By practicing what you’ve learned in this book, you’ve been able to heal family relationships and enhance the joy and satisfaction you can share with your family members. However, once your children are ready to create their own homes and families, you will face new and sometimes unexpected challenges.
Of course, the challenges will be easiest to overcome if you’ve prepared yourself and your family members for them beforehand. We’ve found that the most effective way to do that is to help your children develop a respect for energy with universal qualities as well as a strong and authentic identity. It’s also helpful to recognize that once your children have left the nest, your responsibilities as a parent and spouse must be redefined. For many of you, this will mean recommitting yourself to your partner and to your unfinished spiritual work. It can also mean letting your children go on the subtle levels of energy and consciousness.
Letting Your Children Go
The best thing you can do for your children, when they come of age, is to give them the space they need to be themselves and to follow their life path. This is not a twenty-first-century concept. As early as the sixth century BCE, the Buddha taught his followers that the root of all human suffering is attachment. It’s essential to integrate this concept into your life when your children are ready to leave the nest—otherwise you may open the door to disappointment, resentment, and even estrangement.
Natalie consulted us a few days after she returned from her honeymoon with Henry, whom she’d met in Seattle and married a year later. Natalie told us that her twenty-year-old daughter, Elaine, was leaving for college in the fall and that she was having difficulty letting her go. She explained that, since she had divorced Elaine’s father, she worried about her all the time. We checked her subtle field and immediately recognized that the problem was caused by attachment fields that she had projected at Elaine, especially during the contentious divorce proceedings, which took place when Elaine was seven years old. Another problem was Natalie’s overbearing attitude which had alienated her daughter and had made it increasingly difficult for Natalie to voice her concerns.
To overcome her problem, we taught Natalie to release the attachment fields that she’d projected. Then we brought Elaine and Henry into the process and taught the family to create the mutual field of empathy and to perform the Radiant Tao Meditation. After they’d performed the exercises for two months, they rented a sailboat and sailed around Puget Sound together for several weeks. We received an email after their excursion and learned that it had been a great success and that Elaine was on her way to Paris to study.
Letting your children go is a two-part process. The first part is facilitating your child’s individuation. This is an ongoing process that takes place while they’re still dependent on you. The process of individuation will provide your children with a life-affirming identity, good character, and a respect for energy with universal qualities.
The second part is letting your adult children go at the appropriate time—while retaining a loving, intimate relationship with them.
If you and your partner have integrated the practices in this book into your lives, then you’ve already met the first condition. To help you meet the second condition, we’ve provided you with two exercises that have proven useful to many families. In the first exercise, you will create the mutual field of empathy. We designed this exercise specifically to enhance the empathy family members have for one another. In the second exercise, called the Radiant Tao Meditation, you will strengthen the bonds of love and intimacy that you share with your partner and children.
By performing both exercises when your grown children are ready to leave the nest, you will be able to sustain a healthy relationship with them that will endure as long as you live.
Exercise: Creating the
Mutual Field of Empathy
Creating the mutual field of empathy will enhance empathy between family members and ensure that they can share their feelings and emotions with each other effortlessly.
In chapter six, you learned to enhance your empathy for yourself and your family members. In this exercise, you will take empathy one step further by creating the mutual field of empathy. To do that, you and your family members will sit in a circle facing one another. Then you will center yourselves in your collective fields of empathy, fill them with prana, jing, and consciousness, and radiate it all through the mutual field of empathy to your loved ones. Once you’ve created the mutual field of empathy, it will remain intact and will continue to nourish you regardless of your distance from one another.
To begin, find a comfortable position facing your partner and children. Close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Then count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Use the Orgasmic Bliss Mudra to bring bliss into your conscious awareness (see Figure 9: The Orgasmic Bliss Mudra). Then hold the mudra and assert, “It’s my intent to center myself in my collective field of empathy.” Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to turn my organs of perception inward on the levels of my collective field of empathy.” Take a moment to enjoy the shift. Then assert, “It’s my intent to fill my collective field of empathy with prana, jing, and pure consciousness.” Take two to three minutes to enjoy the process. Then assert, “It’s my intent to create a mutual field of empathy—and to share the prana, jing, and consciousness that supports it with my family members assembled here.” Take fifteen minutes to enjoy the process. Then release the mudra and count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the meditation.
Once you’ve created the mutual field of empathy, you can take the next step by performing the Radiant Tao Meditation. The Radiant Tao Meditation will gently release any lingering attachments that interfere with your relationship to your children.
