You may think of intimacy as a synonym for sex, and to the degree that sex involves being naked, yes, sex has an intimate component. However, everyone knows that you can have sex with someone (physical connection) and not be particularly intimate (emotional connection). Likewise, you can be quite intimate with a friend but not be having sex with him or her.
There are all kinds of intimacies in life, but here we mean intimacy as a mutual unveiling with a partner. The word “intimacy,” from the Latin root intimus, means “innermost.” Intimacy with your spouse is a deep, openhearted connection in which you share your innermost self. Creating intimacy in your marriage dissolves the emotional, spiritual, physical, and sexual boundaries that keep you feeling lonely and disconnected.
True intimacy will create a new dimension in your marriage. By choosing to share each of yourselves authentically and openheartedly, you create an environment for rich growth and sublime love.
Remember that intimacy is a private affair between the two of you. In a happy marriage, intimacy is something that you share exclusively with your spouse. To the degree that you are this intimate with anyone else—particularly someone else of the opposite gender—you risk creating an “intimacy leak” in your marriage. Being unusually close to someone other than your spouse will begin to deflate the balloon of your marriage. So protect the intimacy you have with your spouse. Keep it exclusive, vibrant, and fresh.
Choosing to know and deeply accept another is an act of generosity. The great Jewish philosopher Martin Buber wrote, “The greatest thing one can do for another is to confirm what is deepest in another.” This is the sort of mutual intimacy for which you should strive. This is the intimacy that your marriage deserves.
In this section of the book, you will discover habits that will help you share and receive each other sensually (Chapter 7), openheartedly (Chapter 8), and spiritually (Chapter 9).