” by spreading nut butter down the length of a celery stalk and topping with raisins. But there’s a lot you can do to switch up this classic! Use goji berries instead of raisins, and use cucumber or hollowed out mini bell peppers (with the seeds scooped out) instead of celery.
•Stir nut butters into hot cereals like oatmeal. I did this often when my girls were toddlers, as it’s a good way to get past the sticky mouthfeel of nut butters that young children can dislike. It also boosts the nutritional profile!
Your kiddos love their beans but won’t eat nut butters or vegetables . . .
•Make hummus, dips, and spreads (see page 80) with a variety of beans. Tahini is traditional in hummus, but why not mix things up? Use almond butter, cashew butter, and pumpkin seeds, just for starters!
•Also include vegetables in bean-based dips. For instance, try the Pumpkincredible Hummus on page 88. The pumpkin adds a subtle sweetness that children like and also packs a nutrient-dense veggie into their hummus.
•Mix hummus or bean dips into rice, quinoa, or pasta, adding more whole beans or some veggies, too.
•Use hummus and bean spreads as a base layer for pizza, spread in sandwiches, and dollop on baked sweet potatoes!
•Try canned baked beans (I like Amy’s brand). Boost the bean power by mixing in another cup or more of cooked white, black, or pinto beans into some healthy canned baked beans. Try adding some chopped or cooked vegetables, too.
•Invent bean salads, using sauces or dressings your kids enjoy (see page 97 for ideas), and mixing in cooked grains or finely chopped veggies.
Most kids love pasta (choose whole-grain varieties). Try these ideas with pasta and whole grains:
•Play up rice, quinoa, and noodle bowls. Add some of the “picky” foods (ex: grated vegetables, beans, tofu) and pair with sauces they enjoy. It can be as simple as adding a few splashes of Kids’ Slurry Sauce (page 110), along with Super Cheesy Sprinkle (page 113). Or, try Velvety Cashew Cream (page 108).
•Make pasta or grain bakes, adding a creamy, cheesy sauce (ex: Mild Cheesy Dip, page 83), mixing in some “not-so-favorite” foods, and then top with bread crumbs and bake until bubbly. A little squeeze of ketchup at the table is usually a bonus!
•Let your kids choose some of their favorite foods to add to pasta salads, maybe even chopped fruit! Then ask which new vegetable they’d like to add. Chop finely and mix in, along with seasonings to taste.
Process leftover tofu (ex: Simplest Marinated Baked Tofu, page 78) or a store-bought marinated tofu in a mini processor until crumbly. Then add some vegetables or other foods you want them to eat (ex: spinach, grated carrot, steamed broccoli, leftover baked sweet potato, tahini), and process in. Start with small amounts at first. Season with a little vinegar, tamari, or natural ketchup. What you get is a spread or pâté with some add-ins that can be used in sandwiches, rather than just singular pieces of tofu. After your kiddos have enjoyed it, ask them which veggie they liked best in there, and let them guess!
Our children love avocado, so I use it many places:
•Our girls usually love soup, but if I’m serving one that’s not a “favorite,” a quick chop of some avocados seasoned with lemon juice and salt on top does the trick!
•Mash with lemon juice and salt (the simplest of guacamoles) and dollop on casseroles, pasta, and cooked grains, or top simple salads or other veggies. Or, add chopped greens, vegetables, beans, and more to the guacamole. Let kiddos scoop it up with pita breads or tortilla chips. Also see White Bean Guacamole on page 80 and the Green Superhero Dressing on page 102.
•Slice and layer on hot toast, with a spread of nut butter or tahini.
Most children are fond of fruit smoothies, and they offer many opportunities to include nutrient-dense foods, including:
Greens like spinach, romaine, or kale
Sweeter vegetables, such as pumpkin, carrot, and sweet potatoes
Nut butters and avocado
Chia and hemp seeds (rich in omega-3s)
Supplements that children may reject straight up (ex: B12, vitamin D)
See the Smoothies and Milks section on page 38 for more ideas.