Exercise: The Radiant Tao Meditation
Parents can perform the exercise together or separately when one of their children is ready to leave the nest. To begin the exercise, close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Then count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to go to my personal healing space.” Then bring your awareness to your body, soul, and spirit. Enjoy your healing space for five minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent to create a visual screen eight feet (two meters) in front of me.” As soon as the screen appears, assert, “It’s my intent to visualize (child’s name) and me on the screen bathing in the vitalizing water of the Tao.” The Tao is often symbolized as a river of pure life-affirming water. Using this symbol will enhance the effect of this exercise. Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent that (child’s name) and I absorb the Tao’s life-affirming energy and that it replaces the self-limiting attachments we have to one another.” Take ten minutes to enjoy the process. Then count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the meditation. Practice the exercise regularly until all remaining attachments are released. (This exercise can be performed next to a natural body of water).
Keeping Love Alive
After many years of being together, familiarity, the addition of children, and projections with individual qualities can disrupt the relationship parents have with one another. In the following pages, we will provide you with three exercises that will restore human love and unconditional love if they have been blocked over time. Both forms of love are important because a healthy partnership is a synthesis of them both.
Human love is influenced by soul vibration, shared core values, and sexual attraction; which is a function of elemental compatibility. Unconditional love is influenced by energy with universal qualities and bliss.
You and your partner can enhance your personal love by performing the following exercise. After that, you and your partner can enhance the unconditional love you can share with one another by performing the Third Heart Field Meditation and the Unconditional Love Meditation.
Exercise: Enhancing Human Love
To enhance the amount of human love you can share with your partner, you will center yourself in your reflection centers. Reflection centers are two centers of awareness in the back of your head, just below and on each side of the Eye of Brahma (see Figure 27: The Two Reflection Centers). Then you will fill your right and left armpit cavities with chi. Once you can feel your armpit cavities glowing with energy, you will center yourself in your heart chakra field. Then you will share the excess energy, radiating into your heart chakra field from your armpit cavities, with your partner.
In this exercise, you and your partner will sit eight feet (two and a half meters) apart, facing each other. To begin the exercise, close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Then count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to center myself in my reflection centers in the back of my head.” Enjoy the shift for five minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent to center myself in my two armpit cavities.” After two to three minutes, assert, “It’s my intent to fill my two armpit cavities with chi and jing.” Enjoy the process for five minutes more. Then assert, “It’s my intent to fill my heart chakra field with chi and jing radiating from my armpit cavities.” Once the chakra begins to glow with energy, assert, “It’s my intent to share the chi and jing radiating through my heart chakra field with my partner.” Enjoy the process along with your partner for ten minutes more. Then count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the meditation. Practice the exercise with your partner every day for at least a month. Then perform the exercise whenever you want to give your love life an extra boost.
Figure 27: The Two Reflection Centers
Enhancing Unconditional Love
To enhance unconditional love, you will perform two exercises. The first is called the Third Heart Field Meditation. In this exercise, you will enhance your experience of unconditional love. The second exercise is called the Unconditional Love Meditation. In this exercise, you will enhance your ability to share unconditional love in the form of bliss with your partner. Unlike human love, which is a manifestation of energy, unconditional love is a form of consciousness that radiates through your third heart field.
Your third heart field is a resource field that radiates bliss into your conscious awareness from Atman, on the right side of your chest.
Exercise: The Third Heart Field Meditation
To begin the exercise, find a comfortable position with your back straight. Close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Then count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Perform the Orgasmic Bliss Mudra next (see Figure 9: The Orgasmic Bliss Mudra).
Continue to hold the mudra while you assert, “It’s my intent to center myself in my third heart field.” Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to turn my organs of perception inward on the level of my third heart field.” Take two or three minutes to enjoy the shift. Then assert, “It’s my intent that bliss radiates freely through my third heart field.” Take ten more minutes to enjoy the exercise. Then release the mudra and count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the meditation.
Perform the exercise for at least seven days or until you feel that bliss radiates freely through your third heart field.
Exercise: Unconditional Love Meditation
To begin the exercise, sit facing your partner at a distance of eight feet. Then close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Then perform the Orgasmic Bliss Mudra (see Figure 9: The Orgasmic Bliss Mudra). Hold the mudra for five minutes. Then continue to hold it while you assert, “It’s my intent to center myself in my third heart field.” Once you’re centered, assert, “It’s my intent to turn my organs of perception inward on the level of my third heart field.” Take two to three minutes to enjoy the shift. Then assert, “It’s my intent to fill my third heart field with bliss.” Enjoy the changes you feel for two to three minutes more. Then open your eyes and gaze at your partner.
