CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHILDREN AND SLEEP
If we see dreams as a vehicle that brings us awareness and well-being, then helping children forge a relationship with them may be one of the greatest gifts we can give to our little ones. Traveling life with dreams as their companion can help enhance their self-awareness, assisting them in working through emotional issues, amplifying their creativity, and bolstering their problem-solving abilities. While regularly speaking with children about dreams may not be customary in our Western society, it is a commonplace activity in cultures around the world. Encouraging children to have a connection with their dreams is thought to be a way in which they can tap into their inner wisdom, guidance, and healing potential. Talking to your children about their dreams may be something you find to have many benefits, not only for them but also for your relationship. However, before we dive into how to help your children be inspired by their dreams (which we’ll do in chapter 19), let’s first explore something that’s fundamental to their ability to dream well…helping them to sleep well.
Inspiring Sleep
As we know, sleep is elemental for good health, both physically and emotionally, no matter our age. And given sleep’s essential function in growth and cognitive development, it’s no surprise that we need more of it when we’re young. Reflecting the National Sleep Foundation’s recommendations, there’s a significant difference between our needs and those of our children. Whether it’s the 14 to 17 hours required by newborns or the 8 to 10 hours recommended for teenagers, or any of the ranges suggested for children in between, the amount of sleep kids should get is higher than the 7 to 9 hours that adults should.
Therefore, it’s important to positively frame sleep for children. Encouraging them to revere sleep at an earlier age can help set them up for success in later life. Plus, their getting adequate sleep can provide a spectrum of benefits for them in the here and now; it inspires proper growth and development, it encourages good mood and emotional resilience, and it can help them flourish in school. Regarding the last benefit, to understand the advantage that good sleep yields, we need only look at research that shows that children with sleep deficits demonstrate impaired attention, reduced motivation to learn, and encumbered academic achievement. And, of course, their getting good sleep is integral to connecting to the richness of their dreams. One way to encourage children’s sleep is through having them partake in bedtime rituals.
Bedtime Rituals
Most kids love rituals. They help them feel safe and secure. Plus, they are an activity that you can share. Having children feel calm before they sleep goes a long way in helping them have a good night’s sleep, perhaps even reducing their proclivity for nightmares. Some of the rituals below may be better suited for kids of certain ages than others. Some can be done together, while others are those you can encourage your child to do on their own. And while your teenager may not want you involved in their pre-sleep activities, sharing with them how certain routines can enhance their sleep and dreams may have them be curious enough to explore them on their own.
RECOUNTING THE DAY
If you haven’t already had dedicated one-on-one time earlier in the evening, take the opportunity to have your child share about their day. Have them see this as a way to say farewell to their today as they open up to sleep and dreams, and then to their tomorrow. Consider having them tell you at least one thing that they worried about during the day and one thing for which they were grateful.
PRACTICING A SHORT MEDITATION
If your child needs more encouragement to wind down, you could do a short meditation practice with them. Have them choose a word that they like and focus upon it as they breathe in and breathe out. They can either keep their eyes open or shut. Alternatively, you could lead them through a shortened version of a progressive muscle relaxation exercise (see here) to help them further unwind their mind and their body.
LULLING THEM TO SLEEP
Originally used as a vehicle to pass down wisdom to children, lullabies — with their rocking rhythm — are a soothing sleep aid. If your child is too old for a lullaby, play some relaxing music. Remember that the light from tech devices, let alone the animating content, may inhibit slumber; thus, try to have them avoid screen time a couple of hours before sleep.
CREATING PERSONALIZED RITUALS
There may be other things that would help your child be more able to settle down into sleep. Ask them what they would like. Perhaps it’s arranging their stuffed animals in a certain way, saying a prayer, being told a story, or something else.
Your Child’s Bedroom
Paying special attention to our bedroom, having it be as comfortable and healthful as it can be, can go a long way in inspiring us to sleep and dream better. Many of the tips in chapter 4 can be applied to your child’s bedroom. Additionally, involving your children in decorating or arranging their bedroom can invoke a greater sense of agency within them and have them feel more comfortable in their space. This can help them feel more settled when embarking upon sleep and dreams.
Of course, their involvement should be age-appropriate, with older kids having more choice than younger children. However, even little ones can be consulted when it comes to certain decisions, whether it be where to put their favorite stuffed animal or what color they want their bedsheets to be. If your children share a bedroom, make sure both feel that there are areas in the space that mirror comfort to them and reflect their individuality.
Allocate an area for them to keep their dream journal. If your teenage kids are exploring ways to connect with and work with their dreams, tell them about dream altars (see here). Have them pick out a dreamcatcher to hang in their bedroom; or consider making one together, as it can be a fun craft project. All of this can help your children feel that their bedrooms are a safe space that is nurturing and to which they can retreat. Not only will this help to engender their ability for self-soothing, but it will also help them to further align with their sleep, and their dreams.
DREAMCATCHERS
As a way to have your child connect to their dreams more and feel protected should they have nightmares, consider hanging a dreamcatcher above their bed. Talismanic items thought to have originated in the culture of the native Ojibwe peoples, dreamcatchers were designed to protect young children from bad dreams. Legend notes that originally Asibikaashi (Spider Women) would weave a web of protection for sleeping children. Mothers and grandmothers followed in her tradition, creating these protective charms to safeguard their young.
Part of the beauty that the dreamcatcher may provide for your child is the story of its origin. It can help them connect to yet another tradition, as well as understand the universality of the dream experience. It’s also important because, like with anything that originates in a culture that is not our own, it is always good practice to know from where something emerged, the meaning behind it, and the reverence with which it was treated.
Dreamcatchers feature a center hoop usually made from willow wood, with sinew or fiber strung through it to create a web design that features a central opening. Bad dreams are thought to get stuck in the web while good ones can pass through the dreamcatcher. It may also have feathers or beads hanging down, upon which the good dreams descend from the web and then fall upon the child sleeping below. If you buy a dreamcatcher, consider getting one that was handmade by a native craftsperson. Or buy the materials and make one with your child, as this can be yet another way to involve them in a dream-enriching experience.