You and your partner should continue to gaze at one another, while you both assert, “It’s my intent to freely radiate unconditional love from my third heart.” Take ten more minutes to share bliss in the form of unconditional love with your partner. Then release the Orgasmic Bliss Mudra and count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the exercise. Practice the exercise every day with your partner until unconditional love has transformed the relationship you have with one another.
Creating a New Identity
Even if parents can share human and unconditional love freely with one another, adjusting to life as an empty-nester can be difficult. That’s because, over the years, their identities have been influenced by the needs of their children. However, to enjoy life as an empty-nester, creating a new identity based on the needs of an older person with experience and enhanced wisdom is essential.
As you recall, Andrew’s mother, Patricia, had projected at him when he was a child in order to enhance his security and make him feel safe.
Unfortunately, Patricia’s projections had made it difficult for her to let Andrew go and to establish a healthy identity after he left the nest.
In the process of healing his family dynamic, Andrew had released his attachments to his mother and he’d begun to share life-affirming energy with her. To help Patricia restore her subtle field and to create a life-affirming identity as an empty-nester, we taught her to perform the Identity Fulfillment Meditation.
To perform the exercise she began by centering herself in the Eye of Brahma. Then she filled her three domains with bliss and looked inward on the level of her domains.
If you perform the exercise for at least a month like Patricia did, you will recognize who you are stripped of all your attachments. That will provide you with the flexibility and space you need to create a new identity based on your experience and knowledge.
Exercise: Identity Fulfillment Meditation
To begin the meditation, find a comfortable position with your back straight. Then close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Then use the Orgasmic Bliss Mudra to bring bliss into your conscious awareness (see Figure 9: The Orgasmic Bliss Mudra). Continue to hold the mudra while you assert, “It’s my intent to center myself in my Eye of Brahma.” Enjoy the shift for five minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent to fill my three domains with bliss.” Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to turn my appropriate organs of perception inward on the levels of my light body domain, self-domain, and universal domain.” Enjoy the process for ten minutes. Then release the mudra and count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the meditation.
We recommend that you perform the meditation on a regular basis until you feel entirely comfortable with your new identity.
Patricia performed the exercise for several months. Eventually, we lost touch with her. However, we received a letter from Andrew about six months later. He explained that he and his mother continued to use the techniques they learned from us and that they both continued to benefit from them.
Growing Old Gracefully
In our work, we’ve found that some empty-nesters blame themselves for the mistakes they made in their youth and as parents, while others blame people who they believe interfered with their life and significant relationships. However, to grow old gracefully, a parent must give up blame in its two forms so that they can find peace and live in the present rather than in the past.
There are two forms of blame. The first form of blame is regret for personal mistakes, which is internalized blame. The second form is resentment for the actions or inaction of people, which is externalized blame. Both disrupt love, intimacy, and the satisfaction that is the product of a life well lived. Fortunately, we’ve learned through our work that regret and resentment can only oppress a person whose authentic will and desire have become too weak to oppose them.
If regret is interfering with your life as a senior, you can overcome the problem by performing the following two exercises. In the first exercise, you will make a list of regrets that continue to disturb you. Then you will use the bliss box to release the distorted fields that support them. These fields will be located in the sections of your core field associated with will and desire. Each time you release a distorted field from your core field, you will fill the space it occupied with bliss and prana.
In the second exercise, you will overcome any remnant of regret by performing the exercise to overcome blame.
To begin the process, find a comfortable position with your back straight. Then close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Then assert, “It’s my intent to center myself in my field of will.” Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to turn my appropriate organs of perception inward in my field of will.” Take two to three minutes to enjoy the shift. Then use the Orgasmic Bliss Mudra to bring bliss into your conscious awareness (see Figure 9: The Orgasmic Bliss Mudra). Continue to hold the mudra while you assert, “It’s my intent to surround the most distorted field in my field of will with a bliss box.” Then assert, “It’s my intent to fill the bliss box with bliss and release the distorted field within it.” Don’t do anything after that. The distorted field will be released automatically. Once the distorted field has been released, assert, “It’s my intent to fill my field of will with bliss and prana.” Continue for five minutes more. Then release the bliss mudra and count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the meditation.
Continue to perform the exercise regularly, always releasing the most distorted field, until there are no longer any distorted fields left in your field of will that support regrets. Then perform the same exercise in your field of desire until there are no longer any distorted fields left that support regrets. Once you’ve released all the distorted fields that supported regrets, you can enhance your condition even further by performing the technique to overcome self-blame.
Exercise: Technique to Overcome Blame
To begin the exercise, find a comfortable position with your back straight. Breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Then count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to go to my personal healing space.” Then bring your awareness to your body, soul, and spirit. Enjoy your healing space for five minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent to activate my first chakra.” Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to center myself in my first chakra field.” Next, assert, “It’s my intent to activate my third chakra.” Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to center myself in my third chakra field.” Take a few moments to enjoy the shift; then assert, “It’s my intent to fill my first and third chakra fields with prana.” Take five minutes to enjoy the process. Then assert, “It’s my intent to activate my energy center in my right sole.” Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to activate the energy center in my left sole.” After the energy centers in your soles have become active, assert, “It’s my intent that the prana radiating through my first and third chakra fields flows into the energy centers in my soles.” Enjoy the effects for fifteen minutes more. Then count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the exercise.
If you practice the technique regularly, in a short time, you will be able to enjoy your age without regrets getting in your way.
If you’ve been prevented from growing old gracefully by resentments, we recommend that you perform the following two exercises.
Exercise: Releasing Attachments
to People You Resent
We taught the exercises to Abraham’s grandmother Azul, who had been diagnosed with advanced cancer. For most of her life, she had resented her father (who had forced her into an arranged marriage) and her husband (who had died in 2001). She spoke with some difficulty, but from our two sessions with her we learned that she never felt that her life was her own.
We stayed in contact with Abraham until Azul’s death seven months later. In his last email, we learned that the exercises had helped Azul find the peace she sought and that she died peacefully in the company of her children and grandchildren.
To overcome resentment, you will make a list of people whom you resent. Then you will choose one person from the list. After you’ve made your choice, you will release the most disruptive cord and/or attachment field that continues to bind you to them.
To begin the exercise, find a comfortable position with your back straight. Then close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to go to my personal healing space.” Then bring your awareness to your body, soul, and spirit. Enjoy your healing space for five minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent to create a visual screen eight feet (two and a half meters) in front of me.” As soon as the screen appears, assert, “It’s my intent that (name of the person you resent) appears on the screen in front of me.” Then assert, “It’s my intent to become aware of the most disruptive cord or attachment field that connects me to (name of person you resent).” Take a moment to observe the cord or attachment field.
If it’s a cord, it will be long and thin and will extend from your energy field to the person you resent. If it’s an attachment field, it will have a long, rectangular shape and will be extremely dense and sticky.
After you’ve examined the cord or attachment field, assert, “It’s my intent to surround the cord (or attachment field) I have in mind with a prana box.” Then assert, “It’s my intent to fill the prana box with prana and to release the cord (or attachment field) and its source and extensions.” As soon as the cord (or attachment field) has been released, you will feel a shift in your energetic condition. Pressure will diminish. And the strength of your resentment will decrease.
Continue by releasing the prana box, the image of the person on the screen, and the visual screen. Then take ten minutes to enjoy the effects. After ten minutes, count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the exercise.
Continue to perform the exercise until all the cords or attachment fields that bind you to the person you resent have been released. Once you’ve gone through your list and released all the cords and attachment fields that have contributed to your feelings of resentment, you can remove the last remnants of resentment by performing the Five Elements Water Ritual.
Exercise: The Five Elements Water Ritual
To perform this ritual, you will need a small piece of a cardboard box (one inch by three inches), one small piece of paper (two square inches), one paper clip, a pinch of flour, and a small piece of duct tape for each resentment you want to permanently release. Write one resentment on each piece of paper. Coat one side of the cardboard with flour. This side will be the deck of your cardboard boat. Then open one end of the paper clip so that it forms a straight point. Pierce the cardboard with the pointed end and use the duct tape to attach your paper to the other end of the paper clip. Once you’ve prepared each vehicle, go to a body of water, either a stream or lake. Then place the vehicles with your resentments in the water. Once they’re in the water, light them so that the cardboard boats and the papers with the resentments burn completely. The close your eyes and assert, “It’s my intent to leave all the resentments I’ve released and all the energy and consciousness that support them permanently behind me.” Enjoy the meditation for ten minutes more. Then open your eyes and let the lightness you experience radiate through your subtle field and physical-material body.